“I don’t exactly have Nate.” Guilt twists my gut, but I smile and say, “But I’m not here to talk to you about that.”
“Okay, then what?”
“I’m trying to piece together what happened those last few days before my accident, and I’m wondering if you could help.”
She frowns. “How?”
“Your birthday party was that week, right? The girls told me I talked to you alone that day, and it seemed like it might have been something important.”
The smile falls off her face and she drops her gaze to study her hands in her lap. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Abby, would you tell me what we talked about?”
She shrugged. “I don’t want you getting mad at me again.”
My stomach squeezes in dread. “Why was I mad at you?”
“Because I was exercising too much and wasn’t eating, and you caught me stealing your diet pills,” she says in a rush. “But you don’t need to worry anymore. I’m being real healthy.”
Oh, God. I pull her into my arms and stroke her hair. “Because you saw me doing all that stuff, right?” I whisper.
She nods against my chest and sniffs before pulling away. “But you said being thin wasn’t making you any happier and your habits weren’t healthy.”
I bite my lip, emotion threatening to spill over. “They weren’t. Not at all. But I bet you’re the reason I went to the psychiatrist to get some help. I bet you’re the reason I decided to be better to myself.”
She gives a half-smile. “You promised you would. We both promised.” She leans into me, and I wrap my arm around her, hugging her again. I’ll have to keep an eye on her now that I know, but I believe what she’s telling me.
“It’s hard living with Mom, isn’t it?” I ask. “She isn’t the most reasonable mother around.”
Abby snorts. “I caught her researching Paleo diets and children. I know she means well but…”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. When I was a teenager, I wanted to change the spelling of my name to H-A-N-N-A-H because the missing last h felt like she was trying to make me smaller from the moment I was born. Everyone knows Hannah’s a palindrome.” I chuckle softly at the memory.
“Why didn’t you change it?”
“Because it makes me different.” I smile. “And I didn’t want to disappoint Mom. I make a lot of decisions because I don’t want to disappoint someone. I see you doing that too.”
Abby shrugs. “We talked about that already.”
“We did?”
She nods. “Yeah, and you promised me you’d always be here for me, whether I disappointed you or not,” Abby says. “You said you were going to stop traveling so much.”
My breath catches. “I did?”
“Yeah. You said you wanted me to be able to come to you when I was feeling depressed about my weight and stuff. Of course, then you had your accident, and I didn’t want to remind you that you were ever mad at me.”
“Well, I’m not mad,” I tell her. “Only concerned because I’ve been through exactly what you’re going through now.”
She sighs. “Yeah, and look at you now.”
I swallow. “Yeah. Look at me now.”
10
“TURN AROUND and close your eyes,” Hanna instructs.
I lift a brow. “And miss the show?”
She props her hands on her hips and points to the opposite wall of the doctor’s office. “Around.”
“Killjoy,” I mutter, and to make it clear just how much I resent having to look the other way while she strips, I rake my eyes over her before I turn.
Being in the doctor’s office with Hanna is bringing back memories of Vivian’s pregnancy. Only everything is different this time. When Vivian found out she was pregnant, we weren’t really even dating anymore. I was young and terrified, and I had no idea how much a baby was going to change my life—no idea that a child could change the very construction of my heart.
It’s different with Hanna, and not just because I’m experienced. It’s different because I’m so painfully in love with her that the idea of her and two of my babies all being in that one body nearly paralyzes me with fear. Keeping my distance these last few weeks was harder than I’d anticipated, but I knew she needed the time.
“Okay,” she says, and when I turn back to her, she’s sitting on the edge of the exam table, covered by an ugly, white-and-beige-checkered gown. Her cheeks are flushed and she’s avoiding my gaze. “Thank you for coming today.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it.” The words surprise me by catching in my throat, and she finally lifts her eyes to mine.
Anything Hanna was about to say is lost when the doctor walks into the room. She does a double take when she sees me. “Oh. Hi. Mr. Crane. Wow. Hanna’s told me a lot about you. I’m Dr. Reid, but you can call me Nix. I’m a friend and a fan.”
I grin as I take her hand. By her blush, you’d think I was looking up her skirt. “It’s always nice to meet a fan.”
She chews on her bottom lip for a minute, and when I’m convinced she’s completely forgotten the reason we’re here, she turns to Hanna. “Congratulations on making it to your second trimester. How are you feeling?”
