“I kind of do,” I admit.
He nods enthusiastically at me. “Right? Be fucking awesome.”
I shake my head with a grin. Men.
“See that house there?” he says, pointing to an old red-brick house we pass on the highway.
“Yeah?”
“Want to hear a funny story?”
I cross my legs and turn slightly towards him. “I don’t know, do I?”
He grins and nods.
“Okay, tell me.”
“I got a call from a chick once, saying to come over and fuck her. I hadn’t seen her for a bit, and thought she lived in that house. She had lived there for ages. So anyway, I rock up at the house, all ready to go, and knock on the front door but nobody answers. So, I think fuck it, and just go inside. She said she’s alone, so what the hell?”
I start giggling, because I already know where this story is going.
“So, I just walk in and start waltzing down the hall, and this girl comes out of the bedroom. But it isn’t the girl I’m here to see. She looks at me. I look at her. And I ask her if the girl is home.”
I’m snort laughing now.
“She says she doesn’t live here anymore. She’s looking at me like I’m a total psycho. I’m all primed and ready to go and I’ve gone into the wrong house and was just walking down to the bedroom like I owned the place.”
I double over with laughter, then shoot back up again. “Wait, you didn’t screw the chick that was actually in the house, did you?”
He laughs. “No. I found out where the other girl lived, but it was fucking hilarious.”
“That poor girl. Imagine walking out of your room and seeing some random dude, probably sporting a boner, waltzing down your hall.”
We both laugh for a solid few minutes.
“It was fucking funny.”
I shake my head. “God, only you.”
He nods. “Yeah.”
“I have a funny sex story too. Want to hear it?”
He glances at me, then nods. “Yep.”
“So, I was only about sixteen when I lost my virginity. I was going out with this guy for about six months and we finally decided to do it. But both our parents wouldn’t allow anything like that in the house so we had to improvise. We went down to this park, it was quiet, and dark, and it seemed like a good time to do it on the grass.”
He urges me on with his hand, a wicked grin on his face. This man has a devilish personality, I can tell already.
“So, there we are, the awful moment of losing your virginity. We’re on the ground, kind of close to a garden, and we go the whole way you know. It takes a while. When it’s over, and we’re dressed, we’re both sitting there when he turns to me and says, ‘Was it good for you?’ the next thing I know, a voice comes out of the darkness, from in the garden, and says, ‘It was good for me.’”
“Oh, my god!” Roman roars with laughter.
“Yes, there was a homeless man in the garden, and he sat and enjoyed the loss of my virginity, from start to finish. I was horrified. I ran off, covered in grass and leaves, ready to die a slow and painful death of shame.”
Roman is laughing so hard, and I can’t help but join in.
“That’s the best fucking story I’ve ever heard.”
“It’s funny now, but it totally wasn’t funny at the time.”
“Fucking hilarious.”
I roll my eyes.
He winks at me.
God. This man.
CHAPTER 6
“Wow,” I breathe, taking in the nearly 360-degree views from Roman’s property. “This is absolutely amazing.” “Yeah,” he says, standing beside me. “It’s nice, hey.”
“If I lived here, I’d just sit up here and never move. It’s so beautiful.”
The rolling hills in the distance, and the thick mass of trees on the horizon just makes for an incredibly stunning view. It’s absolutely gorgeous.
“My ex never came out here, she didn’t really like it,” he says, sitting beside me.
“What the hell is wrong with her? If I lived here, I’d never be inside. Motorbikes. Horses. God, the things you could do on all this land.”
“Yeah, for sure.”
I cross my legs and lean forward, dropping my chin into my hands and sighing. “You could even just pitch a tent if you felt like it, anywhere on your land, it would be like a camping trip without going anywhere.”
“Want to hear another funny story?”
I grin at him. “Hit me.”
“I had some cows on here, and one day this one cow was giving birth. I was driving past and I swear, she was just standing, ass to a big drop off, and I just knew what was going to happen.”
“Oh, no!” I say, eyes wide.
“Yep, the calf came out, and just dropped down the side of this cliff.”
“Oh, my god!” I cry, pressing a hand over my mouth. “What did you do?”
“I thought for sure it would be dead, it was a pretty high fall. So I got out of the truck and climbed down the side of the ledge, tripping and stumbling. I’m searching around for this dead calf, and I push a thick mass of grass aside and you’ll never believe, there was these two, big brown eyes looking at me.”
“Aw,” I cry. “He was alive?”
“Yep. I felt so sorry for it, I just wrapped my arms around it in a big hug. Then I had to push its ass back up the hill.”
I giggle. “That would have been fun, but totally worth it because he lived!”
“Yeah, he was lucky he was so fucking cute.”
I shove him in the shoulder. “Stop acting so tough.”
“Come on,” he says, standing. “Let’s shoot some guns.”
We move down a hill just slightly, and I see three orange traffic cones set up. Roman pulls out his guns and loads them while I go and position the watermelons near the edge of the drop off and the traffic cones. Then I go back and stare at the awesome shotgun he’s holding in his hand.
“This one is really cool, it’s like the movies,” he says, showing me a grey colored gun.
“That is cool! Is it heavy?”
He hands it to me, and I feel its weight. Not too bad. Excitement bubbles in my chest, and I hop from foot to foot excitedly. He puts a pair of earmuffs on and says, “Block your ears and let’s see how this bad girl explodes.”
