He should. How could I have been so stupid?
My thoughts are with him every minute of every hour. I want to sit by his side and hold his hand, talk to him. Touch his bruised face. Let him know I’m here for him.
God, I can’t help thinking I’m like a princess in my perfect ivory tower and he’s out there, fighting monsters when I could just open the door and let him in. Can we be together? Can we connect our worlds?
Where’s Zane? I can’t stay away any longer. Not after the fright, thinking Ash was dying. Not after realizing how much I love him. I have to see him. If he’s asleep, I’ll just sit and look at him and hope then I’ll know what to do.
Time passes. Evening falls by the time Zane comes back to the cafeteria to tell me Ash is fully conscious and asking about me. He says Ash isn’t angry with me.
“Go home and get some rest, Zane.” I get up and grab my purse. “I’ll call if we need you.”
Zane nods dubiously and I hurry out of the cafeteria.
Visiting hours don’t apply to us. The nurses pretty much let us come and go as we please. I think it’s because they like Ash and feel sorry for him. I’ve heard them whisper about his dad’s death, the scars on his back, his bruises and his long-lost brother who returned out of the blue.
I walk down the hallway, find his room number, open the door and enter on tiptoe.
It’s quite dark inside. The green screen of the monitors faintly illuminates the room: the empty chair, and the narrow bed with the outline of Ash’s long body under the covers; his dark head resting on the pillow.
He looks so... alone. Which is a stupid thing to worry over. He’s doing better. I talked to the doctor earlier on and he said the bleeding in his liver has almost stopped, and he’s coming out of the light concussion just fine. He doesn’t need anyone hovering over him as he rests.
It still makes my heart clench. I’ll never forget the image of him slumped against the base of the tree in the cold night, his head dipping forward. How cold his skin was. How unresponsive he’d been.
Swallowing past the lump in my throat that seems to have taken permanent residence there, I quietly close the door behind me and go to sit in the chair by the bed. From this side, I can’t see his swollen jaw, the bruises, the bandage on his forehead. Light scruff darkens his jaw and chin and he has shadows under his eyes.
And still he’s so handsome he steals my breath. Memory doesn’t do him justice; it’s whenever I look at him, whenever I’m in full view of that beautiful mouth, that square jaw, the long lashes, the dark brows that speech and coherent thought desert me.
Why did I think gazing at him would help me find an answer? All I want is to kiss him, curl by his side and stay there forever.
I lean forward, brush black hair off his brow. Now it isn’t spiked with gel anymore, it’s all soft and tousled. Makes me want to run my fingers through it, tug lightly as I kiss him.
My hand stills.
Then strong fingers wrap around my wrist, startling a yelp from me.
“Auds?” The warm rasp of his voice sends shivers through me. Then his eyes open to slits, the pale blue peeking through. “I waited for you all day. I think... I must be dreaming again.”
The lump in my throat grows larger, obstructing my breathing. “I’m here now.”
He lifts my hand and places a kiss on my palm—hot and rough, and I feel the pleasure of it all the way to my toes. “I like these dreams.”
I frown. “It’s not a dream, Ash.” I pull my hand away. “This is real.”
It’s his turn to frown. “I thought... Zane said you left, and I...” He blinks. “Auds?”
Seeing him so confused makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. “I had to leave the room when Tyler came, and then... Then I tried to stay away because I’m the reason you got hurt, and I feel so bad about it.” My voice cracks and I have to stop and take a breath.
He reaches for me and I take his hand, mindful of the needle taped on top of it. “The reason I got hurt? What are you talking about?”
“Giving the cops the name of the fight club. I never thought...” I swallow hard. “Didn’t realize I was putting you in danger. I’m so sorry.”
“Sh.” He tangles his fingers with mine. “It was never your fault, Auds. I’m the one who went and got myself into this mess in the first place. Fighting illegally, dealing with shady people. I was afraid I put you in danger, too.” He shifts on the bed and winces, biting his lip.
Alarmed, I try to pull my hand away and get up. “I’ll call the nurse.”
“No.” He tightens his hold. “I’m okay. Just give me a minute.”
I sit stock still until he gets his breath back. “Are you sure?”
