All or Nothing at All
Page 67

“Tell us,” Raven said simply.
So, Sydney did. She told them about their past and that disastrous night Tristan left. She told them about her first wedding, the end of her marriage, and the decision to raise Becca on her own. She poured out her heart and soul, refusing to hold back, until finally her voice trailed off into silence. Drained, she slumped in the chair, but her soul was light. These women had shared their own secrets over the past year, but she’d always held back. She saw now how clearly a friendship deserved true give-and-take. It took trust.
Raven gave a sigh. “I was running wild with my best friend, Izzy, at the age you got pregnant. There’d be no way in the world I could settle down and deal with a baby. I was too hurt from my father’s death. Too broken. And I know for a fact Dalton, Cal, and Tristan were in no shape to build a solid future or be a parent then.”
Morgan nodded. “Their family was ripped apart. Cal said all they did was fight. I can see how scared you’d be to tell him about the baby when he was desperate to leave.”
“I did the best I could at the time,” she said softly. “I honestly felt like I had no other choice when Tristan left. And when Becca was born, I knew I’d do anything to keep her safe and happy. I never had that feeling about anyone before.”
“I don’t know if I would’ve made the same decision, but I respect your choices,” Morgan said. “And I’m here for you whenever you need me.”
“Me too,” Raven said.
“Thanks, guys.” The tears broke free and ran down her cheeks. She wiped them away with a laugh. “Ugh, I’m acting like such a girl.”
“We forgive you. Take another shot.” Raven refilled her shot glass. “It’s the good stuff I keep tucked away for female emergencies.”
“I won’t be able to pass the Breathalyzer test.” Raven administered her own DWI test at the bar to make sure everyone could drive safely after poker night, or she called a cab.
Morgan pushed the glass toward her. “I’ll drive you home, sweetie. Drink up.”
The next glass warmed her stomach and settled her nerves. Finally she was able to take a breath without sniffling. “Thanks.”
“I think the big question is where you and Tristan are with all this. Do you still love him?” Morgan asked.
“Yes. I never stopped. Even though he’s acting like an asshole lately,” she added. Her mind steeped in the memories. “I think I loved that man the moment I met him at eight years old. Diane used to tell me to be patient. Even after everything that happened, I felt we had a shot at something brand-new, but then I told him about Becca and everything is different. I don’t think he ever loved me the way I did him. Maybe it’s time I try to live with it. Stop torturing myself.”
Raven burst into laughter. Sydney frowned. She thought it was funny? “Hey, I’m bleeding for you here and you’re amused?”
“No, I’m sorry. Don’t you know he loves you, Syd? It’s so damn obvious. The way he looked at you on your wedding day. The times he’d stomp around all mad at you because you wouldn’t listen to him. The goofy expression he gets when he spots you with Becca. The man is certifiably nuts about you.”
“I agree,” Morgan jumped in. “I knew there was something big that had happened between you, and now it all makes sense. Plus, your chemistry is off the charts. You two in the same room together makes me want to jump Cal immediately.”
Sydney groaned. “No, that’s just sex. We’ve always had mind-blowing, amazing sex. Tristan wants to base our marriage on sex and raising Becca and working together. In theory, it sounds solid. Reasonable. But in my heart—”
“It sucks,” Raven finished. “Because you want his love, not his dick.”
Morgan giggled. “Well said, sister.”
“Well, I want both,” Sydney admitted. They all shared a glance and burst into laughter. “Right now, I refuse to sleep with him. We’ve spent the last weeks either barely talking or fighting. I’ll get all mixed up with the emotional versus physical thing. Men never get that.”
Morgan sighed. “Emotional stuff is harder for them. Their brains get a bit foggy when things get complicated. They solve a lot of their issues through sex.”
“A pleasurable but less effective way of communication,” Raven added. “The problem is Tristan wants you just as bad as you want him. He’s just not able to sort it out. I understand so much more now, Syd. Why you kept Becca from him. How he pulled away from you. But I’ve also never seen Tristan so hurt before. In his mind, I think he was ready to give you everything he had, and when he found out the truth, it dragged him back to the past and made him question himself. I think he’s scared shitless.”
Morgan nodded. “I agree.”
Emotion clogged her throat. Her friends were right. It took him so much to allow himself to be vulnerable that he’d shut himself away from any possibility of loving her again. The knowledge of how deeply she’d hurt him broke her inside. And still, the main question haunted her. Could they find their way back to each other? Could he learn to let go and allow himself to love her the way she deserved?
“What should I do?” she asked. “There’s still a chance for us.”
“I know this advice may suck, but maybe he just needs more time. Time to build back the trust and make him see how important you are to him.”
“Or you can seduce him until you have him wrapped up tight and then torture him till he admits he loves you?” Morgan suggested.
Raven whistled. “I love your ruthless side. It’s just so badass.”
Morgan smiled. “I’m learning from you.”
“I think for now we need to focus on Becca and spending time together,” Sydney said. “He’s been so distant.”
“Another good reason for sex. It breaks down the barriers,” Raven said.
“I just don’t know if I can handle that type of hurt again,” she said softly. “Maybe he’ll never really love me the way I need.”
“Maybe he’s just being stubborn,” Morgan said. “The only way to find out is time. But I wouldn’t hold back. You’re fighting for something greater here. If you open up a bit, he may not be able to push you away anymore.”