That it was, nothing more. I didn’t feel he needed more than that.
Angie and Eric both responded a few times before I crawled into bed. And then, as I turned the light off and settled underneath my comforter, my phone buzzed one last time. It was from Jesse. ‘Good.’
In some ways my world was crumbling around me, but that night I went to bed with a smile. I couldn’t stop my smile, and I had a strong sense that Ethan was smiling as well, wherever he was.
My mother had been in the hospital for two weeks. I visited her once, but her eyes had been vacant the whole time. One of the nurses advised against any more returns from me. Apparently, her blood pressure and heart rate had skyrocketed when I was there. It was calm when my father was there, and according to the emptiness of the house and how the nurses had commented, he was there every day. A small cot was next to her bed with a blanket and pillow on top of it. When I’d gone into her bathroom, my dad’s utility bag was on a shelf inside.
As I had left that time, I sat in my car with my phone in my hand. I had considered calling Jesse, but what could he say? Besides the one text message, he hadn’t commented about my mother that weekend or since then. And I couldn’t call anyone else. I hadn’t told anyone about my mother. I wasn’t about to start. My family had enough grief; I couldn’t stomach any more sympathy.
But it didn’t last long.
“Hey!” Angie slapped a hand on my locker. She shut it for me as I stepped back with my bag over my shoulder.
“Thanks.” I watched it close and turned for the parking lot.
“Hey!” she said again before she fell in step beside me. Then she lowered her voice. “You didn’t tell me about your mother. She’s in the hospital? Alex! How could you not tell me that?”
I shrugged and veered around two freshmen girls. When they started giggling, I looked up and saw the reason for it. Eric was at the end of the hallway with some of his football teammates. All of them wore their letterman jackets and lounged against the wall as if they owned the place. Then I sighed. In some ways, they might’ve. The freshmen girls would’ve attested to that fact.
When Eric caught sight of me, his face lit up and he lifted a hand.
I nudged Angie with my elbow. “Can we not talk about my mom? I didn’t say anything because it’s…” I hesitated. What could I say? I couldn’t tell her that it’d been a relief for me that she was gone from the house. That didn’t sound appropriate. I ended with, “It’s just a lot, okay? It’s too much sometimes.”
Her face sagged and horror flared in her eyes. She caught my shoulders with her hands and stopped me. “I’m so sorry, Alex. I really am. If you need anything at all, call me! Seriously. Hey, my mom is making lasagna tonight. Come over for dinner?”
“Hey, guys.” Eric approached now, his voice was cheerful.
Angie ignored him. “What do you say?”
“Say to what?” He moved closer and lowered his head.
I sighed and then relented. “Sure.”
“Great!” Her smile was radiant before she bounded off. She hollered back from the door, “Come at eight. We’ll go bowling with Justin and the gang afterwards.”
I gave her a thumbs-up in response, but it was weak. My smile wavered.
Then she was out the door and I gave Eric the same weak smile as I’d given her. “Hey.”
“You’re going bowling tonight?”
He sounded cheerful, too cheerful. After Jesse’s last text message, I’d been able to evade Eric most of the time. There’d been almost no alone time with us and I knew he wouldn’t pursue a date with me through a note so I figured I was in the clear. Until now. We were alone.
“Hey, girlfriend!” Marissa smacked my butt and bounced to a halt beside us. Her eyes went from eager to sultry as she scanned Eric up and down. “What are you doing tonight, Eric?’
His eyes widened a fraction and his hands gripped his book bag tighter. “I’m…” His eyes darted to me with a question in them.
I relented. “He’s going bowling with me and Angie and the gang.”
His grin grew and two dimples appeared.
Marissa melted at the sight. “Great! Pick me up at nine, Eric?”
“Uh.” He looked stricken as his eyes skirted from me to her. “I’m, uh, sure.”
“See you later!” She winked at him before she was grabbed from some of her cheerleading friends. They led her away, but their giggling grew in volume after she whispered something to them. When all of them stopped and looked at us, Eric staggered back a step.
Then they disappeared around a corner.
“What just happened there?” He scratched the top of his head.
I chuckled and started forward. “You have a date with Marissa if I’m not mistaken.”
He groaned, but fell in step with me. “How did that happen?”
“She set her sights on you and down you folded. Good luck with that one.”
“She’s your best friend, right?” He watched me from the corner of his eye as we turned towards my car.
“Yep. Hurt her and die.”
He groaned again. “I meant to ask you out and instead I’m being threatened by you. I don’t think I’ll ever understand girls.” Then he grew serious and stopped us. “I can’t ask you out now, can I?”
I shook my head.
His head tipped back. Frustration flared across his features as he pinched the top of his nose. “I have horrible luck with girls. I’m cursed. That’s it. I have to be cursed.”
I patted him on the arm. “Well, if you’re not serious about her, Marissa has the attention span of a bee for guys. She’ll be buzzing around someone else in a week. I’m sure of it.”
“A bee, huh?” He relaxed a little.
“Don’t let her know I told you that.”
He shot me a grin. “I won’t. And I’ll see you tonight.” He pretended to bow before he turned towards his truck and I went to my car. As he went, I watched how he continued to scratch the top of his head and I couldn’t hold back a grin. For once, I was glad for Marissa’s man eating ways. She stepped in without being asked and did me a favor.
Eric wouldn’t ask me out for awhile again and I could hold onto the promise I’d given Jesse, even though I knew I didn’t need to. I wasn’t going to be his girlfriend. That wasn’t what I was holding out for. I was waiting for one last time to be in his arms, one last time to be connected with him again. And it wasn’t about sex. It was more than that for me.