He nods. “I’m fine. Just stiff and sore.” His chest rises and falls rapidly under our clasped hands. “What happened is not your fault. I was stupid. I thought I could deal with it on my own. But I can’t. Zane says I can talk to a social worker. Maybe they can help me. Because the house is lost. Dad had debts and...” He trails off, his jaw clenching.
“I want to help you.” I can’t look away from the pain in his beautiful eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me how bad things were?”
“I wanted to talk to you, tell you everything, but I didn’t want to heap my shit on you. I—”
“Don’t say that. You can talk to me.”
His eyes shimmer. “I don’t want pity, least of all from you.”
“Pity?” I suck in a sharp breath. “No way. Ash, you’re the strongest person I know. I don’t think I’d have survived so much and not gone insane.”
He snorts but I don’t give him a chance to speak.
“You will stay at my place,” I say. “If I’d known, I’d have offered from the start.”
“But your mom—”
“Listen, Ash. You’re not your father, and I’m not my mom. If she doesn’t like it, then I’ll find another apartment. I’ll get a job, you’ll find your feet and together we can pull this off. Dad left me some money. We’ll be fine.”
Even in the faint light I can see the blood draining from his face. Shit, did I say something wrong?
“We,” he rasps. “You said, ‘we’.”
Oh, that. “I know I’m not really your girlfriend. That we were just messing around. That has nothing to do with you staying with me. We’re friends first of all. You can have the couch for as long as you want, okay?”
“Would you?”
“Would I what?”
“Be my girlfriend.”
My eyes sting. This boy keeps making me cry—but this time in a good way. “Is this a question?” I whisper.
He grins so that his bright eyes crinkle in the corners. “Is that a yes?”
“Depends. Are we talking a relationship? Total trust? No secrets and half truths?”
“No secrets,” he whispers and licks his lips. That draws my gaze back to his mouth and leaning over him, I brush my lips over his.
His eyes are heavy-lidded when I pull back. “Auds...”
“Then yes,” I say. “I’m yours. I said I love you, Ash, and I meant it.”
“So that wasn’t a dream, either,” he murmurs. His throat works. “Stay with me?”
When I nods, he shifts, wincing, and lies on his side.
Kicking off my shoes, I climb under the covers with him. Boy are we gonna give the nurse a scare in the morning. I curl against him, as I’ve longed to do, and rest my head on his shoulder, careful not to press against his bruised ribs. As his hand rubs my back, I listen to his heartbeat and close my eyes.
Every single time he left, that he told me to stay away, I resisted. He’s good for me, I know it deep in my heart. I feel happy with him, free. Cherished. Protected.
What did I come here to find out? I’m not even sure. But all I want is to be with him.
Maybe that’s my answer.
***
It’s barely dawning outside when I wake up. Oh good, I won’t scare the nurse to death.
Only problem is I can’t move. Overnight I’ve rolled on my side and a strong arm is draped over my waist, anchoring me to a muscular male chest. Something long and hard pokes the small of my back.
Someone is obviously excited to be pressed against me early in the morning. When I shift, a moan rumbles against my back.
“Ash,” I whisper. “I should go.”
He lowers his head, kissing the side of my neck, and goose bumps pebble my skin. His hand splays on my stomach and I can feel heat seep through my sweater. I’m hyper-aware of his every twitch behind me, the weight of his arm over my waist, his breath on my neck. He smells of spice and musky boy. It’s a heady cocktail that hits straight to my core, making me ache for his touch.
His hand slips under the hem of my sweater and strokes my bare skin, sending a huge tremor through me. Oh yes, that feels so good. But then his long fingers drift lower, sliding into my leggings, under my panties.
I grab his hand. It’s the one with the IV needle. “Stop, Ash. You’ll pull the IV out. Doesn’t it hurt?”
He kisses my neck and doesn’t answer.
“I should go,” I say, my voice breathless. “The nurse will be here to check on you any minute now.”
“I don’t care.”
He nuzzles my ear and his hand slides lower, pressing into my seam, spreading me open. I can only pant and rock into his touch as he strokes me, long, sure thrusts that send electric shocks up my spine and liquefy my bones. My h*ps roll and pleasure crests incredibly fast, wiping out reason.
