Affliction
Chapter 21-22
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21
Back in the family waiting room, Micah sat on the small couch staring off into space, clutching our hands. Nicky, Dev, Ares, and Bram were scattered around the room trying to look harmless and failing. The police talked to Ares and Bram, and Dev had gotten some of them laughing a little. Nicky just found a piece of wall and held it up in classic bodyguard pose near our couch. He didn't usually sweat socializing with the police. He expected them to dislike him. Micah had slipped his sunglasses back on, not to hide his eyes, but so we could all pretend there weren't tears sliding slowly down his face. He made no sound, didn't wipe at the tears, and just let them fall. He sat quiet between us, crying silently. The police and our guards obeyed the guy rule: If a man is crying utterly quietly and pretending he's not crying, you pretend, too.
Deputy Al walked into the room. He started talking low-voiced to some of the other cops. Their stoic, sad faces perked up and went serious. Two of them nodded and left the room like they had a purpose.
I asked, 'What's happened?'
Al looked at us. His gaze lingered on Micah, and his face showed sympathy for a moment, and then he fought it off. He walked over to us with his pleasant cop face in place. He hesitated looking down at Micah, his lips going in a thin, tight line as he debated on being a cop or a friend.
'Mike, is there anything I can do?' he asked finally, deciding on friend.
Micah just shook his head, wordless, not even raising his head enough to make eye contact through the dark glasses.
Al took that as the dismissal it was and said, 'Remember the hiker that Gutterman and the rest were looking for?'
'I remember you saying something about other police business.'
'The hiker was missing two days; this is number three, so we called for volunteers who knew the mountains in that area to help the police with the search.'
I nodded. 'I'd think that's standard in a wilderness area. You don't want more civilians getting lost.'
'Exactly, so everyone we took out with us knows what they're doing. The two men who are missing now, honestly, I'd trust them in a wilderness survival emergency more than most police I know. They are both high-priced hunting guides and can do serious hike-in and hike-out camps with pretty inexperienced hunters.'
'Good teachers, then,' I said.
'Yeah.'
Nathaniel asked, 'What happened to them?'
'They're missing,' Al said.
Micah roused himself enough to look up at Al. 'Who is it?'
'Henry Crawford and Little Henry.'
'They're some of the best in the area, or were ten years ago,' Micah said.
'Henry senior is nearly sixty-five, but he can still hike farther with more in a pack than anyone on our force except your dad, and that includes me. Little Henry is just scarier and quieter than he was, but I'd trust both men in any emergency outside a city.'
'Is Little Henry still an EMT?'
'Yeah.'
Micah finally let go of our hands enough to wipe at the drying tears on his face. 'I can't leave the hospital, Al, I'm sorry. Mom and Ty are still in with Dad, and I'm hoping to be able to talk to him again.'
'I wasn't asking you, any of you, but after the two Henrys going missing I don't want more civilians out there.'
'Is this the same place that the earlier people have gone missing?' I asked.
'Close enough,' he said.
'Something really bad has to be out there for them to be missing,' Micah said. He hunched forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He was staring at the floor thinking nothing good. Was he thinking of the wereleopard that attacked him years ago? It had happened in the mountains around here.
'How long have they been missing?' I asked.
'Three hours. Normally, we wouldn't think anything of it, but one minute Henry and Little Henry were within shouting distance of some of the other searchers and the next thing they were just gone.'
'What do you mean, just gone?' I asked.
'Gutterman says they called out, "We found something." But when the men tried to confirm if they'd found the killer, there was no answer.'
'Did you find anything to let you know where they were last?' I asked.
'It is pitch-black up in the mountains. We can't see shit, and the only tracking dogs are scattered looking for a missing kid and an elderly man who wandered away from his home. Kid is three, man has Alzheimer's, and you know how cold it gets at night here.'
'If they don't find shelter they'll die by morning,' Micah said.
'Our missing hikers are both adults in good health, with some wilderness experience. The Henrys could make shelter and survive a night easily.'
'Did you have dogs here searching for the hiker earlier?'
'One, but it was like its nose went dead. The handler had a word for it: nose-deaf. The dog seemed totally confused, as if it didn't know what the hell it was smelling. He said he'd never seen the dog behave like that.'
'Did it act afraid?' I asked.
He shook his head. 'Why?'
'Some dogs won't track preternatural things, not without special training. They act afraid or just refuse to track.'
'No, it seemed to get the scent at first, but then it hit a clearing and just kept circling. The handler let it take the scent again from a bag of personal effects we had, but it just couldn't pick it out again. Damnedest thing I ever saw with a good dog like that.'
'One of us could follow the scent,' Micah said.
Al shook his head. 'No, no more civilians.'
'Anita isn't a civilian, and if we're in animal form she's our handler.'
'Are you really willing to leave the hospital and risk missing another visit with your dad?' Nathaniel asked.
Micah looked at him, and then back at the floor, shaking his head. 'No, I guess I'm not.'
'I could do it,' Nathaniel said.
'No,' Micah said.
'No,' I said.
'Why not?' he asked.
Micah and I exchanged glances. What did we say - that he was more important to us than any missing strangers? That we felt protective of him, and this seemed like putting him in harm's way?
'What if I went with Anita and Nathaniel?' Nicky asked.
'Civilian, remember,' Al said.
'I'm not a civilian,' he said.
'You're not a cop, and you're not military; that makes you one.'
'I'm not a civvie in the way you mean. I'm not a victim waiting to happen, I won't slow you down, and in a fight I'll vote me.'
'He's good, Al,' Micah said.
Ares and Bram drifted over to us. 'Ex-special forces, remember?' Ares said.
'Micah needs people here with him,' I said.
'Why doesn't Nicky shift and track for you?' Bram asked.
Nicky looked at him, and they both just stared at each other. It was a long, serious look. Neither flinched, but Nicky finally said, 'In animal form I can only kill things; in human form I have more options that Anita likes. Why don't you do it?'
'I'm more versatile in human form,' Bram said.
'I can follow a scent trail in leopard form as well as anyone here, but I can't guard Anita's or Micah's safety, or anyone else's, as well as the rest of you,' Nathaniel said.
'You're one of the guardees,' Dev said, as he joined the conversation a little late. He'd left the other police officers laughing behind him.
'I see you're making friends,' I said.
'They like me now; before they didn't.'
'Dev's right,' Bram said. 'Nathaniel is one of the people we were guarding; that's why originally we were detailed six guards.'
'I'm harder to hurt than any police officer, and even in cat form I can let Anita know more about what I'm sensing than any dog.'
'Can you talk in cat form?' Al asked.
Nathaniel shook his head. 'Not exactly, but Anita will hear me.'
'What does that mean?'
'It means that Anita can read his body language and expressions in cat form the way we can read each other in human form. We know each other.'
'Like a couple or best friends thing?' Al asked, making it a question with the uptilt of his voice.
'Something like that,' Micah said. He'd just lied to his friend. Nathaniel was a black panther. My night vision was good, but not that good. In the dark I would barely be able to see his face let alone the expression on it, but I would be able to hear him in my head. I'd be able to catch his emotions, his thoughts. Hell, if I had the concentration to keep my human body moving through the woods at the same time, I could damn near be inside that huge, sinuous body stalking through the woods on four paws.
