“Isn’t it?” Shay smiled. “What is it, then?”
“A lapse in judgment,” I said, though it didn’t sound convincing.
“Works for me.” Shay’s canines were sharp. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me down onto the bed. He rolled over, pinning me beneath him.
“I love you,” he murmured before he kissed me. I returned his kiss, aching to be closer to him.
“I know you don’t need me, Cal,” he said, moving his lips along my throat. “That’s why I love you. But I want you to know I belong beside you, with you. I may not have been the one chosen for you, but I want to be your mate. Your alpha.”
His words jolted through me, an electric current of desire. He understood so much about who I was. What I wanted. How I lived and loved. Heat swirled through my limbs. I slid my hands beneath his shirt, running my fingers over the muscles of his back. He pulled his shirt over his head. My heart stuttered at the sight of his carved torso giving way to the cut of his hips, the rest of his body only covered by drawstring pajama pants. In the next moment I was pushing those down too.
As the rest of my clothes peeled away, I buried lingering doubts. One night of bending my self-imposed rules to reassure Shay couldn’t hurt. Could it?
Whatever the consequences, as Shay’s hands and lips moved over my body, I knew how foolish my question was. I hadn’t slipped into Shay’s room late at night to rid him of doubts about my feelings. I was here for myself.
I twined my fingers in his hair, bringing his face close to mine. “I love you, Shay,” I said. “Always.”
SIX
THERE’S A REASON they call it the morning after. I woke up before dawn with my heart slamming against my ribs. Gray light filtered through the room. Clouds had rolled in overnight, leaving the sky above flat, the color of slate.
As I hurried to pull on my clothes and get myself out of Shay’s room before he woke up, I silently berated myself. Not only did I feel like a total bitch for leaving Shay alone not once, but twice, I also felt the potential consequences of my decision to stay with him last night piling up on my shoulders like heavy stones.
Questions darted in and out of my mind as I grabbed clean clothes from my room and rushed to shower. Would Ren know? Would Shay gloat and provoke a fight? Innumerable worst-case scenarios played out as I headed straight to the bath, all of them ending with Shay, Ren, or me bleeding and the alliance destroyed. Right now facing bear-shaped Guardians or even a wraith had more appeal than dealing with fallout from my love life. As I scrubbed my skin well past exfoliation, regret lingered, following me like a shadow. I didn’t want to pretend that last night with Shay hadn’t happened. Every kiss, every caress I shared with him felt right, made me want him even more, but revealing myself to the group could put our mission at risk. Close memories of spending the night wrapped in Shay’s arms sent a hot shiver over my skin, but I knew I had to push them away. Like so many times before, I was caught between duty and passion. Too much was at stake to let my heart rule; it had to be my head calling the shots from now on. If I chose my mate now, our shaky alliance would crumble.
When I arrived at Haldis Tactical, Anika and Pascal were already there. Flanking the Tordis Guide was a group of Searchers I didn’t know. Much to my surprise, Ren stood in their midst, and it looked like he was giving instructions. I assumed they were Pascal’s decoy team and I shivered. Ren’s plan was a good one, but he was risking himself so soon.
Ren lifted his head, almost as if he’d read my thoughts. He gave a curt nod, turning his attention back to the team. I pushed back the desire to join their group, leading beside my fellow alpha. But that wasn’t my fight. Not today.
Ethan and Sabine entered the room together. I tried not to stare. They weren’t speaking or even touching, but one glance told me it would take a force of nature to pry them even an inch farther apart. Seeing them offered a rush of relief. At least I wasn’t the only one dealing with romantic complications.
Trying my best to be casual, I approached them. “Morning.”
“Hey, Calla.” Sabine eyed me suspiciously. Apparently casual was not my forte.
Ethan just nodded.
“Did we miss the boat?” Connor asked. He sauntered in with Adne just behind him.
“You’re actually just in time,” Anika said.
“Damn.”
Adne gave me a brief wave while Connor continued his conversation with Anika.
“Hey.” I jumped at the touch of a hand on my shoulder.
“Sleep okay?” Ren asked.
“Uh . . . yeah.” So far, so good.
Never mind. Shay walked in with Mason and Nev. They were all chomping on rolls and fruit. The scent of freshly baked bread made my stomach growl.
“Hungry?” Ren grinned.
“I skipped breakfast.”
“Plenty to share.” Mason tossed me a roll. I tore into it, pretending it was hunger and not anxiety that kept me from looking at Shay. He was standing right next to Ren. I kept waiting for something to happen. A smirk, a smug glance—any movement that would signal to Ren where I’d spent the night. Despite how delicious the roll tasted and smelled, when I swallowed, it felt like a rock landed in my gut.
Considering I’d scrubbed my skin hard enough in the showers to leave it red and stinging for several minutes, I hoped I’d gotten every trace of Shay’s scent off me, but I didn’t dare meet his gaze. Now that he was close, I could smell thunder and rain-drenched leaves, which made my toes curl. Heat climbed into my cheeks.
Desperate to distract myself, I focused on Ren. “How about you? Good night’s sleep?”
“Not so much.” He grimaced.
I tried to keep my voice casual as I imagined Ren passing by Shay’s door and hearing what we’d been up to all night. “Your room not comfortable enough?”
He laughed. “That wasn’t the problem.”
My pulse had become a frenetic staccato. He must have found out somehow.
Ren rubbed his temples. “I had company.”
“Excuse me?” My voice took on a high pitch that I didn’t like at all.
Silas stumbled in, gasping. If it hadn’t been for his cobalt and black hair, I might not have recognized him. He’d traded in his wannabe rocker wardrobe for classic Searcher garb. There was even a sword in scabbard hanging from his waist.