“Oh god.” I moan, my body moving of its own accord, seeking a release to the mounting pressure inside me. “Ash...”
“So sweet,” he murmurs, scraping his teeth on my skin. “So hot. I’ve only ever wanted you.”
I gasp and shudder, white-hot pleasure shooting through me, the great wave breaking over me and carrying me away.
As I come down, I find myself on my back, in the circle of his arms. His ice-blue eyes are staring down at me, and his lips are tilted in a half-smile.
“I’ve wanted to be like this with you ever since I kissed you in high school,” he says. “Hell, even before that. You’re mine, Auds. And I’m yours for all time, if you want me.”
I let his words wash over me, healing old wounds and fears, taking away the last of the sadness and bitterness festering inside me. I smile as he tells me again he loves me, and I believe him.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Asher
Audrey drifts back to sleep in my arms. Holding her feels so damn good. And the way she writhed under my hands, the sounds of pleasure she made... Tensing. Then trusting me to catch her as she came apart.
Telling me she loves me. That she’ll be with me. That she’ll help me. I close my eyes. Too much to take in. All this joy, after the sorrow of finding out my dad was dead, the fear of running for my life, and the anger at Tyler for showing up and expecting me to just follow his lead as I had when I was a kid.
I need time to digest everything, sort it out, decide how I feel. Right now my head buzzes as if I have a f**king hurricane trapped inside my skull.
The nurse comes all too soon, followed by Zane. I try to keep my hold on Audrey, because dammit I don’t want to let go, but she blinks sleepy eyes at me, smiles, and extricates herself from my arms.
Zane’s eyes are big as saucers, going from Audrey to me and back. Then a corner of his mouth tugs up and he winks at me. “It was about time, f**ker.”
Bastard.
“Hey, I... um.” Audrey blushes and ducks her head. She looks so cute. “I’ll be back later, okay?”
I struggle to sit up and I watch her leave, fighting rising panic.
Jesus, Ash. She’ll be back. No reason why I should feel so cold without her in my arms. She’s come back before. I have to trust her.
My thoughts are with him every minute of every hour. I want to sit by his side and hold his hand, talk to him. Touch his bruised face. Let him know I’m here for him.
God, I can’t help thinking I’m like a princess in my perfect ivory tower and he’s out there, fighting monsters when I could just open the door and let him in. Can we be together? Can we connect our worlds?
Where’s Zane? I can’t stay away any longer. Not after the fright, thinking Ash was dying. Not after realizing how much I love him. I have to see him. If he’s asleep, I’ll just sit and look at him and hope then I’ll know what to do.
Time passes. Evening falls by the time Zane comes back to the cafeteria to tell me Ash is fully conscious and asking about me. He says Ash isn’t angry with me.
“Go home and get some rest, Zane.” I get up and grab my purse. “I’ll call if we need you.”
Zane nods dubiously and I hurry out of the cafeteria.
Visiting hours don’t apply to us. The nurses pretty much let us come and go as we please. I think it’s because they like Ash and feel sorry for him. I’ve heard them whisper about his dad’s death, the scars on his back, his bruises and his long-lost brother who returned out of the blue.
I walk down the hallway, find his room number, open the door and enter on tiptoe.
It’s quite dark inside. The green screen of the monitors faintly illuminates the room: the empty chair, and the narrow bed with the outline of Ash’s long body under the covers; his dark head resting on the pillow.
He looks so... alone. Which is a stupid thing to worry over. He’s doing better. I talked to the doctor earlier on and he said the bleeding in his liver has almost stopped, and he’s coming out of the light concussion just fine. He doesn’t need anyone hovering over him as he rests.
It still makes my heart clench. I’ll never forget the image of him slumped against the base of the tree in the cold night, his head dipping forward. How cold his skin was. How unresponsive he’d been.
Swallowing past the lump in my throat that seems to have taken permanent residence there, I quietly close the door behind me and go to sit in the chair by the bed. From this side, I can’t see his swollen jaw, the bruises, the bandage on his forehead. Light scruff darkens his jaw and chin and he has shadows under his eyes.
