I cross my arms, "I have been having enough for everyone."
That makes her grin at Jake and nod, "I can imagine."
Anna laughs, "I'm going swimming."
I nod, "Me too." Meg looks nervously at the camp, "Well you can't leave me here now." Seeing her face, I glance around the retreat and notice the people are watching me. The blond demon is even gone. He was there a second ago. I had rushed to Meg so fast, I didn’t notice where he went.
I search the angry faces for the one that I know will die protecting me. He's there, scowling away at me. I grin at him and walk away from it all, towards the swimming hole. I have dreamt about swimming again for so long. The shower at the first camp was nothing compared to what the swimming hole is going to feel like.
I walk to the edge of the forest, to the path, but I can feel their eyes on me. The laughing and joking has quit.
We enter the path and I stop, looking at Meg, "What happened?"
She swallows and shakes her head, "They said you was bad. You was one of them bad ones and you was being sent to the city to live with the others like you. They said Marshall was protecting us all from you. But I swear, I never believed it. I even protected your name but they didn’t care. They believed you was evil."
It hurts. I left my mountain home, saved their loved ones, risked my life to protect them all, and I am the evil one. I don’t even have a defense. Marshall somehow knew what I was, what I am. It hurts. I push it down and walk down the path to the swimming hole. I strip my pants and shirt off and toss them aside. I kick my boots off and dive into the water. I see her. Her blonde head of hair is shiny and wet. I push my hands in and swim as hard as I can for her. Her face lights up when she sees mine.
"EMMA!" she screams and swims for me. She can swim. I fight the tears in my face, the hate in my heart and the betrayal that’s rotting my guts.
When her little hand is in mine, I pull her into my arms and close my eyes. I tread the water and squeeze the life out of her.
"Oh, Sarah," I sigh, "You're safe." The attachment feels stronger, like I am linked to her even more than before. I didn’t even know how much I worried about her until this moment. The water ripples around us. I look up to see the kind eyes of Mary. I smile, "Thank you."
She shakes her head, "She was amazing."
I shake my head, "I saddled you with it all and I think it's been more than you'll tell me."
Her eyes speak the words she can't, because the little ears with us don’t need to know about how bad things got around her. Sarah is a sharp girl; she no doubt noticed it all anyway. She'll tell me later.
Mary clears her throat, "It was my honor."
I wrap my arm around Mary and hug her too. I notice the way I fold myself around them; I'm not so wooden anymore. Things are different about me now.
Sarah sees Anna and swims to her. I glance at her and Jake diving in and smile. But Mary's hand on my arm and the tension of her grip, swings my head back around. Her eyes have changed, "You gotta go. Take her and Meg and get them the hell outta here."
I knew it. I knew I had sensed a change. "Why?"
She shakes her head, "Marshall has them all convinced that you are some kind of evil."
I sigh and look back at Jake, Anna, Meg, and Sarah. I feel a ticking start in my body.
"Is that baby of yours a breeder baby?"
Her eyes tell me the truth of the matter. I nod, "You love him and treat him with kindness, but you aren’t giving him enough rules. The only reason I'm not like those freaks in the city is my Granny and Gramps. They loved me, and my dad Lenny would tan my hide if I got out of line. You need to give him rules or he'll become like those things in the city. We aren’t right in the head." I swim away before she can ask questions. There's a fire burning in my belly that is making me feel sick.
I climb out of the water and pull my dirty clothes on. I notice the way they stink as I pull them on. I miss doing laundry and being clean and being alone. I miss everything but I'm in too deep.
Leo is waiting for me on the trail. He knows what I'm about to do. I can see it in his eyes. He nudges me . I shake my head, "No." I scratch his ears and walk past him. He nudges me again, but I continue up the hill.
When I get back to the camp I see them crowding and talking to Will, who looks angry in a whole new way. I climb onto a stump and whistle. Leo jumps onto the wide stump with me, almost knocking me off of it.
A man glances at me and points, "You need to leave."
I cross my arms and wait for them to gather. My belly is churning like something is tearing it out. I almost want to run away, but I need to fix it for my family.
The voices rise and the anger approaches. Another man shoves in front of the other people and points, "You're a danger to us all."
I watch his face. His confidence is based upon the other people; he glances nervously at the crowd for support. I lean in to Leo whose hackles are up. He growls at the group. Will is stalking towards me. He scares me way more than the other people.