“Did I miss it? Am I late?!”
“A lapse in judgment,” I said, though it didn’t sound convincing.
“Works for me.” Shay’s canines were sharp. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me down onto the bed. He rolled over, pinning me beneath him.
“I love you,” he murmured before he kissed me. I returned his kiss, aching to be closer to him.
“I know you don’t need me, Cal,” he said, moving his lips along my throat. “That’s why I love you. But I want you to know I belong beside you, with you. I may not have been the one chosen for you, but I want to be your mate. Your alpha.”
His words jolted through me, an electric current of desire. He understood so much about who I was. What I wanted. How I lived and loved. Heat swirled through my limbs. I slid my hands beneath his shirt, running my fingers over the muscles of his back. He pulled his shirt over his head. My heart stuttered at the sight of his carved torso giving way to the cut of his hips, the rest of his body only covered by drawstring pajama pants. In the next moment I was pushing those down too.
As the rest of my clothes peeled away, I buried lingering doubts. One night of bending my self-imposed rules to reassure Shay couldn’t hurt. Could it?
Whatever the consequences, as Shay’s hands and lips moved over my body, I knew how foolish my question was. I hadn’t slipped into Shay’s room late at night to rid him of doubts about my feelings. I was here for myself.
I twined my fingers in his hair, bringing his face close to mine. “I love you, Shay,” I said. “Always.”
SIX
THERE’S A REASON they call it the morning after. I woke up before dawn with my heart slamming against my ribs. Gray light filtered through the room. Clouds had rolled in overnight, leaving the sky above flat, the color of slate.
As I hurried to pull on my clothes and get myself out of Shay’s room before he woke up, I silently berated myself. Not only did I feel like a total bitch for leaving Shay alone not once, but twice, I also felt the potential consequences of my decision to stay with him last night piling up on my shoulders like heavy stones.
Questions darted in and out of my mind as I grabbed clean clothes from my room and rushed to shower. Would Ren know? Would Shay gloat and provoke a fight? Innumerable worst-case scenarios played out as I headed straight to the bath, all of them ending with Shay, Ren, or me bleeding and the alliance destroyed. Right now facing bear-shaped Guardians or even a wraith had more appeal than dealing with fallout from my love life. As I scrubbed my skin well past exfoliation, regret lingered, following me like a shadow. I didn’t want to pretend that last night with Shay hadn’t happened. Every kiss, every caress I shared with him felt right, made me want him even more, but revealing myself to the group could put our mission at risk. Close memories of spending the night wrapped in Shay’s arms sent a hot shiver over my skin, but I knew I had to push them away. Like so many times before, I was caught between duty and passion. Too much was at stake to let my heart rule; it had to be my head calling the shots from now on. If I chose my mate now, our shaky alliance would crumble.
When I arrived at Haldis Tactical, Anika and Pascal were already there. Flanking the Tordis Guide was a group of Searchers I didn’t know. Much to my surprise, Ren stood in their midst, and it looked like he was giving instructions. I assumed they were Pascal’s decoy team and I shivered. Ren’s plan was a good one, but he was risking himself so soon.
Ren lifted his head, almost as if he’d read my thoughts. He gave a curt nod, turning his attention back to the team. I pushed back the desire to join their group, leading beside my fellow alpha. But that wasn’t my fight. Not today.
Ethan and Sabine entered the room together. I tried not to stare. They weren’t speaking or even touching, but one glance told me it would take a force of nature to pry them even an inch farther apart. Seeing them offered a rush of relief. At least I wasn’t the only one dealing with romantic complications.
Trying my best to be casual, I approached them. “Morning.”
“Hey, Calla.” Sabine eyed me suspiciously. Apparently casual was not my forte.
Ethan just nodded.
“Did we miss the boat?” Connor asked. He sauntered in with Adne just behind him.
“You’re actually just in time,” Anika said.
“Damn.”
Adne gave me a brief wave while Connor continued his conversation with Anika.
“Hey.” I jumped at the touch of a hand on my shoulder.
“Sleep okay?” Ren asked.
“Uh . . . yeah.” So far, so good.
Never mind. Shay walked in with Mason and Nev. They were all chomping on rolls and fruit. The scent of freshly baked bread made my stomach growl.
“Hungry?” Ren grinned.
“I skipped breakfast.”
“Plenty to share.” Mason tossed me a roll. I tore into it, pretending it was hunger and not anxiety that kept me from looking at Shay. He was standing right next to Ren. I kept waiting for something to happen. A smirk, a smug glance—any movement that would signal to Ren where I’d spent the night. Despite how delicious the roll tasted and smelled, when I swallowed, it felt like a rock landed in my gut.
Considering I’d scrubbed my skin hard enough in the showers to leave it red and stinging for several minutes, I hoped I’d gotten every trace of Shay’s scent off me, but I didn’t dare meet his gaze. Now that he was close, I could smell thunder and rain-drenched leaves, which made my toes curl. Heat climbed into my cheeks.
Desperate to distract myself, I focused on Ren. “How about you? Good night’s sleep?”
“Not so much.” He grimaced.
I tried to keep my voice casual as I imagined Ren passing by Shay’s door and hearing what we’d been up to all night. “Your room not comfortable enough?”
He laughed. “That wasn’t the problem.”
My pulse had become a frenetic staccato. He must have found out somehow.
Ren rubbed his temples. “I had company.”
“Excuse me?” My voice took on a high pitch that I didn’t like at all.
Silas stumbled in, gasping. If it hadn’t been for his cobalt and black hair, I might not have recognized him. He’d traded in his wannabe rocker wardrobe for classic Searcher garb. There was even a sword in scabbard hanging from his waist.
“Did I miss it? Am I late?!”
