Mason had bought me a slew of girly bath products and my own toothbrush that he set up in his bathroom so that I wouldn’t have to bring a suitcase each weekend that I came. I had moved over some clothes that earned their own spot in a drawer and in the closet. Every Sunday when it was time for me to go back to my apartment, he would try different seduction techniques to get me to stay, and as much as I wanted to do just that, I knew that we needed breathing room so that we didn’t suffocate each other. It was extremely hard for me to say no to him, especially knowing that the days I had to spend with him were numbered, but that was exactly why I needed to spend time without him. Soon I would have to spend every day without him.
Bentley called and texted regularly, but Mason assured me that it was regarding work and that she was keeping their conversations strictly professional. He told me that he had talked to her about me and their current/ future relationship, and there was no confusion or misunderstanding about how she was to conduct herself around either of us. I really didn’t believe that she had backed off so easily, and even if she had, I knew it was only temporary. However, I trusted Mason and had faith that he wouldn’t succumb to her advances. He also knew as well as I did that if something did happen, I would find out quickly. She wouldn’t be able to wait to gloat in my face about how she was right and she got him back.
Before I knew it, October was upon us and the dreaded November first date was quickly approaching. The rest of the band was excited and I couldn’t blame them. Not only were they moving to a new place, there was a really good chance that things were about to get going for them musically. I felt guilty that Mase wasn’t looking forward to the move like they were; I knew that our relationship was the only thing holding him back. I tried being encouraging and supportive when he did talk about it, but it was forced from both of us.
All of the members of Jobu’s Rum had planned to go forgo practice for a few days to make a trip to Austin to purchase furniture for their new apartments and tie up some other loose ends for their relocation. In total they had three apartments to outfit~ Aaron and Sophie in one, Cruz and Sebastian in another, and Mason had his own place. They were all in the same building and coincidentally, Sophie had gotten a job in their leasing office. Unfortunately, it was the same place that Bentley lived as well. I wanted to go with him for numerous reasons but they had gone during the week and I couldn’t miss class or work. He promised me that Bentley would not be there, she was still on tour, but I didn’t put it past her to make a surprise trip home knowing that he was going to be there. But what was I going to do? Soon he’d be there all the time.
I tried keeping myself busy as I usually did studying and working the first couple of days he was gone, but it failed miserably. Even though I usually didn’t see him on Mondays, Tuesdays, or Wednesdays, knowing that he was hours away made them even worse. Even meeting Mina for lunch at La Madeline on Tuesday didn’t improve my mood. By Wednesday afternoon, I was borderline moping and decided I needed to pull myself out of my funk. After I got home from school, I grabbed a blanket and my e-reader and went to enjoy the few hours I had before going to work in the fresh air with a book.
I kicked my flip flops off and settled myself under a shady tree on one of the grassy public areas around campus and lost myself in the story of your not-so-typical love triangle. I was instantly caught up in the emotions of the threesome that they all loved each other and their struggle to find happiness. Normally, I didn’t read books about ménages and people who claimed to be in love with two people at once, but this book was a part of a rock band series that I absolutely loved, so I thought I’d give it a chance. That way of thinking really never made sense to me before, but the further I read the more I found myself cheering for all three characters to be together. It didn’t hurt that the author did such an amazing job of writing sex scenes that got me so hot and bothered, I had to pack up early to go home for a cold shower before I could go into the store. I could not wait for Mason to return home the following afternoon.
Just as I was getting ready to stand up and fold the blanket, I felt a light tickle on my calf. Sitting up to investigate, I saw a huge orange and yellow Monarch butterfly that had landed on my leg, centimeters from the tattoo of its tribal-inspired twin. My heart began to pound and my palms got clammy as images of Ash and the sound of his voice overwhelmed me. My chest physically ached as my heart swelled at the happy memories and shattered at the devastating one. I was frozen sitting there watching the beautiful creature walk up and down my leg, almost as if it didn’t even notice my presence. Tears soaked my cheeks as I realized that I was never going to be free of the hold he had on me. Time wasn’t healing my wounds and being happy with someone else who showered me in love and adoration didn’t weaken the enigmatic connection that bound our hearts. Instead of feeling blessed that I had found my soul mate, who was supposed to complete me and make me feel whole, I felt cursed because all mine did was torment my mind and leave me feeling ruined and hopeless.
Forced to pull myself together so that I wouldn’t be late, I swatted at the butterfly forcing it to move on and dried my cheeks with the back of my hands. I rushed back to my apartment and jumped in the shower. As usual, Tessa wasn’t there. She practically lived at her boyfriend’s, and where at times I missed having some company, I was glad to have the place to myself then to regain my composure and not have to answer any questions about my splotchy face. After I was dressed and ready to go, I shot Mase a quick text, partially out of the longing I felt for him after the numerous days apart, but more out of guilt for my earlier thoughts.
