I take in a constricted breath, my lungs burning as the air fills them. “You’re desperate for me? You need me? Where the hell was all this when I needed to hear it? Huh? When I begged you…”A sob breaks apart my voice, followed by more tears.
I push and push, wanting some sort of fight from him. Words, a hand holding me back, something—anything. I don’t want this to be easy. We have never been easy. I need a reaction from him and at this point, I don’t care what all I tell him.
How can this hurt any more than it already does?
“How did I fall in love with you?” I blink, sending the tears down my face. His lips part as a rushed breath escapes him, and for the first time since I pushed him up against this wall, he leans into me, causing my elbows to collapse under the pressure. I keep the distance between us with one hand flat against his chest, and he waits for more, studying my mouth as if he’ll be able to read the words I’m about to say.
“I wanted so much more than you ever gave me. I cried over you, every time you kept me out, but I still loved you. When you broke my heart… again and again, I loved you. A year ago… and yesterday, I loved you.”
“Do you love me today?” he asks, and I suddenly realize how close we are now. I don’t know when his hand formed to my hip, or his other to my cheek, but I’m too shattered to protest it.
I close my eyes with a heavy swallow. “In any universe, any version of you I could get, I would find you, and I would love you.” He moves in, his lips sealing against mine with the gentlest of kisses. “But I can’t love you today.”
At the feel of him leaning back, my eyes flash open, meeting the wounded look in his.
“Tessa.”
“No.” His hands drop away as I slide out of his grip. “I won’t, Luke. Not today.”
I leave him standing in the hallway, forcing my feet to move to get me out of there. I can’t see him like that, exactly how I’ve always felt when he’s pulled away from me—heartbroken and destroyed. It’s his turn to feel it now. Not just me.
The bar noise hits me as the room opens up, and I spot Mason bending over to take his shot at the pool table. Mia frowns as I step up to join the group, and I give her a weak smile, hoping to hide my misery.
“Hey, everything all right?” Mason asks, leaning his pool cue against the table. He looks over my shoulder, and I watch his eyes move with someone, following them.
I look to my right and catch the back of Luke as he exits the bar.
“Do you want to get out of here?” Mason’s voice brings my attention back to him, and I tilt my head up, expecting to see the look that’s normally paired with that line. I’ve heard variations of it, hell, I’ve used it myself, but I don’t get that shameless lust that’s usually burning behind the eyes of the person who’s delivered it. Mason only looks at me with kindness, the way a concerned friend comforts you when you’re too far gone to ask for help.
I know the smile I give him in response isn’t much, but he takes it as if it is. He spins around, his hand reaching for something on the pool table. Seconds later, my clutch is being held out in front of me.
“I put your phone in there,” he says, handing it over in the most casual way, as if being incredibly thoughtful is a trait every man carries.
“Thank you,” I reply.
“Are you two leaving? I was going to get another round of shots,” Reed says from the other side of the pool table. A leggy brunette rubs her hand along the front of his polo shirt, teasing the two buttons at the collar.
“You seem good,” I shoot back at him, and he lifts his nose out of the girl’s hair and winks at me. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks.”
Mia places her hand on my arm and frowns. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, not right now. I’ll call you later.”
She kisses my cheek and waves at Mason. Ben says his goodbyes, shaking Mason’s hand and wrapping his arms around me.
“Do I need to beat his ass?” he asks quietly into my hair.
I shake my head, snaking my arms around his back and squeezing him tighter. I love hugging my brother, the way I disappear the second his arms envelope me. He’s slightly taller than Luke, but has the same build, and I swear his arms could rip a tree right out of the ground without any effort.
“He cares about you. He may never say it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
“What if Mia never told you she loved you?” I ask, letting my arms drop to my side as he releases me.
He looks pained at the very thought of what I’ve just said. With a quick shrug, he drops his eyes to Mia as she joins his side. “I’d probably still be waiting for it.”
“Waiting for what?” she asks, leaning against his arm.
Ben kisses the top of her head. “Nothing, angel.”
