Blameless
Page 8

 Gail Carriger

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“How do you do, Tunstel ? Good day, Genevieve. Floote. Professor Lyal . Thank you al for coming. I do apologize for being late. There were the ladybugs, you see, and then I simply had to take tea.”
“Alexia.” Madame Lefoux was al concern. Lady Maccon’s hair was mussed, and it looked as though there might be a rip or two at the hem of her dress. The inventor took one of Alexia’s hands in both of hers. “Are you quite al right?”
At the same time, Professor Lyal said, “Ladybugs? What do you mean, ladybugs?”
“Ah, hal oo, Lady Maccon.” Tunstel grinned and bowed. “Do you real y intend to leave? How unfortunate. My wife wil be most upset.”
Floote said nothing.
Professor Lyal looked at the Frenchwoman’s intimate clasp on Lady Maccon’s hand. “You intend to volunteer yourself as companion, Madame Lefoux?” He was thinking about the fact that al the machines in the contrivance chamber had been shut down and tidied away.
Lady Maccon approved. “Excel ent. I was hoping you would agree to accompany me, Genevieve. You have the necessary contacts in Europe, do you not?”
The inventor nodded. “I have already put some thought into possible escape routes.”
She shifted her attention back to Lyal . “Did you think you could leave the Woolsey Pack for that long?”
“Woolsey is used to being split. We are one of the few packs that do it regularly, in order to satisfy both military and BUR obligations. But, no, you are right. I cannot leave at this juncture. The situation is most delicate.”
Madame Lefoux brought a hand to her face hurriedly and pretended to cough but could not quite hide the snicker. “Obviously, you cannot abandon Lord Maccon in his current… state.”
“State? My repulsive husband is in a ‘state’? Good! He jol y well should be.”
Professor Lyal felt like he might be betraying his Alpha somewhat but couldn’t help admitting, “He is practical y inhaling formaldehyde in an effort to stay inebriated.”
Lady Maccon’s smug expression became suddenly alarmed.
“Don’t concern yourself,” Lyal hastened to reassure her. “It cannot harm him, not seriously, but it is certainly doing a bang-up job of keeping him utterly incapacitated in the meantime.”
“Concerned.” Lady Maccon turned away to fiddle with the hatbox, which had been working its way toward the edge of the table. “Who’s concerned?”
Professor Lyal moved hurriedly on. “He is, simply put, not acting the Alpha. Woolsey is a tough pack to hold steady at the best of times, restless members, and too much political clout not to be a tempting prospect for opportunistic loners. I shal need to stay here and safeguard the earl’s interests.”
Lady Maccon nodded. “Of course you must stay. I’m certain Genevieve and I can manage.”
The inventor looked hopeful y at Professor Lyal . “I’d be obliged if you could find the time to look after my lab while I am away.”
The Beta was pleased to be asked. “I would be honored.”
“If you could stop by of an evening to check for intruders and ensure a couple of the more delicate machines remain oiled and maintained? I’l provide you with a list.”
Tunstel perked up at this point in the conversation. “I’m convinced my wife would be thril ed to oversee the day-to-day operations of your hat shop, if you would like, Madame Lefoux.”
The Frenchwoman looked utterly horrified at the very idea.
Professor Lyal could just imagine it: Ivy, in charge of a whole roomful of hats. Such a thing could only bring about disaster and mayhem, like putting a cat in charge of a cage ful of pigeons—a turquoise brocade cat with very unusual ideas about the coloration and arrangement of pigeon feathers.
Lady Maccon rubbed her hands together. “That was one of the reasons I invited you here, Tunstel .”
Madame Lefoux gave Alexia a very appraising look. “I suppose it would be better if some semblance of normal business operations continued while I was away. It would be best if the vampires did not know exactly who your friends are.” She turned to Tunstel .
“Do you think your wife equal to the task?”
“She’d be unconditional y thril ed.” The redhead’s broad grin was back in place.
“I was half afraid you would say that.” Madame Lefoux gave a rueful little smile.
Poor Madame Lefoux, thought Professor Lyal . There was a distinct possibility she would end up with no hat shop to return to.
“Vampires? Did you say vampires?” Lady Maccon’s brain suddenly caught up with the second part of the conversation.
Lyal nodded. “We believe that, now that your delicate condition is public information, the vampires are going to try and—not to put too fine a point on it—kil you.”
Lady Maccon arched her eyebrows. “Through the judicious application of malicious ladybugs, perhaps?”
“Come again?”
“Ladybugs?” Tunstel perked up. “I am rather fond of ladybugs. They are so delightful y hemispherical.”
“Not of these you wouldn’t be.” Lady Maccon detailed her recent ladybug encounter and the fact that she had only just narrowly escaped being pronged with an antennae.
“This has not been a very pleasant day so far,” she concluded, “al things considered.”
“Did you manage to capture one for closer examination?” asked Madame Lefoux.
“What do you think is in the hatbox?”
Madame Lefoux’s eyes began to sparkle. “Fantastique!” She dashed off and fussed about her contrivance chamber for a moment, emerging wearing a pair of glassicals and massive leather gloves sewn with chain mail.
Professor Lyal , being the only immortal present, took it upon himself to actual y open the hatbox.
The Frenchwoman reached inside and lifted out the large ticking bug, its little legs wiggling in protest. She examined it with interest through the magnification lens. “Very fine craftsmanship! Very fine, indeed. I wonder if there is a maker’s mark.” She flipped the mechanical over.
The creature emitted a very high-pitched whirring noise.
“Merde!” said Madame Lefoux, and threw the ladybug hard up into the air.
It exploded with a loud bang, showering them with bits of red lacquer and clockwork parts.