Me (4:47PM) ~ Headed out to work, miss you terribly. Hope you are getting everything taken care of.
Mason (4:50PM) ~ Miss you too Angel. All is done, can’t wait to come home tomorrow. Call me when you get home tonight.
When I got to the store, I clocked in and put my purse up. I checked with my boss to make sure there wasn’t anything that he needed me to do, but he said that all was good so I walked around doing a quick inspection that everything was where it should be. After cleaning up some sheet music that had been littered about, I took advantage of the lack of customers and sat down at one of the keyboards in the side room. Still distraught over the afternoon and unable to pull my mind from Ash, I allowed myself to sing for him for the first time in nearly a year. From the moment my fingers felt the keys under them, I was imprisoned to the lyrics of Sara Bareilles’ Gravity. The song so perfectly portrayed the power that he had over me~ it was a force of nature, a law of physics that couldn’t be broken, despite how much I wanted to be free from it. I closed my eyes and poured all of my heart and soul into my private performance, allowing the instrument and my voice to be my therapy. As I finished the song, applause from the doorway startled me and my eyes flew open.
“Breathtaking, as always, Butterfly.”
ASH
Fate was the only possible explanation that led me to her that day. I was on my way to my mom’s apartment for our weekly Wednesday dinner, a date I had yet to miss since she had left my dad just a few months before, when I noticed a guitar shop tucked away in a shopping center just a few blocks from her house. It reminded me that I needed some new strings, so I pulled in the parking lot, fully intending to make a quick stop.
I walked into the store on a mission and quickly found the pack I needed and headed to the register to check out. It was only then that I noticed I was the only person in the room. I did a full three-sixty to make sure I hadn’t missed anyone possibly bending down or hidden behind an instrument when I saw an entrance to another room. About halfway en route, I stopped mid-stride as I heard the first few notes of the song that would unknowingly change my life. When I heard her voice follow, I nearly dropped to my knees, overwhelmed with emotions. I quickly but quietly made my way to the doorway; my brain needed visual confirmation that she really was there.
Thankfully, her back was to the door. I knew she’d stop if she saw me, and I wanted to savor every moment before she realized I was there. Her performance was devastatingly beautiful, impressively heartbreaking. I knew without a shadow a doubt she was singing for me; it was almost if she could sense my presence. Every word… every fucking lyric tore at my soul. Piece by piece it ripped me apart until I was left completely exposed.
When she concluded the piano solo, I began clapping and commended her.
“Breathtaking, as always, Butterfly.”
Her body tensed at the sound of my voice and at first, she didn’t turn around to look at me.
“What are you doing here?” she asked quietly.
“I just stopped in to grab some strings and there wasn’t anyone out there, so I came to check for someone in here and I found you,” I replied. “What are you doing here? Are you going to turn around and look at me?”
“I work here and I’d rather not.” She could be so damn stubborn. Unfortunately, that was one of the things I loved most about her.
There were so many things I wanted to say to her. A lifetime wouldn’t be long enough to tell her and show her how much I loved her and how sorry I was. I decided to not waste any time.
“Was that about me?” I asked.
“What do you think, Ash?” she snapped.
“You still feel it, don’t you?” I knew I was pressing my luck, but I had to ask her.
She didn’t say anything so I took advantage of the silence and poured my heart out to her. There was nothing more hurtful that she could say that she hadn’t already said to me, so the way I figured it, I had nothing to lose and everything in the world to gain.
“Scarlett, please listen to me. I am a mess without you in my life. I think about you all day, every day. For the last ten months I have been a damaged, broken person just wandering through life without purpose or motivation. You… you give me reason and hope. You make me feel like I deserve to be loved. You weren’t the only one that lost a best friend the day Evie died, you know? I need you; you are the key to my sanity,” I confessed without reservation.
Finally, she turned around and I instantly fell deep into those big brown eyes. Her chestnut hair was thrown into a loose bun and she had on a pair of loose jean paired with an old Beastie Boys t-shirt. She was undoubtedly the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on.
“See, that’s the thing, Ash. Instead of being the key to my sanity, you are reason I feel insane all of the time.” She kept her voice calm and her stare cool. “I can’t escape this hold that you have on me and I hate it. All I want is to be able to move on, but I just can’t…”
“Then don’t,” I offered. “Let’s try and make us work. I know I was stupid before and I didn’t treat you right. I’m so sorry, Scarlett… so fucking sorry. It wasn’t fair of me to tell you to live your life without me, when I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you, that you were mine forever.”
As I began to walk towards her, I could see the tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks. “Don’t cry, Butterfly. Please, no more tears.”
