Before I Wake
Page 79
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I have no intention of stopping her, but that has nothing to do with your useless threat. Avaris focus shifted to me then. Eliminate this form, and I will see you again soon, in another, even more treasured one. Or you can come with me now and spare the life of someone you love. What will it be, little bean sidhe?
My teeth ground together and my fists curled around the handle of the knife in my grasp. My free hand wiped tears from my face. Hed already killed someone I lovedAlec was the closest thing to a brother Id ever had. The closest I would ever have.
My mouth opened, and a bellow of rage burst from me, lower and more raw than any sound my bean sidhe lungs had ever produced. I lunged forward and shoved the double-bladed knife into his stomach and up beneath his sternum, going for the heartfor the quick killout of some instinct I hadnt known I possessed.
Avaris eyes widened. A sound of pain caught in his throat, like he was choking on it. He swallowed thickly, then smiled at me in spite of obvious pain. Blood poured over my hand, gruesomely warm and wet. Avari fell forward, one hand grasping weakly for my shoulder, and I stumbled beneath his weight.
Tod was there in an instant, trying to pull him off me, and cold horror unfurled deep inside my stomach. This wasnt right. None of the others had died like this, with weight, and staggering pain, and blood gushing over my hand and onto my clothes, pooling on the floor between us.
Tod pulled, but Avari clung to me with what had to be the last of his strength, and whispered into my ear. I didnt kill Alec, Ms. Cavanaugh. You did that yourself. And it was magnificent
Then he let go, and Tod shoved him to the floor.
Avari sucked in a shocked gasp and stared up at me, blinking in confusion, dark skin waxy with pain and blood loss. Kaylee?
And thats when I understood. Avari wasnt wearing Alecs soul. He was wearing Alecs body. Alec had only been possessed. And Id just killed him.
No! I dropped to my knees next to him, and my hands shook over the hilt of the knife. I didnt know whether to pull it out or leave it in. Which would be worse? Did it even matter? He couldnt survive this. No one could.
I hadnt.
Alec!
What happened? His lips moved, but there was no sound, other than the wheezy breaths he pulled in slowly, and exhaled even more slowly.
Avari. I couldnt see through my tears. Im so sorry. Oh, Alec, Im so sorry!
Kay. Tod tried to pull me away, but I wouldnt go. Kaylee, let him go.
No! We can save him. Just Just dont take his soul. Then he cant die, right? With no reaper there to end his life and take his soul, hed be okay. The doctors could still work their miracles. I stood and took his hand, staring athim through my tears. Call an ambulance. No, take him to the hospital yourself. Please, Tod!
Kaylee, its too late. He turned my head gently so that I had to look. So that I had to see Alecs soul, pale and clean, already wrapping around the hilt of the blade still in his stomach. He doesnt need a reaperthe dagger took his soul. Hes already gone.
No. I closed my eyes, so I wouldnt have to see Alec staring at the ceiling, his eyes empty. Dead. No! This wasnt supposed to happen. This isnt how it works! I dont kill people. I rescue souls. This cant be
I dropped onto my knees again, sitting on my feet. My hands fell into my lap and left dark, sticky smears of blood on my jeans. The world started to lose focus.
Kay, look at me. Tod tried to pull me up with one hand, but I wouldnt stand. I couldnt. So he lifted me by both arms. This is not your fault. Avari did this. He fooled us both. Alecs fate was sealed the minute Avari possessed him, and you saved his soul from eternal torture.
No. I shook my head, blinking through tears. My knife. I stabbed him.
Kaylee, dont do this to yourself.
How can I? I couldnt finish the sentence. I didnt have the words. How could I live with myself, knowing what Id done?
I couldnt. I wasnt living, anyway. But I wouldnt even be unliving when Madeline found out. Shed kill me for real, which was no less than I deserved, but my father would be devastated. Em would be devastated. Tod would be
And it was all my fault.
Tod started to let me go, but my legs buckled beneath me. Kaylee, hold it together. I need you to stand up.
I stood, and distantly I saw him pull the dagger from Alecs stomach and wipe the blades on his pants, where they left dark smears. Come on. He wrapped one arm around my waist and slid his hand beneath my shirt so that his skin connected with mine. Im going to take you some place safe, so you can get yourself together. So we can deal with this. I need to think. He squeezed me so tight my ribs ached, and as the world dissolved around us, his last words echoed in my ears. I wont let them take you away .
* * *
The world pulled itself into focus around me again and when Tod let go of me, my skin felt cold without his touch. Everything felt cold.
Im freezing, I whispered, and my teeth started to chatter on the last syllable, drawing it out.
