Tears started to rush down her cheeks, but her eyes never left his. He felt like crying himself, which was weird, because he hadn’t cried about what had happened since he was a teenager. He could see the sympathy in her eyes and he hated that she felt sorry for him. He had never told anyone because he didn’t want that look. Especially from Piper; he didn’t want to seem weak in front of her. Taking another step back, he let out a long, frustrated breath before softy saying, “Is this the man you want to be there for? A potential monster? A man so f**ked-up that there is no fixing him?”
Piper wiped away her tears, her chest rising and falling in time with his heart. “Erik, you are no monster, not even a potential one. You are a good man, and I believe that. I want to be there for you, and I’m not going anywhere until you walk out that door and tell me you don’t want me. You need someone to love you and you need to know that you deserve that love, and I want you to let me be that someone.”
Erik scoffed as he shook his head. Had she even been listening to him?
“You are delusional.”
“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “You are just terrified, and until the moment you are ready to take what I’m offering, you’ll never feel complete.”
With that, she turned and walked away. Erik watched until she shut the bedroom door and then he collapsed against the wall. He wasn’t used to someone fighting for him like that and believing in him. Cooper had been the only person to ever do that, and he didn’t understand why Piper was. He was worthless, not the man she needed. So why did she care so much?
And why did he want to believe everything she said?
Chapter 18
It was almost one in the morning when Piper heard her door creak open. She didn’t have to look to know that it was Stanley. The dog was louder than a freight train. As she dangled her hand off the bed, Stanley came over and rubbed his head along it before giving her a loving lick. Smiling down at him, she watched as he lay down on the floor. Jeez, she loved this dog something fierce. She was about to close her own eyes and try to sleep, but she felt her bed dip and the warmth of a body beside her.
Piper didn’t move.
After their blowup they had spoken very little all day. Every time she thought of Erik as a scared thirteen-year-old with a gun held to his head, her heart broke and tears fell in heaps. Why would someone do that to a child? Piper had no doubt that his horrible upbringing had affected him. But now she was in love with someone who was frightened and fought against what they could have together. Dimitri needed his daddy and Piper had to reassure Erik that he could not only love someone, but also be loved in return, and that he was deserving of this family.
He moved closer to her. She held her breath when he took her hips in his hands and squeezed. Not saying anything, Piper waited as he held her. When she felt his forehead on her back, she closed her eyes, begging her tears not to come. She could feel his breath on her spine as his hands massaged her hips.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered faintly.
She didn’t say anything; she didn’t know what to say. She wanted to turn around, wrap her arms around his neck, and just hold him but she needed to wait. She needed to see what else he would say.
“I’m sorry that I can’t commit to you, Piper. A part of me wants to, but not all of me is ready yet. You deserve a man who wants to fully commit to you and I don’t know if I’m that man.”
He paused. Was he leaving now? Was this the last time she would be able to feel him like this? Closing her eyes tight to hold back her tears, she let out a long breath. He went on: “I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t expect you to stay around and deal with my shit, but I just want you to know that I want to try, but I don’t know how. I’m afraid that if I f**k up I’ll lose you.”
God, he was the most confusing man on earth.
Turning over and pulling herself out of his arms, she placed her hands under her face and looked at him. His hair was a mess, his eyes looked bloodshot, and she could tell he was really upset. She didn’t like seeing him this way; she wanted to make it better. The fixer in her was begging to fix him, but how? Reaching over, she placed her hand on his cheek, watching as he moved into her hand, closing his eyes as his hand came to rest upon hers.
“Do you want to leave?”
He looked up at her and shook his head. “No.”
“I don’t want you to leave, either. I’m scared, too, Erik, but I want to try.”
He shook his head, taking in a deep breath before opening his eyes to look at her. “I don’t know how.”
Piper’s lip curled into a little smile as she looked deep into his eyes. “I’m not saying that we have to declare love and promise we will stay together forever, Erik. I just want you to give me a chance. Let the walls down; let us see if it is worth staying together.”
Erik swallowed loudly as he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” she said simply.
“You have so much faith in me,” he said, glancing over at her. “I don’t deserve it.”
She smiled. “I think you do.”
He reached over and, taking hold of her arm, pulled her to him. He kissed her temple and left his nose there as he took a deep breath. “I want to try, but I can’t guarantee you anything.”
