It was depressing as hell.
I moped at my campfire for hours. I was hungry and thirsty, but I just kind of lay next to the fire in the sand, thinking about Jendan.
Was he back at the loser lodge right now eating his fill and telling Rusty how I’d betrayed him? Was he furious? I thought of his smile, and how I’d loved to cuddle with him in the shelter. I thought of the way he made me laugh, and how he was always helping around camp. He’d been an awesome partner, and I’d screwed him out of his chance for a million dollars.
I already missed him.
I’d also destroyed any hope of us getting together after the game, and that was the thought that kept crushing my spirit. I liked Jendan. So very much. I knew that whatever hope we’d had of seeing this thing past flirtation and a few stolen cuddles was gone.
Blinking back more tears, I shoved another log on the fire.
“So, uh,” someone said.
I sat up and looked around, and there was a cameraman nearby filming me as I laid on the beach and wallowed in my misery.
He nodded back at the trees. “We’re not supposed to coach you guys or anything, but I’m told production’s been waiting a few hours for you to check your camp mail and they’d really like to hurry things along.”
“Oh.” I got to my feet, brushing sand off of my body. I was pretty sure it said nothing good, so I didn’t get excited. Was this another back to back challenge? I didn’t think I had the strength in me today for another Judgment.
I was just too sad and lethargic.
Sure enough, there was a rolled up note inside the red chest. I opened it and read silently.
All colors are bright under the Fiji sun - gather your things - all teams have become one.
Another shitty poem, and reading it just made me more depressed. My lower lip trembled, and I sniffled hard to hold back the tears.
If I’d just held on in that challenge, Jendan and I would have made the merge together. One more day was all I’d needed.
And I blew it.
I wiped my nose, trying to pull myself together as I headed back to my lonely camp. I didn’t want the others to see me cry.
~~ *** ~~
Two hours later, I stepped off the boat at an old, familiar campsite - my first one, with Kip. Six others were already there, talking excitedly and hugging each other. There was a big woven basket in the center of the group with a lid on it. “Here,” one of the production people said and held out a key to me. “Take this with you.”
I took the key she offered me and jumped off the side of the small speedboat, then began to swim for shore. I headed toward the others, dreading this. Now I had to fake a good mood so they wouldn’t see how upset I was over Jendan leaving the game.
As I emerged from the water, I pasted a cheery smile on my face and waved the key in the air as I arrived. “I hope this party didn’t start without me!”
The others surged forward to hug me, and for a moment, things were awkward. We’d been naked for so long that we tended to forget about it, except at times like this. I’d been on the beach naked for over three weeks now, and I was finding I no longer cared who got a look at my hoo-ha. Modesty had left somewhere around week one. Nudity was quickly forgotten as we hugged and greeted each other. It was day twenty-seven - almost a month into the game - and we were just now getting to really meet each other for the first time. Seeing each other at challenges wasn’t the same as having real conversations with people, and my gloomy spirits lifted despite my funk.
Kissy clapped her hands together like a child, her face lit up. “Can we see what’s in the basket now that we’re all here?”
“Sure,” I said, handing her the key.
Kip snatched it before Kissy’s hand could touch it and he grinned. “I’ll do the honors.”
“Oh,” Kissy said, looking abashed. “Sure.”
Why couldn’t Kip have gone instead of Jendan? For a moment, a surge of anger coursed through me, directed at Kip’s sea-tousled waves of black hair. That absolute jerk. He’d probably been making Kissy absolutely miserable because she wasn’t hot or athletic. He was such a high-handed prick that he deserved to be taken down a notch.
I made that my goal, then. I’d started this game with the intent of getting Kip out of here, and it hadn’t changed. Come hell or high water, that asshole was going home before I was.
The basket was full of goodies for the new camp: rice and beans, a bottle of wine for us to celebrate with, and a long, distinctly phallic sausage. There was cheese and crackers and cookies, and at the bottom of the basket, underneath the food, there was an orange flag and some paints, along with a note.
“Decorate your new home,” Alys said, reading the note aloud as we stuffed our faces with cheese, sausage, and cookies. “Kick back and enjoy your feast - you deserve it. Today is a day of rest, but tomorrow, the game begins again.”
“So Judgment tomorrow, do you think?” Leslie asked. “We just had one yesterday.”
“That’s what it sounds like,” Saul agreed.
“Then we should set up shelter and get a good night’s sleep tonight,” Emilio pointed out.
