“Nothing,” I said. This was exactly why I’d wanted to get out of the hall and into my room, where we wouldn’t be seen. “We were talking, Ren. I can still talk to Shay alone.”
“It didn’t look like he was after conversation to me,” Ren said.
“He’s right.” Shay smiled wickedly.
“Let’s see what I can do about that pretty smile.” Ren lunged at him.
I swung around, slamming my fist into Ren’s chest. He faltered, glancing at me in surprise.
The wolf inside me howled in frustration. How was I supposed to keep these two from killing each other?
“I’m serious. You will not hurt each other,” I snarled. “Do not cross me.”
Shay laughed. “Nice jab, Cal.”
I whirled and kicked Shay in the stomach, sending him stumbling back against the wall.
“What the hell?!” he shouted, rubbing his abs.
“I’m talking to both of you!” My head was throbbing. “How do I make it more clear? Stop trying to gain an upper hand. You’re both being total jackasses. I can’t stand it.”
Shay winced and I regretted my words. My frustration arose from my inability to pursue my own desires as much as the chore of regulating their abundance of testosterone.
“She’s right,” Ren said.
Shay glared at him before turning his eyes on me. When I met his gaze, I stepped back, reeling from the pain I saw there.
“So what, then?” he asked. “Nothing that happened between us matters now? He’s here and all that is just over?”
“No, Shay . . .” The words were hard to push out as my heart rebelled against my mind. I saw flashes of the garden, was once again swimming in passion guided by moonlight. I felt the warmth of Shay’s skin against mine. I remembered waking wrapped in his arms only to be full of desire again at the simple sight of him sleeping beside me. Blood roared in my ears. “That’s not what I meant.”
“What happened?” Ren’s question was like a dam against the flood of memories.
Shay opened his mouth to respond, but my hard stare silenced him. He held my gaze for a long moment. My blood ran cold when I saw how much this exchange cut into him.
“Nothing,” Shay said, turning away. “Good night.”
I watched his retreat, the knot in my belly tightening until the pain was almost unbearable.
“What was he talking about, Calla?”
I forced myself to face Ren. When I met his dark, worried eyes, I shook my head.
“Leave it,” I said softly. “Please just leave it.”
His mouth set in a hard line, but he nodded. “Can I at least walk you to your room?”
“No,” I said, my voice trembling. “I think it would be better if you didn’t.”
I felt empty, and Ren was too good at reading my emotions. A part of me still couldn’t believe that he was here. That despite all we’d lost, he’d been saved. I wished I could tell him how much it meant to have him near me, how much strength I gained by knowing another alpha would be in this fight. But following that trail of thoughts would get me in serious trouble. If I let him play the role of comforter when I felt this vulnerable, I’d end up doing something foolish.
“Fine.” I saw the flash of anger in his eyes before he headed in the opposite direction from the path Shay had taken. “Sweet dreams, Lily.”
When they were both out of sight, I wandered, slightly dazed, back to the stairs, climbing slowly toward the third floor and my room. I wondered if sleep would come. Despite how weary my limbs felt after the chaos of battles and clandestine rescue missions, my mind was in a frenzy.
By not choosing a mate, I was forced to lead alone. Was I strong enough to do that? The freedom of solitude swirled through my veins, equal parts joy and terror. When I reached my room, I paused, staring at the door for several minutes, pretending I wasn’t glancing every few seconds at the next door along the hall. Shay’s door.
Swearing under my breath, I gave up trying to ignore the pull toward his room. I hesitated outside. The episode with Ren had been the worst kind of blunder. I’d alienated both of them, but I was more worried about how I might have hurt Shay. Would he still be angry? Did he know that I’d wanted to be alone with him ever since Adne and I came back from Vail? Would he still want me, knowing that I had to try to keep a balance between the two alpha males?
I knocked on the door, cursing my own lack of conviction.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Calla.”
He made me stand in the dark hall for at least two minutes before he opened the door. He was wearing a plain white V-neck T-shirt that offered a teasing glimpse of his chest muscles and light cotton navy pajama pants. I had a similar but slightly more feminine set of sleepwear in my drawer. Apparently they were Searcher standard issue.
“What?” His unfriendly tone told me I wasn’t forgiven for what had happened downstairs.
“Can I come in?”
He walked away, leaving the door open. I followed him into the room, closing the door behind me. My pulse began to jump, knowing that I was alone with him in his bedroom. I’d been waiting for this moment all day, but now that I was here, I felt unsteady. Nerves rattled my bones. If Shay thought he couldn’t trust me, everything I’d fought for could fall apart.
Shay stretched out on his bed. He had a very old book propped on his chest.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Scion lore,” he said. “Apparently, being the Chosen One means you get homework.”
“Homework from Silas?”
“Yep.”
I stayed a few feet away from the bed, watching him. His lean form, lounging against the pillows, made my skin feel electric. I wished he would look up and stretch his arms out to me. He kept his focus on the book.
“So how long are you going to be mad?” I asked.
He didn’t answer.
I sighed. “Shay, I’m not trying to hurt you. I just think it would be a bad idea to rub Ren’s face in what’s going on with us. It could ruin everything.”
Shay laughed. “Way to use a dog metaphor.”
“You know what I mean.”
I also knew it was more than just keeping Ren’s temper in check, but I wasn’t sure Shay could handle that information. Saving Ren had been necessary. I didn’t want to admit how good it felt to have him back, to be near him again. But the constant buzz of hope that accompanied Ren’s return only made me feel worse about what I knew it must be doing to Shay. The malice roiling in both their eyes whenever the alphas looked at each other verged on explosive. As much as I wanted Ren beside me, Shay needed to know that I hadn’t abandoned him. I had no idea how I could balance the power between the two males without making Shay feel rejected. I’d made a terrible mess. Shay was angry with me and my instinct was to be defensive, but that wouldn’t solve anything.
