After I slumped into the bench seat across from Heller, he scooted a bagel loaded with cream cheese and a mug of black coffee towards me. He removed his reading glasses and looked at me, his gaze open and persistent, searching my face, my eyes. I wasn’t used to such close examination from someone who gave a shit about me. I knew I’d disappointed him. The shame was a landslide, so quick and overwhelming that I was buried in it before I could run away.
Eyes dropping to the mug in my hands, I fought to keep from tearing up and waited for whatever he had to say.
‘I have a proposition, and you’re free to take it or not,’ he began. ‘What I’m about to offer you isn’t a gift. It’s a challenge. If you don’t want to take it on, no one can make you do it, and no one will try to. Understand?’
I didn’t understand, but I nodded, silent.
‘I’ve written a list of what I want from you. And next to it, I’ve written what I’ll do, if you do these things to the best of your ability.’ He pushed the legal pad towards me, and I stared at it as he narrated. ‘First: school. I want you to start going to class, every day, every class. I want you to do the best you can, because I want you to go to college. You’ll need to sign up for some challenging courses next year, to prepare, and you’ll have to work very hard at pulling your current GPA up, because you’ve dug yourself a big hole, Landon.’
I wondered if he had any idea how bad it was. I couldn’t tell him.
‘Second: get a job. Any job. Something that gives you a paycheck, not cash from your dad. Something that gives you experience working for someone else. Third: quit the drugs and drinking. Drugs, entirely. Drinking – well, I’d be a hypocrite if I said I was making you swear not to touch a beer again until you’re twenty-one. But I want you to try, and I want you to keep control of yourself. And finally, I want you to enrol in taekwondo. If you’re going to fight, you need to know how to do it right, and you’re going to learn the reasons to do it, and more importantly, the reasons not to.’
I swallowed, and my first thought was that I couldn’t possibly do all of this. This wasn’t a challenge. This was impossible.
But I wanted to do it. I wanted to.
‘If you agree to do these things, here’s what I’ll agree to do: I’ll pay for the martial arts classes. They saved my ass and centred me as a young man, and I think they’ll do the same for you. Second, I’ll pull every damned string I can pull to get you probationary enrolment at the university.’ My eyes snapped to his. He worked for the best school in the state. ‘Barring that,’ he continued, ‘there’s community college. We’ve got a great one. You make a year of top grades there, and you should be able to transfer in. Either way, Cindy and I want you to come live with us. There’s an apartment over the garage housing a bunch of junk we don’t need. You’ll need to get a job to pay for tuition, but your housing will be covered.
‘I made a few calls this morning. I found a reputable dojang about twenty minutes away. If you accept my challenge, we’ll get you signed up today. I’ll take your signature at the bottom of this list as acceptance.’ He set a pen on top of the pad and stood. ‘Eat your breakfast and think it over. I’m going to go see Cindy and the kids off – they’re going on home today. I’ll be back in a little while.’
Laying a hand on my shoulder, he said, ‘I’ve also got a call in to the detective about your assault case. Your dad and I are going to see what we can do about that, regardless of what you decide here.’
He couldn’t have known how scared I’d been, how desolate I’d felt, sitting in that cell. I looked up at him to acknowledge everything he’d said, and I couldn’t speak. I just nodded. He patted my shoulder and was gone.
I signed that piece of paper before he’d been gone a full minute.
LUCAS
When I arrived for econ Wednesday morning, Jacqueline was talking to Moore in the hallway. The stiff set of his shoulders radiated frustration, and his tone confirmed it. ‘It never occurred to me that he’d do that.’
Jacqueline spotted me over his shoulder as I moved to stand next to her. ‘You okay?’ I asked.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, nodding. I glared at Moore for a moment before turning to enter the classroom. He recognized me and was fitting pieces together before I was out of earshot. ‘That guy’s in our class? And what the hell was that look for?’
He did not want to know what that look was for, or that I was more than capable of backing it up.
Jacqueline didn’t glance my way as the two of them entered, five minutes later. Heller had begun lecturing. Moore passed me, his expression grim, and Jacqueline slipped into her seat, composed. I took an easy breath.
Jacqueline and Mindi planned to file temporary emergency restraining orders this afternoon. I offered to get my shift covered so I could accompany her, but she said Mindi’s parents were taking good care of both of them. ‘Erin says they may withdraw her permanently.’
I wished for the hundredth time that I’d killed that bastard when I had the chance.
I watched my breath puff out like smoke and craved a cigarette for the first time in forever. I’d only ever smoked while drinking – and maybe that’s what I really wanted. Some numbing of this. Watching what that girl – just two years older than Carlie – had to go through to report what happened to her was unbelievable. She had the support of her parents and the backing of her sorority – but the one time I’d seen her since then, she still looked hollowed out.
Jacqueline hadn’t told her parents. After their disappearing act over Thanksgiving break, I could well imagine why.
When we got to her building, she turned to face me. Despite my bleak thoughts thirty seconds before, I smiled down at her adorable face – barely peeking from a knitted cap, a hooded coat and a fuzzy scarf wound several times round her neck, so high that it covered her mouth.
I touched my cold finger to her face, caressing the line of her jaw and dipping into that ridiculous scarf, revealing her full lips. ‘I’d like to see you, before you go home,’ I said.