Piper nodded. A part of her warned her that this might blow up in her face and break her heart, while the other part of her said there was no other way. She had to try because she loved him and she wasn’t ready to give up on him yet.
Piper wiped away her tears, her chest rising and falling in time with his heart. “Erik, you are no monster, not even a potential one. You are a good man, and I believe that. I want to be there for you, and I’m not going anywhere until you walk out that door and tell me you don’t want me. You need someone to love you and you need to know that you deserve that love, and I want you to let me be that someone.”
Erik scoffed as he shook his head. Had she even been listening to him?
“You are delusional.”
“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “You are just terrified, and until the moment you are ready to take what I’m offering, you’ll never feel complete.”
With that, she turned and walked away. Erik watched until she shut the bedroom door and then he collapsed against the wall. He wasn’t used to someone fighting for him like that and believing in him. Cooper had been the only person to ever do that, and he didn’t understand why Piper was. He was worthless, not the man she needed. So why did she care so much?
And why did he want to believe everything she said?
Chapter 18
It was almost one in the morning when Piper heard her door creak open. She didn’t have to look to know that it was Stanley. The dog was louder than a freight train. As she dangled her hand off the bed, Stanley came over and rubbed his head along it before giving her a loving lick. Smiling down at him, she watched as he lay down on the floor. Jeez, she loved this dog something fierce. She was about to close her own eyes and try to sleep, but she felt her bed dip and the warmth of a body beside her.
Piper didn’t move.
After their blowup they had spoken very little all day. Every time she thought of Erik as a scared thirteen-year-old with a gun held to his head, her heart broke and tears fell in heaps. Why would someone do that to a child? Piper had no doubt that his horrible upbringing had affected him. But now she was in love with someone who was frightened and fought against what they could have together. Dimitri needed his daddy and Piper had to reassure Erik that he could not only love someone, but also be loved in return, and that he was deserving of this family.
He moved closer to her. She held her breath when he took her hips in his hands and squeezed. Not saying anything, Piper waited as he held her. When she felt his forehead on her back, she closed her eyes, begging her tears not to come. She could feel his breath on her spine as his hands massaged her hips.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered faintly.
She didn’t say anything; she didn’t know what to say. She wanted to turn around, wrap her arms around his neck, and just hold him but she needed to wait. She needed to see what else he would say.
“I’m sorry that I can’t commit to you, Piper. A part of me wants to, but not all of me is ready yet. You deserve a man who wants to fully commit to you and I don’t know if I’m that man.”
He paused. Was he leaving now? Was this the last time she would be able to feel him like this? Closing her eyes tight to hold back her tears, she let out a long breath. He went on: “I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t expect you to stay around and deal with my shit, but I just want you to know that I want to try, but I don’t know how. I’m afraid that if I f**k up I’ll lose you.”
God, he was the most confusing man on earth.
Turning over and pulling herself out of his arms, she placed her hands under her face and looked at him. His hair was a mess, his eyes looked bloodshot, and she could tell he was really upset. She didn’t like seeing him this way; she wanted to make it better. The fixer in her was begging to fix him, but how? Reaching over, she placed her hand on his cheek, watching as he moved into her hand, closing his eyes as his hand came to rest upon hers.
“Do you want to leave?”
He looked up at her and shook his head. “No.”
“I don’t want you to leave, either. I’m scared, too, Erik, but I want to try.”
He shook his head, taking in a deep breath before opening his eyes to look at her. “I don’t know how.”
Piper’s lip curled into a little smile as she looked deep into his eyes. “I’m not saying that we have to declare love and promise we will stay together forever, Erik. I just want you to give me a chance. Let the walls down; let us see if it is worth staying together.”
Erik swallowed loudly as he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” she said simply.
“You have so much faith in me,” he said, glancing over at her. “I don’t deserve it.”
She smiled. “I think you do.”
He reached over and, taking hold of her arm, pulled her to him. He kissed her temple and left his nose there as he took a deep breath. “I want to try, but I can’t guarantee you anything.”
Piper nodded. A part of her warned her that this might blow up in her face and break her heart, while the other part of her said there was no other way. She had to try because she loved him and she wasn’t ready to give up on him yet.
