I lifted a hand and rubbed it over my face. “I just got propositioned to be a gigolo.”
“Shit. No kidding?” He turned to look in the direction Roslyn had disappeared in. “That’s pretty fucked.”
I looked at him and dug my phone out of my back pocket. “I guess no matter how far you come, how far you go, once you’ve been on the bottom long enough, it just sticks to you. It identifies who you’re always going to be. She obviously thought I was the kind of guy that would be up for fucking for a few bucks.”
I pulled up Royal’s contact info and started to text her. After the weirdness of today something was shifting inside of all that darkness that weighted me down, something reaching desperately for the brightness she brought around with her.
Wanna do something with me tomorrow night?
The new guy needed a shot at shutting down the place on his own and I needed a breather. I just hoped she wasn’t working.
He cocked his head to the side and scowled at me. “That’s bullshit and you know it. Some chick thinks you’re for sale? That’s on her not you. I’ve worked with you for almost a month and I haven’t seen a single thing that indicates you’re on the take. The bottom is all about perspective. You should see some of the things I’ve seen, the poverty, the ravages of a lifetime spent fighting a war no one asked for, the loss of everything …” His mouth pulled tight. “And yet there’s joy, happiness, and love in places where there really shouldn’t be any. There is life on the bottom if you know where to look, and the only thing that can identify who you are is what you do. You told her to get lost.” He nodded like his point was made and walked away from me.
Everyone was suddenly full of advice. Too bad I was far better at giving it than I was at taking it. My phone vibrated in my hand and my heart tripped a little at her response.
In bed or out?
I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my mouth. She was just my speed, fast and a little bit wild.
Both.
Count me in. Where are we going?
I had an idea I thought she would like. She was so good, so law-abiding and upstanding all day long, I wanted to see if she liked walking on the dark side just a little bit.
It’s a surprise.
It took a minute but she finally sent back a smiley face and the simple words:
So are you.
It made some of that darkness that always wanted to engulf me not just retreat but vanish altogether.
CHAPTER 12
Royal
I winced as I watched Dominic maneuver himself on his crutches to the seat across from me. He had called, telling me he was going crazy cooped up in his apartment, and asked me to meet him for lunch on my day off. Of course I had told him I would and offered to pick him up since he couldn’t drive with his immobilized leg. When I got to the apartment it was obvious his sister was going just as stir-crazy as Dom was, and she told me that he was extra grumpy because he needed to get laid. Dom had barked at her to be quiet even though it made me laugh. Dom was pretty quiet about his private life, had always kept his interests and sexual preferences close to the vest, but he was beautiful and single, so I’m sure the fact he was laid up and stuck in an apartment with his sisters had put quite a damper on his social life.
Surprisingly, instead of feeling guilty and blaming myself for yet another thing I had ruined in Dom’s life, I just laughed about it with his younger sister, Ari, and hauled my best friend off to get some lunch. Instead of wallowing in blame and regret, I was determined to enjoy spending time with Dom for the first time in too many weeks to count. It looked like my sessions with the department shrink were starting to pay off … well, those and hanging out with Asa. There was something about watching him be eaten alive from the inside out by the mistakes of his past that really made me question how tightly I wanted to hold on to feeling like I had destroyed Dom’s life when my partner clearly didn’t agree that I had. Also, working with Barrett, having him appreciate my contributions to our partnership, had made me realize I really was a good cop with or without Dominic at my back.
He grunted and leaned the crutches up against the chair next to him. I couldn’t get over how much weight he had lost since being injured. He looked like a different person.
“You’re so skinny.”
His green eyes glittered at me in humor. “I know. I don’t think I’ve ever been this thin. Not even in high school.”
We both got water and told the waitress we would need a minute. Dom was watching me thoughtfully and I could tell he was trying to figure out if I was finally doing all right or not.
“You look good. Really good. Your new partner must be taking pretty good care of you.”
I picked up the water and took a sip. I shrugged and pushed some of my hair over my shoulder. “Barrett’s a nice guy, a good cop. I could’ve ended up with someone much worse.”
Dom leaned back in the seat and put his arm across the back of the extra chair. “It wouldn’t matter who you ended up with. You’re great at your job, Royal. You always have been.”
I considered him for a second. “I guess I’m really just starting to understand that about myself. Do you think I just followed you blindly into law enforcement? Do you think I just didn’t know what to do without you, so I convinced myself that I wanted to do it?”
His mouth tightened just a fraction and his dark eyebrows furrowed over his eyes. “What do you think?”
The waitress came back over and looked a little annoyed we hadn’t even cracked open the menu yet. Dom grinned at her and just the flash of his straight white teeth was enough to make her blush and scamper off giggling.
“I think I’m where I’m supposed to be. I might not have gotten there the right way, but it’s a destination I’m happy with now. I don’t know, honestly. I wasn’t sure I could do this job without you when I went back to work, but it turns out I can, and without you to lean on all the time it makes me better at it.”
Something dark moved across his emerald gaze and I realized it sounded like I wasn’t thinking about what would happen when he healed up and returned to the force. I opened my mouth to tell him that of course I couldn’t wait for him to be my partner again, but he held up a hand to silence me and shook his head slowly back and forth.
“Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t want any more platitudes or apologies. We both know that my shoulder is pretty fucked and I lost a kidney. Plus, with the leg, who knows if I’ll have a limp or not. My future in law enforcement is uncertain and that’s just the way it is. It’s not your fault and I want you to keep doing what you’re doing with or without me. All I’ve ever wanted for you is to succeed and for you to be happy.”