Al looked at me, not trying to keep the doubt off his face. 'Really?'
'Really,' I said.
He nodded. 'Okay, Nathaniel in animal form, and you, because you have a badge.'
'Me,' Ares said, 'because my training is perfect for this, even without the beast inside me.'
'How so?' Al asked.
'Scout sniper,' he said.
Al's eyebrows went up, and it was obvious that it impressed him. I'd never been in the military and didn't understand the combination of words. Sniper, yes, but what the heck was a scout sniper? I didn't ask out loud. I'd ask later, after Al had agreed to include everyone we wanted to go.
'I'm as good as Nicky in the woods, maybe better,' Dev said.
'I won't give you better in the woods,' Nicky said, 'but you're better at being charming with the police.'
'You can be charming when you want to be,' I said.
Nicky smiled down at me, and it made his face into something younger, though he wasn't that old, maybe just less cynical. 'I can pretend with the cops, but Dev is more like Micah. He's got better people skills.'
'You're better in the gym,' I said.
'We're all better in the gym,' Bram said.
'Hey,' Dev said, but smiled when he said it.
'Lazy cat,' I said.
He just shrugged, but there was no more debate. The men had just agreed that Nicky and Ares would go with Nathaniel and me. We were winning, so I kept my mouth shut and made a list of questions to ask later.
'We'll need a couple of things before we head out,' I said.
'More weapons,' Nicky, Bram, and Ares said at the same time.
I actually blushed a little. 'I thought that went without saying.' I turned to Al. 'Where can we buy the biggest dog collar you can find, and a good leash?'
'Why do you need it? Is he dangerous off leash in cat form?'
'No, but we're about to go into the woods with a bunch of spooked and tired armed men. Off leash he's a big, black, predatory cat; I don't want anyone shooting Nathaniel by accident. With me holding his leash they'll adjust to the idea that he's helping with the search and rescue like a dog.'
'We don't need to buy a collar or a leash,' Nathaniel said.
'I think Anita is right,' Al said. 'You on a leash will help everyone adjust to you helping out.'
'It's not that,' Nathaniel said.
'You brought yours,' I said.
He nodded, managing to look both happy and shy about it. Asher and I had bought it for him. Asher, who had been Jean-Claude's second-in-command, his temoin, which was the word for a second in an old French-style duel. Asher of the golden hair and the angelic face and the devil's own temper. Asher had been Nathaniel's dominant and my top when we played bondage games, but that was before Asher was exiled to another city for behaving like a spoiled, insanely jealous centuries-old master vampire. The collar had been mostly Asher's idea, but Nathaniel loved wearing it. He said it made him feel safe and loved. Me, a collar and leash would just piss me off, but what makes your lovers feel loved doesn't always have to make sense to you, only to them. Some women feel loved if you do the dishes without being reminded; some men feel loved if you'll play a video game with them, others if you buy them a collar and a nice leash and occasionally lead them around by it.
Micah smiled and shook his head. 'I'm not sure I'm going to feel up to helping you use it.'
Nathaniel gave him a solemn face, touching his arm. 'I know that, Micah. It makes me feel better to have it with me, that's all.'
Micah smiled and looked a little puzzled. I think Micah understood Nathaniel's enjoyment of the collar and leash even less than I did; at least I liked to be topped in the bedroom, and he didn't. He let Jean-Claude take blood from him, and to donate blood you had to be willing to submit. I actually found the two of them together incredibly erotic and proved it more than once, but I'd never asked Micah how he felt about the submission. It hadn't occurred me to ask until this moment. Of course, this was probably not the time to ask; uh, no.
'Is it in the bags in the SUV or the ones back at the hotel?' I asked.
'I'm not sure what bags are where. I didn't divide them up,' Nathaniel said.
'Which bag was it in?' Ares asked.
'If I say the small black one, will that help?' He smiled when he said it.
Ares shook his head, smiling, too. 'No.'
'Let's check the back, and if it's not there we'll hit the hotel,' Nicky said.
We all agreed it sounded like a plan, but that meant we had to leave Micah at the hospital. It seemed wrong to leave him behind to deal with his dad and everything. He touched my face. 'It's okay, Anita. I've got this.'
I hugged him, putting our faces close together and our bodies closer, so that we fit against each other like puzzle pieces. I breathed in the closeness of him, let my body sink against his, and felt him do the same. We held each other, and I said, 'I love you.'
'I love you more,' he said back.
Nathaniel came up beside us, wrapping his arms around both of us, so that we all leaned into one another. 'I love you most.' We opened our arms and drew him in to us, so that the three of us fit together and held one another for a moment.
It was Micah who moved away first. 'Go, I'll be all right.'
We each had one of his hands in ours. I nodded and let go of him. Nathaniel held on a moment longer.
'Be careful,' Micah said. He turned to Nicky. 'All of you,' and he gave the guy handshake that turned into a one-armed hug. 'Bring them back to me.'
Nicky smiled and said, 'Always.'
'It's okay,' Ares said. 'We can just shake.'
Micah smiled and shook his hand.
Dev stepped up to me and said, 'I want a hug.'
I smiled and shook my head at him, but I hugged him. I started to pull away, and he put his hand along my face, cupping the edge of my face in his hand. It made me look up at him. The look in his blue-brown eyes was way too serious for our Devil. I might have asked what was up, but he smiled and said, 'Go. I'll be charming to the local cops, since Bram sucks at that.'
Bram said, 'I'm good at my job, that's all the charm I need.'
Dev went back to joking with Bram in that guy way that is affectionate and also hides whatever else they're feeling. What had that serious look been about? If I'd dropped my shields enough I could have known what Dev was feeling and maybe what he was thinking. I could know what the look had meant, but first that was like peeking at someone's diary without permission, and second once I lowered my shields that much, it could open me up to all the men I was metaphysically tied to, and sometimes it was harder to put the shields back in place lately. We had civilians lost out there in the dark; they had to be priorities, or that was what I told myself as I followed Deputy Al through the doorway and into the hall beyond. Nathaniel slipped his hand into my left hand, leaving my gun hand free. Nicky and Ares trailed behind.
22
Nathaniel's suitcase was in the back of the SUV, and so was my extra armament. The guards had kept my extra gear where I could get hold of it on purpose; that Nathaniel's stuff was with us, too, was a happy accident, but it meant we didn't have to go to the hotel for anything. I realized I hadn't even seen the hotel yet. There was a chance I wouldn't see it before dawn, but if we found the two missing Crawford men it would be worth losing sleep.
We followed Al's marked police car, though really it was an SUV, which made more sense for the area. Ares drove our SUV, Nicky rode shotgun, and Nathaniel and I had the backseat to ourselves. I was holding his hand, so warm and real in the dimness of the car as we drove away from the city and farther into the mountains. I wasn't worried about the two men in the front seat. I loved Nicky, but he could take care of himself. Ares was a good guy, but again, he could take care of himself. I'd insisted that Nathaniel go to the range with me until he shot well with almost any gun I could give him. After the bomber in the club, Nicky and I had insisted that Nathaniel learn self-defense. If the bomber had been as well trained as the rest of us we might not have won, but lucky for us he'd been an amateur. If he hadn't been, the man sitting beside me would have died.
