I squeezed him with all my limbs and whispered harshly, “Stop.”
He shut his mouth.
I went on, “Nothing can change what happened but one thing can change and that’s you feeling that the world is on your shoulders. Another thing that’s all you know since your Mom is ill and has been your whole life is thinking you’re responsible for everything around you, that you can fix it, make it better or at least cushion everyone’s fall. Your Dad, when you were growing up, should have protected you from that too. Proving he’s not only the worst father in the world but also the worst in history, he clearly didn’t.”
“I won’t give him much, honey, but you live with that in your house, it’s impossible to shield a child from it.”
“That’s debatable and you’re right, I didn’t live it but am I right that he didn’t try?”
Chace slid out of me, rolled us to our sides, pulled my hair away from my face but kept his fingers in it before he answered quietly, “You’re right. He didn’t try.”
Both his arms closed around me tight, gathering me closer even as his hand didn’t leave my hair but his legs tangled with mine and he carried on.
“Not to get you riled up again but I get him. It’s different, girls and boys. A man will want his son to step up.”
“Maybe so but I know I’m not wrong when I tell you it’s different also between children and adults. Children aren’t expected to step up until it’s time to teach them to be adults. But before you do that, you have to let them be children. It’s a guess, but you never got that.”
He closed his eyes and tipped his head so our foreheads were touching but not before I saw that raw look wash over his face and I finally got it.
And I hated it.
He opened his eyes, pulled his head back half an inch and confirmed what I just figured out.
“I never got that,” he whispered.
I stared in his beautiful face, feeling his awesome chest hair teasing my br**sts, his powerful arms around me, his heavy legs tangled in mine, his heat seeping into me. I took this all in and instead of it along with the end of our fight, the knowledge of his love, the lingering orgasm soothing me, I got pissed.
And when I say that, I mean, I… got… pissed.
So this was why I informed him, “You know, even Darth Vader had the good grace to ask Luke to join him on the dark side.”
Chace blinked then his arms got tight.
But it was too late.
Way too late.
I was gone.
“I mean, they were fighting to the death and he cut off Luke’s hand but still, he gave him the fraking choice.”
“Faye –” he started, my name trembling with humor but this was lost on me.
Totally.
“But Trane Keaton?” I asked then immediately answered, “Noooooooo. He doesn’t ask. Just drags you right in. No hand extended. No, ‘Chace, I’m your father. Join me on the dark side,’ giving you the opportunity to say, ‘Never!’ Not for him. No. He just shoves you right in!”
“Honey –”
I tore from his arms but only to sit up, smack him in the chest and rant on.
“I mean, seriously? You saw a kinky sex tape he starred in! How can he even look at you much less kiss your girlfriend’s hand? Gross! Darth Vader didn’t have a girlfriend. He gave all his attention to quashing the rebellion! As he should!” I started yelling. “Until this moment, I never would have thought I’d say up with the Empire but, here I am, saying it! Darth had a mission and one had to ask oneself, considering the Emperor was wrinkly and seriously ick, what the frak? But you could see deep inside Darth was struggling. Because deep inside he was Anakin. There’s no Anakin in Trane Keaton!” I shouted then I found myself on my back in the bed with Chace on top of me.
“Baby, calm down,” he whispered, grinning.
His grin was lost on me since I was focused on scowling and declaring, “I do not like your father.”
“All right, darlin’.”
“Darth Vader’s a better father which states exactly how bad your father is,” I declared.
“Okay, baby.”
“And let’s just say it’s good I’m not a trained Jedi because I’d get my light saber, jump in my T-65 X-wing Starfighter and hightail my ass to Aspen and call him out if I was.”
His mouth twitch was also lost on me as he murmured through it, “Yeah, honey, that’s good.”
“He might still have it, even being advanced in years, but he’d be no match for a light saber,” I added authoritatively.
“Probably not,” Chace muttered.
I kept scowling.
Chace kept grinning but he did it with his body shaking on top of mine so I knew inside he was laughing.
“This isn’t funny, Chace,” I told him something he had to know way more than me.