A woman makes her way to the front, "She saved us, you idiots. She isn’t a danger—she's a savior. She stopped the farms."
A voice from the back shouts up, "They burned my town looking for her. She is trouble. We should give her back to them men."
That brings my attention around, "What men?" My tone is harsh and cold.
The woman in the front gives me a frightened stare, "Men came for you. They were looking for you. They said Marshall sent them here. Told everyone you were unstable and dangerous, not human."
It stings for a minute, but I swallow it. "Did they take anyone with them?"
She swallows and looks down, "They took a couple of the younger girls. Told us that we needed to replace what you stole from them."
My stomach burns more. My heart is picking up in pace. It makes Leo snarl at the closest man. He backs up.
"YOU LET THEM TAKE YOUNG GIRLS?" I shout at the crowd.
Will gets to the stump and drags me off. I pull my arm from his.
He turns and shouts, "This camp is going to lose its democracy and become a dictatorship, like the other camps in about two minutes. One more person speaks or makes a move, I end that."
The looks on the faces of the other people are intense. Some follow him, I can see that, but others are scared of me.
Me.
That almost makes me laugh. I glance at Leo and know it's probably him and not me.
"Will, she needs to leave. She brings danger."
I feel like screaming, "I am a person like you. Only I'm not a coward. If some men strolled into camp I would never have let them take girls. I am not an idiot like you. You are pathetic. The minute Will leaves the guards are taken down, so men can stroll into camp? The kids are forced to hide while you pigs make wine and beer and drink too much? The women aren’t safe? What the hell was the point in having a safe haven, if you can't keep it safe? You should be ashamed of yourselves. I have never harmed you, any of you." I turn away and walk to the path. I'm shaking and angry. I don’t try to control the rage I'm feeling, but I know I have to. I crawl into the bushes and sit on a log. My body aches from the pain in my heart.
Warmth wraps around me. His fur covers me. I dig my hands in and hold on.
"I wanna go home," I sob. Before I feel any sorrier, I hear twigs snapping next to me. I brace for Leo to attack, but he doesn’t. Another person joins our embrace. I smell him instantly.
"You ever want to tell people all the bad things you been through, so they'll feel sorry for you and be nice to you?" I ask.
Jake chuckles, "They aren’t worth the time it would take, but yeah. I want them to know everything you've been through. They believe Marshall is so great and he's an asshole. He's hurt you. I wish I had let Will kill him."
I blink tears down my cheeks and look up at him, "I don’t have any answers or courage or strength. I'm just me. I don’t know what to do next. I am sad—sadder than I've ever been. I think I was so excited to get here, and now that I am, it's disappointing. Like we got nowhere else to go in the world."
I see Will standing behind him looking down on us. His face is pained, "It's called postpartum. It's from being pregnant and your body making all the hormones. The baby dying hurts you, emotionally. You don’t even know it. It's common in women who have miscarriages and abortions. The doc was telling me some of the things we could expect."
I swallow and nod, "I have felt like a giant baby since then."
Jake looks sick, "You were pregnant?"
I nod, "They put a baby in there at the breeder farm, when I thought I was going for routine checks. I didn’t even know. They didn’t even tell me they did it. We were there for a couple weeks and we went for routine checks constantly." I don’t know why but the sentence makes me ashamed, like I did it somehow.
He winces and holds me tighter to him, forcing my head down and kissing the top of it. He's like Leo, he doesn’t need to talk about, just hug it out.
"We need to leave here, Em."
I close my eyes when I hear Will's voice. I take a deep lungful of Jake, "I know, but we take everyone, Sarah and Meg."
"That’s dangerous." His tone is that one where he doesn’t want me to argue.
I glance up and shake my head, "Something bad is happening here, Will. The women are scared. I'm not leaving Meg and Sarah here. We gotta stop leaving people behind. If we aren’t coming back here, then I'm not hiking that damned hill again."
He sees my face and nods, "Fine. Where are we going?"
I swallow and look at Jake, "The new city. You remember the way?"
Jake's eyes widen. He looks at Will who is stoic and giving Jake no obvious hints on what to say, so he stammers, "Uhm…uh…y-y-yeah."
I sniffle and wipe my face, "None of us is sick. We should pass through the gates easily."