I think youre in shock. Here. Sit down. Tod led me by the elbow to a chair in one corner of the room. I thought the elbow thing was kind of weirduntil I realized my hands were still covered in blood.
My teeth ground together and my fists curled around the handle of the knife in my grasp. My free hand wiped tears from my face. Hed already killed someone I lovedAlec was the closest thing to a brother Id ever had. The closest I would ever have.
My mouth opened, and a bellow of rage burst from me, lower and more raw than any sound my bean sidhe lungs had ever produced. I lunged forward and shoved the double-bladed knife into his stomach and up beneath his sternum, going for the heartfor the quick killout of some instinct I hadnt known I possessed.
Avaris eyes widened. A sound of pain caught in his throat, like he was choking on it. He swallowed thickly, then smiled at me in spite of obvious pain. Blood poured over my hand, gruesomely warm and wet. Avari fell forward, one hand grasping weakly for my shoulder, and I stumbled beneath his weight.
Tod was there in an instant, trying to pull him off me, and cold horror unfurled deep inside my stomach. This wasnt right. None of the others had died like this, with weight, and staggering pain, and blood gushing over my hand and onto my clothes, pooling on the floor between us.
Tod pulled, but Avari clung to me with what had to be the last of his strength, and whispered into my ear. I didnt kill Alec, Ms. Cavanaugh. You did that yourself. And it was magnificent
Then he let go, and Tod shoved him to the floor.
Avari sucked in a shocked gasp and stared up at me, blinking in confusion, dark skin waxy with pain and blood loss. Kaylee?
And thats when I understood. Avari wasnt wearing Alecs soul. He was wearing Alecs body. Alec had only been possessed. And Id just killed him.
No! I dropped to my knees next to him, and my hands shook over the hilt of the knife. I didnt know whether to pull it out or leave it in. Which would be worse? Did it even matter? He couldnt survive this. No one could.
I hadnt.
Alec!
What happened? His lips moved, but there was no sound, other than the wheezy breaths he pulled in slowly, and exhaled even more slowly.
Avari. I couldnt see through my tears. Im so sorry. Oh, Alec, Im so sorry!
Kay. Tod tried to pull me away, but I wouldnt go. Kaylee, let him go.
No! We can save him. Just Just dont take his soul. Then he cant die, right? With no reaper there to end his life and take his soul, hed be okay. The doctors could still work their miracles. I stood and took his hand, staring athim through my tears. Call an ambulance. No, take him to the hospital yourself. Please, Tod!
Kaylee, its too late. He turned my head gently so that I had to look. So that I had to see Alecs soul, pale and clean, already wrapping around the hilt of the blade still in his stomach. He doesnt need a reaperthe dagger took his soul. Hes already gone.
No. I closed my eyes, so I wouldnt have to see Alec staring at the ceiling, his eyes empty. Dead. No! This wasnt supposed to happen. This isnt how it works! I dont kill people. I rescue souls. This cant be
I dropped onto my knees again, sitting on my feet. My hands fell into my lap and left dark, sticky smears of blood on my jeans. The world started to lose focus.
Kay, look at me. Tod tried to pull me up with one hand, but I wouldnt stand. I couldnt. So he lifted me by both arms. This is not your fault. Avari did this. He fooled us both. Alecs fate was sealed the minute Avari possessed him, and you saved his soul from eternal torture.
No. I shook my head, blinking through tears. My knife. I stabbed him.
Kaylee, dont do this to yourself.
How can I? I couldnt finish the sentence. I didnt have the words. How could I live with myself, knowing what Id done?
I couldnt. I wasnt living, anyway. But I wouldnt even be unliving when Madeline found out. Shed kill me for real, which was no less than I deserved, but my father would be devastated. Em would be devastated. Tod would be
And it was all my fault.
Tod started to let me go, but my legs buckled beneath me. Kaylee, hold it together. I need you to stand up.
I stood, and distantly I saw him pull the dagger from Alecs stomach and wipe the blades on his pants, where they left dark smears. Come on. He wrapped one arm around my waist and slid his hand beneath my shirt so that his skin connected with mine. Im going to take you some place safe, so you can get yourself together. So we can deal with this. I need to think. He squeezed me so tight my ribs ached, and as the world dissolved around us, his last words echoed in my ears. I wont let them take you away .
* * *
The world pulled itself into focus around me again and when Tod let go of me, my skin felt cold without his touch. Everything felt cold.
Im freezing, I whispered, and my teeth started to chatter on the last syllable, drawing it out.
I think youre in shock. Here. Sit down. Tod led me by the elbow to a chair in one corner of the room. I thought the elbow thing was kind of weirduntil I realized my hands were still covered in blood.
