Angelfire
Page 53

"What do you mean?" Light bulb. "Oh God, you don't think they found the Enshi, do you?"
"We can only pray they didn't," he said. "But Bastian cal ed Ragnuk off for a reason. They wanted you dead and now they don't. But there isn't much we can do about it now."
I tried to steady my nerves, but I failed. Uselessness was not the feeling I wanted to have. "Wel , what are we doing sitting around here? They could have the Enshi in their hands as we speak!"
"El ie, what are you going to do?" he demanded. "Just waltz in on al of them? For one thing, we don't know if they found the Enshi tonight. It could have just been a lead. And, two, we don't even know where they are. I have no idea where Bastian would go once he got his claws on the Enshi. We just don't have enough information to play it safe."
"Isn't that what this is al about? A gamble?"
He laid a hand on my shoulder firmly, his green eyes brightening a little. "We've gambled before, and we always lose. I'm not taking any bets when your life is concerned."
"But I'l come back--"
"It's not that easy, El ie." He closed his eyes for a moment.
"It's not like a video game where Mario dies and pops right back in action two seconds later. You die. And it takes you almost two decades before you're back in the game. This time, it took you four. You have to start over completely. It's been harder every time. You're in a weakened state right now, and Bastian knows this. He'l want to finish you off before your ful power returns to you. If he fails, there is a higher chance that we'l stop him from getting the Enshi. This thing must be able to destroy you if he's going through al this trouble to find it."
"So once when get the Enshi, they're just going to come ful force at me?" He was scaring me again.
"I don't think Bastian is that serious about kil ing you now. Ragnuk is good at what he does, but it seems that if Bastian real y wanted you dead, he'd send more than just one assassin, and he wouldn't have cal ed them off the way he did. I hate to be brutal y honest, but if he sent someone like Ivar after you right now, there would be a good chance that you would not make it out alive. Again, I think he's stal ing for something, like he's keeping you busy while he searches for the Enshi. It makes me terrified of what this thing may be capable of."
I grimaced.
"But you have me," he said. "I've done everything I could over the last few centuries to keep you safe. I know I've failed you before, and I hate what you must go through, but how I feel about it doesn't matter. Emotion is not relevant. My reason for existing is to protect you."
What he said saddened me. Not the part about Bastian trying to assassinate me, but rather when he said that it didn't matter how he felt. I wasn't worth someone's entire existence
--immortal or doomed. "That's not true," I said.
He studied my face careful y. "What isn't? I try my--"
"I care how you feel. Don't say it doesn't matter."
He smiled. "Wel , you shouldn't worry about that. My purpose is to keep you safe and fight alongside you."
" B u t why? " I asked impatiently. "Why are you my Guardian? Did you choose this? Did the others before you choose this?"
"Yes," he confessed. "I agreed to become your Guardian, because I believe in your goal. I believe in you."
I glowered. "That is not a good answer."
He smiled crookedly. "You'l understand. You know al these things already--they just elude you for the moment."
My fists rol ed into tight bal s. I couldn't take it anymore.
"I'm sick of being told that al the things I don't understand are right in the back of my mind and I can't reach them. I'm going insane, Wil ."
"Don't be so impatient."
"Too bad!"
He sucked in his upper lip, something I was pretty sure he did when he was nervous. "About tomorrow night."
"What about it?"
"Are you going over to Kate's house?"
"Yeah," I said with a tired voice. "I promised her. You should come."
He dipped his head just a little. "If that is what you wish."
"Yes, that's what I wish. I want you to come. I feel better when you're close to me and I can see you."
He stepped forward and sat graceful y down on the edge of my bed next to me. "Then I wil let you see me more."
"Thank you," I said, feeling very strange having a boy sit on my bed. It felt so intimate and foreign to me. "I know you'l protect me."
"I wil ," he promised, his eyes locked on mine.
I believed him.
"There's something I have to tel you," he whispered.
"About what I am. You know this already, but you don't remember, and I didn't want to tel you. I wanted you to remember on your own, because it's easier for you that way, but it's taking so long and I hate keeping things from you. It feels wrong to keep pretending that it doesn't exist, but I'm afraid you may hate me after I tel you."
"I could never hate you," I said earnestly. "What is it? Just tel me." I turned and sat cross-legged across from him. He took a long, deep breath. "I am immortal because I am not human, as I've told you. I live as long as the reapers because I am one, El ie."