Val appears behind me, saving me from my own idiotic imagination. The bruise over her eye is ugly.
“I know you told Reed last night that you got into a fight, but if someone hurt you, I’m going to kill them.” I’m not even joking.
“Then you’ll need to start with me because this,” she points to her forehead, “is the result of me headbashing Tam’s ex.”
I wince. “Maybe use a beer bottle next time? Or better yet, take me with you.” I meet her eyes in the mirror. “You never mentioned a rave at school. Why didn’t you ask me to go? I would’ve backed you up.”
“I didn’t know about the party until late last night. I got a text from a girl who goes to Jefferson—that’s where Tam went to school—and she said she swore she saw him. I didn’t even stop to think about what I was doing. I got dressed, caught a ride with Jordan who was on her way to Gastonburg’s house, and the next thing I know I’m in some stupid catfight with a stranger over Tam.”
“I thought you said it was an ex, not a stranger. Was she from his college?”
Val looks like she was punched in the gut. “No. I think he’s been cheating on me for years. That’s why I called her his ex.”
“Oh no.” I place my arm around her, and she curls into my chest.
“I’m so stupid.”
You’re not the only one.
I clear my throat. “I kissed Reed last night.”
“Really?” Her voice is almost hopeful.
“Yeah. He’s been sleeping outside my room. That’s creepy, right?”
Val pulls back so I can see her wide eyes. “Super creepy,” she agrees, but she doesn’t sound convincing.
I sag against the counter. “No, I don’t think it’s creepy, either. I should, but instead I think it’s weirdly…sweet that he’s so intent on making sure I don’t run off again that he’s literally sleeping on the floor outside my door.” I rub my forehead, embarrassed by my own weakness.
“He beat up Skip Henley for you yesterday.”
I blink in surprise. “What?”
Val shifts, looking embarrassed. “I didn’t say anything because I know you don’t like talking about Reed, but…yeah. He punched Skippy in the middle of the dining room for harassing you in speech class.”
A flurry of emotions fly through me. Joy. Satisfaction, because those nasty comments in Speech yesterday were so brutal. And then there’s guilt, because…damn it, because I’ve been pushing Reed away since I got back and meanwhile he’s sleeping protectively outside my door and fighting other boys in my honor.
Maybe I… God, does he deserve another chance?
“Just figured you might feel better knowing he did that,” Val says with a shrug. “And hey, at least Reed didn’t cheat on you and he’s not trying to avoid all contact with you. He’s not a liar like Tam.” Val squeezes my arm. “Do you have a toothbrush I can borrow? It feels like an animal died in my mouth.”
I lean down to rummage under the cabinet where I find a basket of pretty wrapped soaps and a stack of new toothbrushes. I hand her one and then apply toothpaste to my own electric brush. While Val brushes her teeth and washes her face, I go back to the bedroom and stare at my closet full of Brooke-picked clothes. I don’t see anything, though. All I can think about is the phrase: Reed didn’t cheat on you.
When Val said it, my first instinct wasn’t to deny it.
Because it’s true.
I don’t believe anymore that he cheated on me. I don’t know if the baby is his. But…if I believe that he didn’t cheat on me then I should believe him when he says he’s not the baby daddy.
And Val is right about another thing—Reed’s not a liar. The one thing that he hasn’t done in our time together is lie to me. He’s been so blunt in telling me that he plans to leave town after graduation, that he’s not good with relationships, that he destroys the people around him.
And he’s not talking about girls or any kind of juvenile bullshit. In a burst of insight, I realize he’s talking about his parents. He loved them desperately, and they’d both failed him.
His mother killed herself, leaving five sons to cope with the loss. His father drowns himself in liquor and horrible women. Is it any wonder that Reed told me that sex was just sex? That he tried to use it as a weapon? He uses it to punish himself and others. He’s living up to the legacy left to him by his weak parents, but there’s a struggle inside of him—and it’s that struggle that spoke to me.
“You’re about to drool on yourself,” Val remarks as she exits the bathroom.
I swipe a guilty hand across my face and run to the sink to spit and swish out my mouth. Admitting to Val that I still have feelings for Reed is one thing, admitting to her that I’m thinking about forgiving him is an entirely different story. One that I don’t know the ending to.
“What do you think is going to be in my locker today?” I ask as I join her in front of my closet. “Garbage? Day-old food? Used tampons?”
Val points to her bruise. “What about this? I look like I’m a poster child for abused girlfriends.”
“I can cover that. I’ve done it before.” At her outraged expression, I hurry to explain. “Not to my mom or myself, but girls she worked with.”
“Ugh.”
“I know.”
I turn away from the closet. “You know what? I’m thinking I want to skip again and hit the mall today. What do you think?”
Her mouth slowly spreads into a smile. “I’m thinking I want to eat a big yeasty pretzel and have FroYo for lunch.”
We knock fists together. “Do we fake being sick?”
“Nah. We’re just skipping. We’re going to the mall, eating terrible things, maxing out our guardians’ credit cards. Then we’re going to get makeovers at Sephora. Afterwards, we’re going over to the pier and stuffing our faces full of shellfish until we’re only attractive to marine life.”
I give her a big grin. “I’m so on board with this.”
“How was your shopping trip?”
I spin around at the sound of Brooke’s voice. I was in the process of making myself a snack, but as usual, her presence kills my appetite. I shove my bowl of corn chips aside and move away from the counter.
