He sighed, but I tightened my grip on his hand.
“But not the way I love you,” I said.
I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his, waiting until he responded to the kiss. He pulled me closer, the soft kiss building in heat and strength as it lingered between us.
“It doesn’t matter that Ren and I have a past,” I whispered against his mouth. “You’re my future. You’re the path I chose from the moment I saved you on the mountain.”
He didn’t speak, but rested his forehead against mine.
“You will make it through this fight, Shay,” I said. “You have to. I will not lose you.”
He laughed quietly and kissed me. “I’ll do my best. I’d hate to disappoint my alpha.”
“And I can’t afford to lose my alpha,” I said.
His smile remained, but light flared in his eyes. “You mean me?”
“You know I do. You’ve always known who you are to me—to the pack. Even before I did. You were a lone wolf. Then you found us.”
“I didn’t know who I was or where I belonged until I met you,” he said, leaning down to brush his lips across my cheek.
“So, alpha . . .” I took his hand. “You ready to go get the bad guys?”
“If you insist,” he said, placing one last gentle kiss on my lips. He paused just before we reached the door. “Calla, I’m sorry . . . I just wanted—”
“I know what you wanted, Shay,” I said, lifting his fingers to my mouth and gently kissing them. “And that’s why I love you.”
TWENTY-ONE
WE LEFT THE ROOM. Shay shifted into wolf form in the hallway, as did I. Searchers passing by occasionally exchanged hushed murmurs or gave us startled looks. But the most common reactions were nods of respect or knowing smiles.
Shay wagged his tail. Nice to be part of the team.
Still a little odd. I nipped his shoulder. But yeah. It’s nice.
I watched Shay’s ears flicking back and forth, his eyes alert as we moved. He’d adjusted to his wolf self so naturally. Sometimes I felt like he truly had been a lone wolf when I’d met him—he just hadn’t found his wolf half yet. As much as his “talk” with Ren made me want to bite both of them hard, their negotiations over my status were so classically alpha male behavior it was almost funny. Almost.
We trotted down the hall toward Haldis Tactical, our toenails clicking on marble. Anika was sitting at the large round table with Bryn, Mason, Ansel, and Tess. Mason chomped on the largest sandwich I’d ever seen.
Catching sight of us, he pulled it close to his chest. “You didn’t come to the kitchen. I’m not sharing.”
I shifted forms and laughed. “I don’t think I could eat right now.”
“Good.” He grinned, still baring his fangs. “I’m starved and this sandwich is my own masterpiece.”
Ansel coughed.
“With Ansel’s assistance, of course.” Mason nodded at my brother.
“You sitting in on this?” I asked him.
“He’s going,” Mason said around a mouthful of sandwich.
I glared at the Arrow. “What’s this?”
Tess jumped in before Anika could answer. “He’s staying with me, Calla.”
“I’m helping the Elixirs clear casualties,” Ansel said. I winced at the accusatory look he shot me. “The Weavers will be bringing wounded off the field as fast as they can. They need helpers who won’t be in the battle.”
“That’s great, An,” I said. He dropped his eyes as his anger gave way to humiliation.
Great, Calla. Nice move. I wished I hadn’t hurt his feelings, but the truth was, I didn’t want Ansel anywhere near this fight. Without his wolf he’d be much too vulnerable. And it wasn’t only that I was worried he couldn’t fight as a human. With everything Ansel had been through—and how I knew he was still feeling—I worried he’d purposely try to get himself killed.
Anika pushed a chair out and I sat down beside her. Bryn, in the next chair over, leaned in to hug me.
“Glad I’m not missing all the heroics this round,” she whispered. “You okay?”
“Surviving,” I said.
She squeezed my shoulders. “That’s what we do best.”
I gripped her fingers, giving her as much of a smile as I could manage.
“Everybody’s already here?” Connor came into the room with Adne at his side. “Does that mean we’re late?”
They were both flushed, but had done a pretty good job of making themselves presentable . . . or at least appearing only slightly rumpled after a “nap.” Mason snickered anyway. Connor rubbed the back of his neck uneasily, but a mischievous smile hovered on Adne’s lips.
“You’re actually right on time,” Anika said, gesturing for them to sit. I thought I heard the hint of laughter in her voice, though her expression remained solemn.
“Glad to hear it.” Ren smiled as he entered the room. His hair was damp. I guessed he had decided to make a trip to the baths.
He was about to take a seat beside me when he stopped. His nose wrinkled. He stared at me and then at Shay, who was watching him from the other side of the table, arms folded across his chest.
A growl rumbled out of Ren’s throat. “What the hell . . .”
I stood up. “Ren, don’t. Not now.”
“Why is your scent all over her?” He ignored me, glaring at Shay. “You two were together? What were you doing? I thought we had an agreement.”
“So did I,” Shay said. “But someone convinced me that it was stupid and I was very, very wrong.”
Ren leaned on the table, snarling. “It’s time for me to teach you a lesson that’s long overdue.”
Shay didn’t move, but he smiled. “You’re welcome to try.”
“Stop!” I shoved Ren as hard as I could, sending him several steps back from the table.
“Stay out of this, Lily!” He only glanced at me for a second before returning his outraged stare to Shay.
“The hell I will!” I put myself between him and Shay, forcing Ren to look at me. “Is this the kind of love you want from me? Love that’s chosen for me instead of being my own?”
He stopped growling. “Calla . . .”
“I know that’s all you’ve ever been taught to do,” I said. “But that is not how I want to live. Do you understand?”
