I slept terribly; tossing and turning, fighting nightmares and periods of insomnia.
As I lay there, I realized it was the first night in months that Lila wasn't next to me in the bed. Her delectable cherry blossom scent and warmth filling the room. It’d been months since I’d awoken without her soft body curled into mine, our limbs entangled.
Instead the bed was cold.
No good morning kisses.
No morning sex with my goddess.
No sweet smiles from my Honeybear.
No Lila.
My Lila.
An hour later, on autopilot, I was dressed and walking to my car. I noted hers was still in her parking spot a few down from mine. In the rearview mirror the dark circles around my bloodshot eyes made them stand out; evidence of my sleepless night.
I arrived at our office and breathed in her sweet scent that still lingered there. Sitting at my desk, I went straight to work and braced myself for her entrance. It was almost seven thirty; she would be there any moment.
Halfway through the Anderson contract, and still no Lila. Odd, as it was a few minutes past eight. Then again, after what I’d done, I didn't expect her to come in early.
At eight forty-five, she still wasn’t there.
I checked my phone every few minutes to make sure I hadn't missed her call. My leg started bouncing in agitation. In my head, I began to spin different scenarios of why she was late, some of them causing me to worry about what might have happened to her.
The Boob Squad left me alone, obviously noting my mood. Thank God, because there was no way I could deal with them that day.
By nine fifteen I was pulling at my hair when Caroline stuck her head in to say good morning and stopped as she noticed the empty desk.
“Where's Lila?” she asked.
I kept my focus on my work, refusing to meet her eyes. “I don't know.”
She closed the door behind her, and her tone, when she spoke, contained enough force to draw my attention. “What do you mean you don't know?”
I shook my head, my brain trying to find the words so she could understand. “I couldn't keep hurting her, Caroline.”
There was a knock on the door before Andrew entered. I watched his bright smile fade when he noticed the scene in front of him. “What did you do?”
I leaned forward, my elbows resting on the desk, my hands pulling at my neck. “I ended it. I hurt her, and then I ended it.”
“You fucking moron!” Caroline screamed at me.
At the same time, Andrew yelled, “I can't believe I fucking trusted her with you!”
Caroline's hand collided with my right cheek, and I welcomed the physical pain. “You…She's in love with you!” My head swung back to meet her fierce gaze, my eyes wide in disbelief. “Do you have any fucking clue what you've done?”
It felt like the floor was falling out from beneath my feet.
No, oh please, no. Don't love me. Please don't let it be true. They'll kill you. They'll kill you like they did her.
“Give me your key, and I swear to God, if she…if she isn't all right, I will kill you!”
I stared up at Caroline, believing her threat. “I don't have her key. I gave it back.”
“And how did she take all of this?”
“I don’t know. She passed out. I…I took her and placed her in her bed. I told her in a letter, though I’m sure she understood with my actions, and I switched out our keys before I left.”
“You fucking coward!” Andrew said; every muscle was tense, and I wondered when he was going to hit me. I deserved it.
I flinched at his words but agreed with him.
“We need to check on her, and we need to do it now,” Caroline said, pacing in front of me. “I’ll call her cell, if she doesn’t answer, we are going over there and you will get us in.”
I nodded in agreement, my chest tightening.
She was all right. She had to be. She was just upset. She would be fine.
I tried to convince myself over and over. It wasn’t enough. Opening up my desk drawer, I pulled out my anti-anxiety pills and took one, then stuffed the bottle into my pocket.
Caroline wasn’t able to get ahold of Lila, so we headed out, leaving word with Jack’s assistant about the situation, but leaving out the part about my relationship. The assistant hadn’t heard from her either and confirmed she would alert Jack of the situation and our absence.
I let out a sigh of relief that Jack wasn’t available. I wasn’t sure I could face him right then, or lie to him, anyway. He knew me too well and could call my bullshit. One look and he would know. He would know that we were something more.
We all piled into my car, and ten minutes later we were in the parking lot of our building. Her car was where I had last seen it, cool and unused, in her parking spot.
“Mike!” I called out as we rushed in and up to the desk. “Have you seen Lila Palmer today?”
“Lila? No, she hasn’t come down yet,” he replied, a bit bewildered by our entrance.
I began to shake, Andrew had begun pacing, and Caroline was biting her fingernails. None of those were good signs.
“Can you ring up and see if she answers?”
“Sure thing, Mr. Thorne.”
He let it ring nine times before hanging up and shaking his head.
“We need your help. Lila didn’t show up to work, and her car is still here. We’re unable to reach her by phone, and we’re worried there’s something very wrong. We need to get into her apartment and make sure she’s okay; can you help us with that?”
“Well, we do have keys for emergencies,” he said, his voice shaking and his jaw tense, making it obvious he was now infected with the same worry that plagued us.
“This is definitely an emergency.” My voice cracked with the force of my emotions.
Something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones. My inner beast that had been silent, brooding, was whimpering and pacing.
Please, please, be all right.
Mike unlocked a hidden safe behind the desk and pulled out a bundle of brass keys. Andrew wouldn’t stop pushing the elevator button, all in hopes it would get there sooner, and when it finally did, we all rushed in.
The soft elevator music could not dissolve the building tension as we climbed up to the twelfth floor. Mike was out first, and we followed behind to Lila’s door, anxiously awaiting him to unlock it.
I was trembling, my stomach knotted. I felt like I was on edge and afraid of what we would find on the other side.
