Always on My Mind
Page 28

He gave one curt nod and reached for the door.
She ran after him and slipped between him and the wood, arms spread as if she could really stop him if he chose to leave.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Move, Leah.”
“No.”
“Listen,” he said, a grim set to his mouth. “New rule.”
“Jack—”
“No big, drawn-out good-bye.” At the look on her face, he let out a long breath. “All my life, you’ve been my Almost.” He softened slightly, his gaze touching over the features of her face as if memorizing her. “I want you, Leah. I’ve always wanted you. But wanting isn’t enough. You have to fight for it too, and you’re not going to.”
“Jack—”
“I’m cutting my losses on this one, Leah. Pulling the plug. Call it another rule if you want. No more intimacy. I’m ending this now before either of us gets hurt.”
And then he gently set her aside, walked out the door, and was gone.
She stood there in shock. “How is walking away fighting for it?” she asked the night.
The night didn’t answer.
“Dammit.” She searched for her usual state of denial, for her temper, for anything that might allow her to rationalize what had just happened as not being her own fault.
Nothing came except pain.
And guilt.
And more pain.
There was no way around this. However it had happened, it had happened. And worse, for the first time in her life she hadn’t been the one to walk away. Jack had beaten her to the punch.
Chapter 24
Jack left the bakery, hitting the highway at one in the morning at speeds designed purely for adrenaline. He got halfway up to Beaut Point before he saw the red-and-blue lights whirling in his rearview mirror. “Shit.”
The cop turned out to be Sheriff Sawyer Thompson. Sawyer had been about five years ahead of Jack in school, but Sawyer’s wildness was still legendary. How the guy had ended up on the right side of the law was a mystery to Jack, but one thing about Sawyer—he didn’t sugarcoat anything.
“Christ, Harper, I clocked you at ninety-five.” The sheriff leaned in past Jack to pat Kevin on the head. “The paperwork’s going to piss me off.”
“So don’t do it.”
Looking disgusted, Sawyer went hands on hips. “I’m only out here tonight as second-string because the flu’s hit the station. I didn’t hear a fire call go out.”
“There isn’t a fire.” Except the one in his gut. “You could pretend you didn’t see me.”
“Or you could slow the f**k down.” A full moon was just peeking over the inky black silhouette of the Olympic peaks in front of them, and Sawyer gestured to it. “See what happens when you slow down? You get to enjoy shit.”
They both watched the moon. Kevin went back to sleep.
“Yeah, that’s real pretty,” Jack said after a minute or two. “We going to make out now?”
“Temperamental,” Sawyer noted. “And pissy too. You know what temperamental and pissy plus a lead-foot equals? Sorry-ass dumped.”
Jack slid farther down in his seat.
“Got it in one,” Sawyer said. Clearly enjoying himself now, he leaned against the truck like he had all night. “I haven’t been keeping up with your social calendar, Harper. Who dumped ya? That cute flight nurse? Or the teacher? Oh wait. I know. The cutie pastry chef who moons over you when you’re not looking.”
“Maybe I was the one who left.”
Sawyer nodded. “Good. Go with that. That bitchy ’tude works. So…who was it?”
Jack sighed.
“Aw, come on. You know how quiet it’s been tonight? I’m bored. Tell me, and maybe I won’t ticket you.”
“Just give me the f**king ticket.”
Sawyer grinned. “It’s the pastry chef. Right?” He pulled out his ticket pad and started writing.
“Hey. You said you wouldn’t give me a ticket.”
“I said maybe…”
Twenty minutes later, Jack was in possession of a speeding ticket to go along with his stupid broken heart. He pulled into his driveway, waited for Kevin to do his business, and then headed straight to the fridge for a beer.
He was on his second when Ben came in the back door. Without a word, he took the third and last beer in the fridge and tossed it back. Setting the empty down on the counter, he swiped his mouth and looked at Jack. “What are we drinking to?”
