I would, I thought fervently as a dull longing throbbed inside my chest. I would never take advantage of you, ever. “You don’t give people a chance.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Luke, the first night we met you shoved a NDA in my face.”
He looked bewildered. “So?”
“So, if you do that with everyone you meet, you’re never going to be able to trust anyone. Sometimes, you have to take a risk to get what you want.” I spoke more about myself than him. My cheeks went a bit pink as Luke gave me a shrewd look. “I was always afraid of men. Well, ever since my childhood. Being alone with men made me panic, so I never dated. I never had boyfriends. I just avoided the whole thing, even though a part of me was desperately lonely. Even though it wasn’t reasonable.” I looked at him directly. “Just like it’s not reasonable to make everyone you know sign a NDA.”
He sighed and waved me off. “For all I know, this is just part of your con.”
“You’re the one who interviewed my foster parents,” I said in a shaking voice. “I’m not lying about that. I’ve had a lot of bad experiences, Luke. They warped my perception of people, just like yours have. A part of me knows that they ruined me.”
Heat flushed under my skin and my hand fell from Luke’s neck to clench into a fist at my side. I hated what they had done to me. They did ruin me. Look at me. I’m with this gorgeous man because he’s paying me, because I’m too fucked in the head to find something real. I couldn’t look at Luke anymore and I dropped my face into my hands. My face was screwed up in pain, fighting against the pressure building up behind my eyes.
His thigh bumped against my leg as he slid closer to me and began rubbing my back. “Sometimes, I feel like that, too. Whenever he’d visit, he never had anything to say to me that wasn’t a criticism.”
I cringed against the heat in his voice, even though it wasn’t directed towards me.
“Even now, he calls me up to complain about everything: from the women I date to my management style to whatever the hell he notices in the press. It’s his fault that my mother killed herself. You’re not ruined, Jessica. You can’t think of yourself as a victim. It’s not healthy.”
His hand on my back reminded me that there were people in the world who cared about me, and the fact that his voice wasn’t full of pity made me feel a bit better. His hands curled around my shoulders and I allowed myself to be lifted up. He steered me into his arms and I collapsed into his warm strength, allowing myself to feel better. I still felt a pang of self-pity. No matter how genuine Luke seemed, I was just a means to an end. He needed me to protect his money. Maybe he felt something for me, but he would never trust me.
“I am really lonely.” I said it in such a low voice that I didn’t think he would hear. My chest tightened with this embarrassing admission, but I had already told him things that I had never told anyone before. Why? I tried to search for an answer, but all I could come up with was that we both seemed to be running away from things in our past. Even though we were from two completely different worlds, I had a lot in common with him. When I pressed myself against his chest and felt his heart pounding against mine, it was easy to forget that this was an arrangement.
“Me too.”
I was startled at the emotion cracking through his voice. I looked up and he seized my head, almost forcing his lips over mine. I fell backwards onto the couch and gasped as his heavy weight fell over me. I was registering nothing but shock. Holy crap, what’s happening? My heart was pounding somewhere in my throat, all of my ills forgotten. All I could focus on was the sharp contours of Luke’s body over mine, his mouth hungrily devouring every inch of my flesh as he kissed a hot trail down my throat.
I heard myself murmur a small oath as his lips and tongue brushed hotly over the top of my breast. A small moan ripped through me as he teased the delicate flesh, sending sharp, electrical signals down my body. I was amazed at how strong the response was in my body; it was jarring. My fingers were tangled in his dark head, roaming up and down his lean back.
He let out a small moan as he pulled back from my body, teasing the buttons of my blouse out of their holes one by one. “God, you are incredible.”
I said nothing. I couldn’t speak—I was confused. Desire and fear were mingling together in a whirlwind of emotion, crashing against my ribcage like an animal clawing to get out. I want him, but am I ready for this? An impatient voice inside me told me to shut the hell up.
His face had that sort of drowsy look, infused with lust. I sat up and allowed my shirt to roll off my shoulders. Every sound was amplified and it dropped to the ground with a harsh whisper. I shivered slightly in the cold, wanting and not wanting him. Under my jeans I felt the bulge of his erection, livid against my thigh. The roar of my blood pounding in my ears was deafening. I wanted him to go further. I wanted to feel his hands all over my naked flesh. I thought of his hands moving inside the waistband of my jeans and his fingers curving into my wetness and my stomach trembled. My legs moved on either side of his waist.
He groaned and leaned forward, his lips plucking my breast and his fingers scraping my shoulders, the thin bra straps drooping down my arms. With every kiss, I was being healed. It was as though Luke was reaching inside my core and mending my pieces back together. Why did I wait this long? This feels so good.
“Dammit,” he hissed as pulled back from me as though he was burned. “This isn’t right.”
It was like falling into an ice bath, and the wonderful, euphoric feeling dissipated like gas. “What?”
His face was hot and bothered, his lips still slightly swollen. He held my face in his hands very gently and stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I really, really want to, Jessica. But it’s not right. You’re an employee.”
“To hell with that! I want this, too.”
He shook his head resignedly and moved away from me. I think he wanted to distance himself as much as possible. “I need to do something—”
He leapt up from the couch, clearly terrified by how close he had come to losing control. Luke dashed out of sight and I was left with the searing heat of his hands all over my flesh, slowly fading away.
* * *
LUKE PARDINI CAUGHT IN FOOTBALL MATCH BRAWL
Under the bold headline was a rather impressive photo of Luke clocking the West Ham supporter with a terrific right hook.
Years of boozing finally seems to be catching up to young Luke Pardini, as he was caught fighting a West Ham supporter earlier today at Boleyn Ground.
