His gaze settles on my left hand. “If?”
“When,” I whisper, but the word feels like a lie.
5
WHEN I hear the click of the shower door opening and closing, I get hard instantly. Because the thought of Hanna joining me in my shower does that to me.
I haven’t touched her since Nate appeared on her doorstep Friday night. I called her last night after she met with Nate, but her mind was somewhere else. I wanted to go to her apartment, to hold her and reassure us both, but I didn’t want to push her when I knew she was emotional and confused.
“Want company?” she whispers.
As I turn to her, I’m already filled with thoughts of pressing her against the tile as I kiss her. I want to remind her how it feels when we’re together. I want to sink to my knees so I can put my mouth between her legs as the hot water spills over her.
When I wipe the water from my face, I freeze. “What the f**k?”
Meredith skims her eyes over me, all the way down to my cock, and grins. “Good morning.” She reaches for me, and I shove her aside and leave the shower.
Hanna’s supposed to meet me here so we can head over to brunch at her mom’s together. It’s become our Sunday routine—as Meredith well knows, since she’s met us here on the last two Sundays to hand off Claire. No doubt she hoped Hanna would find us together, wet from the shower.
I wrap a towel around my hips and storm from the bathroom, determined to put distance between Meredith and me before I do something I regret.
I have my jeans on by the time she joins me in the bedroom.
“That didn’t turn out how I was hoping,” she grumbles, plopping her nude, wet body onto my bed.
I throw my towel over her. “Was that supposed to be sexy? Did you think you could climb into the shower with me and I wouldn’t be able to resist you?”
Her lower lip sticks out in a pout, and she removes the towel and uses it to dry her hair. “I thought maybe you could use some cheering up.”
“Would you just stop for a minute and imagine if our roles were reversed? If I were trying to reconcile with you and got naked and joined you in the shower?”
“I’d be down for that.”
Feeling her eyes on me literally makes me sick to my stomach. “If you do it, it’s supposed to be sexy, but you know what it would be called if a guy did it to you?”
Her eyes go hard and her nostrils flare. “What?”
“Assault, Meredith. I’m going to say one more time that I’m not interested. I want you to stay away from me. This shit isn’t sexy and it doesn’t turn me on. It’s sad and pathetic.” I tug on a shirt.
“Her baby daddy is alive, Max. You’re living in a fantasy world if you think she’s going to marry you when she could have him.”
I force myself to take a breath before I talk. “Are you listening? I need you to hear this. Whatever Hanna decides—whether she marries me or Nate Crane or the f**king man in the moon—I will never, ever be with you again. I would rather be alone than be with you. I would rather be abstinent for the rest of my life than have you in my bed. I tolerate you because you’re my daughter’s mother. That’s it and that’s all, and the next time you enter my house without my express permission, I’ll call the police and have them drag your delusional ass to jail. Do I make myself clear?” I leave the bedroom before she can answer.
Hanna’s waiting for me in the living room, her eyes wide.
Of course. Fuck.
“Hanna, I can exp—”
“I heard. All of it. She’s lost her mind.”
My shoulders sag with relief and I gather her into my arms. “She’s never known how to be alone. But this is a new low. I think…” I take a breath and slowly let it out.
Meredith has always been one to go after what she wants, and she never paid much mind to anyone who stood in her way, but it’s been different since Claire was born. More desperate.
“Would you quit talking about me?” Meredith emerges from the bedroom, fully dressed, her hair hanging in wet clumps around her shoulders. She narrows her eyes at Hanna. “How’s Nate?”
“Alive,” Hanna says dryly.
“So I hear. Have you even told Max about your fun little trips this summer? All over the f**king country. Or should I say, all over the country, f**king?”
“Did you need something?” Hanna asks her, and I’m proud of her. Six months ago, Meredith would have had Hanna turning away to hide in a corner. She’s changed. She’s stronger now, more confident. Did I do that, or was it Nate?
“Fine,” Meredith says. “I’m out. Where’s Claire?”
“She’s napping.” I nod to the Pack ’N Play on the other side of the room. “I’ll bring her by your place later.”
“Fine.”
“I need to tell you something,” I say when we’re alone.
Her teeth sink into her bottom lip. “Okay?”
“I’m getting a lawyer and pursing custody of Claire. I know it seems crazy with the twins coming, and I hope you understand—”
“I think it’s wonderful.” Her face lights up with her grin. “You’re an amazing father, and I hope you win.”
I release a breath and tension I hadn’t realized I felt dissolves from my shoulder. “Thank you,” I whisper, “for understanding.”
She splays her fingers over her belly. “I understand more than you know,” she says with a sad smile.
