Better When He's Brave
Page 46
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He let out a low whistle between his teeth and turned his head to look at me. His eyes were that oh so pretty blue that I could just stare at all day. Keelyn might want Denver for a breath of fresh air, mine was right there in those penetrating orbs.
“That’s a pretty bleak view on life, Reeve.”
I just shrugged. “It’s the way it is. I think it’s important to make the most of what you have. Before you know it, all of it can be gone and then all you’re left with is regret.”
“Are we talking about your sister?” His tone was soft but his fingers tightened on my leg.
“We could be, but we could be talking about anything really. Why did you leave Bax when you were younger, Titus? Was it because you wanted more instead of appreciating what you had? What did it leave you with? Regret that your brother fell in with a bad crowd? Regret you weren’t there for him? Is that why you’re saddled with the overwhelming desire to protect everyone innocent and unassuming, because you couldn’t do that for the person that mattered most? I’m not judging you; I’m just saying that not accepting where you’re from and how that shapes you isn’t good.”
He lifted his hand off my leg and I immediately felt the loss of his touch. His hands curled around the steering wheel until the knuckles turned white. I had struck a chord with him, but I wasn’t going to apologize. I had stopped apologizing for myself a long time ago.
“I know exactly where I come from and how that plays into who I am now. It was why I left in the first place.” He growled out the words in such a rough way I practically felt them scrape across my skin.
“And where is that? Where do you come from?” I knew the answer was more than the Point or the Hill, but I didn’t know if he was going to share it with me.
I held my breath to see what he would do, and felt crushing disappointment when he looked away from me and muttered, “That falls into the more category, Reeve.” Effectively shutting me down and out with minimal effort. I wished it didn’t feel like he was reaching inside of my chest and squeezing my heart with his fist every time he did it.
“It doesn’t matter to me, you know? I don’t care where you come from. I care about who you are now. I see it in you, Detective. I see the parts you try and lock away and keep hidden. The parts that make you wild and rough. I see them and I don’t care because they’re part of the entire package.”
That’s what I had been searching out when I fell prey to Conner. Someone that would see all the parts of me, all the things that made me who I was and love me anyways.
“You see too much.” He was gruff.
“Only because I’m looking.”
We hit an impasse and the rest of the ride passed in heavy silence. I thought when we got back to the condo we would each take a separate corner of the loft and take a time-out. The tension was thick and rolling between the two of us and I hated it.
Apparently Titus hated it too because before the front door was even closed behind us he had his hands all over me, his mouth over mine, and he was efficiently stripping both of us and headed toward the bed. It wasn’t talking. It wasn’t letting me in. It wasn’t giving me more, but it was something, and the something it was felt so good, felt so right, I couldn’t stop him if I wanted to, which I absolutely didn’t.
Only an idiot would say no to those melted silver eyes, that talented mouth, those impatient and heavy hands, that body made to punish and please, and I was a lot of things, most of them pretty unpleasant, but an idiot wasn’t one of them.
Chapter 12
Titus
WHERE I WAS FROM was something I never wanted to talk about with anyone, ever. It had nothing to do with Reeve or the fact that letting her into that deep dark hole was going to cement me even more solidly to her. I might be a man that had a purpose now, but before I was just like every other punk kid running the streets, and I hated those memories. I hadn’t been handed a way out; I made my own, and the way I went about it still left a dirty taste in my mouth all these years later. I had as much bad blood circulating in my veins as Bax did, maybe even more when it came right down to it. It was that part of me that I fought every waking minute of every day to keep buried under honor and duty. That tainted blood, that nasty past, followed me, haunted me, which was why I never had any room in my life for the gray. The fog of the past was full of monsters that feasted on my soul, so I kept them locked in the dark. Usually they wallowed there, starved and angry, but ever since Reeve blasted her way through my fortress of protection they were climbing to the surface and demanding attention.
So far they seemed content to feed on her attention and her luscious body. They drank in the acceptance and understanding in her navy gaze like it was ambrosia, but I knew eventually she wouldn’t be enough to keep those animals at bay. My carefully constructed life was liable to fall victim to the wreckage they would cause if they escaped. That’s why I crawled out of bed every single morning before dawn and went to work, leaving her sprawled on the other side of the bed, naked and marked up from my teeth and hands. Every night she let me have her without complaint and every day I woke thinking she deserved better than what I was giving her. Two weeks that felt like forever while I climbed all over her and let her sink deeper and deeper inside of me. Her pretty skin had angry red marks from my face rubbing all over her, and instead of wincing in regret that I had damaged something so beautiful, messed up such perfection, I wanted to beat my chest with pride and declare myself the winner of the world’s greatest prize. It was a dangerous way to think because she wasn’t a prize, a trophy, and I had done nothing to win her, so I left her there every single morning and went hunting.
I hit up every back alley I could find. I popped into every underground bar and rattled the owners in a hope I could make them talk. I waltzed into every drug den I had on my radar and demanded answers. Anyplace Novak was known to haunt back in the day . . . I showed my face there asking about his wayward son. I even stopped the girls that worked the street corners, the ones that didn’t want Nassir’s protection and preferred to tough it out in the wild on their own, and asked them about Roark. It was the same story from every lowlife I encountered. The elusive man with an accent had made his presence known. All the criminals and miscreants knew Roark was in town, hiding in the shadows, making those he deemed responsible for his father’s death pay. No one seemed to know where the Irishman was, but they all told the same tale. He was watching and they were afraid of him.
