A Great and Terrible Beauty
Page 75

I sit up. "There are others?"
"Oh, yes. When the realms were closed, they all went into hiding. Some have forgotten what they know. Others have turned their backs on it. But some are still faithful, waiting for the day the realms will open and the magic can be theirs again."
Rippling blades of grass tickle the tips of my fingers. It seems so unrealthe sunset sky, the raining flowers, the warm breeze, and my mother, close enough to touch. I close my eyes and open them again. She is still there.
"What is it?" Mother asks me. "I'm afraid this isn't real. It is real, isn't it?"
Mother turns her face toward the horizon. The glow softens the sharp lines of her profile into something muted, like the fraying paper edges of a well-loved book. "Reality is a state of mind. To the banker, the money in his ledger book is all very real, though he doesn't actually see it or touch it. But to the Brahma, it simply doesn't exist the way the air and the earth, pain and loss do. To him, the banker's reality is folly. To the banker, the Brahma's ideas are as inconsequential as dust."
I shake my head. "I'm lost."
"Does it seem real to you?"
The wind blows strands of hair against my lips, tickling them, and beneath my skirt, I can feel the dewy moisture of the grass. "Yes," I say.
"Well, then."
"If everyone comes here from time to time, why does no one speak of it?"
Mother picks dandelion fluff from her skirt. It floats up, sparkling like crushed jewels in the sun. "They don't remember it, except as fragments of a dream that they can't seem to gather into a whole no matter how they try. Only the women of the Order could walk through that door. And now you."
" I brought my friends with me."
Her eyes widen. "You were able to bring them over by yourself?"
"Yes," I say, uncertain. I'm afraid I've done something wrong, but Mother breaks into a slow, rapturous grin.
"Your power is even greater than the Order had hoped, then." She frowns suddenly. "Do you trust them?"
"Yes," I say. For some reason, her doubt irritates me, makes me feel like a small child again. "Of course I trust them. They're my friends."
"Sarah and Mary were friends. And they betrayed each other."
Far off in the distance, I can hear Felicity's shouts of joy, Ann's following after. They're calling my name.
"What happened to Sarah and Mary? I see other spirits. Why am I not able to contact them?"
A caterpillar crawls over my knuckles. I jump. Mother gently removes it and it becomes a ruby-breasted robin, hopping about on frail legs.
"They no longer exist." "What do you mean? What happened to them?"
"Let's not waste time discussing the past," Mother says dismissively. She gives me a smile. "I just want to look at you. My goodness, you're already becoming a lady."
"I'm learning to waltz. I'm not terribly good at it, but I am trying, and I think I should have it down fairly well by our first tea dance." I want to tell her everything. It's all coming out in a rush. She's listening to me with such attention that I never want this day to end.
A cluster of blackberries, plump and inviting, lies nestled in the ground. Before I can bring one to my mouth, Mother takes it from my hand. "You mustn't eat those, Gemma. They're not for the living." Mother sees the confusion on my face. "Those who eat the berries become part of this world. They can't go back."
She gives them a toss and they land in front of the deer, which gobbles them down greedily. Mother glances at the little girlthe one from my visions. She's hiding behind a tree.
"Who is that?" I ask.
"My helper," Mother says.
"What is her name?"
"I don't know." Mother closes her eyes tightly, as if she's fighting off pain.
"Mother, what is it?"
She opens them again, but seems pale. "Nothing. I'm a bit tired from all the excitement. It's time for you to go now."
I'm on my feet. "But there's so much I still need, to know."
Mother rises, places her arms around my shoulders. "Your time has ended for today, love. The power of this place is very strong. It must be taken in small doses. Even the Order came here only when they needed to. Remember that your place is back there."
My throat aches. "I don't want to leave you."
Her fingers give the lightest of touches on my cheeks, and I can't stop the tears from coming. She kisses my forehead and bends to look me square in the face.