“What are you talking about?”
“Luke, the first night we met you shoved a NDA in my face.”
He looked bewildered. “So?”
“So, if you do that with everyone you meet, you’re never going to be able to trust anyone. Sometimes, you have to take a risk to get what you want.” I spoke more about myself than him. My cheeks went a bit pink as Luke gave me a shrewd look. “I was always afraid of men. Well, ever since my childhood. Being alone with men made me panic, so I never dated. I never had boyfriends. I just avoided the whole thing, even though a part of me was desperately lonely. Even though it wasn’t reasonable.” I looked at him directly. “Just like it’s not reasonable to make everyone you know sign a NDA.”
He sighed and waved me off. “For all I know, this is just part of your con.”
“You’re the one who interviewed my foster parents,” I said in a shaking voice. “I’m not lying about that. I’ve had a lot of bad experiences, Luke. They warped my perception of people, just like yours have. A part of me knows that they ruined me.”
Heat flushed under my skin and my hand fell from Luke’s neck to clench into a fist at my side. I hated what they had done to me. They did ruin me. Look at me. I’m with this gorgeous man because he’s paying me, because I’m too fucked in the head to find something real. I couldn’t look at Luke anymore and I dropped my face into my hands. My face was screwed up in pain, fighting against the pressure building up behind my eyes.
His thigh bumped against my leg as he slid closer to me and began rubbing my back. “Sometimes, I feel like that, too. Whenever he’d visit, he never had anything to say to me that wasn’t a criticism.”
I cringed against the heat in his voice, even though it wasn’t directed towards me.
“Even now, he calls me up to complain about everything: from the women I date to my management style to whatever the hell he notices in the press. It’s his fault that my mother killed herself. You’re not ruined, Jessica. You can’t think of yourself as a victim. It’s not healthy.”
His hand on my back reminded me that there were people in the world who cared about me, and the fact that his voice wasn’t full of pity made me feel a bit better. His hands curled around my shoulders and I allowed myself to be lifted up. He steered me into his arms and I collapsed into his warm strength, allowing myself to feel better. I still felt a pang of self-pity. No matter how genuine Luke seemed, I was just a means to an end. He needed me to protect his money. Maybe he felt something for me, but he would never trust me.
“I am really lonely.” I said it in such a low voice that I didn’t think he would hear. My chest tightened with this embarrassing admission, but I had already told him things that I had never told anyone before. Why? I tried to search for an answer, but all I could come up with was that we both seemed to be running away from things in our past. Even though we were from two completely different worlds, I had a lot in common with him. When I pressed myself against his chest and felt his heart pounding against mine, it was easy to forget that this was an arrangement.
“Me too.”
I was startled at the emotion cracking through his voice. I looked up and he seized my head, almost forcing his lips over mine. I fell backwards onto the couch and gasped as his heavy weight fell over me. I was registering nothing but shock. Holy crap, what’s happening? My heart was pounding somewhere in my throat, all of my ills forgotten. All I could focus on was the sharp contours of Luke’s body over mine, his mouth hungrily devouring every inch of my flesh as he kissed a hot trail down my throat.
I heard myself murmur a small oath as his lips and tongue brushed hotly over the top of my breast. A small moan ripped through me as he teased the delicate flesh, sending sharp, electrical signals down my body. I was amazed at how strong the response was in my body; it was jarring. My fingers were tangled in his dark head, roaming up and down his lean back.
He let out a small moan as he pulled back from my body, teasing the buttons of my blouse out of their holes one by one. “God, you are incredible.”
I said nothing. I couldn’t speak—I was confused. Desire and fear were mingling together in a whirlwind of emotion, crashing against my ribcage like an animal clawing to get out. I want him, but am I ready for this? An impatient voice inside me told me to shut the hell up.
His face had that sort of drowsy look, infused with lust. I sat up and allowed my shirt to roll off my shoulders. Every sound was amplified and it dropped to the ground with a harsh whisper. I shivered slightly in the cold, wanting and not wanting him. Under my jeans I felt the bulge of his erection, livid against my thigh. The roar of my blood pounding in my ears was deafening. I wanted him to go further. I wanted to feel his hands all over my naked flesh. I thought of his hands moving inside the waistband of my jeans and his fingers curving into my wetness and my stomach trembled. My legs moved on either side of his waist.
He groaned and leaned forward, his lips plucking my breast and his fingers scraping my shoulders, the thin bra straps drooping down my arms. With every kiss, I was being healed. It was as though Luke was reaching inside my core and mending my pieces back together. Why did I wait this long? This feels so good.
“Dammit,” he hissed as pulled back from me as though he was burned. “This isn’t right.”
It was like falling into an ice bath, and the wonderful, euphoric feeling dissipated like gas. “What?”
His face was hot and bothered, his lips still slightly swollen. He held my face in his hands very gently and stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I really, really want to, Jessica. But it’s not right. You’re an employee.”
“To hell with that! I want this, too.”
He shook his head resignedly and moved away from me. I think he wanted to distance himself as much as possible. “I need to do something—”
He leapt up from the couch, clearly terrified by how close he had come to losing control. Luke dashed out of sight and I was left with the searing heat of his hands all over my flesh, slowly fading away.
* * *
LUKE PARDINI CAUGHT IN FOOTBALL MATCH BRAWL
Under the bold headline was a rather impressive photo of Luke clocking the West Ham supporter with a terrific right hook.
Years of boozing finally seems to be catching up to young Luke Pardini, as he was caught fighting a West Ham supporter earlier today at Boleyn Ground.