“It didn’t look like he was after conversation to me,” Ren said.
“He’s right.” Shay smiled wickedly.
“Let’s see what I can do about that pretty smile.” Ren lunged at him.
I swung around, slamming my fist into Ren’s chest. He faltered, glancing at me in surprise.
The wolf inside me howled in frustration. How was I supposed to keep these two from killing each other?
“I’m serious. You will not hurt each other,” I snarled. “Do not cross me.”
Shay laughed. “Nice jab, Cal.”
I whirled and kicked Shay in the stomach, sending him stumbling back against the wall.
“What the hell?!” he shouted, rubbing his abs.
“I’m talking to both of you!” My head was throbbing. “How do I make it more clear? Stop trying to gain an upper hand. You’re both being total jackasses. I can’t stand it.”
Shay winced and I regretted my words. My frustration arose from my inability to pursue my own desires as much as the chore of regulating their abundance of testosterone.
“She’s right,” Ren said.
Shay glared at him before turning his eyes on me. When I met his gaze, I stepped back, reeling from the pain I saw there.
“So what, then?” he asked. “Nothing that happened between us matters now? He’s here and all that is just over?”
“No, Shay . . .” The words were hard to push out as my heart rebelled against my mind. I saw flashes of the garden, was once again swimming in passion guided by moonlight. I felt the warmth of Shay’s skin against mine. I remembered waking wrapped in his arms only to be full of desire again at the simple sight of him sleeping beside me. Blood roared in my ears. “That’s not what I meant.”
“What happened?” Ren’s question was like a dam against the flood of memories.
Shay opened his mouth to respond, but my hard stare silenced him. He held my gaze for a long moment. My blood ran cold when I saw how much this exchange cut into him.
“Nothing,” Shay said, turning away. “Good night.”
I watched his retreat, the knot in my belly tightening until the pain was almost unbearable.
“What was he talking about, Calla?”
I forced myself to face Ren. When I met his dark, worried eyes, I shook my head.
“Leave it,” I said softly. “Please just leave it.”
His mouth set in a hard line, but he nodded. “Can I at least walk you to your room?”
“No,” I said, my voice trembling. “I think it would be better if you didn’t.”
I felt empty, and Ren was too good at reading my emotions. A part of me still couldn’t believe that he was here. That despite all we’d lost, he’d been saved. I wished I could tell him how much it meant to have him near me, how much strength I gained by knowing another alpha would be in this fight. But following that trail of thoughts would get me in serious trouble. If I let him play the role of comforter when I felt this vulnerable, I’d end up doing something foolish.
“Fine.” I saw the flash of anger in his eyes before he headed in the opposite direction from the path Shay had taken. “Sweet dreams, Lily.”
When they were both out of sight, I wandered, slightly dazed, back to the stairs, climbing slowly toward the third floor and my room. I wondered if sleep would come. Despite how weary my limbs felt after the chaos of battles and clandestine rescue missions, my mind was in a frenzy.
By not choosing a mate, I was forced to lead alone. Was I strong enough to do that? The freedom of solitude swirled through my veins, equal parts joy and terror. When I reached my room, I paused, staring at the door for several minutes, pretending I wasn’t glancing every few seconds at the next door along the hall. Shay’s door.
Swearing under my breath, I gave up trying to ignore the pull toward his room. I hesitated outside. The episode with Ren had been the worst kind of blunder. I’d alienated both of them, but I was more worried about how I might have hurt Shay. Would he still be angry? Did he know that I’d wanted to be alone with him ever since Adne and I came back from Vail? Would he still want me, knowing that I had to try to keep a balance between the two alpha males?
I knocked on the door, cursing my own lack of conviction.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Calla.”
He made me stand in the dark hall for at least two minutes before he opened the door. He was wearing a plain white V-neck T-shirt that offered a teasing glimpse of his chest muscles and light cotton navy pajama pants. I had a similar but slightly more feminine set of sleepwear in my drawer. Apparently they were Searcher standard issue.
“What?” His unfriendly tone told me I wasn’t forgiven for what had happened downstairs.
“Can I come in?”
He walked away, leaving the door open. I followed him into the room, closing the door behind me. My pulse began to jump, knowing that I was alone with him in his bedroom. I’d been waiting for this moment all day, but now that I was here, I felt unsteady. Nerves rattled my bones. If Shay thought he couldn’t trust me, everything I’d fought for could fall apart.
Shay stretched out on his bed. He had a very old book propped on his chest.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Scion lore,” he said. “Apparently, being the Chosen One means you get homework.”
“Homework from Silas?”
“Yep.”
I stayed a few feet away from the bed, watching him. His lean form, lounging against the pillows, made my skin feel electric. I wished he would look up and stretch his arms out to me. He kept his focus on the book.
“So how long are you going to be mad?” I asked.
He didn’t answer.
I sighed. “Shay, I’m not trying to hurt you. I just think it would be a bad idea to rub Ren’s face in what’s going on with us. It could ruin everything.”
Shay laughed. “Way to use a dog metaphor.”
“You know what I mean.”
I also knew it was more than just keeping Ren’s temper in check, but I wasn’t sure Shay could handle that information. Saving Ren had been necessary. I didn’t want to admit how good it felt to have him back, to be near him again. But the constant buzz of hope that accompanied Ren’s return only made me feel worse about what I knew it must be doing to Shay. The malice roiling in both their eyes whenever the alphas looked at each other verged on explosive. As much as I wanted Ren beside me, Shay needed to know that I hadn’t abandoned him. I had no idea how I could balance the power between the two males without making Shay feel rejected. I’d made a terrible mess. Shay was angry with me and my instinct was to be defensive, but that wouldn’t solve anything.