“Women. They suck.”
The smallest of smiles appeared on Ben’s mouth. “If they’re very bad they do. Or very good…”
“Why are you here?” Jack asked. “It’s two in the morning.”
Ben shrugged. “You seem like maybe someone kicked your puppy.”
From his huge bed in the corner of the kitchen, Kevin lifted his big head. “Woof.”
Jack craned his neck and stared at Ben. “You’re not that good. How did you hear?”
“Maybe I am that good.”
“No you’re not.”
Ben flashed a rare smile. “Okay, I’m not. Sawyer told his wife, Chloe, that he wrote you up, and Chloe happened to be at the Love Shack with her sisters, one of whom is friends with one of the ER nurses. Mallory. She’s married to Ty Garrison, who’s on flight care with…wait for it…Danica. It’s all on Facebook,” he explained.
Jack just stared at him. “It’s like a bad sitcom.”
“Except it’s your life.” Ben’s amusement faded. “You okay?”
“Is that concern or gruesome curiosity?”
“Definitely the latter.”
Jack swore and moved toward the door, but Ben shoulder-checked him. “Okay, Jesus. It’s concern. Put your va**na away.”
“Fuck you.”
“We’re related, so that’s illegal in most states.” Ben put his hand on Jack’s chest when Jack started to push past him. “So it’s true then? You and Leah? You’re done?”
“We were never not done.”
“Bullshit,” Ben said. “Admit that much at least. It was never a pretend game, and we both know it. What the hell happened?”
“She took a job with that as**ole producer.”
“Rafe Vogel,” Ben said, and at Jack’s narrowed-eyed look, shrugged his shoulders. “So I like trash TV; sue me.”
“She’s going back to school in France, and it’s being filmed for a new show,” Jack said.
“Nice gig.”
He gave Ben a long look.
“And…I’m missing something,” Ben said. He thought for a moment. “When did she take it?”
“Shortly after telling my mom that we were dating.”
Ben let out a low whistle. “And you think she’s running.”
“Again. She’s running again.”
“Maybe she didn’t think she had an option.”
“There’s always an option.”
Ben studied him. “Oh Christ. She didn’t dump you. You dumped her. You love her and yet you dumped her.” He shook his head in disgust. “You sure have a God-given talent for pushing people who really care as far away from you as possible.”
“Yeah?” Jack asked, getting pissed off all over again. “Then why are you still here?”
“Because someone has to be in your corner, even when you’re being a complete dumbass.”
“Thanks.”
Ben clapped his shoulder. “Anytime.” He headed to the door.
“And I don’t love her.”
“Okay. But you totally do.”
Well, hell. It was shockingly, horrifyingly true.
Sleep didn’t come to Leah until somewhere just before dawn, when she was woken up by a call from Dee. “You okay?” Leah asked quickly, her heart racing, thoughts jumbled from both the lack of rest and being startled awake after what felt like only a few minutes of sleep. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh sorry, honey. Did I wake you? I figured you got up at this time to get to the bakery.”
“It’s okay; I do need to get up.” She shoved a hand through her hair and sat up, flicking on the light. “What’s wrong? Are you—”
“I’m fine.”
“Jack—”
“Is fine too. Or so I assume,” Dee said. “You know what today is, right?”
The first day of the rest of her screwed-up life. “Uh…” She struggled to remember.
Dee laughed. “It’s Firefighter Car Wash Day.”
Firefighter Car Wash Day was practically a national holiday in Lucky Harbor. It occurred monthly during the summer and early fall and was more highly attended than the Fourth of July parade.
“I want to get my car washed,” Dee said. “But I’m not really okay to drive. I was hoping you’d drive my car to Jack for me.”
“You want to make Jack wash your car?”
“I want to contribute to the cause. If I tried to just hand him money to put into the till, he wouldn’t take it.”
This was undoubtedly true, but Leah wasn’t going to be high on the list of people Jack wanted to see today. She kept picturing the look on his face after Rafe’s call.