“When,” I whisper, but the word feels like a lie.
5
WHEN I hear the click of the shower door opening and closing, I get hard instantly. Because the thought of Hanna joining me in my shower does that to me.
I haven’t touched her since Nate appeared on her doorstep Friday night. I called her last night after she met with Nate, but her mind was somewhere else. I wanted to go to her apartment, to hold her and reassure us both, but I didn’t want to push her when I knew she was emotional and confused.
“Want company?” she whispers.
As I turn to her, I’m already filled with thoughts of pressing her against the tile as I kiss her. I want to remind her how it feels when we’re together. I want to sink to my knees so I can put my mouth between her legs as the hot water spills over her.
When I wipe the water from my face, I freeze. “What the f**k?”
Meredith skims her eyes over me, all the way down to my cock, and grins. “Good morning.” She reaches for me, and I shove her aside and leave the shower.
Hanna’s supposed to meet me here so we can head over to brunch at her mom’s together. It’s become our Sunday routine—as Meredith well knows, since she’s met us here on the last two Sundays to hand off Claire. No doubt she hoped Hanna would find us together, wet from the shower.
I wrap a towel around my hips and storm from the bathroom, determined to put distance between Meredith and me before I do something I regret.
I have my jeans on by the time she joins me in the bedroom.
“That didn’t turn out how I was hoping,” she grumbles, plopping her nude, wet body onto my bed.
I throw my towel over her. “Was that supposed to be sexy? Did you think you could climb into the shower with me and I wouldn’t be able to resist you?”
Her lower lip sticks out in a pout, and she removes the towel and uses it to dry her hair. “I thought maybe you could use some cheering up.”
“Would you just stop for a minute and imagine if our roles were reversed? If I were trying to reconcile with you and got naked and joined you in the shower?”
“I’d be down for that.”
Feeling her eyes on me literally makes me sick to my stomach. “If you do it, it’s supposed to be sexy, but you know what it would be called if a guy did it to you?”
Her eyes go hard and her nostrils flare. “What?”
“Assault, Meredith. I’m going to say one more time that I’m not interested. I want you to stay away from me. This shit isn’t sexy and it doesn’t turn me on. It’s sad and pathetic.” I tug on a shirt.
“Her baby daddy is alive, Max. You’re living in a fantasy world if you think she’s going to marry you when she could have him.”
I force myself to take a breath before I talk. “Are you listening? I need you to hear this. Whatever Hanna decides—whether she marries me or Nate Crane or the f**king man in the moon—I will never, ever be with you again. I would rather be alone than be with you. I would rather be abstinent for the rest of my life than have you in my bed. I tolerate you because you’re my daughter’s mother. That’s it and that’s all, and the next time you enter my house without my express permission, I’ll call the police and have them drag your delusional ass to jail. Do I make myself clear?” I leave the bedroom before she can answer.
Hanna’s waiting for me in the living room, her eyes wide.
Of course. Fuck.
“Hanna, I can exp—”
“I heard. All of it. She’s lost her mind.”
My shoulders sag with relief and I gather her into my arms. “She’s never known how to be alone. But this is a new low. I think…” I take a breath and slowly let it out.
Meredith has always been one to go after what she wants, and she never paid much mind to anyone who stood in her way, but it’s been different since Claire was born. More desperate.
“Would you quit talking about me?” Meredith emerges from the bedroom, fully dressed, her hair hanging in wet clumps around her shoulders. She narrows her eyes at Hanna. “How’s Nate?”
“Alive,” Hanna says dryly.
“So I hear. Have you even told Max about your fun little trips this summer? All over the f**king country. Or should I say, all over the country, f**king?”
“Did you need something?” Hanna asks her, and I’m proud of her. Six months ago, Meredith would have had Hanna turning away to hide in a corner. She’s changed. She’s stronger now, more confident. Did I do that, or was it Nate?
“Fine,” Meredith says. “I’m out. Where’s Claire?”
“She’s napping.” I nod to the Pack ’N Play on the other side of the room. “I’ll bring her by your place later.”
“Fine.”
“I need to tell you something,” I say when we’re alone.
Her teeth sink into her bottom lip. “Okay?”
“I’m getting a lawyer and pursing custody of Claire. I know it seems crazy with the twins coming, and I hope you understand—”
“I think it’s wonderful.” Her face lights up with her grin. “You’re an amazing father, and I hope you win.”
I release a breath and tension I hadn’t realized I felt dissolves from my shoulder. “Thank you,” I whisper, “for understanding.”
She splays her fingers over her belly. “I understand more than you know,” she says with a sad smile.