“Pretty good,” Hanna says. “The morning sickness has let up and I’m not quite as tired anymore.”
“Okay, then what?”
“I’m trying to piece together what happened those last few days before my accident, and I’m wondering if you could help.”
She frowns. “How?”
“Your birthday party was that week, right? The girls told me I talked to you alone that day, and it seemed like it might have been something important.”
The smile falls off her face and she drops her gaze to study her hands in her lap. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Abby, would you tell me what we talked about?”
She shrugged. “I don’t want you getting mad at me again.”
My stomach squeezes in dread. “Why was I mad at you?”
“Because I was exercising too much and wasn’t eating, and you caught me stealing your diet pills,” she says in a rush. “But you don’t need to worry anymore. I’m being real healthy.”
Oh, God. I pull her into my arms and stroke her hair. “Because you saw me doing all that stuff, right?” I whisper.
She nods against my chest and sniffs before pulling away. “But you said being thin wasn’t making you any happier and your habits weren’t healthy.”
I bite my lip, emotion threatening to spill over. “They weren’t. Not at all. But I bet you’re the reason I went to the psychiatrist to get some help. I bet you’re the reason I decided to be better to myself.”
She gives a half-smile. “You promised you would. We both promised.” She leans into me, and I wrap my arm around her, hugging her again. I’ll have to keep an eye on her now that I know, but I believe what she’s telling me.
“It’s hard living with Mom, isn’t it?” I ask. “She isn’t the most reasonable mother around.”
Abby snorts. “I caught her researching Paleo diets and children. I know she means well but…”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. When I was a teenager, I wanted to change the spelling of my name to H-A-N-N-A-H because the missing last h felt like she was trying to make me smaller from the moment I was born. Everyone knows Hannah’s a palindrome.” I chuckle softly at the memory.
“Why didn’t you change it?”
“Because it makes me different.” I smile. “And I didn’t want to disappoint Mom. I make a lot of decisions because I don’t want to disappoint someone. I see you doing that too.”
Abby shrugs. “We talked about that already.”
“We did?”
She nods. “Yeah, and you promised me you’d always be here for me, whether I disappointed you or not,” Abby says. “You said you were going to stop traveling so much.”
My breath catches. “I did?”
“Yeah. You said you wanted me to be able to come to you when I was feeling depressed about my weight and stuff. Of course, then you had your accident, and I didn’t want to remind you that you were ever mad at me.”
“Well, I’m not mad,” I tell her. “Only concerned because I’ve been through exactly what you’re going through now.”
She sighs. “Yeah, and look at you now.”
I swallow. “Yeah. Look at me now.”
10
“TURN AROUND and close your eyes,” Hanna instructs.
I lift a brow. “And miss the show?”
She props her hands on her hips and points to the opposite wall of the doctor’s office. “Around.”
“Killjoy,” I mutter, and to make it clear just how much I resent having to look the other way while she strips, I rake my eyes over her before I turn.
Being in the doctor’s office with Hanna is bringing back memories of Vivian’s pregnancy. Only everything is different this time. When Vivian found out she was pregnant, we weren’t really even dating anymore. I was young and terrified, and I had no idea how much a baby was going to change my life—no idea that a child could change the very construction of my heart.
It’s different with Hanna, and not just because I’m experienced. It’s different because I’m so painfully in love with her that the idea of her and two of my babies all being in that one body nearly paralyzes me with fear. Keeping my distance these last few weeks was harder than I’d anticipated, but I knew she needed the time.
“Okay,” she says, and when I turn back to her, she’s sitting on the edge of the exam table, covered by an ugly, white-and-beige-checkered gown. Her cheeks are flushed and she’s avoiding my gaze. “Thank you for coming today.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it.” The words surprise me by catching in my throat, and she finally lifts her eyes to mine.
Anything Hanna was about to say is lost when the doctor walks into the room. She does a double take when she sees me. “Oh. Hi. Mr. Crane. Wow. Hanna’s told me a lot about you. I’m Dr. Reid, but you can call me Nix. I’m a friend and a fan.”
I grin as I take her hand. By her blush, you’d think I was looking up her skirt. “It’s always nice to meet a fan.”
She chews on her bottom lip for a minute, and when I’m convinced she’s completely forgotten the reason we’re here, she turns to Hanna. “Congratulations on making it to your second trimester. How are you feeling?”
“Pretty good,” Hanna says. “The morning sickness has let up and I’m not quite as tired anymore.”