I want you, Leah. I’ve always wanted you, but you have to fight for it too…
She wanted to hate him for that, but how could she when it was the truth? She’d never fought for anything in her life.
She’d always walked away. Or run. She’d always been a quitter, doing her damnedest to prove her father right. That was going to change.
“You don’t mind, do you, honey?” Dee asked.
“Of course not,” Leah said, which was how later that day, after eight hours at the bakery, she ended up with Dee—and Grandma, who “didn’t want to miss the hotties”—waiting in line at the fire station lot for a car wash.
All three shifts of firefighters had shown up for the gig and were good-naturedly out there doing their part in dark-blue swimsuits and little else except charm and charisma.
Grandma Elsie pulled out her phone to access her camera.
“Grandma!”
“It’s not my fault,” she said unperturbed. “Lucille pays us for the really great shots.”
“Oh my,” Dee said and put a hand to her chest. “Look at them all.”
But Leah’s gaze was on only one. Jack. Unlike most of the other guys, he wore a dark-blue T-shirt as well as his board shorts, with his official badge on a pec. He was standing in front of a Vespa, which had a beautiful redhead in it. She was talking animatedly to him, her hands moving as she told some story that made Jack burst out laughing.
He’d gotten wet at some point because his shirt was clinging to him. His hair was tousled, like he hadn’t bothered with a comb. And when he laughed, Leah’s chest ached.
“He looks tired,” Dee murmured. “Poor baby.”
“Yeah,” Leah said, watching him lean into the redhead for a good-bye hug before she rode off. “Real tired.”
“You know who that is, right?” Dee asked. “Chloe Traeger. Well, she’s really Chloe Thompson now that she married the sheriff. She and Jack are just friends, honey. You don’t have to be jealous—”
“I’m not,” Leah said. “Of course I’m not.” But she totally was. “Jack can do whatever he wants.”
Dee turned to her. “I hope you two aren’t going to have some sort of new age open relationship—”
“Dee.” Leah blew out a breath and knew it was time to face the music. She reached for Dee’s hand. “Jack and I, we’re not a thing. I lied to you. I’m sorry. So sorry. I was just trying to help, but I ended up making it worse.” She hesitated and then admitted the rest. “I did it to try to make you feel better, or that’s how it started anyway. But the truth is, a part of me wanted it to be true between me and Jack. I shouldn’t have ever said it though, or tried to deceive you.”
“Oh, Leah,” Grandma Elsie murmured from the backseat.
Dee was quiet a moment, taking in the emotion in Leah’s eyes. Then she leaned in and hugged Leah hard.
Leah squeezed her eyes shut and squeezed her back. “I never meant to hurt you. I—”
“I know.” Dee pulled back, keeping her hands on Leah’s arms as she looked her in the eyes. “And I know. I always knew.”
Leah stared at her. “What?”
Dee sighed. “I was so touched, am so touched, that you wanted to help so badly. I’d hoped that you wanting it as much as you did would make it true.”
Leah felt her eyes fill and she covered her face, but Dee gently pulled her hands free. “You weren’t the only one in on the subterfuge, Leah. Jack isn’t a man who bows to pressure. He doesn’t do anything that he doesn’t want to. He went along with it, and that brought me great hope.” She paused, laughter in her voice. “And great amusement as well. Goodness, you two are fun to watch.”
Leah groaned in misery.
“I wish you could have seen the way you two danced around each other, slowly coming to realize that it wasn’t pretend at all.”
“But it’s not real,” Leah said. “Last night we— He—” She shook her head. “It’s not happening, Dee. It’s over. Whatever it was that we were doing, it’s over.”
“Oh, honey,” Dee said. “Running isn’t the answer.”
Leah opened her mouth to tell her that this time, this one time, it was Jack doing the running, but the simple truth was she’d let him go. She’d taken the easy way out before he could discover her real secret—she loved him.