Animal Dreams
Page 47
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"Codi, I couldn't believe it when you said you'd come up here with me. I couldn't even believe I asked."
I sat forward, letting the point of my chin dig into my knee. "I can see what it means to you. I'm sorry for thinking what I did."
He spoke slowly. "I've been looking forward to this ever since Labor Day. Not because I thought we'd...Not for any one reason. I just wanted to come here with you."
I looked at him. It was the truth. I could think of nothing at all to say.
"I don't blame you if you're still pissed off at me for when we were in high school."
My heart lost its rhythm for a second. "What for?"
"For being a jerk."
"You remember that?"
I suppose it was an insulting question. He said, "I have a lot of reasons in my mind for the way I was, but they don't make much difference. I hurt a lot of people."
I looked at him carefully. "In what way exactly do you think you hurt me?"
He shrugged. "Well, maybe I didn't. Maybe you didn't care. But still, I could have been a lot nicer. We went out those couple of times, and then so long sucker, that's it. Loyd's a good-time boy, he don't call the same girl twice."
I breathed out. Nobody knew, so Loyd couldn't, but for one minute I'd been afraid. I didn't want him to know how much of a mark his careless love had made on my life. It would oblige him to one of two mean possibilities: compulsory kindness or a vanishing act. I leaned over and kissed him. "You're forgiven," I said. "Plain Jane forgives Mr. High School Honcho for being a red-blooded boy."
"Plain Jane my ass," he said, rolling me over on top of him and grabbing mine. "I like you a lot. A real, whole lot. You buy that?"
"I'll buy it. Just don't try to sell me no knife birds."
He looked straight into my eyes. "I'm serious, Codi."
"Okay," I said. "Sold." I laid my head on his chest and nearly went to sleep while he gently stroked my spine. I felt like a baby being coaxed, reluctantly, into dreamland. A few yards away, Jack was already there. His legs jerked helplessly, making him look vulnerable.
"I've lost an earring. You see it?"
"No. I'll help you look in a minute."
"What's Jack dreaming about?"
"Chasing rabbits," Loyd said.
"That's what everybody says, but I don't think all dogs dream about that. You watch a city dog that's never even heard of a rabbit-it'll do that same thing."
"How do you know they really dream?"
"They do. All mammals that have been tested have REM sleep, except spiny anteaters." I cringed after I said this. I sounded like Codi Noline, brain of the seventh grade, despised by her peers.
"Spiny anteaters?"
"Well, I'm sorry, but it's the truth. I read it in the encyclopedia one time."
"You are an amazing person."
He meant it, he wasn't making fun of me. His hand stopped moving and came to rest on the small of my back. He was actually thinking about all this. Carlo wouldn't have paid the slightest attention to a conversation like this; he'd be thinking about whatever men think about, how much gas is left in the tank. Loyd asked, "What do you think animals dream about?"
"I don't know. Animal heaven." I laughed.
"I think they dream about whatever they do when they're awake. Jack chases rabbits, and city dogs chase, I don't know what. Meter readers."
"But that's kind of sad. Couldn't a dog have an imagination, like a person?"
"It's the same with people. There's nothing sad about it. People dream about what they do when they're awake. God, when I used to work for Tia sorting the pecans I'd go to bed and dream about pecans, pecans, pecans."
I studied his face. "Didn't you ever dream you could fly?"
"Not when I was sorting pecans all day."
"Really, though. Didn't you ever fly in your dreams?" Even I had done that, though not often.
"Only when I was real close to flying in real life," he said. "Your dreams, what you hope for and all that, it's not separate from your life. It grows right up out of it."
"So you think we all just have animal dreams. We can't think of anything to dream about except our ordinary lives."
He gently moved a lock of hair out of my eyes. "Only if you have an ordinary life. If you want sweet dreams, you've got to live a sweet life."
I sat forward, letting the point of my chin dig into my knee. "I can see what it means to you. I'm sorry for thinking what I did."
He spoke slowly. "I've been looking forward to this ever since Labor Day. Not because I thought we'd...Not for any one reason. I just wanted to come here with you."
I looked at him. It was the truth. I could think of nothing at all to say.
"I don't blame you if you're still pissed off at me for when we were in high school."
My heart lost its rhythm for a second. "What for?"
"For being a jerk."
"You remember that?"
I suppose it was an insulting question. He said, "I have a lot of reasons in my mind for the way I was, but they don't make much difference. I hurt a lot of people."
I looked at him carefully. "In what way exactly do you think you hurt me?"
He shrugged. "Well, maybe I didn't. Maybe you didn't care. But still, I could have been a lot nicer. We went out those couple of times, and then so long sucker, that's it. Loyd's a good-time boy, he don't call the same girl twice."
I breathed out. Nobody knew, so Loyd couldn't, but for one minute I'd been afraid. I didn't want him to know how much of a mark his careless love had made on my life. It would oblige him to one of two mean possibilities: compulsory kindness or a vanishing act. I leaned over and kissed him. "You're forgiven," I said. "Plain Jane forgives Mr. High School Honcho for being a red-blooded boy."
"Plain Jane my ass," he said, rolling me over on top of him and grabbing mine. "I like you a lot. A real, whole lot. You buy that?"
"I'll buy it. Just don't try to sell me no knife birds."
He looked straight into my eyes. "I'm serious, Codi."
"Okay," I said. "Sold." I laid my head on his chest and nearly went to sleep while he gently stroked my spine. I felt like a baby being coaxed, reluctantly, into dreamland. A few yards away, Jack was already there. His legs jerked helplessly, making him look vulnerable.
"I've lost an earring. You see it?"
"No. I'll help you look in a minute."
"What's Jack dreaming about?"
"Chasing rabbits," Loyd said.
"That's what everybody says, but I don't think all dogs dream about that. You watch a city dog that's never even heard of a rabbit-it'll do that same thing."
"How do you know they really dream?"
"They do. All mammals that have been tested have REM sleep, except spiny anteaters." I cringed after I said this. I sounded like Codi Noline, brain of the seventh grade, despised by her peers.
"Spiny anteaters?"
"Well, I'm sorry, but it's the truth. I read it in the encyclopedia one time."
"You are an amazing person."
He meant it, he wasn't making fun of me. His hand stopped moving and came to rest on the small of my back. He was actually thinking about all this. Carlo wouldn't have paid the slightest attention to a conversation like this; he'd be thinking about whatever men think about, how much gas is left in the tank. Loyd asked, "What do you think animals dream about?"
"I don't know. Animal heaven." I laughed.
"I think they dream about whatever they do when they're awake. Jack chases rabbits, and city dogs chase, I don't know what. Meter readers."
"But that's kind of sad. Couldn't a dog have an imagination, like a person?"
"It's the same with people. There's nothing sad about it. People dream about what they do when they're awake. God, when I used to work for Tia sorting the pecans I'd go to bed and dream about pecans, pecans, pecans."
I studied his face. "Didn't you ever dream you could fly?"
"Not when I was sorting pecans all day."
"Really, though. Didn't you ever fly in your dreams?" Even I had done that, though not often.
"Only when I was real close to flying in real life," he said. "Your dreams, what you hope for and all that, it's not separate from your life. It grows right up out of it."
"So you think we all just have animal dreams. We can't think of anything to dream about except our ordinary lives."
He gently moved a lock of hair out of my eyes. "Only if you have an ordinary life. If you want sweet dreams, you've got to live a sweet life."