As I lay there, I realized it was the first night in months that Lila wasn't next to me in the bed. Her delectable cherry blossom scent and warmth filling the room. It’d been months since I’d awoken without her soft body curled into mine, our limbs entangled.
Instead the bed was cold.
No good morning kisses.
No morning sex with my goddess.
No sweet smiles from my Honeybear.
No Lila.
My Lila.
An hour later, on autopilot, I was dressed and walking to my car. I noted hers was still in her parking spot a few down from mine. In the rearview mirror the dark circles around my bloodshot eyes made them stand out; evidence of my sleepless night.
I arrived at our office and breathed in her sweet scent that still lingered there. Sitting at my desk, I went straight to work and braced myself for her entrance. It was almost seven thirty; she would be there any moment.
Halfway through the Anderson contract, and still no Lila. Odd, as it was a few minutes past eight. Then again, after what I’d done, I didn't expect her to come in early.
At eight forty-five, she still wasn’t there.
I checked my phone every few minutes to make sure I hadn't missed her call. My leg started bouncing in agitation. In my head, I began to spin different scenarios of why she was late, some of them causing me to worry about what might have happened to her.
The Boob Squad left me alone, obviously noting my mood. Thank God, because there was no way I could deal with them that day.
By nine fifteen I was pulling at my hair when Caroline stuck her head in to say good morning and stopped as she noticed the empty desk.
“Where's Lila?” she asked.
I kept my focus on my work, refusing to meet her eyes. “I don't know.”
She closed the door behind her, and her tone, when she spoke, contained enough force to draw my attention. “What do you mean you don't know?”
I shook my head, my brain trying to find the words so she could understand. “I couldn't keep hurting her, Caroline.”
There was a knock on the door before Andrew entered. I watched his bright smile fade when he noticed the scene in front of him. “What did you do?”
I leaned forward, my elbows resting on the desk, my hands pulling at my neck. “I ended it. I hurt her, and then I ended it.”
“You fucking moron!” Caroline screamed at me.
At the same time, Andrew yelled, “I can't believe I fucking trusted her with you!”
Caroline's hand collided with my right cheek, and I welcomed the physical pain. “You…She's in love with you!” My head swung back to meet her fierce gaze, my eyes wide in disbelief. “Do you have any fucking clue what you've done?”
It felt like the floor was falling out from beneath my feet.
No, oh please, no. Don't love me. Please don't let it be true. They'll kill you. They'll kill you like they did her.
“Give me your key, and I swear to God, if she…if she isn't all right, I will kill you!”
I stared up at Caroline, believing her threat. “I don't have her key. I gave it back.”
“And how did she take all of this?”
“I don’t know. She passed out. I…I took her and placed her in her bed. I told her in a letter, though I’m sure she understood with my actions, and I switched out our keys before I left.”
“You fucking coward!” Andrew said; every muscle was tense, and I wondered when he was going to hit me. I deserved it.
I flinched at his words but agreed with him.
“We need to check on her, and we need to do it now,” Caroline said, pacing in front of me. “I’ll call her cell, if she doesn’t answer, we are going over there and you will get us in.”
I nodded in agreement, my chest tightening.
She was all right. She had to be. She was just upset. She would be fine.
I tried to convince myself over and over. It wasn’t enough. Opening up my desk drawer, I pulled out my anti-anxiety pills and took one, then stuffed the bottle into my pocket.
Caroline wasn’t able to get ahold of Lila, so we headed out, leaving word with Jack’s assistant about the situation, but leaving out the part about my relationship. The assistant hadn’t heard from her either and confirmed she would alert Jack of the situation and our absence.
I let out a sigh of relief that Jack wasn’t available. I wasn’t sure I could face him right then, or lie to him, anyway. He knew me too well and could call my bullshit. One look and he would know. He would know that we were something more.
We all piled into my car, and ten minutes later we were in the parking lot of our building. Her car was where I had last seen it, cool and unused, in her parking spot.
“Mike!” I called out as we rushed in and up to the desk. “Have you seen Lila Palmer today?”
“Lila? No, she hasn’t come down yet,” he replied, a bit bewildered by our entrance.
I began to shake, Andrew had begun pacing, and Caroline was biting her fingernails. None of those were good signs.
“Can you ring up and see if she answers?”
“Sure thing, Mr. Thorne.”
He let it ring nine times before hanging up and shaking his head.
“We need your help. Lila didn’t show up to work, and her car is still here. We’re unable to reach her by phone, and we’re worried there’s something very wrong. We need to get into her apartment and make sure she’s okay; can you help us with that?”
“Well, we do have keys for emergencies,” he said, his voice shaking and his jaw tense, making it obvious he was now infected with the same worry that plagued us.
“This is definitely an emergency.” My voice cracked with the force of my emotions.
Something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones. My inner beast that had been silent, brooding, was whimpering and pacing.
Please, please, be all right.
Mike unlocked a hidden safe behind the desk and pulled out a bundle of brass keys. Andrew wouldn’t stop pushing the elevator button, all in hopes it would get there sooner, and when it finally did, we all rushed in.
The soft elevator music could not dissolve the building tension as we climbed up to the twelfth floor. Mike was out first, and we followed behind to Lila’s door, anxiously awaiting him to unlock it.
I was trembling, my stomach knotted. I felt like I was on edge and afraid of what we would find on the other side.
