Beautiful Chaos
Page 59

She knew the name. She’d seen it on her half brothers’ family tree. “Hunting and Macon said you were dead.”
“Do I look dead?” He smiled. “Couldn’t die just yet. I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Me? Why?” Sarafine’s own family wouldn’t speak to her. It was hard to believe someone had been waiting for her.
“You don’t understand what you are yet, do you? Are you hearing the call? The voices?” He looked into the flames. “I can see you’ve already found your gift.”
“It’s not a gift. It’s a curse.”
His head snapped back in her direction, and she could see his black eyes. “Now, who’s been telling you that? Casters, I imagine.” He shook his head. “Doesn’t surprise me. Casters are liars, only one step removed from Mortals. But not you. A Cataclyst is the most powerful Caster in our world, and born from the Dark Fire. Too powerful to be considered a Caster at all, the way I see it.”
Was it possible? Could she possess the most powerful gift in the Caster world? Part of her yearned for it to be true—to be special, rather than cast aside. A part of her that wanted to give in to the urges.
To burn everything in her path.
To make all the people who had hurt her pay.
No!
She forced the thoughts from her mind. John. She focused on John and his beautiful green eyes.
Sarafine was shaking. “I don’t want to be Dark.”
“Too late for that. You can’t fight what you are.” Abraham laughed, a sinister sound. “Now let’s see those pretty yellow eyes of yours.”
Abraham had been right. Sarafine couldn’t fight what she was, but she could hide it. She had no other choice. She was two souls, battling for the same body. Right and wrong. Good and evil. Light and Dark.
John was the only thing that tethered her to the Light. She loved him, although sometimes that love was starting to feel more like a memory. Something far away she could see but never reach.
Still, she reached.
The memory was easiest to see when they were lying in bed, tangled up in each other.
“Do you know how much I love you?” John whispered, his lips barely grazing her ear.
Sarafine moved closer, as if his warmth could somehow soak into her cold skin and change her from the outside in. “How much?”
“More than anything or anyone. More than myself.”
“I feel the same way.” Liar. She could hear the voice even now.
John leaned down until their foreheads were touching. “I’m never going to feel this way about anyone else. It will always be you.” His voice was low and raspy. “You’re eighteen now. Marry me.”
Sarafine could hear another voice in the back of her mind, a voice that came into her thoughts and dreams late at night. Abraham. You think you love him, but you don’t. You can’t love someone who doesn’t know who you are. You’re not really a Caster; you’re one of us.
“Izabel?” John was staring back at her, searching in her eyes for the girl he’d fallen in love with. A girl who was being consumed little by little.
How much of her was left?
“Yes.” Sarafine wrapped her arms around John’s neck, tethering herself once more. “I’ll marry you.”
Lena opened her eyes. She was lying on the dirty concrete floor next to me, the toes of our sneakers almost touching. “Oh my God, Ethan. It started when she met Abraham.”
“Your mom was already going Dark.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe she could have fought it, like Uncle Macon.”
I knew how badly Lena wanted to believe there was some good in her mother. That she wasn’t destined to be the murderous monster we both knew.
Maybe.
We stood up as Marian turned the corner. “It’s getting late. As much as I’ve missed having you lounge around on the floor, I really need you to leave. This isn’t pleasant business, I’m afraid.”
“What do you mean?”
“The Council is paying me a visit.”
“The Council?” I wasn’t sure which one she was talking about.
“The Council of the Far Keep.”
Lena nodded, and smiled sympathetically. “Uncle Macon told me. Is there anything we can do? Write letters or sign a petition? Hand out flyers?”
Marian smiled, looking tired. “No. They’re just doing their job.”
“Which is?”
“Making sure the rest of us follow the rules. I think this falls into the category of taking one’s lumps. I am prepared to take responsibility for anything I’ve done. But nothing more. ‘The price of greatness is responsibility.’ ” She looked at me expectantly.
“Um, Plato?” I guessed hopefully.
“Winston Churchill.” She sighed. “That’s all they can ask of me, and all I can ask of myself. Now it’s time for you to go.”
Now that Mrs. English and my dad were gone, I noticed that Marian was dressed in clothes that were very un-Marian. Instead of a brightly colored dress, she was wearing a black robe over a black dress. As if she was going to a funeral. Which was just about the last place I was going to let Marian go without me.
“We’re not going anywhere.”
She shook her head. “Except home.”
“No.”
“Ethan, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“When Lena and I were the ones in front of the firing squad, you walked right into the line of fire—you and Macon. There’s no way I’m going anywhere.”