Angie and Eric both responded a few times before I crawled into bed. And then, as I turned the light off and settled underneath my comforter, my phone buzzed one last time. It was from Jesse. ‘Good.’
In some ways my world was crumbling around me, but that night I went to bed with a smile. I couldn’t stop my smile, and I had a strong sense that Ethan was smiling as well, wherever he was.
My mother had been in the hospital for two weeks. I visited her once, but her eyes had been vacant the whole time. One of the nurses advised against any more returns from me. Apparently, her blood pressure and heart rate had skyrocketed when I was there. It was calm when my father was there, and according to the emptiness of the house and how the nurses had commented, he was there every day. A small cot was next to her bed with a blanket and pillow on top of it. When I’d gone into her bathroom, my dad’s utility bag was on a shelf inside.
As I had left that time, I sat in my car with my phone in my hand. I had considered calling Jesse, but what could he say? Besides the one text message, he hadn’t commented about my mother that weekend or since then. And I couldn’t call anyone else. I hadn’t told anyone about my mother. I wasn’t about to start. My family had enough grief; I couldn’t stomach any more sympathy.
But it didn’t last long.
“Hey!” Angie slapped a hand on my locker. She shut it for me as I stepped back with my bag over my shoulder.
“Thanks.” I watched it close and turned for the parking lot.
“Hey!” she said again before she fell in step beside me. Then she lowered her voice. “You didn’t tell me about your mother. She’s in the hospital? Alex! How could you not tell me that?”
I shrugged and veered around two freshmen girls. When they started giggling, I looked up and saw the reason for it. Eric was at the end of the hallway with some of his football teammates. All of them wore their letterman jackets and lounged against the wall as if they owned the place. Then I sighed. In some ways, they might’ve. The freshmen girls would’ve attested to that fact.
When Eric caught sight of me, his face lit up and he lifted a hand.
I nudged Angie with my elbow. “Can we not talk about my mom? I didn’t say anything because it’s…” I hesitated. What could I say? I couldn’t tell her that it’d been a relief for me that she was gone from the house. That didn’t sound appropriate. I ended with, “It’s just a lot, okay? It’s too much sometimes.”
Her face sagged and horror flared in her eyes. She caught my shoulders with her hands and stopped me. “I’m so sorry, Alex. I really am. If you need anything at all, call me! Seriously. Hey, my mom is making lasagna tonight. Come over for dinner?”
“Hey, guys.” Eric approached now, his voice was cheerful.
Angie ignored him. “What do you say?”
“Say to what?” He moved closer and lowered his head.
I sighed and then relented. “Sure.”
“Great!” Her smile was radiant before she bounded off. She hollered back from the door, “Come at eight. We’ll go bowling with Justin and the gang afterwards.”
I gave her a thumbs-up in response, but it was weak. My smile wavered.
Then she was out the door and I gave Eric the same weak smile as I’d given her. “Hey.”
“You’re going bowling tonight?”
He sounded cheerful, too cheerful. After Jesse’s last text message, I’d been able to evade Eric most of the time. There’d been almost no alone time with us and I knew he wouldn’t pursue a date with me through a note so I figured I was in the clear. Until now. We were alone.
“Hey, girlfriend!” Marissa smacked my butt and bounced to a halt beside us. Her eyes went from eager to sultry as she scanned Eric up and down. “What are you doing tonight, Eric?’
His eyes widened a fraction and his hands gripped his book bag tighter. “I’m…” His eyes darted to me with a question in them.
I relented. “He’s going bowling with me and Angie and the gang.”
His grin grew and two dimples appeared.
Marissa melted at the sight. “Great! Pick me up at nine, Eric?”
“Uh.” He looked stricken as his eyes skirted from me to her. “I’m, uh, sure.”
“See you later!” She winked at him before she was grabbed from some of her cheerleading friends. They led her away, but their giggling grew in volume after she whispered something to them. When all of them stopped and looked at us, Eric staggered back a step.
Then they disappeared around a corner.
“What just happened there?” He scratched the top of his head.
I chuckled and started forward. “You have a date with Marissa if I’m not mistaken.”
He groaned, but fell in step with me. “How did that happen?”
“She set her sights on you and down you folded. Good luck with that one.”
“She’s your best friend, right?” He watched me from the corner of his eye as we turned towards my car.
“Yep. Hurt her and die.”
He groaned again. “I meant to ask you out and instead I’m being threatened by you. I don’t think I’ll ever understand girls.” Then he grew serious and stopped us. “I can’t ask you out now, can I?”
I shook my head.
His head tipped back. Frustration flared across his features as he pinched the top of his nose. “I have horrible luck with girls. I’m cursed. That’s it. I have to be cursed.”
I patted him on the arm. “Well, if you’re not serious about her, Marissa has the attention span of a bee for guys. She’ll be buzzing around someone else in a week. I’m sure of it.”
“A bee, huh?” He relaxed a little.
“Don’t let her know I told you that.”
He shot me a grin. “I won’t. And I’ll see you tonight.” He pretended to bow before he turned towards his truck and I went to my car. As he went, I watched how he continued to scratch the top of his head and I couldn’t hold back a grin. For once, I was glad for Marissa’s man eating ways. She stepped in without being asked and did me a favor.
Eric wouldn’t ask me out for awhile again and I could hold onto the promise I’d given Jesse, even though I knew I didn’t need to. I wasn’t going to be his girlfriend. That wasn’t what I was holding out for. I was waiting for one last time to be in his arms, one last time to be connected with him again. And it wasn’t about sex. It was more than that for me.