That makes her grin at Jake and nod, "I can imagine."
Anna laughs, "I'm going swimming."
I nod, "Me too." Meg looks nervously at the camp, "Well you can't leave me here now." Seeing her face, I glance around the retreat and notice the people are watching me. The blond demon is even gone. He was there a second ago. I had rushed to Meg so fast, I didn’t notice where he went.
I search the angry faces for the one that I know will die protecting me. He's there, scowling away at me. I grin at him and walk away from it all, towards the swimming hole. I have dreamt about swimming again for so long. The shower at the first camp was nothing compared to what the swimming hole is going to feel like.
I walk to the edge of the forest, to the path, but I can feel their eyes on me. The laughing and joking has quit.
We enter the path and I stop, looking at Meg, "What happened?"
She swallows and shakes her head, "They said you was bad. You was one of them bad ones and you was being sent to the city to live with the others like you. They said Marshall was protecting us all from you. But I swear, I never believed it. I even protected your name but they didn’t care. They believed you was evil."
It hurts. I left my mountain home, saved their loved ones, risked my life to protect them all, and I am the evil one. I don’t even have a defense. Marshall somehow knew what I was, what I am. It hurts. I push it down and walk down the path to the swimming hole. I strip my pants and shirt off and toss them aside. I kick my boots off and dive into the water. I see her. Her blonde head of hair is shiny and wet. I push my hands in and swim as hard as I can for her. Her face lights up when she sees mine.
"EMMA!" she screams and swims for me. She can swim. I fight the tears in my face, the hate in my heart and the betrayal that’s rotting my guts.
When her little hand is in mine, I pull her into my arms and close my eyes. I tread the water and squeeze the life out of her.
"Oh, Sarah," I sigh, "You're safe." The attachment feels stronger, like I am linked to her even more than before. I didn’t even know how much I worried about her until this moment. The water ripples around us. I look up to see the kind eyes of Mary. I smile, "Thank you."
She shakes her head, "She was amazing."
I shake my head, "I saddled you with it all and I think it's been more than you'll tell me."
Her eyes speak the words she can't, because the little ears with us don’t need to know about how bad things got around her. Sarah is a sharp girl; she no doubt noticed it all anyway. She'll tell me later.
Mary clears her throat, "It was my honor."
I wrap my arm around Mary and hug her too. I notice the way I fold myself around them; I'm not so wooden anymore. Things are different about me now.
Sarah sees Anna and swims to her. I glance at her and Jake diving in and smile. But Mary's hand on my arm and the tension of her grip, swings my head back around. Her eyes have changed, "You gotta go. Take her and Meg and get them the hell outta here."
I knew it. I knew I had sensed a change. "Why?"
She shakes her head, "Marshall has them all convinced that you are some kind of evil."
I sigh and look back at Jake, Anna, Meg, and Sarah. I feel a ticking start in my body.
"Is that baby of yours a breeder baby?"
Her eyes tell me the truth of the matter. I nod, "You love him and treat him with kindness, but you aren’t giving him enough rules. The only reason I'm not like those freaks in the city is my Granny and Gramps. They loved me, and my dad Lenny would tan my hide if I got out of line. You need to give him rules or he'll become like those things in the city. We aren’t right in the head." I swim away before she can ask questions. There's a fire burning in my belly that is making me feel sick.
I climb out of the water and pull my dirty clothes on. I notice the way they stink as I pull them on. I miss doing laundry and being clean and being alone. I miss everything but I'm in too deep.
Leo is waiting for me on the trail. He knows what I'm about to do. I can see it in his eyes. He nudges me . I shake my head, "No." I scratch his ears and walk past him. He nudges me again, but I continue up the hill.
When I get back to the camp I see them crowding and talking to Will, who looks angry in a whole new way. I climb onto a stump and whistle. Leo jumps onto the wide stump with me, almost knocking me off of it.
A man glances at me and points, "You need to leave."
I cross my arms and wait for them to gather. My belly is churning like something is tearing it out. I almost want to run away, but I need to fix it for my family.
The voices rise and the anger approaches. Another man shoves in front of the other people and points, "You're a danger to us all."
I watch his face. His confidence is based upon the other people; he glances nervously at the crowd for support. I lean in to Leo whose hackles are up. He growls at the group. Will is stalking towards me. He scares me way more than the other people.