He nods enthusiastically at me. “Right? Be fucking awesome.”
I shake my head with a grin. Men.
“See that house there?” he says, pointing to an old red-brick house we pass on the highway.
“Yeah?”
“Want to hear a funny story?”
I cross my legs and turn slightly towards him. “I don’t know, do I?”
He grins and nods.
“Okay, tell me.”
“I got a call from a chick once, saying to come over and fuck her. I hadn’t seen her for a bit, and thought she lived in that house. She had lived there for ages. So anyway, I rock up at the house, all ready to go, and knock on the front door but nobody answers. So, I think fuck it, and just go inside. She said she’s alone, so what the hell?”
I start giggling, because I already know where this story is going.
“So, I just walk in and start waltzing down the hall, and this girl comes out of the bedroom. But it isn’t the girl I’m here to see. She looks at me. I look at her. And I ask her if the girl is home.”
I’m snort laughing now.
“She says she doesn’t live here anymore. She’s looking at me like I’m a total psycho. I’m all primed and ready to go and I’ve gone into the wrong house and was just walking down to the bedroom like I owned the place.”
I double over with laughter, then shoot back up again. “Wait, you didn’t screw the chick that was actually in the house, did you?”
He laughs. “No. I found out where the other girl lived, but it was fucking hilarious.”
“That poor girl. Imagine walking out of your room and seeing some random dude, probably sporting a boner, waltzing down your hall.”
We both laugh for a solid few minutes.
“It was fucking funny.”
I shake my head. “God, only you.”
He nods. “Yeah.”
“I have a funny sex story too. Want to hear it?”
He glances at me, then nods. “Yep.”
“So, I was only about sixteen when I lost my virginity. I was going out with this guy for about six months and we finally decided to do it. But both our parents wouldn’t allow anything like that in the house so we had to improvise. We went down to this park, it was quiet, and dark, and it seemed like a good time to do it on the grass.”
He urges me on with his hand, a wicked grin on his face. This man has a devilish personality, I can tell already.
“So, there we are, the awful moment of losing your virginity. We’re on the ground, kind of close to a garden, and we go the whole way you know. It takes a while. When it’s over, and we’re dressed, we’re both sitting there when he turns to me and says, ‘Was it good for you?’ the next thing I know, a voice comes out of the darkness, from in the garden, and says, ‘It was good for me.’”
“Oh, my god!” Roman roars with laughter.
“Yes, there was a homeless man in the garden, and he sat and enjoyed the loss of my virginity, from start to finish. I was horrified. I ran off, covered in grass and leaves, ready to die a slow and painful death of shame.”
Roman is laughing so hard, and I can’t help but join in.
“That’s the best fucking story I’ve ever heard.”
“It’s funny now, but it totally wasn’t funny at the time.”
“Fucking hilarious.”
I roll my eyes.
He winks at me.
God. This man.
CHAPTER 6
“Wow,” I breathe, taking in the nearly 360-degree views from Roman’s property. “This is absolutely amazing.” “Yeah,” he says, standing beside me. “It’s nice, hey.”
“If I lived here, I’d just sit up here and never move. It’s so beautiful.”
The rolling hills in the distance, and the thick mass of trees on the horizon just makes for an incredibly stunning view. It’s absolutely gorgeous.
“My ex never came out here, she didn’t really like it,” he says, sitting beside me.
“What the hell is wrong with her? If I lived here, I’d never be inside. Motorbikes. Horses. God, the things you could do on all this land.”
“Yeah, for sure.”
I cross my legs and lean forward, dropping my chin into my hands and sighing. “You could even just pitch a tent if you felt like it, anywhere on your land, it would be like a camping trip without going anywhere.”
“Want to hear another funny story?”
I grin at him. “Hit me.”
“I had some cows on here, and one day this one cow was giving birth. I was driving past and I swear, she was just standing, ass to a big drop off, and I just knew what was going to happen.”
“Oh, no!” I say, eyes wide.
“Yep, the calf came out, and just dropped down the side of this cliff.”
“Oh, my god!” I cry, pressing a hand over my mouth. “What did you do?”
“I thought for sure it would be dead, it was a pretty high fall. So I got out of the truck and climbed down the side of the ledge, tripping and stumbling. I’m searching around for this dead calf, and I push a thick mass of grass aside and you’ll never believe, there was these two, big brown eyes looking at me.”
“Aw,” I cry. “He was alive?”
“Yep. I felt so sorry for it, I just wrapped my arms around it in a big hug. Then I had to push its ass back up the hill.”
I giggle. “That would have been fun, but totally worth it because he lived!”
“Yeah, he was lucky he was so fucking cute.”
I shove him in the shoulder. “Stop acting so tough.”
“Come on,” he says, standing. “Let’s shoot some guns.”
We move down a hill just slightly, and I see three orange traffic cones set up. Roman pulls out his guns and loads them while I go and position the watermelons near the edge of the drop off and the traffic cones. Then I go back and stare at the awesome shotgun he’s holding in his hand.
“This one is really cool, it’s like the movies,” he says, showing me a grey colored gun.
“That is cool! Is it heavy?”
He hands it to me, and I feel its weight. Not too bad. Excitement bubbles in my chest, and I hop from foot to foot excitedly. He puts a pair of earmuffs on and says, “Block your ears and let’s see how this bad girl explodes.”