And still he’s so handsome he steals my breath. Memory doesn’t do him justice; it’s whenever I look at him, whenever I’m in full view of that beautiful mouth, that square jaw, the long lashes, the dark brows that speech and coherent thought desert me.
Why did I think gazing at him would help me find an answer? All I want is to kiss him, curl by his side and stay there forever.
I lean forward, brush black hair off his brow. Now it isn’t spiked with gel anymore, it’s all soft and tousled. Makes me want to run my fingers through it, tug lightly as I kiss him.
My hand stills.
Then strong fingers wrap around my wrist, startling a yelp from me.
“Auds?” The warm rasp of his voice sends shivers through me. Then his eyes open to slits, the pale blue peeking through. “I waited for you all day. I think... I must be dreaming again.”
The lump in my throat grows larger, obstructing my breathing. “I’m here now.”
He lifts my hand and places a kiss on my palm—hot and rough, and I feel the pleasure of it all the way to my toes. “I like these dreams.”
I frown. “It’s not a dream, Ash.” I pull my hand away. “This is real.”
It’s his turn to frown. “I thought... Zane said you left, and I...” He blinks. “Auds?”
Seeing him so confused makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. “I had to leave the room when Tyler came, and then... Then I tried to stay away because I’m the reason you got hurt, and I feel so bad about it.” My voice cracks and I have to stop and take a breath.
He reaches for me and I take his hand, mindful of the needle taped on top of it. “The reason I got hurt? What are you talking about?”
“Giving the cops the name of the fight club. I never thought...” I swallow hard. “Didn’t realize I was putting you in danger. I’m so sorry.”
“Sh.” He tangles his fingers with mine. “It was never your fault, Auds. I’m the one who went and got myself into this mess in the first place. Fighting illegally, dealing with shady people. I was afraid I put you in danger, too.” He shifts on the bed and winces, biting his lip.
Alarmed, I try to pull my hand away and get up. “I’ll call the nurse.”
“No.” He tightens his hold. “I’m okay. Just give me a minute.”
I sit stock still until he gets his breath back. “Are you sure?”
He nods. “I’m fine. Just stiff and sore.” His chest rises and falls rapidly under our clasped hands. “What happened is not your fault. I was stupid. I thought I could deal with it on my own. But I can’t. Zane says I can talk to a social worker. Maybe they can help me. Because the house is lost. Dad had debts and...” He trails off, his jaw clenching.
“I want to help you.” I can’t look away from the pain in his beautiful eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me how bad things were?”
“I wanted to talk to you, tell you everything, but I didn’t want to heap my shit on you. I—”
“Don’t say that. You can talk to me.”
His eyes shimmer. “I don’t want pity, least of all from you.”
“Pity?” I suck in a sharp breath. “No way. Ash, you’re the strongest person I know. I don’t think I’d have survived so much and not gone insane.”
He snorts but I don’t give him a chance to speak.
“You will stay at my place,” I say. “If I’d known, I’d have offered from the start.”
“But your mom—”
“Listen, Ash. You’re not your father, and I’m not my mom. If she doesn’t like it, then I’ll find another apartment. I’ll get a job, you’ll find your feet and together we can pull this off. Dad left me some money. We’ll be fine.”
Even in the faint light I can see the blood draining from his face. Shit, did I say something wrong?
“We,” he rasps. “You said, ‘we’.”
Oh, that. “I know I’m not really your girlfriend. That we were just messing around. That has nothing to do with you staying with me. We’re friends first of all. You can have the couch for as long as you want, okay?”
“Would you?”
“Would I what?”
“Be my girlfriend.”
My eyes sting. This boy keeps making me cry—but this time in a good way. “Is this a question?” I whisper.
He grins so that his bright eyes crinkle in the corners. “Is that a yes?”
“Depends. Are we talking a relationship? Total trust? No secrets and half truths?”
“No secrets,” he whispers and licks his lips. That draws my gaze back to his mouth and leaning over him, I brush my lips over his.
His eyes are heavy-lidded when I pull back. “Auds...”
“Then yes,” I say. “I’m yours. I said I love you, Ash, and I meant it.”
“So that wasn’t a dream, either,” he murmurs. His throat works. “Stay with me?”