Mason and I say our final goodbyes to the group before I let him lead me out of the bar. I feel drained, emotionally shattered. I don’t know why they call it heartbreak when every bone in your body seems affected. The pain isn’t stagnant in the center of my chest. It radiates out, then back in, pulsing at an unforgiving rhythm. I feel like I’m barely moving of my own accord, but I make it to the passenger side of Mason’s Denali without too much difficulty.
“I thought we would just go for a drive,” he says, opening my door for me. “I like to do that when I’m having a hard time with things. It helps me think.”
“I’ve done enough thinking,” I reply, strapping the seatbelt across my lap. My curt response has me pinching my eyes shut.
Asshole, Tessa. You’re an asshole.
Mason doesn’t have to do anything for me. He could just take me home and end what has to be the worst date of his life. I turn my head, nodding at his suggestion with a small grin. “I like going for rides.”
His smile is immediate, lighting up his entire face. “Me too, and my sisters tell me I’m like a chick when it comes to listening to someone else’s problems, so feel free to talk my ear off.”
I laugh as he shuts my door, and ask my question as soon as he opens his. “How many sisters do you have?”
“Seven,” he answers, strapping on his seatbelt and pulling out onto the road.
“Seven? Holy shit. Do you have any brothers?”
He shakes his head, giving me a quick glance. “No, just me, and I’m the youngest, so they used to use me as their own personal doll to dress up. The pictures are mortifying.”
I cover my mouth with my hand, muffling my laugh. “Aww, you poor thing. Did they put you in dresses?”
“Yep.”
“Makeup?”
“Yep.”
I let my head flop back against the seat with my chuckle. “Is that why you left Australia? To reclaim your manhood?”
He keeps one hand on the wheel, resting his other in his lap. Leaning forward, he checks for traffic through my window, then his, before pulling onto a back road.
His fingers scratch along his chin before he speaks. “Following a woman to another country who didn’t ask me to move with her sounds like the opposite, if you ask me.”
“Was she your girlfriend?”
“I always saw her as that. She didn’t, which I tried to be okay with. But that’s not me. I get attached really easily, and I’m upfront about it. I don’t hide my feelings or play stupid games. I’m almost thirty years old. I want something that’s real.” He looks over at me. “Not many blokes are like that, I guess.”
I push and push, wanting some sort of fight from him. Words, a hand holding me back, something—anything. I don’t want this to be easy. We have never been easy. I need a reaction from him and at this point, I don’t care what all I tell him.
How can this hurt any more than it already does?
“How did I fall in love with you?” I blink, sending the tears down my face. His lips part as a rushed breath escapes him, and for the first time since I pushed him up against this wall, he leans into me, causing my elbows to collapse under the pressure. I keep the distance between us with one hand flat against his chest, and he waits for more, studying my mouth as if he’ll be able to read the words I’m about to say.
“I wanted so much more than you ever gave me. I cried over you, every time you kept me out, but I still loved you. When you broke my heart… again and again, I loved you. A year ago… and yesterday, I loved you.”
“Do you love me today?” he asks, and I suddenly realize how close we are now. I don’t know when his hand formed to my hip, or his other to my cheek, but I’m too shattered to protest it.
I close my eyes with a heavy swallow. “In any universe, any version of you I could get, I would find you, and I would love you.” He moves in, his lips sealing against mine with the gentlest of kisses. “But I can’t love you today.”
At the feel of him leaning back, my eyes flash open, meeting the wounded look in his.
“Tessa.”
“No.” His hands drop away as I slide out of his grip. “I won’t, Luke. Not today.”
I leave him standing in the hallway, forcing my feet to move to get me out of there. I can’t see him like that, exactly how I’ve always felt when he’s pulled away from me—heartbroken and destroyed. It’s his turn to feel it now. Not just me.
The bar noise hits me as the room opens up, and I spot Mason bending over to take his shot at the pool table. Mia frowns as I step up to join the group, and I give her a weak smile, hoping to hide my misery.
“Hey, everything all right?” Mason asks, leaning his pool cue against the table. He looks over my shoulder, and I watch his eyes move with someone, following them.
I look to my right and catch the back of Luke as he exits the bar.