She reminded me of her solo performance tonight, the recital she had to attend Friday, and her ensemble performance Saturday evening. I was officially convinced that music students had more outside-of-class obligations than any other majors.
‘I can come over tomorrow night, if you want,’ she said.
Eyes dropping to the mug in my hands, I fought to keep from tearing up and waited for whatever he had to say.
‘I have a proposition, and you’re free to take it or not,’ he began. ‘What I’m about to offer you isn’t a gift. It’s a challenge. If you don’t want to take it on, no one can make you do it, and no one will try to. Understand?’
I didn’t understand, but I nodded, silent.
‘I’ve written a list of what I want from you. And next to it, I’ve written what I’ll do, if you do these things to the best of your ability.’ He pushed the legal pad towards me, and I stared at it as he narrated. ‘First: school. I want you to start going to class, every day, every class. I want you to do the best you can, because I want you to go to college. You’ll need to sign up for some challenging courses next year, to prepare, and you’ll have to work very hard at pulling your current GPA up, because you’ve dug yourself a big hole, Landon.’
I wondered if he had any idea how bad it was. I couldn’t tell him.
‘Second: get a job. Any job. Something that gives you a paycheck, not cash from your dad. Something that gives you experience working for someone else. Third: quit the drugs and drinking. Drugs, entirely. Drinking – well, I’d be a hypocrite if I said I was making you swear not to touch a beer again until you’re twenty-one. But I want you to try, and I want you to keep control of yourself. And finally, I want you to enrol in taekwondo. If you’re going to fight, you need to know how to do it right, and you’re going to learn the reasons to do it, and more importantly, the reasons not to.’
I swallowed, and my first thought was that I couldn’t possibly do all of this. This wasn’t a challenge. This was impossible.
But I wanted to do it. I wanted to.
‘If you agree to do these things, here’s what I’ll agree to do: I’ll pay for the martial arts classes. They saved my ass and centred me as a young man, and I think they’ll do the same for you. Second, I’ll pull every damned string I can pull to get you probationary enrolment at the university.’ My eyes snapped to his. He worked for the best school in the state. ‘Barring that,’ he continued, ‘there’s community college. We’ve got a great one. You make a year of top grades there, and you should be able to transfer in. Either way, Cindy and I want you to come live with us. There’s an apartment over the garage housing a bunch of junk we don’t need. You’ll need to get a job to pay for tuition, but your housing will be covered.
‘I made a few calls this morning. I found a reputable dojang about twenty minutes away. If you accept my challenge, we’ll get you signed up today. I’ll take your signature at the bottom of this list as acceptance.’ He set a pen on top of the pad and stood. ‘Eat your breakfast and think it over. I’m going to go see Cindy and the kids off – they’re going on home today. I’ll be back in a little while.’
Laying a hand on my shoulder, he said, ‘I’ve also got a call in to the detective about your assault case. Your dad and I are going to see what we can do about that, regardless of what you decide here.’
He couldn’t have known how scared I’d been, how desolate I’d felt, sitting in that cell. I looked up at him to acknowledge everything he’d said, and I couldn’t speak. I just nodded. He patted my shoulder and was gone.
I signed that piece of paper before he’d been gone a full minute.
LUCAS
When I arrived for econ Wednesday morning, Jacqueline was talking to Moore in the hallway. The stiff set of his shoulders radiated frustration, and his tone confirmed it. ‘It never occurred to me that he’d do that.’
Jacqueline spotted me over his shoulder as I moved to stand next to her. ‘You okay?’ I asked.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, nodding. I glared at Moore for a moment before turning to enter the classroom. He recognized me and was fitting pieces together before I was out of earshot. ‘That guy’s in our class? And what the hell was that look for?’
He did not want to know what that look was for, or that I was more than capable of backing it up.
Jacqueline didn’t glance my way as the two of them entered, five minutes later. Heller had begun lecturing. Moore passed me, his expression grim, and Jacqueline slipped into her seat, composed. I took an easy breath.
Jacqueline and Mindi planned to file temporary emergency restraining orders this afternoon. I offered to get my shift covered so I could accompany her, but she said Mindi’s parents were taking good care of both of them. ‘Erin says they may withdraw her permanently.’
I wished for the hundredth time that I’d killed that bastard when I had the chance.
I watched my breath puff out like smoke and craved a cigarette for the first time in forever. I’d only ever smoked while drinking – and maybe that’s what I really wanted. Some numbing of this. Watching what that girl – just two years older than Carlie – had to go through to report what happened to her was unbelievable. She had the support of her parents and the backing of her sorority – but the one time I’d seen her since then, she still looked hollowed out.
Jacqueline hadn’t told her parents. After their disappearing act over Thanksgiving break, I could well imagine why.
When we got to her building, she turned to face me. Despite my bleak thoughts thirty seconds before, I smiled down at her adorable face – barely peeking from a knitted cap, a hooded coat and a fuzzy scarf wound several times round her neck, so high that it covered her mouth.
I touched my cold finger to her face, caressing the line of her jaw and dipping into that ridiculous scarf, revealing her full lips. ‘I’d like to see you, before you go home,’ I said.
She reminded me of her solo performance tonight, the recital she had to attend Friday, and her ensemble performance Saturday evening. I was officially convinced that music students had more outside-of-class obligations than any other majors.
‘I can come over tomorrow night, if you want,’ she said.