“That’s a pretty bleak view on life, Reeve.”
I just shrugged. “It’s the way it is. I think it’s important to make the most of what you have. Before you know it, all of it can be gone and then all you’re left with is regret.”
“Are we talking about your sister?” His tone was soft but his fingers tightened on my leg.
“We could be, but we could be talking about anything really. Why did you leave Bax when you were younger, Titus? Was it because you wanted more instead of appreciating what you had? What did it leave you with? Regret that your brother fell in with a bad crowd? Regret you weren’t there for him? Is that why you’re saddled with the overwhelming desire to protect everyone innocent and unassuming, because you couldn’t do that for the person that mattered most? I’m not judging you; I’m just saying that not accepting where you’re from and how that shapes you isn’t good.”
He lifted his hand off my leg and I immediately felt the loss of his touch. His hands curled around the steering wheel until the knuckles turned white. I had struck a chord with him, but I wasn’t going to apologize. I had stopped apologizing for myself a long time ago.
“I know exactly where I come from and how that plays into who I am now. It was why I left in the first place.” He growled out the words in such a rough way I practically felt them scrape across my skin.
“And where is that? Where do you come from?” I knew the answer was more than the Point or the Hill, but I didn’t know if he was going to share it with me.
I held my breath to see what he would do, and felt crushing disappointment when he looked away from me and muttered, “That falls into the more category, Reeve.” Effectively shutting me down and out with minimal effort. I wished it didn’t feel like he was reaching inside of my chest and squeezing my heart with his fist every time he did it.
“It doesn’t matter to me, you know? I don’t care where you come from. I care about who you are now. I see it in you, Detective. I see the parts you try and lock away and keep hidden. The parts that make you wild and rough. I see them and I don’t care because they’re part of the entire package.”
That’s what I had been searching out when I fell prey to Conner. Someone that would see all the parts of me, all the things that made me who I was and love me anyways.
“You see too much.” He was gruff.
“Only because I’m looking.”
We hit an impasse and the rest of the ride passed in heavy silence. I thought when we got back to the condo we would each take a separate corner of the loft and take a time-out. The tension was thick and rolling between the two of us and I hated it.
Apparently Titus hated it too because before the front door was even closed behind us he had his hands all over me, his mouth over mine, and he was efficiently stripping both of us and headed toward the bed. It wasn’t talking. It wasn’t letting me in. It wasn’t giving me more, but it was something, and the something it was felt so good, felt so right, I couldn’t stop him if I wanted to, which I absolutely didn’t.
Only an idiot would say no to those melted silver eyes, that talented mouth, those impatient and heavy hands, that body made to punish and please, and I was a lot of things, most of them pretty unpleasant, but an idiot wasn’t one of them.
Chapter 12
Titus
WHERE I WAS FROM was something I never wanted to talk about with anyone, ever. It had nothing to do with Reeve or the fact that letting her into that deep dark hole was going to cement me even more solidly to her. I might be a man that had a purpose now, but before I was just like every other punk kid running the streets, and I hated those memories. I hadn’t been handed a way out; I made my own, and the way I went about it still left a dirty taste in my mouth all these years later. I had as much bad blood circulating in my veins as Bax did, maybe even more when it came right down to it. It was that part of me that I fought every waking minute of every day to keep buried under honor and duty. That tainted blood, that nasty past, followed me, haunted me, which was why I never had any room in my life for the gray. The fog of the past was full of monsters that feasted on my soul, so I kept them locked in the dark. Usually they wallowed there, starved and angry, but ever since Reeve blasted her way through my fortress of protection they were climbing to the surface and demanding attention.
So far they seemed content to feed on her attention and her luscious body. They drank in the acceptance and understanding in her navy gaze like it was ambrosia, but I knew eventually she wouldn’t be enough to keep those animals at bay. My carefully constructed life was liable to fall victim to the wreckage they would cause if they escaped. That’s why I crawled out of bed every single morning before dawn and went to work, leaving her sprawled on the other side of the bed, naked and marked up from my teeth and hands. Every night she let me have her without complaint and every day I woke thinking she deserved better than what I was giving her. Two weeks that felt like forever while I climbed all over her and let her sink deeper and deeper inside of me. Her pretty skin had angry red marks from my face rubbing all over her, and instead of wincing in regret that I had damaged something so beautiful, messed up such perfection, I wanted to beat my chest with pride and declare myself the winner of the world’s greatest prize. It was a dangerous way to think because she wasn’t a prize, a trophy, and I had done nothing to win her, so I left her there every single morning and went hunting.
I hit up every back alley I could find. I popped into every underground bar and rattled the owners in a hope I could make them talk. I waltzed into every drug den I had on my radar and demanded answers. Anyplace Novak was known to haunt back in the day . . . I showed my face there asking about his wayward son. I even stopped the girls that worked the street corners, the ones that didn’t want Nassir’s protection and preferred to tough it out in the wild on their own, and asked them about Roark. It was the same story from every lowlife I encountered. The elusive man with an accent had made his presence known. All the criminals and miscreants knew Roark was in town, hiding in the shadows, making those he deemed responsible for his father’s death pay. No one seemed to know where the Irishman was, but they all told the same tale. He was watching and they were afraid of him.
