Bea looked at me and handed back the picture.
“I like him, hon,” she said quietly, “but…”
“What, Bea?” I prompted when she stopped talking.
“You think he liked my pie?” she asked.
I felt my brows inch together at her strange question and Kate’s head came up but her arm slid around her Gramma and she gave her a squeeze.
“He loved your pie, Gram.”
“Yeah,” Keira affirmed, looking up at Bea, “he had another piece after you left.”
“He did?” Bea asked her voice weirdly hopeful.
“Yeah,” Keira answered, smiling, “he did.”
Bea looked at me again. “You think…?” she started then stopped.
“Think what, Bea?” I asked.
Bea looked down at Keira and touched her face.
“Nothin’.”
“Family’s family,” Aunt Theresa piped up and everyone looked at her but Theresa was looking at Bea. “Family’s family,” Theresa repeated.
“Does Joe think that?” Bea asked Theresa, I looked back at her and finally got it.
I squeezed Bea’s leg and leaned toward her. “You’re a part of our lives.” I whispered.
“But he won’t want to be reminded –” she started and I laughed.
“Bea!” I leaned in further. “Katy and Keirry look exactly like Tim.” I lifted my hand and gestured to the pictures of Tim all over our shelves. “He’s everywhere. He’ll be everywhere,” I touched Keira’s hair and finished, “forever.”
“Family’s family,” Theresa repeated firmly but Bea still looked unsure.
“I’ll never forget Tim, Bea,” I promised. “I don’t want to, I couldn’t lose that, couldn’t lose him, everything we were, everything he gave me, us. I’ll never lose Tim and Joe wouldn’t want me to. He’d never ask that. And he’d never want me to lose you. He knows what you mean to me, the girls, he’d never ask that either.”
“You tell him, he likes my pie, I’ll make it every time we come visit,” Bea promised back.
“Come with your pie, without your pie, he won’t care. Only thing that would piss him off is if you didn’t come thinkin’ you couldn’t because of him.”
Bea licked her bottom lip. Then she whispered, “Tim would like him.”
This was freaky weird, uncomfortable and heartbreakingly sad. It was also true.
“Yeah,” I whispered back.
“You can make your pie for me,” Keira put in, trying to lighten the mood.
“And me,” Kate said, “but I vote strawberry next time.”
“Sugar cream,” Keira placed her own vote.
“I’m thinking butterscotch,” Bea stated.
“Next time I’ll bring my cannoli,” Aunt Theresa declared.
“Shit, I’m gonna get fat,” I muttered and Bea laughed.
“From what I can see, hon, fat, skinny, your hair can fall out and Joe won’t care,” she said.
This was true too.
“Yeah,” I smiled at her.
She smiled back then it wobbled. “Just like Tim,” she whispered.
My smile wobbled too. “Just like Tim.”
Kate put her cheek to her Gramma’s hair. Keira put hers to her Gramma’s knee. I curled Joe and Nicky tight to my chest and looked at Theresa.
“I’ll give him Nicky, soon’s I can,” I promised.
Aunt Theresa’s eyes slid through Bea, Kate and Keira then back to me.
“Grazie cara mia,” she whispered.
“You’re welcome,” I whispered back, got up, bent in, kissed Aunt Theresa’s cheek and then took Nicky and Joe to our bedroom and tucked them safe in my lingerie drawer.
* * * * *
When Cal hit the top of the steps at the Station he saw Colt, Sully and Mike Haines in the bullpen all of them standing around a desk he knew was Colt’s. He knew this because he’d been there before but even if he hadn’t, he’d know it because it had three framed pictures on it. One was of Colt and Feb at J&J’s, Colt seated on his usual stool, Feb standing between his legs, they were pressed close, both of them laughing. One was like a picture Vi had on her shelves. Feb was laying in a hospital bed, newborn baby Jack in her arms, her face pale and tired, Colt was lying on the covers in the bed with her, his arm around her shoulders, his other hand on Jack’s diapered bottom. The last was recent, taken at the barbeque, Colt and Feb standing, Colt had Jack in one arm, his other around Feb, Feb had a gray cat in one arm, her other around Colt and their puppy was sitting on Colt’s foot, his tongue lolling out. They were all smiling, even baby Jack and the puppy looked like they were smiling although the cat looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there.
Happy family and about f**king time.
“Yo,” he said as Colt unfolded from his chair and Sully and Haines locked eyes on him.
Cal tipped his chin to Haines and watched Haines’s jaw get hard. That toxic feeling in his gut churned because he didn’t figure Haines was a man to hold a grudge but if he was Cal didn’t figure he was stupid enough to give away his power by letting on that he did. His jaw was hard because of something else.
“Yo, Cal,” Colt said quietly and that toxic feeling churned deeper. Cal knew Colt was gentle with women, otherwise he wasn’t loud but he also wasn’t quiet.
Cal stopped at their huddle.
“You gave me nothin’ on the phone, Colt. Don’t make me wait,” Cal stated.
“Gotta explain somethin’ first,” Colt was still being quiet, his eyes watchful and Cal noted that he was more than his usual alert and so were Sully and Haines.
“Do it fast,” Cal demanded low.
“First, you gotta know Mike’s here for a reason and it’s a good one,” Colt said and Cal nodded. He didn’t like this at all and it wasn’t getting any better.
“Second, you and me had a conversation on your deck awhile back, you remember?” Colt asked.
“I remember,” Cal answered, his eyes locked on Colt.
“That’s between you and me,” Colt said still talking quiet.
“It is then why we talkin’ about it now?” Cal asked and jerked his head to Sully and Haines.
“Because of that conversation, I made a decision that night that you aren’t gonna like,” Colt replied and Cal felt Sully and Haines both close in. They only moved slightly, it was their increased vigilance that filled their huddle like a physical presence.
