Angelfire
Page 79

I searched for Ragnuk in case he had survived. Al seemed quiet until I heard a rustling among the debris, and the fury inside me swel ed once again to the surface and spil ed over. I climbed over the pile of debris and found Ragnuk crushed beneath a section of the ceiling. Blood seeped from his mouth. His bones were flattened beneath the rubble--al but his half-exposed skul and a single foreleg. The claws of his free paw raked the rubble weakly, as if he were trying to climb his way to freedom, but his efforts were useless. I stepped up to him, both my swords in hand, the blades scraping the chunks of concrete beneath me. The reaper's wet, black eye rol ed up to meet mine, swiveling so much that a stripe of reddening white showed around the rim.
"Are you . . . ? You're going to . . . finish me now?" Ragnuk strained, his jawbone creaking in its joints, the visible muscle shredded, his talons clawing desperate streaks into the concrete. The burned flesh on his face stil bubbled and strained, trying to heal. It amazed me that he could even speak, let alone breathe.
I said nothing as I stared down at him coldly. I couldn't make sense enough to reply. Al I could perceive was how much anger I felt toward the beast who was now at my mercy. For so long I had feared him, but now that he was helpless at my feet, I felt nothing but satisfaction and a burning need for destruction.
"Who . . . is the monster . . . now?" He laughed, a pathetic, wheezing laugh, as my blades erupted with angelfire. The white light flickered on our faces beneath the black night sky.
"You . . . don't have the spine!" he hissed with morbid, sadistic amusement.
Unfortunately for him, it was mercy that I lacked, not a spine. I raised my swords high overhead. He stopped laughing when I had finished hacking off his head. 28
SOMEONE SPOKE BEHIND ME AND I SPUN AROUND, swinging my sword high as I let out a terrible cry. Bloodlust blurred my vision as my attacker struck my arm, blocking my sword strike. I kicked my foot into his chest, and he fel back with a grunt. My sword slashed again, this time ripping flesh, and I swung again, but he grabbed my wrist and squeezed until I dropped the sword from pain. I threw my newly freed fist and struck his jaw. He groaned and staggered to the side. I lunged for his throat, but the heel of his palm struck my chest, knocking the wind out of me. I col apsed forward, breathless, into my attacker's arms.
"El ie."
My heart seemed to stop as my knees hit the ground and he fel with me. His voice shook my soul and woke me, and his firm hands on my shoulders kept me from fal ing. His scent fil ed my head and I clung to him, horrified at myself for what I had done--what I had done to him.
I opened my eyes and stood, looking down into Wil 's face as he stared up at me, looking brokenhearted. I bit down on the inside of my cheek as I touched the deep cut I had made in his arm.
"I hurt you," I said, my voice cracking. "You got me out of there and I hurt you."
Wil 's face remained pained. "I'm al right."
The wound vanished. My hand slid up his shoulder and neck to cup his cheek. "I am so sorry. I shouldn't have let it get this far."
"It doesn't matter. What's done is done."
I buried my face in my hands, Ragnuk's final words echoing in my head. "Al these nightmares, hal ucinations . . . I'm becoming a monster!"
Wil stood, and his presence wrapped around me. "You're not becoming a monster."
"How do you know? How are you so sure that I'm not going to become something that isn't me?"
"Because I know you," he said, lifting my chin and looking into my eyes. "I know you better than I know anyone else. After al these centuries and every life you've led, you've always held on to who you are."
Shaking my head, I fought back a sob. "I can't take it when I feel like someone else. I get so angry, so violent, and I know this isn't who I am. What if I can't control it? What if I hurt you even more next time? I couldn't tel you from my enemy. I mean, look at what I did!" I threw my arm out toward the wreckage of the warehouse. "I'm as demonic as the creatures I fight."
"You aren't demonic and you aren't a monster," he said, his voice firmer. "Even when your power threatens to control you, it has never succeeded. Things have happened, yes, but you're stil you. You've got to trust me, El ie."
"But I'm so afraid of myself and what I'm capable of. And now I'm going to lose my soul forever. I don't want to die and I don't want to become nothing."
"I won't let that happen to you. I'l make sure you survive!"
"I don't want to survive, Wil , I want to live!" I cried. He froze then, staring at me as what I'd just confessed to him sunk in.
"I want to live," I repeated. "I want be myself and go to school, to col ege, to parties, to the movies, bowling, footbal games. I want to rol around in the snow in my bathing suit and then jump into a hot tub. I want to pick out prom dresses with my mom and I want to road trip with Kate this summer. I want to grow up. I want to get married and maybe have a baby someday. I don't want to spend every day afraid of what might jump out at me from the shadows. I don't want to hide because horrible things are hunting me. I don't want to die and come back and not remember your face, Wil . I don't want to spend another lifetime not knowing who you are!"
He pul ed me close and wrapped his arms around me. I pressed my face against his warm chest and final y al owed myself to cry.
"It'l be al right," Wil whispered into my hair, taking in a long, tortured breath. His hands spil ed over my shoulders and my back, holding me tightly to him. My fingers curled around his shirt just to hold him closer.