"You don't have to do this," I said.
He didn't look at me. "It's what Jeremy wants."
"But that doesn't mean you have to do it. He wants me safe, right? There's got to be another way."
Clay kept his back to me. "I said I'd stay with you. That's what I'm going to do."
"You can do that without going to my apartment."
He stopped and turned just enough so I could see his quarter profile. "How am I supposed to do that? Sleep in the alley outside your building?"
"No, I mean we don't have to go to my apartment. We'll go someplace else. A hotel room or something."
"And you'll go with me?"
"Sure. Of course."
"And you'll stay with me?"
"Exactly. Whatever you want."
I could hear the desperation in my voice and despised it, but I couldn't stop myself. My hands were shaking so badly that people around us were starting to stare.
"Whatever you want," I repeated. "Jeremy won't know. He said he won't contact us by phone, so he won't know whether we're staying at the apartment. I'll be safe and you'll be with me. That's what's important, right?"
For nearly a minute, Clay didn't move. Then he slowly turned toward me. As he did, I caught a glint of something like hope in his eyes, but it vanished as soon as he saw my expression. His jaw tightened and he locked my gaze.
"Fine," he said. "Anything I want?" He wheeled toward a bank of pay phones and grabbed the nearest receiver. "Call him."
"He said we can't call him. No phone contact."
"Not Jeremy. This man. Call him and tell him it's over. The apartment's his. You'll pick up your stuff later."
"That's not-"
"Not what you meant, right? I didn't think so. What's the plan then? You run back and forth between us until you've made up your mind?"
"I've made up my mind. Anything that happened at Stonehaven was a mistake, like it's always been a mistake. I never misled you. You knew there was someone else. It was the same damned thing that happens every time I go back to that place. I get caught up in it. I lose myself."
"In what? The house? A pile of bricks and mortar?"
"In that place," I said, gritting my teeth, "That world and everything about it, including you. I don't want it, but when I'm there, I can't resist. It takes over."
He gave a harsh laugh. "Bullshit. There is nothing in this world or that world or any world that you couldn't fight, Elena. Do you know what magical spell 'that place' has you under? It makes you happy. But you won't admit that because, to you, the only acceptable happiness comes in the 'normal' world, with 'normal' friends and a 'normal' man. You're bound and determined to make yourself happy with that kind of life, even if it kills you."
People were openly staring now. Alarm bells should have been going off in my head, telling me I was acting improperly for the human world. But they weren't. I didn't give a damn. I turned on my heel and glared at two elderly women tut-tutting behind me. They fell back, eyes widening. I strode toward the exit.
"When's the last time you called him?" Clay called after me.
I stopped.
Clay walked up behind me and lowered his voice so no one else could hear. "Not counting this morning when you called to tell him we were coming. When did you last call?"
I said nothing.
"Sunday," he said. "Three days ago,"
"I've been busy," I said.
"Bullshit. You forgot him. You think he makes you happy? You think this life makes you happy? Well, then here's your chance. Take me there. Show me how happy it makes you. Prove it."
"Screw you," I snarled and strode to the door.
Clay came after me, but he was too late. I was out of the airport and in a cab before he caught up. I slammed the cab door, narrowly missing Clay's fingers, then gave the driver my address. As we pulled away, I allowed myself the small satisfaction of looking in the side mirror and seeing Clay standing on the sidewalk.
Too bad I hadn't been more specific when I told him where I lived. "Near" the lake covered a lot of real estate… with a lot of apartment buildings.
***
When I got to my building, I buzzed up to my apartment. Philip answered, sounding surprised when I announced myself. I hadn't lost my key. Don't ask why I buzzed to be let in. I only hoped Philip wouldn't ask either.
When I got upstairs, Philip was in the hall outside the elevator. He reached out and embraced me. I instinctively stiffened, then hugged him back.
"You should have called from the airport," he said. "I was waiting to pick you up." He looked over my shoulder. "Where's our guest?"
"Delayed. Maybe indefinitely."
"He's not coming."
I shrugged and feigned a yawn. "Rough flight. Lots of turbulence. You have no idea how glad I am to be home."
"Not as glad as I am to have you home, hon." Philip escorted me into the apartment. "Go sit down. I picked up roast chicken at the deli for dinner. I'll reheat it."
"Thanks."
I didn't even have my shoes off when someone pounded at the door. I thought of ignoring it, but it wouldn't do any good. Philip may not have had my sense of hearing, but he wasn't deaf.
I yanked open the door. Clay stood there holding our luggage.
"How did you-" I started.
He held up my overnight bag. Dangling from the handle was the tag with my name and address neatly printed on it.
"Pizza delivery kid held open the front door for me," he said. "Great security."
He walked in and threw our luggage by the coat rack. Behind me, the kitchen door opened. I tensed and listened to Philip's footsteps as he approached. The introduction jammed in my throat. What if Clay didn't go along with it? Was it too late to change my story? Was it too late to shove him out the door?
"You must be Elena's cousin," Philip said, walking up and extending a hand.
"Clay," I managed to get out. "Clayton."
Philip smiled. "Nice to meet you. Which do you prefer? Clayton or Clay?"
Clay said nothing. He didn't even glance at Philip, hadn't looked at him since he'd entered the room. Instead, he kept his eyes on mine. I could see the anger simmering there with the outrage and the humiliation. I braced for the outburst. It didn't come. Instead, he settled for unconscionable rudeness, ignoring Philip, his greeting, his question, and his outstretched hand, and striding into the living room.
