As I placed my purse in the drawer next to me, I caught a glimpse of a stray white button that had been missed. I picked it up, twirling it between my fingers. My focus was trapped on the button, but I could feel him watching me, staring at it himself.
I set it down and turned on my computer. My eyes never left the small piece of plastic, causing the tension in the room to rise. I could feel how high-strung he was, like he was waiting for the explosion or something equivalent to happen. The need to quell his fears and put him at ease was a strange feeling in me. Despite how the previous night ended, it was still a very enjoyable experience.
“Nathan,” I said, my voice low. “I like my job. Do you like yours?”
I turned my passive gaze to him. His eyes were trying to read me, but I knew he was smart enough to understand the meaning behind my cryptic words. The tension melted from his shoulders, and I relaxed a bit as well.
“I do.”
“Good.”
My attention turned back to my computer. We could move on, keep things professional and maintain our dignity along with a defined working relationship.
At least I could. I hoped.
Over the next few days the tension did not dissipate like I expected. Every day he would stare at me before slamming something, then his attention would divert back to his work. The way our office was set up caused us to be in one another’s peripheral view all day long, making avoiding him impossible.
The Boob-Squad had been intelligent enough to notice he was having a bad week, and so their visits became less frequent and were work related only.
I said nothing. He said nothing. But we would stare.
I wished he would just tell me what he wanted. I wasn’t going to tell anyone, if that’s what he was upset about. Nor would I ask for a repeat. He’d made it clear that evening with his actions and temperament, it wasn’t going to happen again.
I tried to pretend we didn’t have sex; I had to. My job would not be lost over a momentary indiscretion.
“What is going on with him this week?” Caroline asked during lunch one day at our favorite bistro.
“I don’t know,” I lied. I didn’t know what his problem was, so it wasn’t quite a lie, but I knew what triggered it. “I wish he would get the f**k over it. It’s hard enough to work with his ass when he’s in a good mood. Though I will say, it’s been nice without the Boob-Squad around so much.”
“His pissy mood is rolling out of your office; I don’t know how you can stand it in there. Maybe he needs to get laid.”
I tried not to gag on the bite in my mouth at her words. If I’d been taking a drink, it would have ended up all over her. “With any hope he’ll get over it this weekend. I’m surprised Jack hasn’t called him up to have a chat.”
“He did.” She seemed surprised that I didn’t know. “He apologized, said it was a personal matter and would work this weekend to put it to rest.”
I wondered if I was the only one that sensed a double entendre in his words. I was the one who caused his mood, and I became nervous at what he was going to do to “put it to rest.” I didn’t want to swim with the fishes. I was certain there were things I wanted to do in my life.
I almost laughed at the absurdities my brain was creating. Caroline would have, if I’d let it escape.
“Speaking of getting laid…” She trailed off with a wink.
“Shelve that conversation.”
“Lila.”
“I said shelve it!” My tone was harsher than I’d intended. I didn’t want to have that conversation with her again. I was tired of her harping on it almost every week, not because I did it just days before. The need to tell her was great. She was the closest person I had in my life, after all. At the same time I wanted to keep it a secret that Nathan Thorne had been with me and no one else in the office.
I chastised myself for even thinking it. I shouldn’t be proud of that.
Nathan was damaged, not the perfect being they pined after, and I was the only one who knew it. He guarded it so well, kept his façade secure. Even with his temperament that week, no one suspected. Everyone had a bad day or week; they all thought he’d be right as rain the next. I wondered if he’d ever be right. If he’d be able to defeat whatever haunted him, or move past it.
Like I was one to talk.
“Earth to Lila,” Caroline called, pulling me from my internal musings.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”
She smiled at me and took my hand in hers. “I just want to see you happy, you know. You haven’t been happy since…well, since Drew.”
I sighed when his name crossed her lips. I missed him, very much.
Drew was always a ray of sunshine in my dreary life. We tried to stay friends, we did, but even the best intentions sometimes fall to the wayside. My increased hours and inability to get together anytime he called only aided in the rift.
Those were the main reasons that caused it, and he couldn’t handle the darkness in me sometimes. My self-worth was already at the bottom of the scale, and plummeted further after our breakup. I had nothing to offer anyone, so why would he stick around?
I threw my napkin on top of my food, my appetite gone with the conversation and the souring of my mood.
“I’m sorry; I know he’s still a sore spot.” She perked up as an idea hit her. “You should come out with us on Friday!”
“Can’t.”
“Don’t you even dare tell me you’re busy, because that is shit and you know it.”
Her tone was startling. Caroline only raised her voice on rare occasion, and when she did, it was directed at her boyfriend, Ian.
“Next week. I promise.”
She sighed and gave me a small smile. “I’m holding you to that. I’ll drag your ass out if I have to, and I will employ people to help.”
My lips quirked up into a small smile at the image of some mob coming to get me with Caroline at the lead. “Cross my heart and hope to die. Better?”
“Better. But I’m not sticking a needle in your eye. That’s just gross.” She laughed.
I laughed with her, my mood improving.
When we returned from lunch, I found Nathan struggling, squirming to get away from a member of the Boob-Squad and her obvious advances. She was determined to be the one to cheer him up.
