My dad answers on the second ring and he sounds coherent, which is excellent, because I really need him to hear what I have to say.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Alex…buddy…what’s going on?”
He sounds jovial and clear, which is a good sign. I take that to mean that he’s staying sober, a concern I’ve worried over every single day since he visited a few weeks ago.
“Just calling to check in on you. So how are things going?”
“They’re going fine,” he says nonchalantly.
“You’re not drinking, are you?” I have no choice but to ask point-blank. I hope I can detect the truth of his answer.
“No way. I’ve been sober thirty-five days now.”
I’m silent because he sounds truly happy about that. I’m truly happy about it, but it doesn’t mean that he’s won the battle.
“That’s fantastic, Dad. Is it tough?”
I can hear my dad take a deep breath and let it out, then he says quietly, “Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
“You can do it,” I assure him. “I know you can.”
“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” he says with a chuckle. “The AA meetings really help and my sponsor is a great guy. I call him if things get too rough.”
The tightness in my chest eases up a bit and I allow myself the permission to let go of some of this worry. I have to remind myself, and accept, that whatever path my dad chooses, it’s out of my control. All I can do is support him when he’s standing tall, and reach a hand out if he falls.
“Listen, Dad…there’s another reason I called.”
“What’s up?”
“Remember when you asked for my forgiveness when you came to visit?”
“Of course.” His words are soft and appreciative.
“I didn’t mean it when I told you I forgave you,” I tell him bluntly and then hold my breath for his reaction.
“I see,” he says sadly, and I can tell he’s hurt.
Before he can say anything else, I tell him what he really needs to know. “I said those words to you because you asked for them. Because you needed to hear them…not because I wanted to give them to you.”
“Alex—”
“But,” I cut him off quickly, so I can hurry up and get the words out and ease his pain. “I want to say them to you again…right now…and let you know that I want to give them to you. I need to give them to you and I very much mean them.”
I can hear my dad take in a shaky breath and his voice quavers slightly. “That means a lot, buddy. And I do understand there’s a difference. Now you’ve truly forgiven me.”
“Yes,” I tell him softly. “I really do forgive you for the things you did to me. I want you to have peace with that, because I do.”
“Thank you, Alex,” my dad says sincerely. “You make your old man proud. You’ve reached some pretty amazing achievements in life and I didn’t think I could ever be more proud, but you’ve outdone yourself. I think this shows the true measure of what type of man you are, and God help me, I did nothing to create that. You did that on your own and it’s the proudest I’ve ever been of you.”
I can feel my eyes sting because my dad has offered me words that I never thought I’d hear. My heart constricts almost painfully but then it immediately unwinds, and I swear I can literally feel darkness releasing outward.
“Thank you for saying that, Dad.”
“Sure,” he says simply and with that, we’ve done as much father–son bonding as we can handle.
“I need to tell you something else,” I say quickly as I want to finish this conversation off with probably the most important reason I called. “You were wrong about Sutton…that it would be a waste of my time to focus any attention on her. That my career was more important than anything I could have with her. It’s because of Sutton that I forgive you. It’s because she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life, and in order to have her, I need to move past my pain. I can only do that by letting it go…forgiving you. If I didn’t want her so bad, I probably wouldn’t be having this conversation with you right now.”
My dad is quiet for a few moments, but then he says, “Sounds like my son has become my teacher now.”
I swallow hard, because those words also pack a punch. “I was stupid and cut her out of my life, but I’m going to get her back. Forgiving you was just one of the steps I needed to take.”
“Is groveling another?” my dad jokes.
Chuckling, I tell him, “Fortunately, she’s not that type of woman. But I do intend to wow her with my apology.”
“Well, one thing I know about my son…there is nothing that can stop him from reaching success when he puts his mind to it.”
“That’s right,” I agree softly with my dad. “And that is definitely something you taught me.”
Chapter 30
Sutton
I’m uncomfortable, sitting here in the front row, right on the glass to the left of the Cold Fury’s bench. I didn’t want to come to this game. Hell, I don’t want to go to another hockey game ever again, because the memories are too bitter.
And damn that Garrett Samuelson. He sent two tickets to Glenn, which I thought was the sweetest gesture ever, and assumed Jim-Dad would go with him. But Glenn begged me to go.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Alex…buddy…what’s going on?”
