Beautiful Darkness
Page 37

But I wasn't letting her off that easy this time. I broke the truce. "What's going on, L? If you love me so much, what's the deal with John Breed?"
She looked away without saying a word.
Answer me.
"It's not like that, Ethan. John's just a friend of Ridley's. There's nothing going on between us."
"How long has nothing been going on? Since you took that picture of him in the graveyard?"
"It wasn't a picture of him. It was his bike. I was meeting Ridley, and he happened to be there." I noticed she ignored the question.
"Since when have you been hanging out with Ridley? Did you forget the part where she separated us so your mother could get you alone and try to convince you to go over to the Dark side? Or when Ridley almost kil ed my father?"
Lena pul ed her arm away from me, and I could feel her withdrawing again, moving back into that place I couldn't reach. "Ridley warned me you wouldn't understand. You're a Mortal. You don't know anything about me, not the real me.
That's why I didn't tel you." I felt a sudden breeze as the storm clouds rol ed in like a warning.
"How do you know whether I would understand or not? You haven't told me anything. Maybe if you gave me the chance instead of sneaking around behind my back --"
"What do you want me to tel you? That I have no idea what's going on with me? That something's changing, something I don't understand? That I feel like a freak, and Ridley's the only one who can help me figure it out?"
I could hear everything she was saying, but she was right. I didn't understand. "Are you listening to yourself? You think Ridley's trying to help you, that you can trust her? She's a Dark Caster, L. Look at yourself! You think this is you? The things you're feeling, she's probably causing them."
I waited for the downpour, but instead the clouds parted. Lena moved closer and put her hands on my chest again, staring up at me, pleading. "Ethan, she's changed. She doesn't want to be Dark. It ruined her life when she Turned. She lost everyone, including herself. Ridley says going Dark changes the way you feel about people. You can sense the feelings you had, the things you loved, but Rid says the feelings are distant. Almost like they belong to someone else."
"But you said it wasn't something she could control."
"I was wrong. Look at Uncle Macon. He knew how to control it, and Ridley's learning, too."
"Ridley is not Macon."
Heat lightning flashed across the sky. "You don't know anything."
"That's right. I'm a stupid Mortal. I don't know anything about your supersecret Caster world and skanky Caster cousin, or Caster Boy and his Harley."
Lena snapped. "Ridley and I were like sisters, and I can't turn my back on her. I told you, I need her right now. And she needs me."
I didn't say anything. Lena was so frustrated, I was surprised the Ferris Wheel hadn't come loose and rol ed away. I could see the lights from the Tilt-A-Whirl, spinning in the corner of my eye, churning and dizzying. It was the way I felt when I let myself get lost in Lena's eyes. Sometimes love feels that way, and you find your way to a truce when you don't real y want to.
Sometimes the truce finds you.
She reached up and laced her fingers behind my neck, pul ing me into her. I found her lips, and we were al over each other as if we were afraid we might never have the chance to touch again. This time, when her mouth tugged at my bottom lip, biting gently into my skin, there was no blood. Just urgency. I turned, pushing her against the rough wooden wal behind the ticket booth. Her breath was ragged, echoing in my ear even louder than my own. I raked my hands through her curls, guiding her mouth to mine. The pressure in my chest started to build, the shortness of breath, the sound of the air as I tried to fil my lungs. The fire.
Lena felt it, too. She pushed away from me, and I bent over trying to catch my breath.
"Are you okay?"
I took a deep breath and stood up again. "Yeah, I'm al right. For a Mortal."
She smiled a real smile and reached for my hand. I noticed she had drawn crazy-looking designs on her palm in Sharpie. The black curls and spirals swirled from her palm around her wrist and up the base of her arm. The pattern looked like the henna the fortune-tel er wore, in the tent that smel ed like bad incense at the other edge of the fairgrounds.
"What is that?" I held her wrist, but she pul ed it away. Remembering Ridley and her tattoo, I hoped it was Sharpie.
It is.
"Maybe we should get you something to drink." She led me around the side of the booth, and I let her. I couldn't stay mad, not if there was a possibility the wal between us was final y coming down. When we kissed a minute ago, that's what I felt. It was the opposite of the kiss on the lake, a kiss that had taken my breath away for different reasons. I might never know what that kiss was. But I knew this kiss, and I knew it was al I had -- a chance.
Which lasted two seconds.
Because then I saw Liv, carrying two cotton candies in one hand and waving at me with the other, and I knew the wal was about to go back up, maybe for good. "Ethan, come on. I have your cotton candy. We're going to miss the Ferris Wheel!"
Lena dropped my hand. I knew how it must have looked -- a tal blond, with long legs and two cotton candies and an expectant smile. I was doomed before Liv even got to the word we.
That's Liv, Marian's research assistant. She works with me at the library.