“But not the way I love you,” I said.
I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his, waiting until he responded to the kiss. He pulled me closer, the soft kiss building in heat and strength as it lingered between us.
“It doesn’t matter that Ren and I have a past,” I whispered against his mouth. “You’re my future. You’re the path I chose from the moment I saved you on the mountain.”
He didn’t speak, but rested his forehead against mine.
“You will make it through this fight, Shay,” I said. “You have to. I will not lose you.”
He laughed quietly and kissed me. “I’ll do my best. I’d hate to disappoint my alpha.”
“And I can’t afford to lose my alpha,” I said.
His smile remained, but light flared in his eyes. “You mean me?”
“You know I do. You’ve always known who you are to me—to the pack. Even before I did. You were a lone wolf. Then you found us.”
“I didn’t know who I was or where I belonged until I met you,” he said, leaning down to brush his lips across my cheek.
“So, alpha . . .” I took his hand. “You ready to go get the bad guys?”
“If you insist,” he said, placing one last gentle kiss on my lips. He paused just before we reached the door. “Calla, I’m sorry . . . I just wanted—”
“I know what you wanted, Shay,” I said, lifting his fingers to my mouth and gently kissing them. “And that’s why I love you.”
TWENTY-ONE
WE LEFT THE ROOM. Shay shifted into wolf form in the hallway, as did I. Searchers passing by occasionally exchanged hushed murmurs or gave us startled looks. But the most common reactions were nods of respect or knowing smiles.
Shay wagged his tail. Nice to be part of the team.
Still a little odd. I nipped his shoulder. But yeah. It’s nice.
I watched Shay’s ears flicking back and forth, his eyes alert as we moved. He’d adjusted to his wolf self so naturally. Sometimes I felt like he truly had been a lone wolf when I’d met him—he just hadn’t found his wolf half yet. As much as his “talk” with Ren made me want to bite both of them hard, their negotiations over my status were so classically alpha male behavior it was almost funny. Almost.
We trotted down the hall toward Haldis Tactical, our toenails clicking on marble. Anika was sitting at the large round table with Bryn, Mason, Ansel, and Tess. Mason chomped on the largest sandwich I’d ever seen.
Catching sight of us, he pulled it close to his chest. “You didn’t come to the kitchen. I’m not sharing.”
I shifted forms and laughed. “I don’t think I could eat right now.”
“Good.” He grinned, still baring his fangs. “I’m starved and this sandwich is my own masterpiece.”
Ansel coughed.
“With Ansel’s assistance, of course.” Mason nodded at my brother.
“You sitting in on this?” I asked him.
“He’s going,” Mason said around a mouthful of sandwich.
I glared at the Arrow. “What’s this?”
Tess jumped in before Anika could answer. “He’s staying with me, Calla.”
“I’m helping the Elixirs clear casualties,” Ansel said. I winced at the accusatory look he shot me. “The Weavers will be bringing wounded off the field as fast as they can. They need helpers who won’t be in the battle.”
“That’s great, An,” I said. He dropped his eyes as his anger gave way to humiliation.
Great, Calla. Nice move. I wished I hadn’t hurt his feelings, but the truth was, I didn’t want Ansel anywhere near this fight. Without his wolf he’d be much too vulnerable. And it wasn’t only that I was worried he couldn’t fight as a human. With everything Ansel had been through—and how I knew he was still feeling—I worried he’d purposely try to get himself killed.
Anika pushed a chair out and I sat down beside her. Bryn, in the next chair over, leaned in to hug me.
“Glad I’m not missing all the heroics this round,” she whispered. “You okay?”
“Surviving,” I said.
She squeezed my shoulders. “That’s what we do best.”
I gripped her fingers, giving her as much of a smile as I could manage.
“Everybody’s already here?” Connor came into the room with Adne at his side. “Does that mean we’re late?”
They were both flushed, but had done a pretty good job of making themselves presentable . . . or at least appearing only slightly rumpled after a “nap.” Mason snickered anyway. Connor rubbed the back of his neck uneasily, but a mischievous smile hovered on Adne’s lips.
“You’re actually right on time,” Anika said, gesturing for them to sit. I thought I heard the hint of laughter in her voice, though her expression remained solemn.
“Glad to hear it.” Ren smiled as he entered the room. His hair was damp. I guessed he had decided to make a trip to the baths.
He was about to take a seat beside me when he stopped. His nose wrinkled. He stared at me and then at Shay, who was watching him from the other side of the table, arms folded across his chest.
A growl rumbled out of Ren’s throat. “What the hell . . .”
I stood up. “Ren, don’t. Not now.”
“Why is your scent all over her?” He ignored me, glaring at Shay. “You two were together? What were you doing? I thought we had an agreement.”
“So did I,” Shay said. “But someone convinced me that it was stupid and I was very, very wrong.”
Ren leaned on the table, snarling. “It’s time for me to teach you a lesson that’s long overdue.”
Shay didn’t move, but he smiled. “You’re welcome to try.”
“Stop!” I shoved Ren as hard as I could, sending him several steps back from the table.
“Stay out of this, Lily!” He only glanced at me for a second before returning his outraged stare to Shay.
“The hell I will!” I put myself between him and Shay, forcing Ren to look at me. “Is this the kind of love you want from me? Love that’s chosen for me instead of being my own?”
He stopped growling. “Calla . . .”
“I know that’s all you’ve ever been taught to do,” I said. “But that is not how I want to live. Do you understand?”