“It wasn’t, not for thirty-five years, it definitely wasn’t. Then, two minutes ago, it became f**kin’ hilarious.”
I sucked in an annoyed breath.
Chace kept grinning.
I sucked in another annoyed breath.
Chace asked, “T-65 X-wing Starfighter?”
“The combat spaceship of the Rebel Alliance,” I snapped.
“T-65 X-wing Starfighter?” Chace repeated.
“Have you seen Star Wars?” I asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
“More than once?” I pushed.
“Yeah,” he said, still grinning.
“Then, if you have, you know about the X-wing Fighter. Everyone knows about the X-wing Fighter seeing as it, Luke and The Force destroyed the Death Star.”
“Yeah, baby, I know about the X-wing Fighter. I just had no f**kin’ clue it was called the T-65 X-wing Starfighter.”
“It’s not classified information, Chace. You can read all about it on Wookieepedia.”
His body started shaking again, as did his voice when he asked, “Wookieepedia?”
“Stop making fun at me when I’m pissed,” I snapped.
“Wookieepedia?” Chace repeated, his body now rocking, taking mine and the bed with it.
“Stop making fun of me!” I yelled, slapping his arm.
Suddenly his hands framed my face, his body, my body and the bed ceased rocking and he had my full attention mostly because he was all I could see.
“I just laughed about my Dad for the first time since I was sixteen and Deck and I talked trash about him in Deck’s basement, gettin’ drunk and Deck givin’ me space to let off steam. Now, and probably forever, if the occasion arises, I’ll look at my Dad and see Darth Vader and wanna laugh my ass off rather than wantin’ to rip his head off, somethin’ I thought would be impossible. Until now. Now, after six f**kin’ years of feelin’ buried under shit, I see it through your eyes and finally feel clean. For the first time in six years, I feel free. I feel relief. I’m relieved to let that shit go. I’m relieved to know you got the strength to take it. I’m relieved to know you can be with my Mom and make her at ease. I’m f**kin’ beside myself you’re in love with me. I’m pleased you know you get that back from me. What I’m not, baby, is makin’ fun of you.”
He shut his mouth.
I went on, “Nothing can change what happened but one thing can change and that’s you feeling that the world is on your shoulders. Another thing that’s all you know since your Mom is ill and has been your whole life is thinking you’re responsible for everything around you, that you can fix it, make it better or at least cushion everyone’s fall. Your Dad, when you were growing up, should have protected you from that too. Proving he’s not only the worst father in the world but also the worst in history, he clearly didn’t.”
“I won’t give him much, honey, but you live with that in your house, it’s impossible to shield a child from it.”
“That’s debatable and you’re right, I didn’t live it but am I right that he didn’t try?”
Chace slid out of me, rolled us to our sides, pulled my hair away from my face but kept his fingers in it before he answered quietly, “You’re right. He didn’t try.”
Both his arms closed around me tight, gathering me closer even as his hand didn’t leave my hair but his legs tangled with mine and he carried on.
“Not to get you riled up again but I get him. It’s different, girls and boys. A man will want his son to step up.”
“Maybe so but I know I’m not wrong when I tell you it’s different also between children and adults. Children aren’t expected to step up until it’s time to teach them to be adults. But before you do that, you have to let them be children. It’s a guess, but you never got that.”
He closed his eyes and tipped his head so our foreheads were touching but not before I saw that raw look wash over his face and I finally got it.
And I hated it.
He opened his eyes, pulled his head back half an inch and confirmed what I just figured out.
“I never got that,” he whispered.
I stared in his beautiful face, feeling his awesome chest hair teasing my br**sts, his powerful arms around me, his heavy legs tangled in mine, his heat seeping into me. I took this all in and instead of it along with the end of our fight, the knowledge of his love, the lingering orgasm soothing me, I got pissed.
And when I say that, I mean, I… got… pissed.
So this was why I informed him, “You know, even Darth Vader had the good grace to ask Luke to join him on the dark side.”
Chace blinked then his arms got tight.
But it was too late.
Way too late.
I was gone.
