Joe didn’t get a chance to eat his ruined steak since he took off, not saying good-bye.
I added that to my list of reasons why he needed to move the f**k out right, f**king, away.
Keira and Kate were both home before Joe and they both asked where he was. Since he didn’t tell me, I didn’t have an answer. They decided, wisely, not to pursue it. They had, I didn’t realize, been around when Tim and I fought and they knew, I didn’t realize, that I could hold a mean grudge. So they steered clear.
In fact it was dark, the girls were asleep and I was in bed by the time Joe got home and I’d been in bed a really long time.
Long enough to cool down, get my head sorted out and remember three things.
One, Joe didn’t have seventeen years with a partner to practice communication. Hell, I did have that time and Tim and I often got into tiffs, mainly because he was hot-headed and when my temper blew, it blew huge. I didn’t know how long Joe and Bonnie were married but I didn’t figure she was that good of a communicator and he certainly wasn’t. I needed to cut him some slack.
Two, Jackie told me that the only way sure to fail was to give up and that was always the first thing on my mind, giving up on Joe. I needed to stop doing that.
And three, right in the middle of a fight he said he’d waited seventeen years (even longer) for me and my girls. I hadn’t waited that long to find him but the time after losing Tim to finding Joe wasn’t fun and I never wanted to repeat that again so I couldn’t imagine waiting seventeen years to find someone I gave a shit enough about to try out a life with them. After all that time, we’d given him something to wake up and get out of bed for, he told me that too, and that was huge. So I also needed to stop being a bitch.
I heard him enter the house then our room then I heard his clothes hit the floor and, seconds later, I felt it as he hit the bed.
I rolled into him instantly.
His body got tight.
“In no mood, buddy,” he growled this warning, clearly not done being mad.
“I was a bitch,” I replied, his body got tighter and I pressed closer and kept talking. “I didn’t think it through, I have too much on my mind but you’re important, I should have thought it through and I shouldn’t have lost my temper when I was caught off guard.” I kissed his neck and whispered in his ear, “I’m sorry, Joe.”
He didn’t reply, his body still taut, and kept his silence for long enough for me to take a deep breath and a big risk and do everything I could not to give up on Joe.
So I slid to straddling him. His hands came to my h*ps and gripped them, probably to push me off but I put my hands to either side of his head, dipped my face close to his, held on and peered at him through the dark.
“I’m gonna piss you off, honey, probably enough for you to want to leave. I’ve got a temper and so do you, we’re gonna clash. It won’t feel good, it’ll feel not worth it sometimes but, you leave me, I’ll wait for you to come back. And you’ll come back because, something we’ve both learned, this, what we have is worth getting over it. Whatever it is that ticks us off or holds us back, we know it’s worth fighting for. I won’t give up on you, Joe, I promise. I just need you to promise the same thing.”
He remained silent and I started getting scared so I tilted my head so our foreheads were touching.
“Baby, don’t give up on me,” I whispered.
“Buddy, I came home,” he replied and it hit me that he did and it also hit me that his hands were still gripping my hips, not to push me away, he’d never tried to push me away. They were gripping my h*ps to hold me where I was. If he was giving up on me, he wouldn’t have come home to my bed.
So my big speech was kind of unnecessary.
“Oh,” I murmured, “right.”
“Jesus,” he muttered then he rolled until I was on my back, his weight was on me, his h*ps between my legs then he said, “you’re not real fast, are you?”
If he’d said this in an angry or sarcastic way, rather than a resigned and a tad bit amused way, I would have lost my mind.
Instead, I said honestly, “I’m not usually this clueless. But when my brother is murdered; I’m waiting for the next crazy gift to be delivered to my door which might cause my head to explode; I fall in love with a man and he moves in; and I have a future that includes another kid and I need to figure out how I’m gonna tell my daughters they might have a brother or sister sometime in the future, I get a little out of it. In my defense, most women would.”
“What?” Joe asked when I stopped talking and I realized his body had gone tense again, so tense it felt like even his cells had stopped moving he had that tight a rein.
I put a hand to his face and answered, “I thought you said you wanted a kid.”
“Before that.”
I thought for a second and asked, “My head exploding?”
His body moved but only to press mine deeper into the bed.
“After that, Vi,” he growled and I was getting confused again because he was sounding impatient again, very impatient, close to losing it impatient.
“I’m in love with you?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah, baby, that.”
“What about it?”
“What about it?” he repeated.
“Yeah, um… do you… uh…” Shit! He wasn’t ready for that. Now what did I say? “Is that too much for you? Should I have –?”
He cut me off by roaring with laughter. Roaring. So loud I was pretty sure he’d wake the girls (and Mooch).
“What’s funny?” I asked him and he shoved his face in my neck but his hands started roaming.
“You think maybe you might have wanted to tell me that?”
“Tell you what?”
His head came up. “Honey, keep up with me because this is pretty f**kin’ important.”
I felt my temperature increase as my anger elevated and I did my best to lock it down.
“I’m not following you, Joe. Maybe you could explain?”
His mouth came to mine and he whispered, “You’re in love with me.”
“Well, yeah.”
“Didn’t you think maybe you should share that with me?”
“Um… I thought I did.”
He kissed me lightly then his mouth went away but not far away when he said, “Woulda remembered that, buddy.”
“But, I gave up Mike and you’re moved in.”