“Shit. No kidding?” He turned to look in the direction Roslyn had disappeared in. “That’s pretty fucked.”
I looked at him and dug my phone out of my back pocket. “I guess no matter how far you come, how far you go, once you’ve been on the bottom long enough, it just sticks to you. It identifies who you’re always going to be. She obviously thought I was the kind of guy that would be up for fucking for a few bucks.”
I pulled up Royal’s contact info and started to text her. After the weirdness of today something was shifting inside of all that darkness that weighted me down, something reaching desperately for the brightness she brought around with her.
Wanna do something with me tomorrow night?
The new guy needed a shot at shutting down the place on his own and I needed a breather. I just hoped she wasn’t working.
He cocked his head to the side and scowled at me. “That’s bullshit and you know it. Some chick thinks you’re for sale? That’s on her not you. I’ve worked with you for almost a month and I haven’t seen a single thing that indicates you’re on the take. The bottom is all about perspective. You should see some of the things I’ve seen, the poverty, the ravages of a lifetime spent fighting a war no one asked for, the loss of everything …” His mouth pulled tight. “And yet there’s joy, happiness, and love in places where there really shouldn’t be any. There is life on the bottom if you know where to look, and the only thing that can identify who you are is what you do. You told her to get lost.” He nodded like his point was made and walked away from me.
Everyone was suddenly full of advice. Too bad I was far better at giving it than I was at taking it. My phone vibrated in my hand and my heart tripped a little at her response.
In bed or out?
I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my mouth. She was just my speed, fast and a little bit wild.
Both.
Count me in. Where are we going?
I had an idea I thought she would like. She was so good, so law-abiding and upstanding all day long, I wanted to see if she liked walking on the dark side just a little bit.
It’s a surprise.
It took a minute but she finally sent back a smiley face and the simple words:
So are you.
It made some of that darkness that always wanted to engulf me not just retreat but vanish altogether.
CHAPTER 12
Royal
I winced as I watched Dominic maneuver himself on his crutches to the seat across from me. He had called, telling me he was going crazy cooped up in his apartment, and asked me to meet him for lunch on my day off. Of course I had told him I would and offered to pick him up since he couldn’t drive with his immobilized leg. When I got to the apartment it was obvious his sister was going just as stir-crazy as Dom was, and she told me that he was extra grumpy because he needed to get laid. Dom had barked at her to be quiet even though it made me laugh. Dom was pretty quiet about his private life, had always kept his interests and sexual preferences close to the vest, but he was beautiful and single, so I’m sure the fact he was laid up and stuck in an apartment with his sisters had put quite a damper on his social life.
Surprisingly, instead of feeling guilty and blaming myself for yet another thing I had ruined in Dom’s life, I just laughed about it with his younger sister, Ari, and hauled my best friend off to get some lunch. Instead of wallowing in blame and regret, I was determined to enjoy spending time with Dom for the first time in too many weeks to count. It looked like my sessions with the department shrink were starting to pay off … well, those and hanging out with Asa. There was something about watching him be eaten alive from the inside out by the mistakes of his past that really made me question how tightly I wanted to hold on to feeling like I had destroyed Dom’s life when my partner clearly didn’t agree that I had. Also, working with Barrett, having him appreciate my contributions to our partnership, had made me realize I really was a good cop with or without Dominic at my back.
He grunted and leaned the crutches up against the chair next to him. I couldn’t get over how much weight he had lost since being injured. He looked like a different person.
“You’re so skinny.”
His green eyes glittered at me in humor. “I know. I don’t think I’ve ever been this thin. Not even in high school.”
We both got water and told the waitress we would need a minute. Dom was watching me thoughtfully and I could tell he was trying to figure out if I was finally doing all right or not.
“You look good. Really good. Your new partner must be taking pretty good care of you.”
I picked up the water and took a sip. I shrugged and pushed some of my hair over my shoulder. “Barrett’s a nice guy, a good cop. I could’ve ended up with someone much worse.”
Dom leaned back in the seat and put his arm across the back of the extra chair. “It wouldn’t matter who you ended up with. You’re great at your job, Royal. You always have been.”
I considered him for a second. “I guess I’m really just starting to understand that about myself. Do you think I just followed you blindly into law enforcement? Do you think I just didn’t know what to do without you, so I convinced myself that I wanted to do it?”
His mouth tightened just a fraction and his dark eyebrows furrowed over his eyes. “What do you think?”
The waitress came back over and looked a little annoyed we hadn’t even cracked open the menu yet. Dom grinned at her and just the flash of his straight white teeth was enough to make her blush and scamper off giggling.
“I think I’m where I’m supposed to be. I might not have gotten there the right way, but it’s a destination I’m happy with now. I don’t know, honestly. I wasn’t sure I could do this job without you when I went back to work, but it turns out I can, and without you to lean on all the time it makes me better at it.”
Something dark moved across his emerald gaze and I realized it sounded like I wasn’t thinking about what would happen when he healed up and returned to the force. I opened my mouth to tell him that of course I couldn’t wait for him to be my partner again, but he held up a hand to silence me and shook his head slowly back and forth.
“Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t want any more platitudes or apologies. We both know that my shoulder is pretty fucked and I lost a kidney. Plus, with the leg, who knows if I’ll have a limp or not. My future in law enforcement is uncertain and that’s just the way it is. It’s not your fault and I want you to keep doing what you’re doing with or without me. All I’ve ever wanted for you is to succeed and for you to be happy.”