I said nothing. I was going to let the others talk things out and observe the dynamics. I was on my own while everyone else was here with a pair. I’d need to watch the dynamics, see where there was a schism amongst teams, and then wiggle my way in.
By the time the new shelter was set up, I had a pretty good idea of how things were working. Kip was bossing everyone around, especially Kissy, who worked hard all afternoon, gathering wood for the fire and stoking it when the flames died down. She cringed unhappily every time Kip reprimanded her - which was often - and it just made me hate him more. Kissy and Kip clearly weren’t the best of friends, but she was still following his lead despite his doucheness. That told me that she wasn’t good at making decisions on her own. She’d follow the lead of others, but she wouldn’t be one to make a big move.
I couldn’t use her.
Ditto Alys and Saul. Despite coming from separate teams earlier, they’d formed a pretty good bond. They talked a lot, laughed a fair amount, and looked as if they enjoyed each other’s company despite the twenty-something-year age difference. That wouldn’t help me.
Leslie and Emilio bickered like an old married couple. That hadn’t been an act. And I remembered from the last game that Leslie tended to be paranoid. I wondered if she still was or if she was confident in her place now.
The shelter went up that afternoon, and someone claimed my blanket before I had a chance to protest. By the time everyone had piled into the new team shelter, it was clear to me that I was on the bottom of the pecking order. Everyone slept next to their partners.
I didn’t have one. I ended up on the edge of the shelter, hanging off the side and without my blanket.
That was fine. All I had to do was be patient, I told myself. Someone would show a crack soon enough. It was lonely, but I could deal with lonely. Lonely with a million dollars would make everything okay.
As I closed my eyes, I thought of snuggling with Jendan under the blankets in our old, cozy shelter, and had to sniff back my tears.
Maybe lonely and a million dollars wouldn’t be okay. Not if it meant I’d lost Jendan forever.
~~ *** ~~
The next day dawned cool and windy, a sure sign we were going to get a mid-afternoon storm. I gathered wood with Kissy all morning. She was a sweet lady, and I really liked her. She was just so genuinely excited to still be in the game. We avoided the subject of Kip, since I didn’t feel like talking about him, and I was pretty sure she got enough of Kip on her own time. Alys came and helped us a bit, and the others worked on fishing and reinforcing the shelter for the upcoming weather.
I moped at my campfire for hours. I was hungry and thirsty, but I just kind of lay next to the fire in the sand, thinking about Jendan.
Was he back at the loser lodge right now eating his fill and telling Rusty how I’d betrayed him? Was he furious? I thought of his smile, and how I’d loved to cuddle with him in the shelter. I thought of the way he made me laugh, and how he was always helping around camp. He’d been an awesome partner, and I’d screwed him out of his chance for a million dollars.
I already missed him.
I’d also destroyed any hope of us getting together after the game, and that was the thought that kept crushing my spirit. I liked Jendan. So very much. I knew that whatever hope we’d had of seeing this thing past flirtation and a few stolen cuddles was gone.
Blinking back more tears, I shoved another log on the fire.
“So, uh,” someone said.
I sat up and looked around, and there was a cameraman nearby filming me as I laid on the beach and wallowed in my misery.
He nodded back at the trees. “We’re not supposed to coach you guys or anything, but I’m told production’s been waiting a few hours for you to check your camp mail and they’d really like to hurry things along.”
“Oh.” I got to my feet, brushing sand off of my body. I was pretty sure it said nothing good, so I didn’t get excited. Was this another back to back challenge? I didn’t think I had the strength in me today for another Judgment.
I was just too sad and lethargic.
Sure enough, there was a rolled up note inside the red chest. I opened it and read silently.
All colors are bright under the Fiji sun - gather your things - all teams have become one.
Another shitty poem, and reading it just made me more depressed. My lower lip trembled, and I sniffled hard to hold back the tears.
If I’d just held on in that challenge, Jendan and I would have made the merge together. One more day was all I’d needed.
And I blew it.
I wiped my nose, trying to pull myself together as I headed back to my lonely camp. I didn’t want the others to see me cry.
~~ *** ~~
Two hours later, I stepped off the boat at an old, familiar campsite - my first one, with Kip. Six others were already there, talking excitedly and hugging each other. There was a big woven basket in the center of the group with a lid on it. “Here,” one of the production people said and held out a key to me. “Take this with you.”
I took the key she offered me and jumped off the side of the small speedboat, then began to swim for shore. I headed toward the others, dreading this. Now I had to fake a good mood so they wouldn’t see how upset I was over Jendan leaving the game.