I let the hard lump in my gut make me scared. I was taking him into the mountains, the forest, and trusting to his beast, his leopard, to keep him safe. It seemed like a bad plan suddenly. He meant more to me than two strangers. Funny, risking me was one thing, risking him was another. Even though because he was my leopard to call, when I was injured I drained his life to heal mine. For most 'vampires' if you killed their human servant they usually died with them, and vice versa, but animals to call were rarer even among the master vampires. The death of your animal to call could kill you, too, or just weaken you enough to make you easier prey for the hunters. So technically I endangered Nathaniel every time I endangered myself, but that was more abstract than him sitting here in the dark beside me. This felt way more real.
'You don't have to do this,' I said, my voice low not because I didn't think the men in the front seat would hear me but because something about a car at night always made me feel quieter.
He turned to me in the dimness of the car. I couldn't see his face clearly; more the outline of it, and some points, but most of him was lost to shadow. You always forget how dark it is without electric lights, but now he was just inches away and his face was almost blacked out. There was nothing but trees on either side of the road, with almost no lights of any kind but the headlights that plowed ahead into the darkness.
'I want to help,' he said.
'It's not your job,' I said.
'Anita, in leopard form I'm better than in human form.'
'Better at what?'
'Fighting, surviving.'
'Why?'
It was Nicky who answered from the front seat, turning so his yellow hair was a ghost-pale fall covering the shadow of his face. 'The beast lets us react more selfishly. We don't think of the better good or shit like that; we react, we survive. In leopard form Nathaniel will take care of himself more.'
'Really?' I asked, and I was caressing his hand with my fingers as I held it, as if just holding hands weren't enough.
'Yes,' Nicky said. 'It's one of the reasons we're so dangerous in beast form. We don't reason as well. It makes us more dangerous.'
'Half-man form helps you think better,' I said.
'Yeah,' he said.
'But I'll need to be in full leopard form for this,' Nathaniel said.
'Your sense of smell is better,' I said.
'Yes.'
'I understand,' I said.
'You think because Nathaniel can strip on stage and change into his leopard form but not attack the crowd that somehow it's still him in there, but it's his beast with a layer of him in it.'
'So his human form has a layer of beast in it?' I asked.
'Yeah.'
'Because you carry all beasts inside you, but you don't shift, it makes you miss some things about the rest of us,' Nicky said.
'Like what?'
'That we are our beasts, and our beasts are us.'
'I don't think I understand.'
'I'm still me in leopard form,' Nathaniel said, 'but I'm also still my leopard in this form.'
I frowned. 'Micah doesn't talk about his beast like that. Neither does Richard.'
'Don't even compare us to St Louis's local wolf king,' Nicky said. 'He's too conflicted to truly integrate his two halves.'
'What about Micah?' I asked.
'He fights hard to be civilized, human,' Nicky said.
Ares added, 'Micah is still dealing with the trauma of surviving the attack. Those of us who come over involuntarily have more issues.'
'You, too?' I asked.
'Yeah, I hated being a werehyena. I mean, if I had to be attacked by an enemy shapeshifter, why couldn't it be something with a cooler reputation, like a lion or a leopard. Big cats and wolves, now that's sexy.' He laughed, but not like he was actually pleased, more self-deprecating, which I'd never heard from him.
'Are you saying you'd have hated it less if you'd been a different animal?' I asked.
'Yeah, at first, yeah.'
'And now?'
He glanced in the rearview mirror. I got a flash of his eyes as a car passed us on the narrow road. Human eyes didn't reflect like that, which let me know that even in human form his superior night vision was part of his beast.
'I'm a hyena. It's a rougher, more violent world than any other shapeshifter society. We earn our stripes, no pun intended for my stripey brethren. No one, not even the lions, demands the level of toughness that hyena society does. There are many clans of us, but the few that do exist in this country rule whatever city they're in if they go old-school.'
'What do you mean, old-school?' I asked.
'Back before shapeshifters were mainstreamed into human society we handled things less civilized, more naturally.'
'What does that mean?'
'It means the different animal groups would have wars,' Nicky said.
'I thought most animal groups left one another alone outside St Louis and the Coalition.'
'Wereanimals were made legal before vampires were,' he said, 'so you missed the old days when we were able to go into a city and just destroy everything in our path. As long as there weren't any bodies for the cops to find, people just disappeared and my pride and I got paid, and we moved on. Other animal groups hired us to take out their rivals, and we did it without mercy.'
'Wereanimals have been legally humans with a disease for ten years, longer in some states. You can't be that much older than me.'
Nicky leaned into his seat in the dark, his face lost in shadow, only his hair gleaming to show me where to look. 'Lycanthropes age slower than humans, Anita; you know that.'
'How old are you?'
'Thirty-one,' he said.
'So only a year older than me.'
'Yes,' he said, his voice low and strangely intimate in the darkness.
'You don't look older than twenty-five,' I said.
'You look early twenties, too,' he said.
'Good genetics,' I said.
'Are you sure it's just good genetics?'
I looked at his shadowed face as we drove farther into the night-black mountains. 'What's that supposed to mean?'
'I've made you uncomfortable. I can feel you're unhappy and I have to stop. I'm your Bride, which means I'm all about you being happy.'
'I'm not her Bride, or her animal to call; hell, she doesn't even have the ability to call hyenas, so I'll say it,' Ares said.
'Say what?' I asked.
Nathaniel started petting my hand, soothing me.
'You try to ignore Damian, Anita, but he is your vampire to call. He's your vampire servant, and you did fourth-mark with him and Nathaniel.'
'By accident,' I said, and even to me it sounded defensive.
'Doesn't matter how, just matters it happened. I know that Jean-Claude has been waiting to see if Damian starts to age, or if you stop aging, before he brings up sharing the fourth mark with you and Richard.'
'Traditionally, you can't have more than one fourth mark from more than one vampire. You're the human servant of just one vampire,' I said.
'Traditionally, but you're human, not a vampire, and you have a vampire servant, not a human one. There's nothing traditional about you, Anita.'
'What's your point?' I asked.
'You're the first true necromancer in over a thousand years. The rules don't apply to you, Anita.'
'So?' And I sounded sullen. I fought wanting to hunch in the seat. I wanted to take my hand back from Nathaniel and just sulk. I fought the urge off, but just wanting to do it meant this was hitting an old, old issue for me. I wasn't sure which issue it was hitting, but the fact that I wanted to stop touching Nathaniel meant it was something that pre-dated me letting myself love him and all the people in my life.
I forced myself to sit up very straight and keep touching Nathaniel, but his hand had gone very still in mine. I made myself take a nice, even breath and let it out slow. 'Do you have a point, Ares?'
'Jean-Claude's triumvirate with you as human servant and Richard Zeeman as his wolf to call is crippled because Richard won't man up and be the Ulfric we all need him to be.'
