Mateo couldn’t help but chuckle. He sounded like that was the first time or something. Leaning forward, he kissed Josiah again. “You jack off, don’t you?”
“What?” Josiah tried to get out from under him, but Mateo didn’t let him. A smile stretched across his face. He never felt as light as he did around Josiah.
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you. Everyone does it.”
“Obviously I do it. I just don’t want to talk about it.”
Teo laughed, burying his face in the pillow beside Josiah. The last thing they needed was to wake up Molly or William. “I’m sorry. Giving ya a hard time. You just sounded so...amazed or somethin’.”
“It’s different with someone else.” Josiah pushed out from under him and Mateo let him go. Pinpricks stabbed into his body, worried he pushed too far.
“I’m sorry. Was just teasing ya.” He stood up, too, turning on the small light next to Josiah’s bed.
Josiah’s cheeks were red when he looked at him. “I know.” He shrugged. “Let’s just get cleaned up.”
Mateo nodded. They each pulled some clothes out of their dressers. One at a time they snuck to the bathroom, cleaned up, and changed. When Teo came back to the room, Josiah was sitting in his bed, twisting the hand-carved chess piece in his hands. Teo’s stomach twisted with it. Fuck, he hated his weak-ass stomach.
“What’s this?” Josiah asked. “I mean, it’s obvious what it is, but where’d it come from?”
Teo shrugged, hoping it would look like this wasn’t a big deal to him. “I’m good with a knife. Spent a lotta time carving stuff. Didn’t have any money to get you anything for your birthday, so I made that. Reminds me of you.”
Josiah looked down, watching the chess piece as he ran his fingers over it. “I remind you of the queen?” There was laugher in his voice, but it almost sounded forced. Like he wanted to pretend this wasn’t a big deal when it was.
“Not like that.” Teo took a step closer, then another one. “Just ‘cuz it’s the strongest piece in the game.”
Josiah’s head jerked up, so he looked at Mateo. It felt too close for him, so Mateo kept talking. “Sanded it as best I could. William has a buncha shit like that in the shed. Got the stain out there, too. I know it’s not the best but—”
“Yeah it is,” Josiah whispered. “It’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” He palmed it tightly in his hand before lying down. He kept it there as he scooted toward the wall. Mateo ignored the ache in his gut and climbed into bed beside him before turning off the light.
Josiah scooted closer to him. “Goodnight.”
“Happy birthday.” He wrapped an arm around Josiah and went to sleep.
Chapter Eleven
Josiah
Night was Josiah’s favorite time of day. Mateo slept in his bed every night. Right after his birthday they started setting the alarm for a little earlier than they usually got up for school so they didn’t risk getting caught. Teo would turn it off before stumbling out of bed and into his own. Josiah never slept after Mateo went back to his side of the room. He always lay there for that last half hour before he woke Mateo up again so they could get ready for school.
Weekends were the worst. They didn’t have to get up early for school, and Mateo could sleep forever. Josiah would lie around for a little while, then get up and hang out with Molly or William before he’d sneak back to the room and wake Mateo up. Every time, Mateo would pretend to be annoyed but then he’d always touch Josiah’s hair and smile.
Months went by and it was always the same routine. Any time they were alone, they would kiss and touch. Sometimes Mateo just held his hand. Or Josiah would sit with his head in Mateo’s lap and he’d run his fingers through Josiah’s hair. That was his favorite. All those rooms inside him were full, packed and overflowing with boards and locks on all the doors. When he was with Mateo, he knew those rooms would never be emptied again.
Josiah sat on the couch with Mateo, playing video games, when Molly walked in the room, drying her hand on a towel. “Are you guys going to spend your whole spring break playing on that thing?”
Mateo looked at her. One of his eyebrows quirked up as though that was a stupid question. “Do you see this shit—I mean, stuff? It’s awesome. We’d have to be crazy not to wanna play.”
Molly smiled at Mateo. He could tell she was thinking the same thing Josiah was: He’d changed. He was lighter...more comfortable. The changes made it impossible not to be happy when he was around Mateo.