A woman makes her way to the front, "She saved us, you idiots. She isn’t a danger—she's a savior. She stopped the farms."
A voice from the back shouts up, "They burned my town looking for her. She is trouble. We should give her back to them men."
That brings my attention around, "What men?" My tone is harsh and cold.
The woman in the front gives me a frightened stare, "Men came for you. They were looking for you. They said Marshall sent them here. Told everyone you were unstable and dangerous, not human."
It stings for a minute, but I swallow it. "Did they take anyone with them?"
She swallows and looks down, "They took a couple of the younger girls. Told us that we needed to replace what you stole from them."
My stomach burns more. My heart is picking up in pace. It makes Leo snarl at the closest man. He backs up.
"YOU LET THEM TAKE YOUNG GIRLS?" I shout at the crowd.
Will gets to the stump and drags me off. I pull my arm from his.
He turns and shouts, "This camp is going to lose its democracy and become a dictatorship, like the other camps in about two minutes. One more person speaks or makes a move, I end that."
The looks on the faces of the other people are intense. Some follow him, I can see that, but others are scared of me.
Me.
That almost makes me laugh. I glance at Leo and know it's probably him and not me.
"Will, she needs to leave. She brings danger."
I feel like screaming, "I am a person like you. Only I'm not a coward. If some men strolled into camp I would never have let them take girls. I am not an idiot like you. You are pathetic. The minute Will leaves the guards are taken down, so men can stroll into camp? The kids are forced to hide while you pigs make wine and beer and drink too much? The women aren’t safe? What the hell was the point in having a safe haven, if you can't keep it safe? You should be ashamed of yourselves. I have never harmed you, any of you." I turn away and walk to the path. I'm shaking and angry. I don’t try to control the rage I'm feeling, but I know I have to. I crawl into the bushes and sit on a log. My body aches from the pain in my heart.
Warmth wraps around me. His fur covers me. I dig my hands in and hold on.
"I wanna go home," I sob. Before I feel any sorrier, I hear twigs snapping next to me. I brace for Leo to attack, but he doesn’t. Another person joins our embrace. I smell him instantly.
"You ever want to tell people all the bad things you been through, so they'll feel sorry for you and be nice to you?" I ask.
Jake chuckles, "They aren’t worth the time it would take, but yeah. I want them to know everything you've been through. They believe Marshall is so great and he's an asshole. He's hurt you. I wish I had let Will kill him."
I blink tears down my cheeks and look up at him, "I don’t have any answers or courage or strength. I'm just me. I don’t know what to do next. I am sad—sadder than I've ever been. I think I was so excited to get here, and now that I am, it's disappointing. Like we got nowhere else to go in the world."
I see Will standing behind him looking down on us. His face is pained, "It's called postpartum. It's from being pregnant and your body making all the hormones. The baby dying hurts you, emotionally. You don’t even know it. It's common in women who have miscarriages and abortions. The doc was telling me some of the things we could expect."
I swallow and nod, "I have felt like a giant baby since then."
Jake looks sick, "You were pregnant?"
I nod, "They put a baby in there at the breeder farm, when I thought I was going for routine checks. I didn’t even know. They didn’t even tell me they did it. We were there for a couple weeks and we went for routine checks constantly." I don’t know why but the sentence makes me ashamed, like I did it somehow.
He winces and holds me tighter to him, forcing my head down and kissing the top of it. He's like Leo, he doesn’t need to talk about, just hug it out.
"We need to leave here, Em."
I close my eyes when I hear Will's voice. I take a deep lungful of Jake, "I know, but we take everyone, Sarah and Meg."
"That’s dangerous." His tone is that one where he doesn’t want me to argue.
I glance up and shake my head, "Something bad is happening here, Will. The women are scared. I'm not leaving Meg and Sarah here. We gotta stop leaving people behind. If we aren’t coming back here, then I'm not hiking that damned hill again."
He sees my face and nods, "Fine. Where are we going?"
I swallow and look at Jake, "The new city. You remember the way?"
Jake's eyes widen. He looks at Will who is stoic and giving Jake no obvious hints on what to say, so he stammers, "Uhm…uh…y-y-yeah."
I sniffle and wipe my face, "None of us is sick. We should pass through the gates easily."
