It was important that she did. Having the evidence of the kind of man I really was staring her in the face might open her eyes to how risky this thing that dragged and pulled between us could be if she kept chasing after it just so she could feel good for a fleeting moment.
She shrugged into the hoodie and turned to the door. At first I thought she was repulsed or angry at my honesty, but as she shifted to pull her long hair out of her collar, she told me quietly, “I think it’s odd you thought you would just automatically turn into a choirboy after a lifetime of doing whatever you wanted. People aren’t born either good or bad, they have to be taught how to be one way or the other. No one ever took the time to teach you how to be good, Asa.” She walked to the front door and turned to look at me over her shoulder as she pulled it open. Her dark eyes were steady on my own. “It might take some trial and error along the way, but for the most part you seem to be doing okay now.”
I followed her out the door and locked it behind us. I put my hand on her lower back as we walked down the stairs and started to walk the short distance to her car, and I didn’t respond to the faint hint of hope that laced her last words. That was the thing: everyone that cared about me wanted to think I was doing fine, and I was, for now. I wasn’t as sure of myself as the people that cared about me seemed to be and I wasn’t so sure that I hadn’t actually been born bad. The temptation not to do fine was thick and heavy around my shoulders every day, so much that, sometimes, not letting it cover me up and sink me back down to the bottom where I had always been was more work than I would ever openly admit to.
When we reached the Bar’s parking lot, Nash already had her SUV running and warming up. I didn’t say anything as Royal moved away from me without so much as a good-bye hug and went willingly into Nash’s tattooed embrace. She kissed him on the cheek and rubbed her hands along the flames that decorated the sides of his head over his ears. She threw a wave out the window and took off without a word about anything I had disclosed to her or about the fact that we had just screwed each other stupid.
I shifted uneasily as Nash walked over to me, questions swirling bright and clear in his unusual-colored eyes. I thought I could cut him off at the pass by changing the obvious topic before he started in on me.
“How’s your partner in crime doing with the new baby?” I hadn’t seen Rule or Shaw since their newest family member had come along.
A grin split Nash’s face and he shoved his hands in the pockets of the peacoat he was wearing.
“He’s adjusting. More to the fact that he now has two people in the world he has to take care of and love forever than anything else, I think. Rule was always sort of a lone wolf, and now his life just has so many important things in it he’s trying to figure out how to balance it all.”
“He’ll figure it out.” I didn’t know Rule before he was with his wife, but I had heard the stories, and none of them were exactly flattering. If he could turn it around for the girl, I had no doubt he would quickly find his footing in fatherhood.
“Yeah, in the meantime he’s just crankier than usual, which of course means that we give him as much shit as possible.”
I shared a grin with him and was thinking I was going to be lucky enough to escape without getting a lecture when he inclined his chin at me and narrowed his eyes. “So you and Royal?”
I sighed and rocked back on my heels a little. Of course I wouldn’t be that lucky. “Anything you think you’re going to say to me about her I’ve already told myself and told her. She chose not to listen and I’m sick and tired of turning her down.”
He chuckled which surprised me. “Asa, I know Royal well enough to know she’s going to do whatever the hell she wants, no matter what anyone has to say to her about it. All I was going to tell you is that you need to be careful because she’s been off and not acting like herself since her partner got hurt. I don’t know what’s up with her, but she’s being reckless and anything she’s doing right now might just be a reaction to Dom getting injured. I don’t want you to be a casualty of her overreaction.” He lifted a black eyebrow at me and muttered, “Plus Dom is a big-ass dude that gets to legally carry a weapon and he loves that girl like crazy. He won’t care why it ends or who ends it if Royal goes crying to him with a broken heart.”
I rolled my shoulders and lifted a hand to rub the back of my neck. I knew how big Royal’s partner was. He had been there the night she arrested me. He was scary as hell and not just because he had a badge of authority. He exuded a seriousness and determination that left no doubt he would take more than bullets for Royal and in order to get his job done.
“She and Dom … have they ever …?” I hoped the question was obvious without having to actually ask it. Nash shrugged at me and pulled out his phone as it dinged in his pocket.
“I don’t know. They’re close, really close, and I know that he would gladly rip the face off of anyone that hurts her. They grew up together and went into the Police Academy together, but I don’t know if they ever had a romantic relationship. Royal never mentioned it and Saint has never said anything about it, but who knows? I don’t know how a guy could be that tight with a chick that looks like Royal and not at least try to get some.” He tapped in a message on the keypad and then looked up at me with a smirk. “Saint wants me to ask you how far along Cora is.”
I let out a startled laugh. “What?”
He held out his phone and showed me the text that his lady had just fired off. Indeed it said:
Ask Asa how far along Cora is. I know she’s knocked up and I bet Rome told him!
“I’m not supposed to say. Rome didn’t want to take any attention off of baby Ry just yet. Tell Saint she’ll have to bug Cora about it.” If Rome didn’t want the info out in the world yet, there was no way I was going to be the one to leak it.
His phone pinged again and apparently this message wasn’t one for sharing because his gaze sharpened and I saw him suck in a quick breath.
“All right, I gotta go. Saint doesn’t have to work until tonight, and I don’t have to be at the shop until noon.” Apparently whatever she had sent him had him eager to get back home to her. I couldn’t blame him. The redheaded nurse was a stunner and as sweet as could be. Nash was another lucky man as far as finding his perfect match was concerned. “Just remember that no one wants to see either you or Royal end up hurt, so try and tread carefully. Something I know you aren’t used to.”
