Behind His Eyes: Truth
Page 50
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There was hope in her answer, real hope. While Tony reeled with this new reality of his world spinning out of control, he reached for that small flicker. Though more than he deserved, it was there. “I don’t want you and this baby living in California.”
“I know, but, Tony, I can’t go back to the past.”
“To here?”
“No, I love here. I won’t go back to your supreme control over my every move. I can’t and I won’t allow that kind of life for our child.”
“Our child,” he repeated, as he gently touched her midsection. Those words would unite them forever. He wouldn’t allow her to be thousands of miles away—not with their child.
Claire nodded with a new gleam to her moonlit eyes. “I went to the doctor on Wednesday. She did an ultrasound. I saw the image of our baby and his heart beating. The sound of his heart reminded me of my lake—here. From that moment on, everything felt right.”
“You keep saying him?” His cheeks rose. A boy? Could Claire know this soon?
She mused, “I have no idea of the baby’s gender. Him sounds better than it, don’t you think?”
“You know,” he continued, trying to be honest, “you’re very good at pretending. I knew it before, but tonight you were perfect at every turn. I felt your anger, yet you appeared perfect. How do I really know how you feel?”
“How do I know how you feel? Or that you won’t do something to me like you did before, with the attempted murder?”
He closed his eyes and lowered his lips to the top of her head. “I guess we need to trust one another.”
“Can we do that?” Claire asked.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly.
He pondered her question as he took her hand and helped her back to the car. Could they? Could they trust? This wasn’t the time to remind Claire that she’d been the one to leave him, the one to fail the test and sever that trust.
On the ride home, Tony asked questions and Claire answered. No one else knew about the pregnancy. She’d wanted to see Tony and decide what to do, which from the moment she saw the ultrasound, Claire knew that not having the baby wasn’t an option. She told him about the sickness, what she’d thought was food poisoning, and the bacon. He asked when she suspected. Had she known when he was in California?
“Sunday, less than a week ago, was when I first started questioning. I did a home pregnancy test, and on Wednesday I went to the doctor.”
Today was Friday. It had all happened so recently. In less than a week, both of their worlds spun into a new orbit. The little life inside of her would change them forever. When they entered the estate, Claire said good-night to Tony at the bottom of the stairs. Holding tightly to her hand, he replied, “I’d like to join you, just to talk.”
“Not tonight.” She smiled sweetly. “I’ve got a lot to think about.”
He didn’t argue; he, too, had much to ponder.
After he watched her disappear up the stairs and down the corridor, Tony went to his office to check his messages. With everything that happened, he hadn’t checked his phone since before dinner. Peering at the screen, he touched a missed text message from Phillip Roach. The words were a punch to his gut, pushing the air from his lungs:
“MS. NICHOLS’ APARTMENT WAS BROKEN INTO EARLIER TODAY. NO ONE WAS HOME. IT APPEARS ONLY HER BEDROOM WAS RANSACKED. I’LL SEND MORE INFORMATION AS SOON AS I CAN.”
The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says, but rather to what he does not say.
—Kahlil Gibran
Tony woke early with his new reality running laps through his brain. Claire was pregnant—with his child. How it happened, or even why, was no longer worth his consideration. Where to go from here was what he needed to decide. He’d wanted to convince Claire that being in his life was where she needed to be. This baby changed the game: he or she was forcing moves that neither Claire nor Tony had imagined making this soon.
Tony wasn’t sure how to convince Claire, but he’d been dead serious when he said that he didn’t want her and the baby living in California. When it was just Claire, he was willing to wait and let her come to that realization; however, that was no longer the case. The baby may be residing within Claire, but it was half his. In Tony’s opinion, that gave him the edge he needed in his negotiation.
As the morning progressed, though he didn’t want to wake her, he desperately wanted to be near her. Between his workout, shower, and reviewing a few proposals, he’d already accomplished more than most people do in a day. However, if he had his way, his morning would have been spent showing his ex-wife just how much he wanted her around. From someplace deep, a place where he’d suppressed the memories of them, Tony recalled mornings spent watching her sleep and times when his desires would not allow him to let her sleep. He also remembered mornings he‘d slipped from their bed with nothing more than a brief kiss to her hair. Suddenly, he regretted those days—days that his work seemed more important than her.
Time was a stubborn bastard. No matter how much money or influence Anthony Rawlings possessed, he couldn’t change time or turn it back. What he could do was promise that the future would be different. He glanced inside of his desk drawer. For the first time since his dream, the envelope made him smile. For the first time, Tony had hope, genuine hope—that his envelope would not remain empty. He’d never considered filling it with more than Claire, but now—now there was also a child. Tony wasn’t sure why God thought he deserved this opportunity. He wasn’t questioning; instead he wanted to prove—to Nathaniel, to a higher being, to Claire and to his child that he would succeed.