“Yeah. So?”
I added that to my list of reasons why he needed to move the f**k out right, f**king, away.
Keira and Kate were both home before Joe and they both asked where he was. Since he didn’t tell me, I didn’t have an answer. They decided, wisely, not to pursue it. They had, I didn’t realize, been around when Tim and I fought and they knew, I didn’t realize, that I could hold a mean grudge. So they steered clear.
In fact it was dark, the girls were asleep and I was in bed by the time Joe got home and I’d been in bed a really long time.
Long enough to cool down, get my head sorted out and remember three things.
One, Joe didn’t have seventeen years with a partner to practice communication. Hell, I did have that time and Tim and I often got into tiffs, mainly because he was hot-headed and when my temper blew, it blew huge. I didn’t know how long Joe and Bonnie were married but I didn’t figure she was that good of a communicator and he certainly wasn’t. I needed to cut him some slack.
Two, Jackie told me that the only way sure to fail was to give up and that was always the first thing on my mind, giving up on Joe. I needed to stop doing that.
And three, right in the middle of a fight he said he’d waited seventeen years (even longer) for me and my girls. I hadn’t waited that long to find him but the time after losing Tim to finding Joe wasn’t fun and I never wanted to repeat that again so I couldn’t imagine waiting seventeen years to find someone I gave a shit enough about to try out a life with them. After all that time, we’d given him something to wake up and get out of bed for, he told me that too, and that was huge. So I also needed to stop being a bitch.
I heard him enter the house then our room then I heard his clothes hit the floor and, seconds later, I felt it as he hit the bed.
I rolled into him instantly.
His body got tight.
“In no mood, buddy,” he growled this warning, clearly not done being mad.
“I was a bitch,” I replied, his body got tighter and I pressed closer and kept talking. “I didn’t think it through, I have too much on my mind but you’re important, I should have thought it through and I shouldn’t have lost my temper when I was caught off guard.” I kissed his neck and whispered in his ear, “I’m sorry, Joe.”
He didn’t reply, his body still taut, and kept his silence for long enough for me to take a deep breath and a big risk and do everything I could not to give up on Joe.
So I slid to straddling him. His hands came to my h*ps and gripped them, probably to push me off but I put my hands to either side of his head, dipped my face close to his, held on and peered at him through the dark.
“I’m gonna piss you off, honey, probably enough for you to want to leave. I’ve got a temper and so do you, we’re gonna clash. It won’t feel good, it’ll feel not worth it sometimes but, you leave me, I’ll wait for you to come back. And you’ll come back because, something we’ve both learned, this, what we have is worth getting over it. Whatever it is that ticks us off or holds us back, we know it’s worth fighting for. I won’t give up on you, Joe, I promise. I just need you to promise the same thing.”
He remained silent and I started getting scared so I tilted my head so our foreheads were touching.
“Baby, don’t give up on me,” I whispered.
“Buddy, I came home,” he replied and it hit me that he did and it also hit me that his hands were still gripping my hips, not to push me away, he’d never tried to push me away. They were gripping my h*ps to hold me where I was. If he was giving up on me, he wouldn’t have come home to my bed.
So my big speech was kind of unnecessary.
“Oh,” I murmured, “right.”
“Jesus,” he muttered then he rolled until I was on my back, his weight was on me, his h*ps between my legs then he said, “you’re not real fast, are you?”
If he’d said this in an angry or sarcastic way, rather than a resigned and a tad bit amused way, I would have lost my mind.
Instead, I said honestly, “I’m not usually this clueless. But when my brother is murdered; I’m waiting for the next crazy gift to be delivered to my door which might cause my head to explode; I fall in love with a man and he moves in; and I have a future that includes another kid and I need to figure out how I’m gonna tell my daughters they might have a brother or sister sometime in the future, I get a little out of it. In my defense, most women would.”
“What?” Joe asked when I stopped talking and I realized his body had gone tense again, so tense it felt like even his cells had stopped moving he had that tight a rein.
I put a hand to his face and answered, “I thought you said you wanted a kid.”
“Before that.”
I thought for a second and asked, “My head exploding?”
His body moved but only to press mine deeper into the bed.
“After that, Vi,” he growled and I was getting confused again because he was sounding impatient again, very impatient, close to losing it impatient.
“I’m in love with you?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah, baby, that.”
“What about it?”
“What about it?” he repeated.
“Yeah, um… do you… uh…” Shit! He wasn’t ready for that. Now what did I say? “Is that too much for you? Should I have –?”
He cut me off by roaring with laughter. Roaring. So loud I was pretty sure he’d wake the girls (and Mooch).
“What’s funny?” I asked him and he shoved his face in my neck but his hands started roaming.
“You think maybe you might have wanted to tell me that?”
“Tell you what?”
His head came up. “Honey, keep up with me because this is pretty f**kin’ important.”
I felt my temperature increase as my anger elevated and I did my best to lock it down.
“I’m not following you, Joe. Maybe you could explain?”
His mouth came to mine and he whispered, “You’re in love with me.”
“Well, yeah.”
“Didn’t you think maybe you should share that with me?”
“Um… I thought I did.”
He kissed me lightly then his mouth went away but not far away when he said, “Woulda remembered that, buddy.”
“But, I gave up Mike and you’re moved in.”
“Yeah. So?”