'He's doing better,' I said.
'As Ulfric, our wolf king, yes, but as the other third to Jean-Claude's triumvirate he blows. He uses you and Jean-Claude as a booty call and he misses dominating Asher. He can say he doesn't, but it met a need for him to torment Asher. I think Richard misses the bondage games with Asher as much as Nathaniel and you do. He just won't ever admit it.'
'I'm still waiting for your point; so far you're just telling me shit I already know.'
'You have a triumvirate of power with Nathaniel as your leopard to call and Damian as your vampire servant.'
'Again, shit I already know,' I said.
'Do you?' Ares demanded. 'Because the whole time I've worked for you guys I wouldn't know it. You almost never interact with Damian.'
'He's monogamous with Cardinal, and I'm respecting that.'
'I don't mean just sex and feeding the ardeur with him, Anita. I mean using him to really make a triumvirate of power, the kind that Jean-Claude wanted to forge.'
'I don't know what you mean.'
He glanced in the rearview mirror again, but this time there was no car to reflect in his eyes, so there was just a shadowed outline of him. 'Nathaniel, is she lying to me or to herself?'
'I would say leave me out of this, but ...' He sighed, heavily.
I looked at him. 'What's wrong?'
'I feel how drawn you are to all your animals to call and to Jean-Claude. I know how tight we are wound metaphysically, but Damian is always left out. I feel the lack of him, Anita. I can't describe it any other way, but sometimes when you raise power it's like there's a link to him, but it's less. It's ...' He looked out the window as if searching for inspiration.
'It's what?' I asked.
He turned back to me, and even in the dark I could feel the weight of his stare. 'It's broken. I don't know how, or what, but it's damaged, and that break keeps the three of us from being everything we could be as a power.'
'It's not just me,' I said. I pulled on my hand, but he held on, and I wasn't upset enough to force the issue. 'Damian doesn't want to be bound closer to you and me. He's afraid of being consumed by the ardeur, and he's damn near homophobic.'
Nicky gave a harsh laugh. 'Homophobic, really? That's too funny.'
'Why is it funny?' I asked.
'Because if you're not at least comfortable sharing Anita with another man and sleeping in the bed afterward in a big kitty pile, then you are out of fucking luck.'
'London doesn't like other men, or an audience,' Nathaniel said.
'Is that why he's been sent visiting other vampire territories?' Ares asked.
'Part of it,' I said. What neither Nathaniel nor I shared with our two newcomers was that London was addicted to both the ardeur and gained power from every feeding. Belle Morte, Beautiful Death, the maker of Jean-Claude's sourdre de sang, had addicted London, not me. He had freed himself from her hold and gone cold turkey, running away to England until he'd come to us, and the old addiction had risen again. He was the perfect food for me, but he was already a few centuries older than Jean-Claude and a master vampire. The fact that London had gained power levels from being my food meant that he'd rapidly approached Jean-Claude's own power level, so I'd had to back off. We had sent him to four different territories out of state hoping he'd find a good fit and become someone else's second-in-command. He was powerful enough to be a master of his own territory, but he wasn't good enough at the modern politics needed now. He was still at his last trial run. I couldn't even remember what state he was in this time.
'Damian doesn't want to join with us as deeply as he could, for a lot of the same reasons that Richard fights,' I said.
'I think that if you would take the lead, Damian would be more comfortable sharing a bed with the two of us with you in the middle. He's not as strong as Richard. I don't think he could fight free of us, the way the Ulfric can.'
'You're basically asking me to mind-fuck Damian and forge a stronger triumvirate between him and us, even if it's a kind of metaphysical rape.'
'Put that way, it sounds wrong.'
'It doesn't just sound wrong,' I said.
'You didn't have any trouble doing it to me,' Nicky said.
'You and your pride of lions had kidnapped me and had snipers ready to kill Nathaniel, Micah, and Jason. I was out of options when I made you my Bride.'
'If it's any consolation, I've never been happier,' he said.
It was some comfort, but out loud I said, 'For someone who's supposed to want my happiness and comfort above all else, you say some of the most uncomfortable things.'
He shrugged as much as the muscles would allow and said, 'Sometimes what you need to hear isn't comfortable.'
'Are you saying that you tell me things I need to hear?'
'Sometimes.'
'Which make me uncomfortable, and it makes you anxious if I'm uncomfortable?'
'Sort of.'
I frowned at him and didn't know if his night vision was good enough for him to see it, but I had to frown. 'I'm not sure that I really understand what a Bride of Dracula is supposed to be.'
'We're whatever you need us to be,' he said.
'That you actually mean that,' Ares said, 'makes me glad Anita can't call hyena as one of her animals.'
Nicky turned and spoke directly to Ares. 'Master vampires turn normal humans into Brides of Dracula. Theoretically, it should work on you.'
Ares shivered so hard I could see it in the darkened car. 'Let's not test that theory, okay?'
The red brake lights on Al's car flared and it turned onto a narrow, unpaved road. I'd thought it was dark, but as the trees closed on either side of the car I realized I'd been wrong. This was darker, and I knew it would be even darker under the trees themselves. I'd been raised in the country going camping and hunting with my father. I knew night in the woods. I'd never been afraid of the dark in the woods as a child, only in the house at night. The monsters of my imagination had lived under the bed and in the closet, not in the woods. As a grown-up, I could think of few things I hated more than hunting rogue shapeshifters, or vampires, in the woods. I was just glad we weren't on a hunt tonight. The thickness of the night on the road where there was still some moonlight and starlight overhead let me know that under the trees was going to be thick black night.
I wasn't the only one thinking it, because Ares said, 'It's going to be damn dark under the trees.'
'You have better night vision than I do,' I said.
'Better, but in human form not that much better.'
'You can be the kitty on a leash, then,' Nicky said.
'Hyenas aren't cats.'
'More closely related to cats than dogs,' I said.
He glanced in the rearview mirror again. His face was just a darker shape this time. 'Most people think we're related to dogs.'
'Actually, more closely related to mongoose, meerkats, and civets, isn't it?'
'Yes, it is. How do you know that?'
'Biology degree, and honestly, I read up on hyenas when I realized that it was the second or third largest animal group in St Louis.'
'Better to know your enemy,' Ares said.
'Yes, but you said it yourself, Ares, I don't have metaphysical ties to the hyenas. I don't ken them the way I do lions, or leopards, or wolves, or any of the wereanimals that I can call as mine, or carry a piece of their beast inside me. The werehyenas and wererats are what taught me that a lot of my way with shapeshifters is just another flavor of vampire power. I have to study harder on the beasts I don't carry.'
'Why study? Why not ignore the groups that aren't yours?'
'Micah believes that the Coalition can help all the shapeshifters come together and be a stronger lobbying group, and so do I. It's a good idea, and the only way it's going to work is if we all try to find the things that make us alike, not the things that divide us.'
'That's a politician's answer,' Ares said.
'Maybe, but it's still the truth.'
I got another of those dark glances in the rearview mirror, and then Nicky said, 'I think we're here.'
Ares and I both looked ahead. Al had parked his cruiser. We were here, wherever the hell 'here' was.
