Tristan frowned. There’d only been one other person who called him on counting his pulse, and that had been Josiah. “It calms me down,” he found himself saying. His head spun; his world, too. Tristan never told people things like that, yet he was with Mateo. Even with Josiah, it had taken longer. Because he’s as broken as me. It was different with Josiah, because even though he had his own painful past, it had always been about love for him. Just wanting the people he loved. He hadn’t seen or done the kind of things Mateo and he had. And Tristan was glad for that.
“Makes sense,” Mateo finally replied. “So why do you need to calm down?”
“I was thinking of when I told Josiah where you were staying.” The pulse they’d just spoken about sped up. Questions—or one question—bumped around in his head.
“I know you’re with Jay, and maybe it makes me an asshole, but I can’t regret being with him.”
There was his answer. Pain shot through his jaw he held it so tight. He couldn’t find words. Didn’t want to. It wasn’t as though he didn’t know. He couldn’t even blame Mateo or Josiah. He would have done the same thing. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to reply to Mateo, either. Jealousy rushed through him, strong and fast. Josiah was his. It made his chest ache to think of him with someone else, yet that wasn’t all that was there. There was a part of him who was jealous that Josiah had Mateo, too... Those thoughts were wrong on so many levels, Tristan tried to ignore them.
The rest of the fifteen minute drive was spent in silence.
Mateo didn’t bring it up again as they got out of the car at their house. Tristan looked over the top of the car at Mateo, who had his eyes firmly planted on the house.
“Good. He belongs in a place like this.”
Just like that, some of the anger melted away. No, it hadn’t even been real anger. He didn’t know what it had been that he felt, but as he watched Mateo look at the house, it disappeared.
“Let’s go inside.” He didn’t look behind him to know Mateo followed. Tristan unlocked the door and pushed it open for Mateo to step inside. He stopped dead in his tracks, making Tristan look up. Josiah stood in the living room beside the couch.
“You came home,” Tristan said simply, even though he felt anything but calm.
Josiah didn’t answer, his eyes dashing back and forth between himself and Mateo in confusion.
“We saw each other by The Warf a few days back.”
Mateo dropped his bag to the floor.
Josiah’s brow creased.
“Jay,” Mateo said, stepping toward him. Tristan did the same.
Josiah shook his head. “I don’t understand. I’ve been going crazy for over a week now. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.” He paced back and forth across the living room. “I felt like shit for walking away from you, Tristan, and going to Mateo. It’s eating me alive, because I love you, but...do we even have a future? Will you ever really be able to give yourself to me?” Josiah’s voice got louder and louder as he spoke.
“And Teo... It’s been nine years. Nine years, and I’ve hardly gotten any answers out of you. You walked away. You did the one thing you promised me you would never do, and now that I’ve moved on, you’re back? I’ve been a fucking mess for a week and you guys walk in here together...what? Friends now?”
He stopped walking. Stared at both Tristan and Mateo, breathing heavy. “I don’t know what to do,” he said again.
“Jay.” Mateo walked straight over to him, putting a hand on either side of Josiah’s neck, his thumb brushing his cheek. “No one will do shit if it’s not what you want. And as for me, and Tristan, we both have pieces of you the other doesn’t. We both missed you, and...”
And then Mateo turned to look at Tristan as though he couldn’t finish. As though he had the same voice inside him that said their time together stemmed from Josiah, but that there was more to it as well.
Envy wormed its way through Tristan for the way Mateo could just walk up to Josiah, grab him and say whatever was on his mind. He just opened up in a way Tristan never did.
In a way, Josiah did, too.
It was with that in his head that Tristan walked forward. Took in the way Josiah and Mateo looked together, both of them sexy as hell, only in completely different ways. Saw the way they automatically leaned in to each other, and damned if it didn’t make fire burn its way through him in a completely different way than he expected. He suddenly imagined what they would look like together in passion, touching, and it didn’t make him jealous. It made him hot all over.