She shrugged into the hoodie and turned to the door. At first I thought she was repulsed or angry at my honesty, but as she shifted to pull her long hair out of her collar, she told me quietly, “I think it’s odd you thought you would just automatically turn into a choirboy after a lifetime of doing whatever you wanted. People aren’t born either good or bad, they have to be taught how to be one way or the other. No one ever took the time to teach you how to be good, Asa.” She walked to the front door and turned to look at me over her shoulder as she pulled it open. Her dark eyes were steady on my own. “It might take some trial and error along the way, but for the most part you seem to be doing okay now.”
I followed her out the door and locked it behind us. I put my hand on her lower back as we walked down the stairs and started to walk the short distance to her car, and I didn’t respond to the faint hint of hope that laced her last words. That was the thing: everyone that cared about me wanted to think I was doing fine, and I was, for now. I wasn’t as sure of myself as the people that cared about me seemed to be and I wasn’t so sure that I hadn’t actually been born bad. The temptation not to do fine was thick and heavy around my shoulders every day, so much that, sometimes, not letting it cover me up and sink me back down to the bottom where I had always been was more work than I would ever openly admit to.
When we reached the Bar’s parking lot, Nash already had her SUV running and warming up. I didn’t say anything as Royal moved away from me without so much as a good-bye hug and went willingly into Nash’s tattooed embrace. She kissed him on the cheek and rubbed her hands along the flames that decorated the sides of his head over his ears. She threw a wave out the window and took off without a word about anything I had disclosed to her or about the fact that we had just screwed each other stupid.
I shifted uneasily as Nash walked over to me, questions swirling bright and clear in his unusual-colored eyes. I thought I could cut him off at the pass by changing the obvious topic before he started in on me.
“How’s your partner in crime doing with the new baby?” I hadn’t seen Rule or Shaw since their newest family member had come along.
A grin split Nash’s face and he shoved his hands in the pockets of the peacoat he was wearing.
“He’s adjusting. More to the fact that he now has two people in the world he has to take care of and love forever than anything else, I think. Rule was always sort of a lone wolf, and now his life just has so many important things in it he’s trying to figure out how to balance it all.”
“He’ll figure it out.” I didn’t know Rule before he was with his wife, but I had heard the stories, and none of them were exactly flattering. If he could turn it around for the girl, I had no doubt he would quickly find his footing in fatherhood.
“Yeah, in the meantime he’s just crankier than usual, which of course means that we give him as much shit as possible.”
I shared a grin with him and was thinking I was going to be lucky enough to escape without getting a lecture when he inclined his chin at me and narrowed his eyes. “So you and Royal?”
I sighed and rocked back on my heels a little. Of course I wouldn’t be that lucky. “Anything you think you’re going to say to me about her I’ve already told myself and told her. She chose not to listen and I’m sick and tired of turning her down.”
He chuckled which surprised me. “Asa, I know Royal well enough to know she’s going to do whatever the hell she wants, no matter what anyone has to say to her about it. All I was going to tell you is that you need to be careful because she’s been off and not acting like herself since her partner got hurt. I don’t know what’s up with her, but she’s being reckless and anything she’s doing right now might just be a reaction to Dom getting injured. I don’t want you to be a casualty of her overreaction.” He lifted a black eyebrow at me and muttered, “Plus Dom is a big-ass dude that gets to legally carry a weapon and he loves that girl like crazy. He won’t care why it ends or who ends it if Royal goes crying to him with a broken heart.”
I rolled my shoulders and lifted a hand to rub the back of my neck. I knew how big Royal’s partner was. He had been there the night she arrested me. He was scary as hell and not just because he had a badge of authority. He exuded a seriousness and determination that left no doubt he would take more than bullets for Royal and in order to get his job done.
“She and Dom … have they ever …?” I hoped the question was obvious without having to actually ask it. Nash shrugged at me and pulled out his phone as it dinged in his pocket.
“I don’t know. They’re close, really close, and I know that he would gladly rip the face off of anyone that hurts her. They grew up together and went into the Police Academy together, but I don’t know if they ever had a romantic relationship. Royal never mentioned it and Saint has never said anything about it, but who knows? I don’t know how a guy could be that tight with a chick that looks like Royal and not at least try to get some.” He tapped in a message on the keypad and then looked up at me with a smirk. “Saint wants me to ask you how far along Cora is.”
I let out a startled laugh. “What?”
He held out his phone and showed me the text that his lady had just fired off. Indeed it said:
Ask Asa how far along Cora is. I know she’s knocked up and I bet Rome told him!
“I’m not supposed to say. Rome didn’t want to take any attention off of baby Ry just yet. Tell Saint she’ll have to bug Cora about it.” If Rome didn’t want the info out in the world yet, there was no way I was going to be the one to leak it.
His phone pinged again and apparently this message wasn’t one for sharing because his gaze sharpened and I saw him suck in a quick breath.
“All right, I gotta go. Saint doesn’t have to work until tonight, and I don’t have to be at the shop until noon.” Apparently whatever she had sent him had him eager to get back home to her. I couldn’t blame him. The redheaded nurse was a stunner and as sweet as could be. Nash was another lucky man as far as finding his perfect match was concerned. “Just remember that no one wants to see either you or Royal end up hurt, so try and tread carefully. Something I know you aren’t used to.”