Back in the family waiting room, Micah sat on the small couch staring off into space, clutching our hands. Nicky, Dev, Ares, and Bram were scattered around the room trying to look harmless and failing. The police talked to Ares and Bram, and Dev had gotten some of them laughing a little. Nicky just found a piece of wall and held it up in classic bodyguard pose near our couch. He didn't usually sweat socializing with the police. He expected them to dislike him. Micah had slipped his sunglasses back on, not to hide his eyes, but so we could all pretend there weren't tears sliding slowly down his face. He made no sound, didn't wipe at the tears, and just let them fall. He sat quiet between us, crying silently. The police and our guards obeyed the guy rule: If a man is crying utterly quietly and pretending he's not crying, you pretend, too.
Deputy Al walked into the room. He started talking low-voiced to some of the other cops. Their stoic, sad faces perked up and went serious. Two of them nodded and left the room like they had a purpose.
I asked, 'What's happened?'
Al looked at us. His gaze lingered on Micah, and his face showed sympathy for a moment, and then he fought it off. He walked over to us with his pleasant cop face in place. He hesitated looking down at Micah, his lips going in a thin, tight line as he debated on being a cop or a friend.
'Mike, is there anything I can do?' he asked finally, deciding on friend.
Micah just shook his head, wordless, not even raising his head enough to make eye contact through the dark glasses.
Al took that as the dismissal it was and said, 'Remember the hiker that Gutterman and the rest were looking for?'
'I remember you saying something about other police business.'
'The hiker was missing two days; this is number three, so we called for volunteers who knew the mountains in that area to help the police with the search.'
I nodded. 'I'd think that's standard in a wilderness area. You don't want more civilians getting lost.'
'Exactly, so everyone we took out with us knows what they're doing. The two men who are missing now, honestly, I'd trust them in a wilderness survival emergency more than most police I know. They are both high-priced hunting guides and can do serious hike-in and hike-out camps with pretty inexperienced hunters.'
'Good teachers, then,' I said.
'Yeah.'
Nathaniel asked, 'What happened to them?'
'They're missing,' Al said.
Micah roused himself enough to look up at Al. 'Who is it?'
'Henry Crawford and Little Henry.'
'They're some of the best in the area, or were ten years ago,' Micah said.
'Henry senior is nearly sixty-five, but he can still hike farther with more in a pack than anyone on our force except your dad, and that includes me. Little Henry is just scarier and quieter than he was, but I'd trust both men in any emergency outside a city.'
'Is Little Henry still an EMT?'
'Yeah.'
Micah finally let go of our hands enough to wipe at the drying tears on his face. 'I can't leave the hospital, Al, I'm sorry. Mom and Ty are still in with Dad, and I'm hoping to be able to talk to him again.'
'I wasn't asking you, any of you, but after the two Henrys going missing I don't want more civilians out there.'
'Is this the same place that the earlier people have gone missing?' I asked.
'Close enough,' he said.
'Something really bad has to be out there for them to be missing,' Micah said. He hunched forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He was staring at the floor thinking nothing good. Was he thinking of the wereleopard that attacked him years ago? It had happened in the mountains around here.
'How long have they been missing?' I asked.
'Three hours. Normally, we wouldn't think anything of it, but one minute Henry and Little Henry were within shouting distance of some of the other searchers and the next thing they were just gone.'
'What do you mean, just gone?' I asked.
'Gutterman says they called out, "We found something." But when the men tried to confirm if they'd found the killer, there was no answer.'
'Did you find anything to let you know where they were last?' I asked.
'It is pitch-black up in the mountains. We can't see shit, and the only tracking dogs are scattered looking for a missing kid and an elderly man who wandered away from his home. Kid is three, man has Alzheimer's, and you know how cold it gets at night here.'
'If they don't find shelter they'll die by morning,' Micah said.
'Our missing hikers are both adults in good health, with some wilderness experience. The Henrys could make shelter and survive a night easily.'
'Did you have dogs here searching for the hiker earlier?'
'One, but it was like its nose went dead. The handler had a word for it: nose-deaf. The dog seemed totally confused, as if it didn't know what the hell it was smelling. He said he'd never seen the dog behave like that.'
'Did it act afraid?' I asked.
He shook his head. 'Why?'
'Some dogs won't track preternatural things, not without special training. They act afraid or just refuse to track.'
'No, it seemed to get the scent at first, but then it hit a clearing and just kept circling. The handler let it take the scent again from a bag of personal effects we had, but it just couldn't pick it out again. Damnedest thing I ever saw with a good dog like that.'
'One of us could follow the scent,' Micah said.
Al shook his head. 'No, no more civilians.'
'Anita isn't a civilian, and if we're in animal form she's our handler.'
'Are you really willing to leave the hospital and risk missing another visit with your dad?' Nathaniel asked.
Micah looked at him, and then back at the floor, shaking his head. 'No, I guess I'm not.'
'I could do it,' Nathaniel said.
'No,' Micah said.
'No,' I said.
'Why not?' he asked.
Micah and I exchanged glances. What did we say - that he was more important to us than any missing strangers? That we felt protective of him, and this seemed like putting him in harm's way?
'What if I went with Anita and Nathaniel?' Nicky asked.
'Civilian, remember,' Al said.
'I'm not a civilian,' he said.
'You're not a cop, and you're not military; that makes you one.'
'I'm not a civvie in the way you mean. I'm not a victim waiting to happen, I won't slow you down, and in a fight I'll vote me.'
'He's good, Al,' Micah said.
Ares and Bram drifted over to us. 'Ex-special forces, remember?' Ares said.
'Micah needs people here with him,' I said.
'Why doesn't Nicky shift and track for you?' Bram asked.
Nicky looked at him, and they both just stared at each other. It was a long, serious look. Neither flinched, but Nicky finally said, 'In animal form I can only kill things; in human form I have more options that Anita likes. Why don't you do it?'
'I'm more versatile in human form,' Bram said.
'I can follow a scent trail in leopard form as well as anyone here, but I can't guard Anita's or Micah's safety, or anyone else's, as well as the rest of you,' Nathaniel said.
'You're one of the guardees,' Dev said, as he joined the conversation a little late. He'd left the other police officers laughing behind him.
'I see you're making friends,' I said.
'They like me now; before they didn't.'
'Dev's right,' Bram said. 'Nathaniel is one of the people we were guarding; that's why originally we were detailed six guards.'
'I'm harder to hurt than any police officer, and even in cat form I can let Anita know more about what I'm sensing than any dog.'
'Can you talk in cat form?' Al asked.
Nathaniel shook his head. 'Not exactly, but Anita will hear me.'
'What does that mean?'
'It means that Anita can read his body language and expressions in cat form the way we can read each other in human form. We know each other.'
'Like a couple or best friends thing?' Al asked, making it a question with the uptilt of his voice.
'Something like that,' Micah said. He'd just lied to his friend. Nathaniel was a black panther. My night vision was good, but not that good. In the dark I would barely be able to see his face let alone the expression on it, but I would be able to hear him in my head. I'd be able to catch his emotions, his thoughts. Hell, if I had the concentration to keep my human body moving through the woods at the same time, I could damn near be inside that huge, sinuous body stalking through the woods on four paws.
