A Second Chance
Page 12
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“When you get home we want to stay with you. We’ve all discussed it. We want to help you though this.”
“I think that would be wonderful.” She patted her son’s hand. “Where’s your dad?”
Eduardo exchanged glances with Christian. “Kathy brought us.”
“Oh.” She was disappointed. She never should have been so nasty to him. “Kathy could have come in with you,” she offered.
Eduardo ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I think she feels a little funny about that. I think she’s wigging out now that they’re getting married.”
“Getting married?” The words croaked from her throat.
Eduardo exchanged glances with Christian again and then looked back at his mother. “I thought you knew.”
She shook her head and swallowed the tears. “I’m happy for them.” She smiled, but it almost hurt to do so.
Madeline’s salvation came when the nurse announced that visitation was over.
Once the room was clear, she sobbed until she fell asleep.
Madeline stood in her own bedroom, in her own bathrobe, the front gaping open, and stared into the mirror. There were no tears. There were no words. She simply took in her mess that was now her chest.
There was nothing pretty left, not even a nipple. Her full C cups were gone, but she tried to remind herself that she’d spared her life by removing her breasts. How had it gotten so bad that she hadn’t even known cancer was living in her body? How had she believed early detection was for everyone else? Not examining herself often enough had cost her both of her breasts.
She lay down on her own bed and pulled the blanket up to her chin. In the morning, she would welcome a brand-new year and would start her first round of chemo. Luckily it came in pill form, but she’d read up on it. The side-effects were horrible. That seemed to be the way her life was going—horribly.
She’d need to get back to work the next week. No matter how much time she wanted to take to recover, physically ready or not, there were obligations. The thought of the medical bills that were beginning to add up had Madeline’s head spinning. Worse, she knew there’d be more.
She turned on her MP3 player to the relaxing sounds of the ocean and tried to will herself to relax and get some sleep. There was a lot to think about now that she was home. Her mother already had informed her that though they’d like to stay for months, her father, who had refused retirement, would need to get back to work.
The thought should have saddened her, but it didn’t. As soon as they were gone, she could take charge of her life again.
Eduardo said he wanted to come home and help her, and of course that meant his brother and sister too. Madeline was seriously considering it. She’d convinced him to wait out the first week while her parents were there. The truth was, she wanted to see how the chemo would affect her. She didn’t want to be sick in front of her kids.
As she lay alone in the dark, breathing in and out slowly, she thought about her fight with Matt. Who could have blamed him for what he’d done? They never did love each other the way she’d loved Carlos. They hadn’t had sex in almost six months. She didn’t even care. Her marriage to Matt had been over long before he left. It should have hurt, but hearing that Carlos and Kathy were engaged hurt even worse. She deserved that. Had she been totally honest about what was going on, maybe she wouldn’t have turned away every man in her life.
She crossed her arms over her flat chest and tried to dull the pain. She didn’t know if it was her stitches that hurt or her broken heart.
Carlos lay in bed, Kathy wrapped in his arms, watching her sleep. She was beautiful from the inside out. He knew he was a lucky man.
Even having her so close, he couldn’t ease his mind. He wasn’t thinking about the woman who had already started planning their wedding. He was thinking about Madeline.
Eduardo had scolded him for not telling her about marrying Kathy. Truth was, he hadn’t expected to propose to her. He’d expected… he didn’t know what he’d expected. From the moment Curtis had called him about Madeline’s surgery, the life that he’d thought made sense no longer did. He’d finally been content to move on and love another woman. He realized he’d love Madeline until the day he died, but somewhere in their bliss, they’d forgotten what really mattered. They’d both walked away from their marriage. It wasn’t as if she’d chosen Matt over him, though he’d accused her doing so. It was simply that she’d accepted their fate faster than he had.
They’d remained best friends over the years. His family still thought of her as family. Regan still took her shopping. Arianna would pay her a visit every time she was in town. His own mother made sure she had an invitation to dinner every Sunday night even if she didn’t accept.
Now he was the one moving on and getting married, and she was divorced, alone, lonely, and… dying. He unwrapped his arms from Kathy and rolled out of bed.
He didn’t want to fight with Madeline. Lord knew she didn’t need anything to upset her. But he had to talk to her. He couldn’t go through life knowing she was resentful to him for trying to take care of her.
He turned on the bathroom light and started the shower. He needed to feel the warm water pounding down on him.
Stripping out of his pajama bottoms, he looked in the mirror. There were dark circles under his eyes. His hair needed trimming, and he already needed to shave again.
He stepped into the shower and let the hot water burn away the pain wrenching inside of him.
What would have happened had they thought things through five years ago? Everyone had hard times. That’s what life was about. He’d been a college student for almost ten years straight. During that time, his young wife had given birth to three children and worked two jobs to pay off his student loans. Once he graduated, he had a hard time finding a school to hire him. Hadn’t the plan been to get his master’s degree and get the better job so he could support his growing family and Madeline could stay home? That was the plan. But it had all fallen apart.
The first of the big fights had happened on her birthday. Then the next a week later. He couldn’t even remember who decided he should move out. All he knew was he was sleeping on a friend’s couch. Then he’d moved in with his parents. After Arianna moved to New York and Regan moved back to Tennessee, they’d both moved into Arianna’s house together. The two lost souls trying to piece their lives back. Regan pieced hers together faster than he had.