When I nods, he shifts, wincing, and lies on his side.
Kicking off my shoes, I climb under the covers with him. Boy are we gonna give the nurse a scare in the morning. I curl against him, as I’ve longed to do, and rest my head on his shoulder, careful not to press against his bruised ribs. As his hand rubs my back, I listen to his heartbeat and close my eyes.
Every single time he left, that he told me to stay away, I resisted. He’s good for me, I know it deep in my heart. I feel happy with him, free. Cherished. Protected.
What did I come here to find out? I’m not even sure. But all I want is to be with him.
Maybe that’s my answer.
***
It’s barely dawning outside when I wake up. Oh good, I won’t scare the nurse to death.
Only problem is I can’t move. Overnight I’ve rolled on my side and a strong arm is draped over my waist, anchoring me to a muscular male chest. Something long and hard pokes the small of my back.
Someone is obviously excited to be pressed against me early in the morning. When I shift, a moan rumbles against my back.
“Ash,” I whisper. “I should go.”
He lowers his head, kissing the side of my neck, and goose bumps pebble my skin. His hand splays on my stomach and I can feel heat seep through my sweater. I’m hyper-aware of his every twitch behind me, the weight of his arm over my waist, his breath on my neck. He smells of spice and musky boy. It’s a heady cocktail that hits straight to my core, making me ache for his touch.
His hand slips under the hem of my sweater and strokes my bare skin, sending a huge tremor through me. Oh yes, that feels so good. But then his long fingers drift lower, sliding into my leggings, under my panties.
I grab his hand. It’s the one with the IV needle. “Stop, Ash. You’ll pull the IV out. Doesn’t it hurt?”
He kisses my neck and doesn’t answer.
“I should go,” I say, my voice breathless. “The nurse will be here to check on you any minute now.”
“I don’t care.”
He nuzzles my ear and his hand slides lower, pressing into my seam, spreading me open. I can only pant and rock into his touch as he strokes me, long, sure thrusts that send electric shocks up my spine and liquefy my bones. My h*ps roll and pleasure crests incredibly fast, wiping out reason.
“Oh god.” I moan, my body moving of its own accord, seeking a release to the mounting pressure inside me. “Ash...”
“So sweet,” he murmurs, scraping his teeth on my skin. “So hot. I’ve only ever wanted you.”
I gasp and shudder, white-hot pleasure shooting through me, the great wave breaking over me and carrying me away.
As I come down, I find myself on my back, in the circle of his arms. His ice-blue eyes are staring down at me, and his lips are tilted in a half-smile.
“I’ve wanted to be like this with you ever since I kissed you in high school,” he says. “Hell, even before that. You’re mine, Auds. And I’m yours for all time, if you want me.”
I let his words wash over me, healing old wounds and fears, taking away the last of the sadness and bitterness festering inside me. I smile as he tells me again he loves me, and I believe him.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Asher
Audrey drifts back to sleep in my arms. Holding her feels so damn good. And the way she writhed under my hands, the sounds of pleasure she made... Tensing. Then trusting me to catch her as she came apart.
Telling me she loves me. That she’ll be with me. That she’ll help me. I close my eyes. Too much to take in. All this joy, after the sorrow of finding out my dad was dead, the fear of running for my life, and the anger at Tyler for showing up and expecting me to just follow his lead as I had when I was a kid.
I need time to digest everything, sort it out, decide how I feel. Right now my head buzzes as if I have a f**king hurricane trapped inside my skull.
The nurse comes all too soon, followed by Zane. I try to keep my hold on Audrey, because dammit I don’t want to let go, but she blinks sleepy eyes at me, smiles, and extricates herself from my arms.
Zane’s eyes are big as saucers, going from Audrey to me and back. Then a corner of his mouth tugs up and he winks at me. “It was about time, f**ker.”
Bastard.
“Hey, I... um.” Audrey blushes and ducks her head. She looks so cute. “I’ll be back later, okay?”
I struggle to sit up and I watch her leave, fighting rising panic.
Jesus, Ash. She’ll be back. No reason why I should feel so cold without her in my arms. She’s come back before. I have to trust her.