Al looked at me, not trying to keep the doubt off his face. 'Really?'
'Really,' I said.
He nodded. 'Okay, Nathaniel in animal form, and you, because you have a badge.'
'Me,' Ares said, 'because my training is perfect for this, even without the beast inside me.'
'How so?' Al asked.
'Scout sniper,' he said.
Al's eyebrows went up, and it was obvious that it impressed him. I'd never been in the military and didn't understand the combination of words. Sniper, yes, but what the heck was a scout sniper? I didn't ask out loud. I'd ask later, after Al had agreed to include everyone we wanted to go.
'I'm as good as Nicky in the woods, maybe better,' Dev said.
'I won't give you better in the woods,' Nicky said, 'but you're better at being charming with the police.'
'You can be charming when you want to be,' I said.
Nicky smiled down at me, and it made his face into something younger, though he wasn't that old, maybe just less cynical. 'I can pretend with the cops, but Dev is more like Micah. He's got better people skills.'
'You're better in the gym,' I said.
'We're all better in the gym,' Bram said.
'Hey,' Dev said, but smiled when he said it.
'Lazy cat,' I said.
He just shrugged, but there was no more debate. The men had just agreed that Nicky and Ares would go with Nathaniel and me. We were winning, so I kept my mouth shut and made a list of questions to ask later.
'We'll need a couple of things before we head out,' I said.
'More weapons,' Nicky, Bram, and Ares said at the same time.
I actually blushed a little. 'I thought that went without saying.' I turned to Al. 'Where can we buy the biggest dog collar you can find, and a good leash?'
'Why do you need it? Is he dangerous off leash in cat form?'
'No, but we're about to go into the woods with a bunch of spooked and tired armed men. Off leash he's a big, black, predatory cat; I don't want anyone shooting Nathaniel by accident. With me holding his leash they'll adjust to the idea that he's helping with the search and rescue like a dog.'
'We don't need to buy a collar or a leash,' Nathaniel said.
'I think Anita is right,' Al said. 'You on a leash will help everyone adjust to you helping out.'
'It's not that,' Nathaniel said.
'You brought yours,' I said.
He nodded, managing to look both happy and shy about it. Asher and I had bought it for him. Asher, who had been Jean-Claude's second-in-command, his temoin, which was the word for a second in an old French-style duel. Asher of the golden hair and the angelic face and the devil's own temper. Asher had been Nathaniel's dominant and my top when we played bondage games, but that was before Asher was exiled to another city for behaving like a spoiled, insanely jealous centuries-old master vampire. The collar had been mostly Asher's idea, but Nathaniel loved wearing it. He said it made him feel safe and loved. Me, a collar and leash would just piss me off, but what makes your lovers feel loved doesn't always have to make sense to you, only to them. Some women feel loved if you do the dishes without being reminded; some men feel loved if you'll play a video game with them, others if you buy them a collar and a nice leash and occasionally lead them around by it.
Micah smiled and shook his head. 'I'm not sure I'm going to feel up to helping you use it.'
Nathaniel gave him a solemn face, touching his arm. 'I know that, Micah. It makes me feel better to have it with me, that's all.'
Micah smiled and looked a little puzzled. I think Micah understood Nathaniel's enjoyment of the collar and leash even less than I did; at least I liked to be topped in the bedroom, and he didn't. He let Jean-Claude take blood from him, and to donate blood you had to be willing to submit. I actually found the two of them together incredibly erotic and proved it more than once, but I'd never asked Micah how he felt about the submission. It hadn't occurred me to ask until this moment. Of course, this was probably not the time to ask; uh, no.
'Is it in the bags in the SUV or the ones back at the hotel?' I asked.
'I'm not sure what bags are where. I didn't divide them up,' Nathaniel said.
'Which bag was it in?' Ares asked.
'If I say the small black one, will that help?' He smiled when he said it.
Ares shook his head, smiling, too. 'No.'
'Let's check the back, and if it's not there we'll hit the hotel,' Nicky said.
We all agreed it sounded like a plan, but that meant we had to leave Micah at the hospital. It seemed wrong to leave him behind to deal with his dad and everything. He touched my face. 'It's okay, Anita. I've got this.'
I hugged him, putting our faces close together and our bodies closer, so that we fit against each other like puzzle pieces. I breathed in the closeness of him, let my body sink against his, and felt him do the same. We held each other, and I said, 'I love you.'
'I love you more,' he said back.
Nathaniel came up beside us, wrapping his arms around both of us, so that we all leaned into one another. 'I love you most.' We opened our arms and drew him in to us, so that the three of us fit together and held one another for a moment.
It was Micah who moved away first. 'Go, I'll be all right.'
We each had one of his hands in ours. I nodded and let go of him. Nathaniel held on a moment longer.
'Be careful,' Micah said. He turned to Nicky. 'All of you,' and he gave the guy handshake that turned into a one-armed hug. 'Bring them back to me.'
Nicky smiled and said, 'Always.'
'It's okay,' Ares said. 'We can just shake.'
Micah smiled and shook his hand.
Dev stepped up to me and said, 'I want a hug.'
I smiled and shook my head at him, but I hugged him. I started to pull away, and he put his hand along my face, cupping the edge of my face in his hand. It made me look up at him. The look in his blue-brown eyes was way too serious for our Devil. I might have asked what was up, but he smiled and said, 'Go. I'll be charming to the local cops, since Bram sucks at that.'
Bram said, 'I'm good at my job, that's all the charm I need.'
Dev went back to joking with Bram in that guy way that is affectionate and also hides whatever else they're feeling. What had that serious look been about? If I'd dropped my shields enough I could have known what Dev was feeling and maybe what he was thinking. I could know what the look had meant, but first that was like peeking at someone's diary without permission, and second once I lowered my shields that much, it could open me up to all the men I was metaphysically tied to, and sometimes it was harder to put the shields back in place lately. We had civilians lost out there in the dark; they had to be priorities, or that was what I told myself as I followed Deputy Al through the doorway and into the hall beyond. Nathaniel slipped his hand into my left hand, leaving my gun hand free. Nicky and Ares trailed behind.
22
Nathaniel's suitcase was in the back of the SUV, and so was my extra armament. The guards had kept my extra gear where I could get hold of it on purpose; that Nathaniel's stuff was with us, too, was a happy accident, but it meant we didn't have to go to the hotel for anything. I realized I hadn't even seen the hotel yet. There was a chance I wouldn't see it before dawn, but if we found the two missing Crawford men it would be worth losing sleep.
We followed Al's marked police car, though really it was an SUV, which made more sense for the area. Ares drove our SUV, Nicky rode shotgun, and Nathaniel and I had the backseat to ourselves. I was holding his hand, so warm and real in the dimness of the car as we drove away from the city and farther into the mountains. I wasn't worried about the two men in the front seat. I loved Nicky, but he could take care of himself. Ares was a good guy, but again, he could take care of himself. I'd insisted that Nathaniel go to the range with me until he shot well with almost any gun I could give him. After the bomber in the club, Nicky and I had insisted that Nathaniel learn self-defense. If the bomber had been as well trained as the rest of us we might not have won, but lucky for us he'd been an amateur. If he hadn't been, the man sitting beside me would have died.