“I know, but, Tony, I can’t go back to the past.”
“To here?”
“No, I love here. I won’t go back to your supreme control over my every move. I can’t and I won’t allow that kind of life for our child.”
“Our child,” he repeated, as he gently touched her midsection. Those words would unite them forever. He wouldn’t allow her to be thousands of miles away—not with their child.
Claire nodded with a new gleam to her moonlit eyes. “I went to the doctor on Wednesday. She did an ultrasound. I saw the image of our baby and his heart beating. The sound of his heart reminded me of my lake—here. From that moment on, everything felt right.”
“You keep saying him?” His cheeks rose. A boy? Could Claire know this soon?
She mused, “I have no idea of the baby’s gender. Him sounds better than it, don’t you think?”
“You know,” he continued, trying to be honest, “you’re very good at pretending. I knew it before, but tonight you were perfect at every turn. I felt your anger, yet you appeared perfect. How do I really know how you feel?”
“How do I know how you feel? Or that you won’t do something to me like you did before, with the attempted murder?”
He closed his eyes and lowered his lips to the top of her head. “I guess we need to trust one another.”
“Can we do that?” Claire asked.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly.
He pondered her question as he took her hand and helped her back to the car. Could they? Could they trust? This wasn’t the time to remind Claire that she’d been the one to leave him, the one to fail the test and sever that trust.
On the ride home, Tony asked questions and Claire answered. No one else knew about the pregnancy. She’d wanted to see Tony and decide what to do, which from the moment she saw the ultrasound, Claire knew that not having the baby wasn’t an option. She told him about the sickness, what she’d thought was food poisoning, and the bacon. He asked when she suspected. Had she known when he was in California?
“Sunday, less than a week ago, was when I first started questioning. I did a home pregnancy test, and on Wednesday I went to the doctor.”
Today was Friday. It had all happened so recently. In less than a week, both of their worlds spun into a new orbit. The little life inside of her would change them forever. When they entered the estate, Claire said good-night to Tony at the bottom of the stairs. Holding tightly to her hand, he replied, “I’d like to join you, just to talk.”
“Not tonight.” She smiled sweetly. “I’ve got a lot to think about.”
He didn’t argue; he, too, had much to ponder.
After he watched her disappear up the stairs and down the corridor, Tony went to his office to check his messages. With everything that happened, he hadn’t checked his phone since before dinner. Peering at the screen, he touched a missed text message from Phillip Roach. The words were a punch to his gut, pushing the air from his lungs:
“MS. NICHOLS’ APARTMENT WAS BROKEN INTO EARLIER TODAY. NO ONE WAS HOME. IT APPEARS ONLY HER BEDROOM WAS RANSACKED. I’LL SEND MORE INFORMATION AS SOON AS I CAN.”
The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says, but rather to what he does not say.
—Kahlil Gibran
Tony woke early with his new reality running laps through his brain. Claire was pregnant—with his child. How it happened, or even why, was no longer worth his consideration. Where to go from here was what he needed to decide. He’d wanted to convince Claire that being in his life was where she needed to be. This baby changed the game: he or she was forcing moves that neither Claire nor Tony had imagined making this soon.
Tony wasn’t sure how to convince Claire, but he’d been dead serious when he said that he didn’t want her and the baby living in California. When it was just Claire, he was willing to wait and let her come to that realization; however, that was no longer the case. The baby may be residing within Claire, but it was half his. In Tony’s opinion, that gave him the edge he needed in his negotiation.
As the morning progressed, though he didn’t want to wake her, he desperately wanted to be near her. Between his workout, shower, and reviewing a few proposals, he’d already accomplished more than most people do in a day. However, if he had his way, his morning would have been spent showing his ex-wife just how much he wanted her around. From someplace deep, a place where he’d suppressed the memories of them, Tony recalled mornings spent watching her sleep and times when his desires would not allow him to let her sleep. He also remembered mornings he‘d slipped from their bed with nothing more than a brief kiss to her hair. Suddenly, he regretted those days—days that his work seemed more important than her.
Time was a stubborn bastard. No matter how much money or influence Anthony Rawlings possessed, he couldn’t change time or turn it back. What he could do was promise that the future would be different. He glanced inside of his desk drawer. For the first time since his dream, the envelope made him smile. For the first time, Tony had hope, genuine hope—that his envelope would not remain empty. He’d never considered filling it with more than Claire, but now—now there was also a child. Tony wasn’t sure why God thought he deserved this opportunity. He wasn’t questioning; instead he wanted to prove—to Nathaniel, to a higher being, to Claire and to his child that he would succeed.