He didn't look at me. "It's what Jeremy wants."
"But that doesn't mean you have to do it. He wants me safe, right? There's got to be another way."
Clay kept his back to me. "I said I'd stay with you. That's what I'm going to do."
"You can do that without going to my apartment."
He stopped and turned just enough so I could see his quarter profile. "How am I supposed to do that? Sleep in the alley outside your building?"
"No, I mean we don't have to go to my apartment. We'll go someplace else. A hotel room or something."
"And you'll go with me?"
"Sure. Of course."
"And you'll stay with me?"
"Exactly. Whatever you want."
I could hear the desperation in my voice and despised it, but I couldn't stop myself. My hands were shaking so badly that people around us were starting to stare.
"Whatever you want," I repeated. "Jeremy won't know. He said he won't contact us by phone, so he won't know whether we're staying at the apartment. I'll be safe and you'll be with me. That's what's important, right?"
For nearly a minute, Clay didn't move. Then he slowly turned toward me. As he did, I caught a glint of something like hope in his eyes, but it vanished as soon as he saw my expression. His jaw tightened and he locked my gaze.
"Fine," he said. "Anything I want?" He wheeled toward a bank of pay phones and grabbed the nearest receiver. "Call him."
"He said we can't call him. No phone contact."
"Not Jeremy. This man. Call him and tell him it's over. The apartment's his. You'll pick up your stuff later."
"That's not-"
"Not what you meant, right? I didn't think so. What's the plan then? You run back and forth between us until you've made up your mind?"
"I've made up my mind. Anything that happened at Stonehaven was a mistake, like it's always been a mistake. I never misled you. You knew there was someone else. It was the same damned thing that happens every time I go back to that place. I get caught up in it. I lose myself."
"In what? The house? A pile of bricks and mortar?"
"In that place," I said, gritting my teeth, "That world and everything about it, including you. I don't want it, but when I'm there, I can't resist. It takes over."
He gave a harsh laugh. "Bullshit. There is nothing in this world or that world or any world that you couldn't fight, Elena. Do you know what magical spell 'that place' has you under? It makes you happy. But you won't admit that because, to you, the only acceptable happiness comes in the 'normal' world, with 'normal' friends and a 'normal' man. You're bound and determined to make yourself happy with that kind of life, even if it kills you."
People were openly staring now. Alarm bells should have been going off in my head, telling me I was acting improperly for the human world. But they weren't. I didn't give a damn. I turned on my heel and glared at two elderly women tut-tutting behind me. They fell back, eyes widening. I strode toward the exit.
"When's the last time you called him?" Clay called after me.
I stopped.
Clay walked up behind me and lowered his voice so no one else could hear. "Not counting this morning when you called to tell him we were coming. When did you last call?"
I said nothing.
"Sunday," he said. "Three days ago,"
"I've been busy," I said.
"Bullshit. You forgot him. You think he makes you happy? You think this life makes you happy? Well, then here's your chance. Take me there. Show me how happy it makes you. Prove it."
"Screw you," I snarled and strode to the door.
Clay came after me, but he was too late. I was out of the airport and in a cab before he caught up. I slammed the cab door, narrowly missing Clay's fingers, then gave the driver my address. As we pulled away, I allowed myself the small satisfaction of looking in the side mirror and seeing Clay standing on the sidewalk.
Too bad I hadn't been more specific when I told him where I lived. "Near" the lake covered a lot of real estate… with a lot of apartment buildings.
***
When I got to my building, I buzzed up to my apartment. Philip answered, sounding surprised when I announced myself. I hadn't lost my key. Don't ask why I buzzed to be let in. I only hoped Philip wouldn't ask either.
When I got upstairs, Philip was in the hall outside the elevator. He reached out and embraced me. I instinctively stiffened, then hugged him back.
"You should have called from the airport," he said. "I was waiting to pick you up." He looked over my shoulder. "Where's our guest?"
"Delayed. Maybe indefinitely."
"He's not coming."
I shrugged and feigned a yawn. "Rough flight. Lots of turbulence. You have no idea how glad I am to be home."
"Not as glad as I am to have you home, hon." Philip escorted me into the apartment. "Go sit down. I picked up roast chicken at the deli for dinner. I'll reheat it."
"Thanks."
I didn't even have my shoes off when someone pounded at the door. I thought of ignoring it, but it wouldn't do any good. Philip may not have had my sense of hearing, but he wasn't deaf.
I yanked open the door. Clay stood there holding our luggage.
"How did you-" I started.
He held up my overnight bag. Dangling from the handle was the tag with my name and address neatly printed on it.
"Pizza delivery kid held open the front door for me," he said. "Great security."
He walked in and threw our luggage by the coat rack. Behind me, the kitchen door opened. I tensed and listened to Philip's footsteps as he approached. The introduction jammed in my throat. What if Clay didn't go along with it? Was it too late to change my story? Was it too late to shove him out the door?
"You must be Elena's cousin," Philip said, walking up and extending a hand.
"Clay," I managed to get out. "Clayton."
Philip smiled. "Nice to meet you. Which do you prefer? Clayton or Clay?"
Clay said nothing. He didn't even glance at Philip, hadn't looked at him since he'd entered the room. Instead, he kept his eyes on mine. I could see the anger simmering there with the outrage and the humiliation. I braced for the outburst. It didn't come. Instead, he settled for unconscionable rudeness, ignoring Philip, his greeting, his question, and his outstretched hand, and striding into the living room.