I let the hard lump in my gut make me scared. I was taking him into the mountains, the forest, and trusting to his beast, his leopard, to keep him safe. It seemed like a bad plan suddenly. He meant more to me than two strangers. Funny, risking me was one thing, risking him was another. Even though because he was my leopard to call, when I was injured I drained his life to heal mine. For most 'vampires' if you killed their human servant they usually died with them, and vice versa, but animals to call were rarer even among the master vampires. The death of your animal to call could kill you, too, or just weaken you enough to make you easier prey for the hunters. So technically I endangered Nathaniel every time I endangered myself, but that was more abstract than him sitting here in the dark beside me. This felt way more real.
'You don't have to do this,' I said, my voice low not because I didn't think the men in the front seat would hear me but because something about a car at night always made me feel quieter.
He turned to me in the dimness of the car. I couldn't see his face clearly; more the outline of it, and some points, but most of him was lost to shadow. You always forget how dark it is without electric lights, but now he was just inches away and his face was almost blacked out. There was nothing but trees on either side of the road, with almost no lights of any kind but the headlights that plowed ahead into the darkness.
'I want to help,' he said.
'It's not your job,' I said.
'Anita, in leopard form I'm better than in human form.'
'Better at what?'
'Fighting, surviving.'
'Why?'
It was Nicky who answered from the front seat, turning so his yellow hair was a ghost-pale fall covering the shadow of his face. 'The beast lets us react more selfishly. We don't think of the better good or shit like that; we react, we survive. In leopard form Nathaniel will take care of himself more.'
'Really?' I asked, and I was caressing his hand with my fingers as I held it, as if just holding hands weren't enough.
'Yes,' Nicky said. 'It's one of the reasons we're so dangerous in beast form. We don't reason as well. It makes us more dangerous.'
'Half-man form helps you think better,' I said.
'Yeah,' he said.
'But I'll need to be in full leopard form for this,' Nathaniel said.
'Your sense of smell is better,' I said.
'Yes.'
'I understand,' I said.
'You think because Nathaniel can strip on stage and change into his leopard form but not attack the crowd that somehow it's still him in there, but it's his beast with a layer of him in it.'
'So his human form has a layer of beast in it?' I asked.
'Yeah.'
'Because you carry all beasts inside you, but you don't shift, it makes you miss some things about the rest of us,' Nicky said.
'Like what?'
'That we are our beasts, and our beasts are us.'
'I don't think I understand.'
'I'm still me in leopard form,' Nathaniel said, 'but I'm also still my leopard in this form.'
I frowned. 'Micah doesn't talk about his beast like that. Neither does Richard.'
'Don't even compare us to St Louis's local wolf king,' Nicky said. 'He's too conflicted to truly integrate his two halves.'
'What about Micah?' I asked.
'He fights hard to be civilized, human,' Nicky said.
Ares added, 'Micah is still dealing with the trauma of surviving the attack. Those of us who come over involuntarily have more issues.'
'You, too?' I asked.
'Yeah, I hated being a werehyena. I mean, if I had to be attacked by an enemy shapeshifter, why couldn't it be something with a cooler reputation, like a lion or a leopard. Big cats and wolves, now that's sexy.' He laughed, but not like he was actually pleased, more self-deprecating, which I'd never heard from him.
'Are you saying you'd have hated it less if you'd been a different animal?' I asked.
'Yeah, at first, yeah.'
'And now?'
He glanced in the rearview mirror. I got a flash of his eyes as a car passed us on the narrow road. Human eyes didn't reflect like that, which let me know that even in human form his superior night vision was part of his beast.
'I'm a hyena. It's a rougher, more violent world than any other shapeshifter society. We earn our stripes, no pun intended for my stripey brethren. No one, not even the lions, demands the level of toughness that hyena society does. There are many clans of us, but the few that do exist in this country rule whatever city they're in if they go old-school.'
'What do you mean, old-school?' I asked.
'Back before shapeshifters were mainstreamed into human society we handled things less civilized, more naturally.'
'What does that mean?'
'It means the different animal groups would have wars,' Nicky said.
'I thought most animal groups left one another alone outside St Louis and the Coalition.'
'Wereanimals were made legal before vampires were,' he said, 'so you missed the old days when we were able to go into a city and just destroy everything in our path. As long as there weren't any bodies for the cops to find, people just disappeared and my pride and I got paid, and we moved on. Other animal groups hired us to take out their rivals, and we did it without mercy.'
'Wereanimals have been legally humans with a disease for ten years, longer in some states. You can't be that much older than me.'
Nicky leaned into his seat in the dark, his face lost in shadow, only his hair gleaming to show me where to look. 'Lycanthropes age slower than humans, Anita; you know that.'
'How old are you?'
'Thirty-one,' he said.
'So only a year older than me.'
'Yes,' he said, his voice low and strangely intimate in the darkness.
'You don't look older than twenty-five,' I said.
'You look early twenties, too,' he said.
'Good genetics,' I said.
'Are you sure it's just good genetics?'
I looked at his shadowed face as we drove farther into the night-black mountains. 'What's that supposed to mean?'
'I've made you uncomfortable. I can feel you're unhappy and I have to stop. I'm your Bride, which means I'm all about you being happy.'
'I'm not her Bride, or her animal to call; hell, she doesn't even have the ability to call hyenas, so I'll say it,' Ares said.
'Say what?' I asked.
Nathaniel started petting my hand, soothing me.
'You try to ignore Damian, Anita, but he is your vampire to call. He's your vampire servant, and you did fourth-mark with him and Nathaniel.'
'By accident,' I said, and even to me it sounded defensive.
'Doesn't matter how, just matters it happened. I know that Jean-Claude has been waiting to see if Damian starts to age, or if you stop aging, before he brings up sharing the fourth mark with you and Richard.'
'Traditionally, you can't have more than one fourth mark from more than one vampire. You're the human servant of just one vampire,' I said.
'Traditionally, but you're human, not a vampire, and you have a vampire servant, not a human one. There's nothing traditional about you, Anita.'
'What's your point?' I asked.
'You're the first true necromancer in over a thousand years. The rules don't apply to you, Anita.'
'So?' And I sounded sullen. I fought wanting to hunch in the seat. I wanted to take my hand back from Nathaniel and just sulk. I fought the urge off, but just wanting to do it meant this was hitting an old, old issue for me. I wasn't sure which issue it was hitting, but the fact that I wanted to stop touching Nathaniel meant it was something that pre-dated me letting myself love him and all the people in my life.
I forced myself to sit up very straight and keep touching Nathaniel, but his hand had gone very still in mine. I made myself take a nice, even breath and let it out slow. 'Do you have a point, Ares?'
'Jean-Claude's triumvirate with you as human servant and Richard Zeeman as his wolf to call is crippled because Richard won't man up and be the Ulfric we all need him to be.'
'He's doing better,' I said.