“I know you told Reed last night that you got into a fight, but if someone hurt you, I’m going to kill them.” I’m not even joking.
“Then you’ll need to start with me because this,” she points to her forehead, “is the result of me headbashing Tam’s ex.”
I wince. “Maybe use a beer bottle next time? Or better yet, take me with you.” I meet her eyes in the mirror. “You never mentioned a rave at school. Why didn’t you ask me to go? I would’ve backed you up.”
“I didn’t know about the party until late last night. I got a text from a girl who goes to Jefferson—that’s where Tam went to school—and she said she swore she saw him. I didn’t even stop to think about what I was doing. I got dressed, caught a ride with Jordan who was on her way to Gastonburg’s house, and the next thing I know I’m in some stupid catfight with a stranger over Tam.”
“I thought you said it was an ex, not a stranger. Was she from his college?”
Val looks like she was punched in the gut. “No. I think he’s been cheating on me for years. That’s why I called her his ex.”
“Oh no.” I place my arm around her, and she curls into my chest.
“I’m so stupid.”
You’re not the only one.
I clear my throat. “I kissed Reed last night.”
“Really?” Her voice is almost hopeful.
“Yeah. He’s been sleeping outside my room. That’s creepy, right?”
Val pulls back so I can see her wide eyes. “Super creepy,” she agrees, but she doesn’t sound convincing.
I sag against the counter. “No, I don’t think it’s creepy, either. I should, but instead I think it’s weirdly…sweet that he’s so intent on making sure I don’t run off again that he’s literally sleeping on the floor outside my door.” I rub my forehead, embarrassed by my own weakness.
“He beat up Skip Henley for you yesterday.”
I blink in surprise. “What?”
Val shifts, looking embarrassed. “I didn’t say anything because I know you don’t like talking about Reed, but…yeah. He punched Skippy in the middle of the dining room for harassing you in speech class.”
A flurry of emotions fly through me. Joy. Satisfaction, because those nasty comments in Speech yesterday were so brutal. And then there’s guilt, because…damn it, because I’ve been pushing Reed away since I got back and meanwhile he’s sleeping protectively outside my door and fighting other boys in my honor.
Maybe I… God, does he deserve another chance?
“Just figured you might feel better knowing he did that,” Val says with a shrug. “And hey, at least Reed didn’t cheat on you and he’s not trying to avoid all contact with you. He’s not a liar like Tam.” Val squeezes my arm. “Do you have a toothbrush I can borrow? It feels like an animal died in my mouth.”
I lean down to rummage under the cabinet where I find a basket of pretty wrapped soaps and a stack of new toothbrushes. I hand her one and then apply toothpaste to my own electric brush. While Val brushes her teeth and washes her face, I go back to the bedroom and stare at my closet full of Brooke-picked clothes. I don’t see anything, though. All I can think about is the phrase: Reed didn’t cheat on you.
When Val said it, my first instinct wasn’t to deny it.
Because it’s true.
I don’t believe anymore that he cheated on me. I don’t know if the baby is his. But…if I believe that he didn’t cheat on me then I should believe him when he says he’s not the baby daddy.
And Val is right about another thing—Reed’s not a liar. The one thing that he hasn’t done in our time together is lie to me. He’s been so blunt in telling me that he plans to leave town after graduation, that he’s not good with relationships, that he destroys the people around him.
And he’s not talking about girls or any kind of juvenile bullshit. In a burst of insight, I realize he’s talking about his parents. He loved them desperately, and they’d both failed him.
His mother killed herself, leaving five sons to cope with the loss. His father drowns himself in liquor and horrible women. Is it any wonder that Reed told me that sex was just sex? That he tried to use it as a weapon? He uses it to punish himself and others. He’s living up to the legacy left to him by his weak parents, but there’s a struggle inside of him—and it’s that struggle that spoke to me.
“You’re about to drool on yourself,” Val remarks as she exits the bathroom.
I swipe a guilty hand across my face and run to the sink to spit and swish out my mouth. Admitting to Val that I still have feelings for Reed is one thing, admitting to her that I’m thinking about forgiving him is an entirely different story. One that I don’t know the ending to.
“What do you think is going to be in my locker today?” I ask as I join her in front of my closet. “Garbage? Day-old food? Used tampons?”
Val points to her bruise. “What about this? I look like I’m a poster child for abused girlfriends.”
“I can cover that. I’ve done it before.” At her outraged expression, I hurry to explain. “Not to my mom or myself, but girls she worked with.”
“Ugh.”
“I know.”
I turn away from the closet. “You know what? I’m thinking I want to skip again and hit the mall today. What do you think?”
Her mouth slowly spreads into a smile. “I’m thinking I want to eat a big yeasty pretzel and have FroYo for lunch.”
We knock fists together. “Do we fake being sick?”
“Nah. We’re just skipping. We’re going to the mall, eating terrible things, maxing out our guardians’ credit cards. Then we’re going to get makeovers at Sephora. Afterwards, we’re going over to the pier and stuffing our faces full of shellfish until we’re only attractive to marine life.”
I give her a big grin. “I’m so on board with this.”
“How was your shopping trip?”
I spin around at the sound of Brooke’s voice. I was in the process of making myself a snack, but as usual, her presence kills my appetite. I shove my bowl of corn chips aside and move away from the counter.
