“You make it sound like I’m killing you.”
“It feels like that sometimes. Sometimes…the way you make me feel scares me.”
My fingers tighten on her hand. “It’s the same for me, and no, it’s never been like this before.”
“Not even with Abby?” I can tell she regrets the question—that it slipped out before she could stop it.
I tilt my head to the side so I can look at her face. “Not even with Abby. Do you really want to talk about her?”
“Kind of.” She makes a face. “But we don’t have to.”
I tug her closer so there’s not a sliver of space between us. I don’t like talking about Abby with her. Not because I have feelings for Abby but because I didn’t have strong enough feelings for her and it makes me feel guilty.
“I started seeing Abby after my mom died,” I admit. “I never had a steady girlfriend before that. Just the occasional hookup. I wasn’t like East, but I fooled around here and there, lost my virginity to a senior when I was fifteen. After Mom died, I was kind of…crazy in my head. Lots of bad shit went on upstairs…” I pause and then say ruefully, “Still is, I guess, but Abby came along and she reminded me of my mom. I thought being around her would be like my mom was back.”
“Did that work?”
“For a while, but then...I didn’t miss Mom as much. I mean, I still missed her, but Abby wasn’t ever gonna be someone who kept my interest. She’s too quiet. Too…passive, I guess.” I was bored shitless around her, but that sounds rude and I don’t want Ella to start thinking I’m an asshole again. “I broke up with her around Christmas. You realize that there’s no good time in the fall to break up with someone? It’s nuts. Gid always said you can’t break up with a girl before Winter Formal and not right before any holidays. But I did it anyway, because delaying it wasn’t good for either of us. She wasn’t happy. She kept coming around even after I ended it, and the more she came after me, the more I regretted dating her in the first place.”
Ella rubs her cheek against my shoulder. “Why do you sound so guilty right now?”
“Because I feel guilty,” I grumble.
“Well, you shouldn’t. You’re not responsible for her. As long as you were upfront with her, didn’t make promises you didn’t intend to keep, her hurt feelings are something she has to deal with.”
“You’re the only girl I’ve made promises to,” I say gruffly.
“Make me a promise right now.”
“Anything.”
“Promise you’ll always be straight with me. That if you ever regret being with me, you tell me.”
I roll her over and pin her hands next to her head. “I can promise you this—I’m never gonna regret even a second that you and I spend together.”
I kiss her again to silence any disagreement. That’s not the promise she asked for, but it’s the only one I can give, because I’m never going to be tired of her.
I break away, pressing kisses along her jaw, down the smooth column of her neck. She has no idea how beautiful she is, how the sight of her golden hair and fiery blue eyes and slender body makes every guy at school pop a boner when she walks down the hall. She has no idea, because she’s not like the other girls at Astor. She’s not vain or selfish or conceited.
She’s just…Ella.
“You wearing my jersey tonight was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” I rasp in her ear before biting on the lobe.
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah.”
Her fingers dance hungrier and needier on my skin. I wedge my thigh between her legs and she grinds against me.
“I wanna take care of you.” I rock against her. “Let me.”
“Out here? Right now?” She’s scandalized, but intrigued.
“No one is around for miles.”
I push the jersey and the tank she has on underneath up until her creamy skin is completely exposed. I lick a slow circle around her tight nipple, and she arches upward, not satisfied with my teasing.
Chuckling, I take her into my mouth. When I flick the tip with my tongue, she gasps. Her hands tangle in my hair and urge me closer. As if I need the encouragement. The tides could rise, a hurricane could form, but I’m not letting go.
I slide down under the comforter and tug her jeans down. “You’re beautiful, baby. Perfect.”
Then I have other things to do with my mouth than spit out words that don’t do her justice anyway. Beside me, her heels dig into the sand. Her fingers clutch my shoulders as I kiss and tease her sweet spot until she’s crazed and I can’t think straight. My dick is so hard it hurts, but I don’t even care. When I’m with Ella, it’s always her. I get so fucking hot when she’s on the edge.
She shakes and shudders and my name passes through her lips on repeat. I crawl up her body and hold her tight until her racing heart slows. I use the time to tell my own body to settle down. It’s one big ache, but shoving my own need aside is easy to do when my girl is blissed out in my arms.
“It’s getting cold out here. Want to go inside?” she asks sleepily.
Not really. I’d like to stay here with her until the next millennium. Reluctantly, I pull away. “Sure.”
I help her fasten and zip, kissing her a thousand times. Then I bundle up our blankets, throw the mess over my shoulder, and grab her hand.
“Reed.”
“Yeah?”
“I miss you at night.”
My chest warms. Before she left, I slept in her bed nearly every night. I couldn’t get enough of her.
I squeeze her hand way too tight before replying. “I miss you, too.”
“Will you sleep with me again?”
“Yeah.”
It’s a single word, but it’s the answer I’d give to anything she asked of me.
28
“You look disgusting,” Easton says on Monday morning as we wait for Ella to show up at school from the bakery.
I swipe the back of my hand across my face. “What? Do I have syrup on my face?” After practice, we hit the dining hall and I inhaled about ten pancakes.
“No, it’s the smile, dude. You look happy.”
“Asshole.” I reach over to cuff him affectionately behind his head. He nimbly ducks away.