“I like him, hon,” she said quietly, “but…”
“What, Bea?” I prompted when she stopped talking.
“You think he liked my pie?” she asked.
I felt my brows inch together at her strange question and Kate’s head came up but her arm slid around her Gramma and she gave her a squeeze.
“He loved your pie, Gram.”
“Yeah,” Keira affirmed, looking up at Bea, “he had another piece after you left.”
“He did?” Bea asked her voice weirdly hopeful.
“Yeah,” Keira answered, smiling, “he did.”
Bea looked at me again. “You think…?” she started then stopped.
“Think what, Bea?” I asked.
Bea looked down at Keira and touched her face.
“Nothin’.”
“Family’s family,” Aunt Theresa piped up and everyone looked at her but Theresa was looking at Bea. “Family’s family,” Theresa repeated.
“Does Joe think that?” Bea asked Theresa, I looked back at her and finally got it.
I squeezed Bea’s leg and leaned toward her. “You’re a part of our lives.” I whispered.
“But he won’t want to be reminded –” she started and I laughed.
“Bea!” I leaned in further. “Katy and Keirry look exactly like Tim.” I lifted my hand and gestured to the pictures of Tim all over our shelves. “He’s everywhere. He’ll be everywhere,” I touched Keira’s hair and finished, “forever.”
“Family’s family,” Theresa repeated firmly but Bea still looked unsure.
“I’ll never forget Tim, Bea,” I promised. “I don’t want to, I couldn’t lose that, couldn’t lose him, everything we were, everything he gave me, us. I’ll never lose Tim and Joe wouldn’t want me to. He’d never ask that. And he’d never want me to lose you. He knows what you mean to me, the girls, he’d never ask that either.”
“You tell him, he likes my pie, I’ll make it every time we come visit,” Bea promised back.
“Come with your pie, without your pie, he won’t care. Only thing that would piss him off is if you didn’t come thinkin’ you couldn’t because of him.”
Bea licked her bottom lip. Then she whispered, “Tim would like him.”
This was freaky weird, uncomfortable and heartbreakingly sad. It was also true.
“Yeah,” I whispered back.
“You can make your pie for me,” Keira put in, trying to lighten the mood.
“And me,” Kate said, “but I vote strawberry next time.”
“Sugar cream,” Keira placed her own vote.
“I’m thinking butterscotch,” Bea stated.
“Next time I’ll bring my cannoli,” Aunt Theresa declared.
“Shit, I’m gonna get fat,” I muttered and Bea laughed.
“From what I can see, hon, fat, skinny, your hair can fall out and Joe won’t care,” she said.
This was true too.
“Yeah,” I smiled at her.
She smiled back then it wobbled. “Just like Tim,” she whispered.
My smile wobbled too. “Just like Tim.”
Kate put her cheek to her Gramma’s hair. Keira put hers to her Gramma’s knee. I curled Joe and Nicky tight to my chest and looked at Theresa.
“I’ll give him Nicky, soon’s I can,” I promised.
Aunt Theresa’s eyes slid through Bea, Kate and Keira then back to me.
“Grazie cara mia,” she whispered.
“You’re welcome,” I whispered back, got up, bent in, kissed Aunt Theresa’s cheek and then took Nicky and Joe to our bedroom and tucked them safe in my lingerie drawer.
* * * * *
When Cal hit the top of the steps at the Station he saw Colt, Sully and Mike Haines in the bullpen all of them standing around a desk he knew was Colt’s. He knew this because he’d been there before but even if he hadn’t, he’d know it because it had three framed pictures on it. One was of Colt and Feb at J&J’s, Colt seated on his usual stool, Feb standing between his legs, they were pressed close, both of them laughing. One was like a picture Vi had on her shelves. Feb was laying in a hospital bed, newborn baby Jack in her arms, her face pale and tired, Colt was lying on the covers in the bed with her, his arm around her shoulders, his other hand on Jack’s diapered bottom. The last was recent, taken at the barbeque, Colt and Feb standing, Colt had Jack in one arm, his other around Feb, Feb had a gray cat in one arm, her other around Colt and their puppy was sitting on Colt’s foot, his tongue lolling out. They were all smiling, even baby Jack and the puppy looked like they were smiling although the cat looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there.
Happy family and about f**king time.
“Yo,” he said as Colt unfolded from his chair and Sully and Haines locked eyes on him.
Cal tipped his chin to Haines and watched Haines’s jaw get hard. That toxic feeling in his gut churned because he didn’t figure Haines was a man to hold a grudge but if he was Cal didn’t figure he was stupid enough to give away his power by letting on that he did. His jaw was hard because of something else.
“Yo, Cal,” Colt said quietly and that toxic feeling churned deeper. Cal knew Colt was gentle with women, otherwise he wasn’t loud but he also wasn’t quiet.
Cal stopped at their huddle.
“You gave me nothin’ on the phone, Colt. Don’t make me wait,” Cal stated.
“Gotta explain somethin’ first,” Colt was still being quiet, his eyes watchful and Cal noted that he was more than his usual alert and so were Sully and Haines.
“Do it fast,” Cal demanded low.
“First, you gotta know Mike’s here for a reason and it’s a good one,” Colt said and Cal nodded. He didn’t like this at all and it wasn’t getting any better.
“Second, you and me had a conversation on your deck awhile back, you remember?” Colt asked.
“I remember,” Cal answered, his eyes locked on Colt.
“That’s between you and me,” Colt said still talking quiet.
“It is then why we talkin’ about it now?” Cal asked and jerked his head to Sully and Haines.
“Because of that conversation, I made a decision that night that you aren’t gonna like,” Colt replied and Cal felt Sully and Haines both close in. They only moved slightly, it was their increased vigilance that filled their huddle like a physical presence.