Alexia jumped slightly, but recovered quickly enough. After the type of morning she’d had, what was one little explosion added to the mix? She sneered at the resulting mess.
Professor Lyal sneezed as a cloud of greasy particulates tickled his sensitive werewolf nose. “That is vampires for you. What they cannot suck dry they explode.”
Floote began cleaning up the disarray.
“Pity,” said Madame Lefoux.
Professor Lyal gave the Frenchwoman a suspicious look.
The inventor raised both of her hands defensively. “Not my craftsmanship, I assure you. I do not deal in”—a sudden dimpled grin spread over her face—“coccinel ids.”
“I think you had better explain why you’re blaming the vampires, Professor.” Alexia brought the matter back to hand and gave her husband’s Beta a very hard look.
Professor Lyal did explain, starting with his deductions about the poisoning, the missing journal, and the kidnapping attempt, and moving on to his belief that now that Lady Maccon’s pregnancy was in print, and she was no longer official y under the Woolsey Pack’s protection, such incidents were only likely to increase in both frequency and ferocity.
Enchanting. What do I expect next? Hordes of barbaric brass bumblebees? “Why do they want me dead? I mean, aside from the customary reasons.”
“We think it has something to do with the child.” Madame Lefoux took Alexia’s elbow softly in hand, trying to steer her in the direction of the overturned barrel.
Alexia resisted, instead turning to Professor Lyal , her throat tight with pent-up emotion. “So you believe me? You believe that this infant-inconvenience is Conal ’s?”
He nodded.
“‘Infant-inconvenience’?” whispered Tunstel to Floote.
Floote remained impassive.
“Do you know something Conal does not?” Alexia’s heart leapt with the possibility of exoneration.
Sadly, the Beta shook his head.
Hope dissipated. “Funny that you should trust me more than my own husband.”
Alexia sat down heavily on the barrel and scrubbed at her eyes with her knuckles.
“He has never acted reasonably where you are concerned.”
Lady Maccon nodded, her mouth tight. “That does not excuse his behavior.” Her face felt stiff, as though it were made of wax. An image that brought back some very uncomfortable memories.
“No, it does not,” Professor Lyal agreed with her.
Alexia wished he wouldn’t be so nice—it drove her pathetical y close to actual wal owing. “And the only vampire likely to be on my side in this is Lord Akeldama. And he has disappeared.”
“He has?” Madame Lefoux and Professor Lyal said it at the same time.
Alexia nodded. “I was at his house earlier this morning. Abandoned. And that after he asked me to stay with him.”
“Coincidence?” Tunstel looked like he already knew the answer to such an idea.
“That reminds me of an old saying of Mr. Tarabotti’s,” offered Floote, speaking for the first time. “‘Floote,’ he used to say to me, ‘there’s no such thing as fate—there’s just werewolves, and there’s no such thing as coincidence—there’s just vampires. Everything else is open to interpretation.’ ”
Alexia looked at him hard. “Speaking of my father…”
Floote shook his head, glanced at Lyal , and then said, “Classified information, madam. Apologies.”
“I didn’t know you were an agent, Mr. Floote.” Madame Lefoux was intrigued.
Floote looked away. “Not as such, madam.”
Alexia knew Floote of old; he would not budge on the subject of her father. It was maddening behavior from the otherwise exemplary family retainer. “To the Continent, then.” Alexia had given this some thought while in the tea shop. America was out of the question, and vampires were much more vulnerable in Europe—where few countries had fol owed King Henry’s example and integrated the supernatural set. Perhaps they would not be quite so deadly. Or, at least, have access to fewer ladybugs.
“I do not mean to be rude,” said Professor Lyal , employing the phrase most often used by those who are about to be very rude indeed, “but such travel should commence quickly. It would be no bad thing for you to leave London before the next ful moon, Lady Maccon.”
Madame Lefoux consulted a lunar calendar posted on the wal alongside various diagrams. “Three nights from now?”
Professor Lyal nodded. “Preferably sooner. I can use BUR agents to protect you until then, Lady Maccon, but at ful moon al of my werewolves are out of commission and my secondary resources are tapped, for I cannot rely on the vampire agents. They wil go against BUR orders if under the influence of a queen.”
“You can store your possessions here while we are away,” offered Madame Lefoux.
“Wel , that is something. At least my clothing wil be safe.” Alexia threw her hands up in exasperation. “I knew it was a terrible idea to get out of bed this morning.”
“And Ivy, I am certain, would be happy to write you regularly with al the latest news from London.” Tunstel offered up his form of encouragement, accompanied by the expected flash of persuasive white teeth. Alexia reflected that it was a good thing her husband hadn’t turned Tunstel into a werewolf. The redhead smiled too often. Most werewolves did not do smiling very adeptly; it came off as sinister.
Neither Lady Maccon nor Madame Lefoux saw fit to explain how unlikely it was that any missive would actual y reach them.
“So where are we going?” Madame Lefoux looked at her friend with interest.
Alexia had also given this due consideration over her tea and toast. If she had to leave, she was going in pursuit of information. If she had to flee, she might as well flee toward the possibility of proving her innocence. Only one country knew anything substantial about preternaturals.
“I hear that Italy is lovely at this time of year.”
CHAPTER FIVE
In Which Ivy Hisselpenny and Professor Lyall Are In Which Ivy Hisselpenny and Professor Lyall Are Given Too Much Responsibility Italy?”
“The hotbed of antisupernatural sentiment,” spat Professor Lyal .
“The cesspit of religious fanaticism,” added Tunstel .
“The Templars.” That last was from Floote, and he whispered it.
“I think it’s a perfectly topping idea,” said Alexia, expressionless.