He inched his chair away from her. “Kelly, I’m sorry, I need to get back to work.”
I set it down and turned on my computer. My eyes never left the small piece of plastic, causing the tension in the room to rise. I could feel how high-strung he was, like he was waiting for the explosion or something equivalent to happen. The need to quell his fears and put him at ease was a strange feeling in me. Despite how the previous night ended, it was still a very enjoyable experience.
“Nathan,” I said, my voice low. “I like my job. Do you like yours?”
I turned my passive gaze to him. His eyes were trying to read me, but I knew he was smart enough to understand the meaning behind my cryptic words. The tension melted from his shoulders, and I relaxed a bit as well.
“I do.”
“Good.”
My attention turned back to my computer. We could move on, keep things professional and maintain our dignity along with a defined working relationship.
At least I could. I hoped.
Over the next few days the tension did not dissipate like I expected. Every day he would stare at me before slamming something, then his attention would divert back to his work. The way our office was set up caused us to be in one another’s peripheral view all day long, making avoiding him impossible.
The Boob-Squad had been intelligent enough to notice he was having a bad week, and so their visits became less frequent and were work related only.
I said nothing. He said nothing. But we would stare.
I wished he would just tell me what he wanted. I wasn’t going to tell anyone, if that’s what he was upset about. Nor would I ask for a repeat. He’d made it clear that evening with his actions and temperament, it wasn’t going to happen again.
I tried to pretend we didn’t have sex; I had to. My job would not be lost over a momentary indiscretion.
“What is going on with him this week?” Caroline asked during lunch one day at our favorite bistro.
“I don’t know,” I lied. I didn’t know what his problem was, so it wasn’t quite a lie, but I knew what triggered it. “I wish he would get the f**k over it. It’s hard enough to work with his ass when he’s in a good mood. Though I will say, it’s been nice without the Boob-Squad around so much.”
“His pissy mood is rolling out of your office; I don’t know how you can stand it in there. Maybe he needs to get laid.”
I tried not to gag on the bite in my mouth at her words. If I’d been taking a drink, it would have ended up all over her. “With any hope he’ll get over it this weekend. I’m surprised Jack hasn’t called him up to have a chat.”
“He did.” She seemed surprised that I didn’t know. “He apologized, said it was a personal matter and would work this weekend to put it to rest.”
I wondered if I was the only one that sensed a double entendre in his words. I was the one who caused his mood, and I became nervous at what he was going to do to “put it to rest.” I didn’t want to swim with the fishes. I was certain there were things I wanted to do in my life.
I almost laughed at the absurdities my brain was creating. Caroline would have, if I’d let it escape.
“Speaking of getting laid…” She trailed off with a wink.
“Shelve that conversation.”
“Lila.”
“I said shelve it!” My tone was harsher than I’d intended. I didn’t want to have that conversation with her again. I was tired of her harping on it almost every week, not because I did it just days before. The need to tell her was great. She was the closest person I had in my life, after all. At the same time I wanted to keep it a secret that Nathan Thorne had been with me and no one else in the office.
I chastised myself for even thinking it. I shouldn’t be proud of that.
Nathan was damaged, not the perfect being they pined after, and I was the only one who knew it. He guarded it so well, kept his façade secure. Even with his temperament that week, no one suspected. Everyone had a bad day or week; they all thought he’d be right as rain the next. I wondered if he’d ever be right. If he’d be able to defeat whatever haunted him, or move past it.
Like I was one to talk.
“Earth to Lila,” Caroline called, pulling me from my internal musings.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”
She smiled at me and took my hand in hers. “I just want to see you happy, you know. You haven’t been happy since…well, since Drew.”
I sighed when his name crossed her lips. I missed him, very much.
Drew was always a ray of sunshine in my dreary life. We tried to stay friends, we did, but even the best intentions sometimes fall to the wayside. My increased hours and inability to get together anytime he called only aided in the rift.
Those were the main reasons that caused it, and he couldn’t handle the darkness in me sometimes. My self-worth was already at the bottom of the scale, and plummeted further after our breakup. I had nothing to offer anyone, so why would he stick around?
I threw my napkin on top of my food, my appetite gone with the conversation and the souring of my mood.
“I’m sorry; I know he’s still a sore spot.” She perked up as an idea hit her. “You should come out with us on Friday!”
“Can’t.”
“Don’t you even dare tell me you’re busy, because that is shit and you know it.”
Her tone was startling. Caroline only raised her voice on rare occasion, and when she did, it was directed at her boyfriend, Ian.
“Next week. I promise.”
She sighed and gave me a small smile. “I’m holding you to that. I’ll drag your ass out if I have to, and I will employ people to help.”
My lips quirked up into a small smile at the image of some mob coming to get me with Caroline at the lead. “Cross my heart and hope to die. Better?”
“Better. But I’m not sticking a needle in your eye. That’s just gross.” She laughed.
I laughed with her, my mood improving.
When we returned from lunch, I found Nathan struggling, squirming to get away from a member of the Boob-Squad and her obvious advances. She was determined to be the one to cheer him up.
He inched his chair away from her. “Kelly, I’m sorry, I need to get back to work.”
