“You look like you’re going to throw up. I didn’t fuck it up or anything. I can cook.” He nudged Josiah with his arm.
He wanted the warmth of Mateo’s skin back. Wished the already narrow hallway would shrink more so they had to stand even closer. “No. I wouldn’t think that. Wouldn’t think you’d mess it up.”
Mateo nodded. “You ever had chorizo? It’s really good. I used to make it. That’s the only part I’m doin’.”
He’d never had it but he suddenly wanted it really bad. “No. I’ve never had it.”
“You’ll like it,” Mateo replied, then paused like he was going to do or say something else.
Touch me. Please. Josiah’s hand itched to feel Mateo. To experience his warmth, just so he could make sure he was really there.
“Gotta go. Don’t wanna burn it. See ya in a minute.”
Josiah’s chest deflated as Mateo went back into the kitchen. After cleaning up, he went to join them in the other room, just as Molly pulled plates out of the cabinets. Her face lit up when she saw him. She set the plates on the counter with a light clank before pulling Josiah into her arms. “Happy Birthday,” she told him.
She smelled like vanilla. Her poofy, brown hair tickled his nose but he didn’t mind. He imagined that his mom had been just like her.
“Thanks.” Josiah smiled at her when she pulled away.
Mateo looked at him over his shoulder from where he stood at the stove. He had on sweats and a T-shirt. His boxers would be sticking out of the top of his pants. They always were. The scar on his neck peeked out from his shirt. Dark hair lined his jaw because he needed to shave.
“It’s hot. You sure you can handle it?” Mateo asked.
He was hot. And Josiah suddenly felt hot, too.
Not realizing he was going crazy here, Molly started rambling about how they planned the breakfast and Mateo had asked for chorizo because he wanted to make it for him. Josiah opened his mouth, determined to push the words out this time—to answer Mateo’s question. “I can handle it. I want to. What about you?” Hear me. Hear what I’m saying, he pleaded in his head. Want me, too.
Mateo’s lips stretched into a smile—a different kind of smile than Josiah had ever seen from him before. It almost looked proud, only not of himself. Of Josiah.
***
William drove them, everyone refusing to tell Josiah where they were going. Nerves and excitement played tug-of-war inside him. He’d never had anyone surprise him for his birthday before.
When they pulled into the parking lot, and he saw the huge ice skating rink tucked inside a circular area of bushes, he smiled. “How did you know?” His voice wobbled slightly.
From the passenger seat, Molly said, “You mentioned it once. How you like ice skating but didn’t get to go very often. We thought about going into the city, but—”
“I could have stayed home,” Mateo interrupted.
“That’s not what I was going to say,” Molly said at the same time that Josiah said, “I wouldn’t have wanted to come without you.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, his cheeks started to burn. Why did he always say the stupidest, most embarrassing things?
Luckily no one called him on it. William mentioned something about not making the drive into the city, while Josiah fought the urge to look over at Mateo.
They climbed out of the car and bundled up in their jackets, hats and scarves that Molly and William had bought them. Mateo walked in front of him, his hands shoved into his pockets, his beanie pulled low.
They went into the building and rented skates. Mateo lingered while everyone else laced their skates up.
“Are you coming?” William asked as he grabbed Molly’s hand.
“In a minute,” Josiah replied before the two headed out to the ice.
“I’m going to bust my ass. I don’t even know how to stand up in these fuckin’ things.” He looked up at Josiah from where he sat on the bench. “I mean, I’m not sayin’ I won’t go. I’m just sayin’ I’m going to fuck up.”
Josiah shrugged. “So?”
“I’m not used to shit like this, Jay. We didn’t do family days out to the fuckin’ ice skating rink. It feels like it’s not me. I don’t belong out here.”
Josiah’s heart sped up. Mateo hadn’t called him Jay since the night they kissed. “Neither do I. Maybe we can...I don’t know, both belong. Both find a way to fit, or whatever. I just...I want you here.” His eyes found the ground. “I can help, if you want me to. Skating or whatever.”