“I mean, they were fighting to the death and he cut off Luke’s hand but still, he gave him the fraking choice.”
“Faye –” he started, my name trembling with humor but this was lost on me.
Totally.
“But Trane Keaton?” I asked then immediately answered, “Noooooooo. He doesn’t ask. Just drags you right in. No hand extended. No, ‘Chace, I’m your father. Join me on the dark side,’ giving you the opportunity to say, ‘Never!’ Not for him. No. He just shoves you right in!”
“Honey –”
I tore from his arms but only to sit up, smack him in the chest and rant on.
“I mean, seriously? You saw a kinky sex tape he starred in! How can he even look at you much less kiss your girlfriend’s hand? Gross! Darth Vader didn’t have a girlfriend. He gave all his attention to quashing the rebellion! As he should!” I started yelling. “Until this moment, I never would have thought I’d say up with the Empire but, here I am, saying it! Darth had a mission and one had to ask oneself, considering the Emperor was wrinkly and seriously ick, what the frak? But you could see deep inside Darth was struggling. Because deep inside he was Anakin. There’s no Anakin in Trane Keaton!” I shouted then I found myself on my back in the bed with Chace on top of me.
“Baby, calm down,” he whispered, grinning.
His grin was lost on me since I was focused on scowling and declaring, “I do not like your father.”
“All right, darlin’.”
“Darth Vader’s a better father which states exactly how bad your father is,” I declared.
“Okay, baby.”
“And let’s just say it’s good I’m not a trained Jedi because I’d get my light saber, jump in my T-65 X-wing Starfighter and hightail my ass to Aspen and call him out if I was.”
His mouth twitch was also lost on me as he murmured through it, “Yeah, honey, that’s good.”
“He might still have it, even being advanced in years, but he’d be no match for a light saber,” I added authoritatively.
“Probably not,” Chace muttered.
I kept scowling.
Chace kept grinning but he did it with his body shaking on top of mine so I knew inside he was laughing.
“This isn’t funny, Chace,” I told him something he had to know way more than me.
“It wasn’t, not for thirty-five years, it definitely wasn’t. Then, two minutes ago, it became f**kin’ hilarious.”
I sucked in an annoyed breath.
Chace kept grinning.
I sucked in another annoyed breath.
Chace asked, “T-65 X-wing Starfighter?”
“The combat spaceship of the Rebel Alliance,” I snapped.
“T-65 X-wing Starfighter?” Chace repeated.
“Have you seen Star Wars?” I asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
“More than once?” I pushed.
“Yeah,” he said, still grinning.
“Then, if you have, you know about the X-wing Fighter. Everyone knows about the X-wing Fighter seeing as it, Luke and The Force destroyed the Death Star.”
“Yeah, baby, I know about the X-wing Fighter. I just had no f**kin’ clue it was called the T-65 X-wing Starfighter.”
“It’s not classified information, Chace. You can read all about it on Wookieepedia.”
His body started shaking again, as did his voice when he asked, “Wookieepedia?”
“Stop making fun at me when I’m pissed,” I snapped.
“Wookieepedia?” Chace repeated, his body now rocking, taking mine and the bed with it.
“Stop making fun of me!” I yelled, slapping his arm.
Suddenly his hands framed my face, his body, my body and the bed ceased rocking and he had my full attention mostly because he was all I could see.
“I just laughed about my Dad for the first time since I was sixteen and Deck and I talked trash about him in Deck’s basement, gettin’ drunk and Deck givin’ me space to let off steam. Now, and probably forever, if the occasion arises, I’ll look at my Dad and see Darth Vader and wanna laugh my ass off rather than wantin’ to rip his head off, somethin’ I thought would be impossible. Until now. Now, after six f**kin’ years of feelin’ buried under shit, I see it through your eyes and finally feel clean. For the first time in six years, I feel free. I feel relief. I’m relieved to let that shit go. I’m relieved to know you got the strength to take it. I’m relieved to know you can be with my Mom and make her at ease. I’m f**kin’ beside myself you’re in love with me. I’m pleased you know you get that back from me. What I’m not, baby, is makin’ fun of you.”
