A Tragic Wreck
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“Okay, Livvy, are you ready?” Mo asked toward the end of their second set that Friday night.
Olivia scanned the audience, her gaze meeting those green eyes she saw in her dreams. “Yeah. Let’s do it.” She knew Alexander wouldn’t stay away from MacFadden’s.
“Are you sure, Olivia? I mean, really sure?”
She turned to look at Mo. She hesitated for a second, and he looked at her with a hopeful expression on his face. She recalled the doctor recommending that she express her feelings to Alexander. Olivia was taking her advice and using the best form of expression she knew…music.
“Yes,” she hissed, glaring at him.
Mo’s face dropped before walking back to the microphone to introduce their next number. “Alright, guys. We’ve got another new song for you. Miss Olivia Adler, ladies and gentlemen!”
The crowd cheered as Olivia looked out over the audience. Kiera stood down front and off to the side next to Alexander. Co-conspirators, she thought to herself. Fuck ‘em all. She smiled a little when she saw Melanie and Tyler standing together, his arm draped around her. But then she realized that she wasn’t supposed to be happy. She was supposed to be angry. At what, she couldn’t remember anymore. Angry that Alexander said he loved her? But that didn’t make any sense. None of it did.
“Thanks everyone. This is by a new band that I discovered a few months back called Delta Rae. You should all really check out their new album. It’s fantastic. Anyway, this is If I Loved You.” Olivia looked down at Alexander, his eyes hopeful.
Mo started strumming his guitar. Olivia grabbed the microphone out of the stand and stood center stage, staring into Alexander’s eyes.
He returned her gaze, searching those brown eyes that he had loved his entire life. Her voice was soft and smooth. He listened to the lyrics as she sang about how perfect her life would be if she loved him.
Then the drums kicked in and Olivia began to belt the first chorus, walking over and standing directly in front of Alexander, their eyes never breaking. The words pained Olivia to say, but she had to tell him that she didn’t love him. She couldn’t. Love was too painful. She needed to protect herself so she had to push him away. Again.
Alexander’s heart sank. This song? Why this song? It couldn’t be true. He saw the love in her eyes. She was just scared. It was entirely reasonable to be frightened. She’d loved and lost so early in life.
Olivia sang the second verse, her voice back to being soft and sweet, thinking about all the nights Alexander held her and soothed her tears when she woke up screaming. She felt the love in those moments. Even in that first week together, it was as clear as day. He had loved her since the very beginning.
As she continued singing, trying to convince herself that she didn’t love him, the pain she was in from pulling away from Alexander was etched on her face.
Alexander was certain that she was singing that song to protect herself. It was all she knew. She was scared, but she just didn’t realize how perfect her love, whatever form it came in, was for him.
Olivia’s gaze intensified as she sang the bridge. Her chin quivered, thinking about whether Alexander really was the one for her. Was she making a mistake pushing him away again? She remembered the heartache she felt all those months when he was gone. It was an unbearable pain, and it had retuned over the past few days.
She sang the last verse softly, tears starting to flow down her cheeks. Gazing into Alexander’s green eyes, she saw the hurt spreading across his face. As her voice carried through the bar, she realized the words she sang weren’t true, no matter how much she wanted them to be. She did love him. She knew she did. He made her happy, and she was an idiot for wanting to push him away. Again. Why did she overreact when he told her he loved her? He had sworn time and time again that he would never leave her, and that’s what scared her. She wasn’t scared to love him. She was scared to love and lose him. Olivia didn’t want to lose Alexander again. She loved him more than she had loved anything or anyone.
Her lip trembled and she began sobbing. The room grew silent as she finished the last verse, the band patiently waiting for her vocal cue to start the final chorus.
It never came.
Olivia stormed off the stage, crying uncontrollably as she tore down the stairs. She could hear the audience cheering, not knowing that they hadn’t finished the full song. Pushing people out of the way, she made a bee-line outside for some fresh air.
Alexander stood in shock as he watched Olivia storm out of the bar. He turned to Kiera. “What just happened?”
“Looks like she couldn’t finish the song, Alex. Go get her.” She winked.
He quickly turned and ran through the crowded bar, taking the steps two at a time. He saw Olivia run through the front doors and out onto the Boston streets.
“OLIVIA! WAIT!!” Alexander shouted after her as she stomped down the street. The air was cold, chilling her to the bone.
She stopped on the sidewalk at the sound of his voice, refusing to turn around. “Please, love. Please,” he begged.
“What, Alex? What do you want?” Olivia asked, choking the words out through her tears. She crossed her arms over her stomach, trying to keep herself warm. She felt Alexander approach behind her, the familiar electricity present.
“What do I want?!” He grabbed her shoulders, turning her around to face him. “Haven’t I made myself perfectly clear over the past several months?!” He ran his fingers through his hair.
Olivia stared at him, tears streaming down her face as she leaned against the brick building.
He slowly walked up to her and placed his hands on either side of her head, leaning over her. “You, Olivia! I want you!” he exclaimed passionately. “I want you every second of every day. I want the good. I want the bad. I want the sweet. I want the ill-tempered. I want the hot. I want the cold. I want the crazy, irrational, exasperating pain-in-the-ass girl that I love with my entire fucking heart.” He took a deep breath before lowering his voice, the look on his face sincere. “I want the sexy, beautiful woman that makes me whole, Olivia. And I am not going to stop until you admit that you love me. I know you do so stop running from it. You’ve been running from love all your life. It’s standing right here in front of you, embracing you. What are you so scared of?” He stared into her eyes as they searched his, looking for an answer. “What are you scared of, love?” he whispered in her ear.
“What do you want me to say, Alex?” she asked quietly.