“It feels like that sometimes. Sometimes…the way you make me feel scares me.”
My fingers tighten on her hand. “It’s the same for me, and no, it’s never been like this before.”
“Not even with Abby?” I can tell she regrets the question—that it slipped out before she could stop it.
I tilt my head to the side so I can look at her face. “Not even with Abby. Do you really want to talk about her?”
“Kind of.” She makes a face. “But we don’t have to.”
I tug her closer so there’s not a sliver of space between us. I don’t like talking about Abby with her. Not because I have feelings for Abby but because I didn’t have strong enough feelings for her and it makes me feel guilty.
“I started seeing Abby after my mom died,” I admit. “I never had a steady girlfriend before that. Just the occasional hookup. I wasn’t like East, but I fooled around here and there, lost my virginity to a senior when I was fifteen. After Mom died, I was kind of…crazy in my head. Lots of bad shit went on upstairs…” I pause and then say ruefully, “Still is, I guess, but Abby came along and she reminded me of my mom. I thought being around her would be like my mom was back.”
“Did that work?”
“For a while, but then...I didn’t miss Mom as much. I mean, I still missed her, but Abby wasn’t ever gonna be someone who kept my interest. She’s too quiet. Too…passive, I guess.” I was bored shitless around her, but that sounds rude and I don’t want Ella to start thinking I’m an asshole again. “I broke up with her around Christmas. You realize that there’s no good time in the fall to break up with someone? It’s nuts. Gid always said you can’t break up with a girl before Winter Formal and not right before any holidays. But I did it anyway, because delaying it wasn’t good for either of us. She wasn’t happy. She kept coming around even after I ended it, and the more she came after me, the more I regretted dating her in the first place.”
Ella rubs her cheek against my shoulder. “Why do you sound so guilty right now?”
“Because I feel guilty,” I grumble.
“Well, you shouldn’t. You’re not responsible for her. As long as you were upfront with her, didn’t make promises you didn’t intend to keep, her hurt feelings are something she has to deal with.”
“You’re the only girl I’ve made promises to,” I say gruffly.
“Make me a promise right now.”
“Anything.”
“Promise you’ll always be straight with me. That if you ever regret being with me, you tell me.”
I roll her over and pin her hands next to her head. “I can promise you this—I’m never gonna regret even a second that you and I spend together.”
I kiss her again to silence any disagreement. That’s not the promise she asked for, but it’s the only one I can give, because I’m never going to be tired of her.
I break away, pressing kisses along her jaw, down the smooth column of her neck. She has no idea how beautiful she is, how the sight of her golden hair and fiery blue eyes and slender body makes every guy at school pop a boner when she walks down the hall. She has no idea, because she’s not like the other girls at Astor. She’s not vain or selfish or conceited.
She’s just…Ella.
“You wearing my jersey tonight was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” I rasp in her ear before biting on the lobe.
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah.”
Her fingers dance hungrier and needier on my skin. I wedge my thigh between her legs and she grinds against me.
“I wanna take care of you.” I rock against her. “Let me.”
“Out here? Right now?” She’s scandalized, but intrigued.
“No one is around for miles.”
I push the jersey and the tank she has on underneath up until her creamy skin is completely exposed. I lick a slow circle around her tight nipple, and she arches upward, not satisfied with my teasing.
Chuckling, I take her into my mouth. When I flick the tip with my tongue, she gasps. Her hands tangle in my hair and urge me closer. As if I need the encouragement. The tides could rise, a hurricane could form, but I’m not letting go.
I slide down under the comforter and tug her jeans down. “You’re beautiful, baby. Perfect.”
Then I have other things to do with my mouth than spit out words that don’t do her justice anyway. Beside me, her heels dig into the sand. Her fingers clutch my shoulders as I kiss and tease her sweet spot until she’s crazed and I can’t think straight. My dick is so hard it hurts, but I don’t even care. When I’m with Ella, it’s always her. I get so fucking hot when she’s on the edge.
She shakes and shudders and my name passes through her lips on repeat. I crawl up her body and hold her tight until her racing heart slows. I use the time to tell my own body to settle down. It’s one big ache, but shoving my own need aside is easy to do when my girl is blissed out in my arms.
“It’s getting cold out here. Want to go inside?” she asks sleepily.
Not really. I’d like to stay here with her until the next millennium. Reluctantly, I pull away. “Sure.”
I help her fasten and zip, kissing her a thousand times. Then I bundle up our blankets, throw the mess over my shoulder, and grab her hand.
“Reed.”
“Yeah?”
“I miss you at night.”
My chest warms. Before she left, I slept in her bed nearly every night. I couldn’t get enough of her.
I squeeze her hand way too tight before replying. “I miss you, too.”
“Will you sleep with me again?”
“Yeah.”
It’s a single word, but it’s the answer I’d give to anything she asked of me.
28
“You look disgusting,” Easton says on Monday morning as we wait for Ella to show up at school from the bakery.
I swipe the back of my hand across my face. “What? Do I have syrup on my face?” After practice, we hit the dining hall and I inhaled about ten pancakes.
“No, it’s the smile, dude. You look happy.”
“Asshole.” I reach over to cuff him affectionately behind his head. He nimbly ducks away.