'As Ulfric, our wolf king, yes, but as the other third to Jean-Claude's triumvirate he blows. He uses you and Jean-Claude as a booty call and he misses dominating Asher. He can say he doesn't, but it met a need for him to torment Asher. I think Richard misses the bondage games with Asher as much as Nathaniel and you do. He just won't ever admit it.'
'I'm still waiting for your point; so far you're just telling me shit I already know.'
'You have a triumvirate of power with Nathaniel as your leopard to call and Damian as your vampire servant.'
'Again, shit I already know,' I said.
'Do you?' Ares demanded. 'Because the whole time I've worked for you guys I wouldn't know it. You almost never interact with Damian.'
'He's monogamous with Cardinal, and I'm respecting that.'
'I don't mean just sex and feeding the ardeur with him, Anita. I mean using him to really make a triumvirate of power, the kind that Jean-Claude wanted to forge.'
'I don't know what you mean.'
He glanced in the rearview mirror again, but this time there was no car to reflect in his eyes, so there was just a shadowed outline of him. 'Nathaniel, is she lying to me or to herself?'
'I would say leave me out of this, but ...' He sighed, heavily.
I looked at him. 'What's wrong?'
'I feel how drawn you are to all your animals to call and to Jean-Claude. I know how tight we are wound metaphysically, but Damian is always left out. I feel the lack of him, Anita. I can't describe it any other way, but sometimes when you raise power it's like there's a link to him, but it's less. It's ...' He looked out the window as if searching for inspiration.
'It's what?' I asked.
He turned back to me, and even in the dark I could feel the weight of his stare. 'It's broken. I don't know how, or what, but it's damaged, and that break keeps the three of us from being everything we could be as a power.'
'It's not just me,' I said. I pulled on my hand, but he held on, and I wasn't upset enough to force the issue. 'Damian doesn't want to be bound closer to you and me. He's afraid of being consumed by the ardeur, and he's damn near homophobic.'
Nicky gave a harsh laugh. 'Homophobic, really? That's too funny.'
'Why is it funny?' I asked.
'Because if you're not at least comfortable sharing Anita with another man and sleeping in the bed afterward in a big kitty pile, then you are out of fucking luck.'
'London doesn't like other men, or an audience,' Nathaniel said.
'Is that why he's been sent visiting other vampire territories?' Ares asked.
'Part of it,' I said. What neither Nathaniel nor I shared with our two newcomers was that London was addicted to both the ardeur and gained power from every feeding. Belle Morte, Beautiful Death, the maker of Jean-Claude's sourdre de sang, had addicted London, not me. He had freed himself from her hold and gone cold turkey, running away to England until he'd come to us, and the old addiction had risen again. He was the perfect food for me, but he was already a few centuries older than Jean-Claude and a master vampire. The fact that London had gained power levels from being my food meant that he'd rapidly approached Jean-Claude's own power level, so I'd had to back off. We had sent him to four different territories out of state hoping he'd find a good fit and become someone else's second-in-command. He was powerful enough to be a master of his own territory, but he wasn't good enough at the modern politics needed now. He was still at his last trial run. I couldn't even remember what state he was in this time.
'Damian doesn't want to join with us as deeply as he could, for a lot of the same reasons that Richard fights,' I said.
'I think that if you would take the lead, Damian would be more comfortable sharing a bed with the two of us with you in the middle. He's not as strong as Richard. I don't think he could fight free of us, the way the Ulfric can.'
'You're basically asking me to mind-fuck Damian and forge a stronger triumvirate between him and us, even if it's a kind of metaphysical rape.'
'Put that way, it sounds wrong.'
'It doesn't just sound wrong,' I said.
'You didn't have any trouble doing it to me,' Nicky said.
'You and your pride of lions had kidnapped me and had snipers ready to kill Nathaniel, Micah, and Jason. I was out of options when I made you my Bride.'
'If it's any consolation, I've never been happier,' he said.
It was some comfort, but out loud I said, 'For someone who's supposed to want my happiness and comfort above all else, you say some of the most uncomfortable things.'
He shrugged as much as the muscles would allow and said, 'Sometimes what you need to hear isn't comfortable.'
'Are you saying that you tell me things I need to hear?'
'Sometimes.'
'Which make me uncomfortable, and it makes you anxious if I'm uncomfortable?'
'Sort of.'
I frowned at him and didn't know if his night vision was good enough for him to see it, but I had to frown. 'I'm not sure that I really understand what a Bride of Dracula is supposed to be.'
'We're whatever you need us to be,' he said.
'That you actually mean that,' Ares said, 'makes me glad Anita can't call hyena as one of her animals.'
Nicky turned and spoke directly to Ares. 'Master vampires turn normal humans into Brides of Dracula. Theoretically, it should work on you.'
Ares shivered so hard I could see it in the darkened car. 'Let's not test that theory, okay?'
The red brake lights on Al's car flared and it turned onto a narrow, unpaved road. I'd thought it was dark, but as the trees closed on either side of the car I realized I'd been wrong. This was darker, and I knew it would be even darker under the trees themselves. I'd been raised in the country going camping and hunting with my father. I knew night in the woods. I'd never been afraid of the dark in the woods as a child, only in the house at night. The monsters of my imagination had lived under the bed and in the closet, not in the woods. As a grown-up, I could think of few things I hated more than hunting rogue shapeshifters, or vampires, in the woods. I was just glad we weren't on a hunt tonight. The thickness of the night on the road where there was still some moonlight and starlight overhead let me know that under the trees was going to be thick black night.
I wasn't the only one thinking it, because Ares said, 'It's going to be damn dark under the trees.'
'You have better night vision than I do,' I said.
'Better, but in human form not that much better.'
'You can be the kitty on a leash, then,' Nicky said.
'Hyenas aren't cats.'
'More closely related to cats than dogs,' I said.
He glanced in the rearview mirror again. His face was just a darker shape this time. 'Most people think we're related to dogs.'
'Actually, more closely related to mongoose, meerkats, and civets, isn't it?'
'Yes, it is. How do you know that?'
'Biology degree, and honestly, I read up on hyenas when I realized that it was the second or third largest animal group in St Louis.'
'Better to know your enemy,' Ares said.
'Yes, but you said it yourself, Ares, I don't have metaphysical ties to the hyenas. I don't ken them the way I do lions, or leopards, or wolves, or any of the wereanimals that I can call as mine, or carry a piece of their beast inside me. The werehyenas and wererats are what taught me that a lot of my way with shapeshifters is just another flavor of vampire power. I have to study harder on the beasts I don't carry.'
'Why study? Why not ignore the groups that aren't yours?'
'Micah believes that the Coalition can help all the shapeshifters come together and be a stronger lobbying group, and so do I. It's a good idea, and the only way it's going to work is if we all try to find the things that make us alike, not the things that divide us.'
'That's a politician's answer,' Ares said.
'Maybe, but it's still the truth.'
I got another of those dark glances in the rearview mirror, and then Nicky said, 'I think we're here.'
Ares and I both looked ahead. Al had parked his cruiser. We were here, wherever the hell 'here' was.