“Do you want to get out of here?” Mason’s voice brings my attention back to him, and I tilt my head up, expecting to see the look that’s normally paired with that line. I’ve heard variations of it, hell, I’ve used it myself, but I don’t get that shameless lust that’s usually burning behind the eyes of the person who’s delivered it. Mason only looks at me with kindness, the way a concerned friend comforts you when you’re too far gone to ask for help.
I know the smile I give him in response isn’t much, but he takes it as if it is. He spins around, his hand reaching for something on the pool table. Seconds later, my clutch is being held out in front of me.
“I put your phone in there,” he says, handing it over in the most casual way, as if being incredibly thoughtful is a trait every man carries.
“Thank you,” I reply.
“Are you two leaving? I was going to get another round of shots,” Reed says from the other side of the pool table. A leggy brunette rubs her hand along the front of his polo shirt, teasing the two buttons at the collar.
“You seem good,” I shoot back at him, and he lifts his nose out of the girl’s hair and winks at me. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks.”
Mia places her hand on my arm and frowns. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, not right now. I’ll call you later.”
She kisses my cheek and waves at Mason. Ben says his goodbyes, shaking Mason’s hand and wrapping his arms around me.
“Do I need to beat his ass?” he asks quietly into my hair.
I shake my head, snaking my arms around his back and squeezing him tighter. I love hugging my brother, the way I disappear the second his arms envelope me. He’s slightly taller than Luke, but has the same build, and I swear his arms could rip a tree right out of the ground without any effort.
“He cares about you. He may never say it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
“What if Mia never told you she loved you?” I ask, letting my arms drop to my side as he releases me.
He looks pained at the very thought of what I’ve just said. With a quick shrug, he drops his eyes to Mia as she joins his side. “I’d probably still be waiting for it.”
“Waiting for what?” she asks, leaning against his arm.
Ben kisses the top of her head. “Nothing, angel.”
Mason and I say our final goodbyes to the group before I let him lead me out of the bar. I feel drained, emotionally shattered. I don’t know why they call it heartbreak when every bone in your body seems affected. The pain isn’t stagnant in the center of my chest. It radiates out, then back in, pulsing at an unforgiving rhythm. I feel like I’m barely moving of my own accord, but I make it to the passenger side of Mason’s Denali without too much difficulty.
“I thought we would just go for a drive,” he says, opening my door for me. “I like to do that when I’m having a hard time with things. It helps me think.”
“I’ve done enough thinking,” I reply, strapping the seatbelt across my lap. My curt response has me pinching my eyes shut.
Asshole, Tessa. You’re an asshole.
Mason doesn’t have to do anything for me. He could just take me home and end what has to be the worst date of his life. I turn my head, nodding at his suggestion with a small grin. “I like going for rides.”
His smile is immediate, lighting up his entire face. “Me too, and my sisters tell me I’m like a chick when it comes to listening to someone else’s problems, so feel free to talk my ear off.”
I laugh as he shuts my door, and ask my question as soon as he opens his. “How many sisters do you have?”
“Seven,” he answers, strapping on his seatbelt and pulling out onto the road.
“Seven? Holy shit. Do you have any brothers?”
He shakes his head, giving me a quick glance. “No, just me, and I’m the youngest, so they used to use me as their own personal doll to dress up. The pictures are mortifying.”
I cover my mouth with my hand, muffling my laugh. “Aww, you poor thing. Did they put you in dresses?”
“Yep.”
“Makeup?”
“Yep.”
I let my head flop back against the seat with my chuckle. “Is that why you left Australia? To reclaim your manhood?”
He keeps one hand on the wheel, resting his other in his lap. Leaning forward, he checks for traffic through my window, then his, before pulling onto a back road.
His fingers scratch along his chin before he speaks. “Following a woman to another country who didn’t ask me to move with her sounds like the opposite, if you ask me.”
“Was she your girlfriend?”
“I always saw her as that. She didn’t, which I tried to be okay with. But that’s not me. I get attached really easily, and I’m upfront about it. I don’t hide my feelings or play stupid games. I’m almost thirty years old. I want something that’s real.” He looks over at me. “Not many blokes are like that, I guess.”