“I think that would be wonderful.” She patted her son’s hand. “Where’s your dad?”
Eduardo exchanged glances with Christian. “Kathy brought us.”
“Oh.” She was disappointed. She never should have been so nasty to him. “Kathy could have come in with you,” she offered.
Eduardo ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I think she feels a little funny about that. I think she’s wigging out now that they’re getting married.”
“Getting married?” The words croaked from her throat.
Eduardo exchanged glances with Christian again and then looked back at his mother. “I thought you knew.”
She shook her head and swallowed the tears. “I’m happy for them.” She smiled, but it almost hurt to do so.
Madeline’s salvation came when the nurse announced that visitation was over.
Once the room was clear, she sobbed until she fell asleep.
Madeline stood in her own bedroom, in her own bathrobe, the front gaping open, and stared into the mirror. There were no tears. There were no words. She simply took in her mess that was now her chest.
There was nothing pretty left, not even a nipple. Her full C cups were gone, but she tried to remind herself that she’d spared her life by removing her breasts. How had it gotten so bad that she hadn’t even known cancer was living in her body? How had she believed early detection was for everyone else? Not examining herself often enough had cost her both of her breasts.
She lay down on her own bed and pulled the blanket up to her chin. In the morning, she would welcome a brand-new year and would start her first round of chemo. Luckily it came in pill form, but she’d read up on it. The side-effects were horrible. That seemed to be the way her life was going—horribly.
She’d need to get back to work the next week. No matter how much time she wanted to take to recover, physically ready or not, there were obligations. The thought of the medical bills that were beginning to add up had Madeline’s head spinning. Worse, she knew there’d be more.
She turned on her MP3 player to the relaxing sounds of the ocean and tried to will herself to relax and get some sleep. There was a lot to think about now that she was home. Her mother already had informed her that though they’d like to stay for months, her father, who had refused retirement, would need to get back to work.
The thought should have saddened her, but it didn’t. As soon as they were gone, she could take charge of her life again.
Eduardo said he wanted to come home and help her, and of course that meant his brother and sister too. Madeline was seriously considering it. She’d convinced him to wait out the first week while her parents were there. The truth was, she wanted to see how the chemo would affect her. She didn’t want to be sick in front of her kids.
As she lay alone in the dark, breathing in and out slowly, she thought about her fight with Matt. Who could have blamed him for what he’d done? They never did love each other the way she’d loved Carlos. They hadn’t had sex in almost six months. She didn’t even care. Her marriage to Matt had been over long before he left. It should have hurt, but hearing that Carlos and Kathy were engaged hurt even worse. She deserved that. Had she been totally honest about what was going on, maybe she wouldn’t have turned away every man in her life.
She crossed her arms over her flat chest and tried to dull the pain. She didn’t know if it was her stitches that hurt or her broken heart.
Carlos lay in bed, Kathy wrapped in his arms, watching her sleep. She was beautiful from the inside out. He knew he was a lucky man.
Even having her so close, he couldn’t ease his mind. He wasn’t thinking about the woman who had already started planning their wedding. He was thinking about Madeline.
Eduardo had scolded him for not telling her about marrying Kathy. Truth was, he hadn’t expected to propose to her. He’d expected… he didn’t know what he’d expected. From the moment Curtis had called him about Madeline’s surgery, the life that he’d thought made sense no longer did. He’d finally been content to move on and love another woman. He realized he’d love Madeline until the day he died, but somewhere in their bliss, they’d forgotten what really mattered. They’d both walked away from their marriage. It wasn’t as if she’d chosen Matt over him, though he’d accused her doing so. It was simply that she’d accepted their fate faster than he had.
They’d remained best friends over the years. His family still thought of her as family. Regan still took her shopping. Arianna would pay her a visit every time she was in town. His own mother made sure she had an invitation to dinner every Sunday night even if she didn’t accept.
Now he was the one moving on and getting married, and she was divorced, alone, lonely, and… dying. He unwrapped his arms from Kathy and rolled out of bed.
He didn’t want to fight with Madeline. Lord knew she didn’t need anything to upset her. But he had to talk to her. He couldn’t go through life knowing she was resentful to him for trying to take care of her.
He turned on the bathroom light and started the shower. He needed to feel the warm water pounding down on him.
Stripping out of his pajama bottoms, he looked in the mirror. There were dark circles under his eyes. His hair needed trimming, and he already needed to shave again.
He stepped into the shower and let the hot water burn away the pain wrenching inside of him.
What would have happened had they thought things through five years ago? Everyone had hard times. That’s what life was about. He’d been a college student for almost ten years straight. During that time, his young wife had given birth to three children and worked two jobs to pay off his student loans. Once he graduated, he had a hard time finding a school to hire him. Hadn’t the plan been to get his master’s degree and get the better job so he could support his growing family and Madeline could stay home? That was the plan. But it had all fallen apart.
The first of the big fights had happened on her birthday. Then the next a week later. He couldn’t even remember who decided he should move out. All he knew was he was sleeping on a friend’s couch. Then he’d moved in with his parents. After Arianna moved to New York and Regan moved back to Tennessee, they’d both moved into Arianna’s house together. The two lost souls trying to piece their lives back. Regan pieced hers together faster than he had.