As I emerged from the water, I pasted a cheery smile on my face and waved the key in the air as I arrived. “I hope this party didn’t start without me!”
The others surged forward to hug me, and for a moment, things were awkward. We’d been naked for so long that we tended to forget about it, except at times like this. I’d been on the beach naked for over three weeks now, and I was finding I no longer cared who got a look at my hoo-ha. Modesty had left somewhere around week one. Nudity was quickly forgotten as we hugged and greeted each other. It was day twenty-seven - almost a month into the game - and we were just now getting to really meet each other for the first time. Seeing each other at challenges wasn’t the same as having real conversations with people, and my gloomy spirits lifted despite my funk.
Kissy clapped her hands together like a child, her face lit up. “Can we see what’s in the basket now that we’re all here?”
“Sure,” I said, handing her the key.
Kip snatched it before Kissy’s hand could touch it and he grinned. “I’ll do the honors.”
“Oh,” Kissy said, looking abashed. “Sure.”
Why couldn’t Kip have gone instead of Jendan? For a moment, a surge of anger coursed through me, directed at Kip’s sea-tousled waves of black hair. That absolute jerk. He’d probably been making Kissy absolutely miserable because she wasn’t hot or athletic. He was such a high-handed prick that he deserved to be taken down a notch.
I made that my goal, then. I’d started this game with the intent of getting Kip out of here, and it hadn’t changed. Come hell or high water, that asshole was going home before I was.
The basket was full of goodies for the new camp: rice and beans, a bottle of wine for us to celebrate with, and a long, distinctly phallic sausage. There was cheese and crackers and cookies, and at the bottom of the basket, underneath the food, there was an orange flag and some paints, along with a note.
“Decorate your new home,” Alys said, reading the note aloud as we stuffed our faces with cheese, sausage, and cookies. “Kick back and enjoy your feast - you deserve it. Today is a day of rest, but tomorrow, the game begins again.”
“So Judgment tomorrow, do you think?” Leslie asked. “We just had one yesterday.”
“That’s what it sounds like,” Saul agreed.
“Then we should set up shelter and get a good night’s sleep tonight,” Emilio pointed out.
I said nothing. I was going to let the others talk things out and observe the dynamics. I was on my own while everyone else was here with a pair. I’d need to watch the dynamics, see where there was a schism amongst teams, and then wiggle my way in.
By the time the new shelter was set up, I had a pretty good idea of how things were working. Kip was bossing everyone around, especially Kissy, who worked hard all afternoon, gathering wood for the fire and stoking it when the flames died down. She cringed unhappily every time Kip reprimanded her - which was often - and it just made me hate him more. Kissy and Kip clearly weren’t the best of friends, but she was still following his lead despite his doucheness. That told me that she wasn’t good at making decisions on her own. She’d follow the lead of others, but she wouldn’t be one to make a big move.
I couldn’t use her.
Ditto Alys and Saul. Despite coming from separate teams earlier, they’d formed a pretty good bond. They talked a lot, laughed a fair amount, and looked as if they enjoyed each other’s company despite the twenty-something-year age difference. That wouldn’t help me.
Leslie and Emilio bickered like an old married couple. That hadn’t been an act. And I remembered from the last game that Leslie tended to be paranoid. I wondered if she still was or if she was confident in her place now.
The shelter went up that afternoon, and someone claimed my blanket before I had a chance to protest. By the time everyone had piled into the new team shelter, it was clear to me that I was on the bottom of the pecking order. Everyone slept next to their partners.
I didn’t have one. I ended up on the edge of the shelter, hanging off the side and without my blanket.
That was fine. All I had to do was be patient, I told myself. Someone would show a crack soon enough. It was lonely, but I could deal with lonely. Lonely with a million dollars would make everything okay.
As I closed my eyes, I thought of snuggling with Jendan under the blankets in our old, cozy shelter, and had to sniff back my tears.
Maybe lonely and a million dollars wouldn’t be okay. Not if it meant I’d lost Jendan forever.
~~ *** ~~
The next day dawned cool and windy, a sure sign we were going to get a mid-afternoon storm. I gathered wood with Kissy all morning. She was a sweet lady, and I really liked her. She was just so genuinely excited to still be in the game. We avoided the subject of Kip, since I didn’t feel like talking about him, and I was pretty sure she got enough of Kip on her own time. Alys came and helped us a bit, and the others worked on fishing and reinforcing the shelter for the upcoming weather.