He sounds jovial and clear, which is a good sign. I take that to mean that he’s staying sober, a concern I’ve worried over every single day since he visited a few weeks ago.
“Just calling to check in on you. So how are things going?”
“They’re going fine,” he says nonchalantly.
“You’re not drinking, are you?” I have no choice but to ask point-blank. I hope I can detect the truth of his answer.
“No way. I’ve been sober thirty-five days now.”
I’m silent because he sounds truly happy about that. I’m truly happy about it, but it doesn’t mean that he’s won the battle.
“That’s fantastic, Dad. Is it tough?”
I can hear my dad take a deep breath and let it out, then he says quietly, “Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
“You can do it,” I assure him. “I know you can.”
“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” he says with a chuckle. “The AA meetings really help and my sponsor is a great guy. I call him if things get too rough.”
The tightness in my chest eases up a bit and I allow myself the permission to let go of some of this worry. I have to remind myself, and accept, that whatever path my dad chooses, it’s out of my control. All I can do is support him when he’s standing tall, and reach a hand out if he falls.
“Listen, Dad…there’s another reason I called.”
“What’s up?”
“Remember when you asked for my forgiveness when you came to visit?”
“Of course.” His words are soft and appreciative.
“I didn’t mean it when I told you I forgave you,” I tell him bluntly and then hold my breath for his reaction.
“I see,” he says sadly, and I can tell he’s hurt.
Before he can say anything else, I tell him what he really needs to know. “I said those words to you because you asked for them. Because you needed to hear them…not because I wanted to give them to you.”
“Alex—”
“But,” I cut him off quickly, so I can hurry up and get the words out and ease his pain. “I want to say them to you again…right now…and let you know that I want to give them to you. I need to give them to you and I very much mean them.”
I can hear my dad take in a shaky breath and his voice quavers slightly. “That means a lot, buddy. And I do understand there’s a difference. Now you’ve truly forgiven me.”
“Yes,” I tell him softly. “I really do forgive you for the things you did to me. I want you to have peace with that, because I do.”
“Thank you, Alex,” my dad says sincerely. “You make your old man proud. You’ve reached some pretty amazing achievements in life and I didn’t think I could ever be more proud, but you’ve outdone yourself. I think this shows the true measure of what type of man you are, and God help me, I did nothing to create that. You did that on your own and it’s the proudest I’ve ever been of you.”
I can feel my eyes sting because my dad has offered me words that I never thought I’d hear. My heart constricts almost painfully but then it immediately unwinds, and I swear I can literally feel darkness releasing outward.
“Thank you for saying that, Dad.”
“Sure,” he says simply and with that, we’ve done as much father–son bonding as we can handle.
“I need to tell you something else,” I say quickly as I want to finish this conversation off with probably the most important reason I called. “You were wrong about Sutton…that it would be a waste of my time to focus any attention on her. That my career was more important than anything I could have with her. It’s because of Sutton that I forgive you. It’s because she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life, and in order to have her, I need to move past my pain. I can only do that by letting it go…forgiving you. If I didn’t want her so bad, I probably wouldn’t be having this conversation with you right now.”
My dad is quiet for a few moments, but then he says, “Sounds like my son has become my teacher now.”
I swallow hard, because those words also pack a punch. “I was stupid and cut her out of my life, but I’m going to get her back. Forgiving you was just one of the steps I needed to take.”
“Is groveling another?” my dad jokes.
Chuckling, I tell him, “Fortunately, she’s not that type of woman. But I do intend to wow her with my apology.”
“Well, one thing I know about my son…there is nothing that can stop him from reaching success when he puts his mind to it.”
“That’s right,” I agree softly with my dad. “And that is definitely something you taught me.”
Chapter 30
Sutton
I’m uncomfortable, sitting here in the front row, right on the glass to the left of the Cold Fury’s bench. I didn’t want to come to this game. Hell, I don’t want to go to another hockey game ever again, because the memories are too bitter.
And damn that Garrett Samuelson. He sent two tickets to Glenn, which I thought was the sweetest gesture ever, and assumed Jim-Dad would go with him. But Glenn begged me to go.
