And I Darken
Page 130

“You once told me some lives are worth more than others. How many deaths before the scales tip out of our favor?”
She had no answer.
With Ilyas executed, the official story was that the Janissaries had simply revolted, behaving badly as they occasionally did. That same afternoon, Mehmed had Kazanci Dogan dismissed and publicly flogged until his back was more blood than skin. He announced a universal pay increase for the Janissaries, as well as sweeping reform in the structure of the military. Mehmed would be the head. Every thread of power and authority would start and end with him.
A few days after the attack, Lada was strong enough to join Mehmed in his study to go over the restructuring. Radu was already there. He looked haunted, moving too quickly through the outer rooms, eyes fixed ahead.
Lada remembered the hillside forest she could no longer enter in Amasya and felt pity for Radu. She was about to suggest they move to the gardens when they were surprised by the arrival of a eunuch escorting Halima.
“Halima Hatun,” the eunuch announced. She bowed, straightening with a shy smile for Lada and a low wave. Lada had forgotten how pretty she was and quickly tamped down a flare of jealousy. Mehmed would not want a woman who had borne his father’s son.
Mehmed stood, confusion masked with a bright tone. “Halima, to what do I owe the honor?”
“You sent for me. To discuss my future, the messenger said.”
“Yes.” Mehmed nodded, gesturing for her to sit. He gave Lada and Radu a puzzled look when her back was turned. “Yes, your future. Are you well?”
“I am, thank you.”
“And little Ahmet?”
Her face transformed with eager joy. “He has much spirit. I think he and Beyazit are nearly the same age.”
The name of Mehmed’s son stabbed Lada in a place other than her side. She shifted uncomfortably, wishing Halima would leave.
“Oh!” Halima put a hand to her mouth in embarrassment. “I have not offered my congratulations on the birth of Mustafa. Two sons! What good fortune.”
“Another son?” Lada spoke before she could stop herself, the words leaving her more wounded than Ilyas had.
Another son.
And this one not conceived before their first kiss, before Mehmed made her feel as though she were the only woman in the world who mattered.
Another son.
Radu was all false cheer. “With so much excitement, you must have forgotten to mention it.”
Mehmed cleared his throat, not looking at them. “Yes, Gulsa had to stay behind in Amasya. It was not safe for her to travel so far into her confinement. I received word only yesterday. How did you know?”
Halima tipped her head conspiratorially. “Huma told me. She knows everything.”
“Yes, she does. Well, I am afraid I have nothing official to tell you. If I can do anything for you while we arrange for your future, please let me know. You are welcome to stay here as long as you wish. This is your home.”
Lada wondered why he had not yet sent Ahmet away and separated him from his mother. But even that was quickly pushed aside. Gulsa. Who was she? What did she look like? When had Mehmed visited her? What had he thought about while he planted his seed in yet another woman?
Halima bowed prettily, and Lada caught a flash of relief in the other woman’s face that the interview was over. After Halima left, Lada kept her eyes fastened on the door. Drowning in her own pool of misery, she could not look at Mehmed. How could she continue to ignore the harem if its occupants did not stop giving birth to Mehmed’s sons?
No one spoke.
As though Lada’s obsessive thoughts of the harem summoned her, Huma appeared in the doorway.
“Mother.” Mehmed said the word with tiredness, not reverence. “I did not send for you.”
“Just as you did not send for me when Ilyas tried to kill you.”
“How did you—” Mehmed sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I have taken care of it.”
“No, you foolish boy. You have not. I have taken care of it.”
Mehmed’s exhaustion gave way to barely concealed anger. “What do you mean?”
“When will you realize that they see you as expendable because there is another option living under your very protection? If you can be replaced, they will try to do it. Again and again and again. And all it will take is one dagger, one poisoned meal, one moment where you are not on guard, and then my sacrifice will be for naught.”
“It is not your concern.”
“It is my only concern! But never worry, my stupid little boy. I have done what all your guards could not. I have made you irreplaceable.”