“It seems so innocuous, doesn’t it? Like it’s just a normal piece of mail and not something that can change the direction of my life forever?”
I was a little bit surprised that I had had pretty much the same thought when Carla handed it over to me moments ago. I tucked some of my hair behind my ears and told him, “You would be surprised how important some pieces of paper end up being to us. We work ourselves to the bone for a degree we can hang on the wall. We pick the ruler of the free world by poking a hole in a paper ballot. Some people search endlessly for the right person so they can get a much-coveted marriage certificate, and don’t even get me started on the importance of the papers that someone leaves behind after they are no longer with us.” His eyes shifted to deep and dark forest green at my words. “When I got my hands on my father’s will, my whole world changed. Those papers were everything to me, so I understand why these are so important to you.”
When I got my first important piece of paper—my high school diploma—my dad stood stiffly at the graduation, his mouth pulled taut with displeasure that I had had to share the title of valedictorian with another student. I should have been the best in my class, and honestly I think the only reason he didn’t get up and leave was because of how it would have looked to the other parents in the auditorium. When I failed the bar exam the first time I took it, I thought he was going to flat-out disown me. I could drown forever in the ways I had seemingly let him down over my lifetime. I could have used a hug, some form of reassurance, and all I got was contempt. It was all I ever got from him.
My dad’s will was another piece of paper that changed my life forever. In it he finally disclosed the fact that he had fathered another child, a child he wanted me to split his estate with. A child he had never had anything to do with. A child he had abandoned and left to fend for himself. A child I was instantly and immediately obsessed with because his existence meant I was no longer alone. It was a simple piece of paper that my dad had left behind that had finally given me a family. A piece of paper that had brought someone who loved me and treated me with kindness and care into my life when I so desperately needed it. I would never undervalue the power of something that seemed so harmless as a simple piece of paper when I knew how powerful it could be.
We stared at each other in silent understanding until he took a deep breath and started to work on the top flap of the envelope.
“I thought I was ready for it to say anything . . . either positive or negative, but now I feel like I can only accept one response.”
I reached out and put a hand on his forearm as he worked the stack of papers out of the sleeve. His big hands were shaking and his eyes had shifted to a shade that was almost black.
“It’ll be okay whatever it says. We’ll make sure of it. There are options, Zeb.”
He nodded distractedly as his eyes furiously scanned the paperwork. His lips pursed in the framework of his facial hair and his cheeks went pale and then immediately flooded with a bright pink heat. His gaze shifted to me and wordlessly he handed me back the paperwork.
I took it from him but didn’t look at it. I couldn’t tell by his reaction if he needed me to hug him or slap him across his face.
“What does it say? Are you Hyde’s father?”
He just stared at me silently, his heavy breathing whooshing in and out as we watched each other. I was getting ready to read the results for myself when he suddenly whispered, “I’m a dad. I have a son.” His voice was so rough, so full of emotion and feeling, that it almost hurt me to hear it. I had trained myself to feel nothing, or barring that to be strong and keep it to myself. Yet here was this giant of a man feeling everything at once, and I had never seen anyone look more bewildered or happy.
“Zeb?” It was part question and part concern.
He turned to look at me and again he stated, “I’m a father. That little boy is mine.”
“Congratulations. I can’t wait to introduce you to your son.”
The corner of his mouth kicked up and a dark spark flared to life in his gaze. I couldn’t help myself when I saw that tiny flash of his teeth—all professionalism flew out the window.
Instead I got to my feet, put the positive test results down on the messy table, grabbed his whiskered cheeks in my hands, and I did something I had never done before.
I kissed a boy.
Meaning I initiated it. It was so out of character, so opposite to how I normally behaved, again I felt like someone else was inside of me, controlling my actions. It was like the Sayer before Denver didn’t even exist.
I pulled him to me, planted my mouth over his, and kissed the shit out of him. It was one of the greatest and boldest moments of my life, right next to moving and tracking down my brother. If the way he responded was any indication, Zeb was all for my acting like someone I absolutely was not.
CHAPTER 6
Zeb
I was in shock.
I was consumed with equal parts elation and terror.
I was internally freaking out, but on the outside everything was focused on the fact Sayer had pressed her soft and clever mouth to mine. My reaction to her kiss and the hot, thick way it made my blood start to churn was so much easier to think about, so effortless to hand myself over to, instead of the other, more daunting emotions hovering on the periphery.
Hyde was mine and that would change my life, but in this moment, in this brief second, I could simply kiss Sayer and put my hands on her like I had been dying to do for what seemed like forever. She felt like the only thing that was nailed down, fused, and unmoving in my new world. I wanted to cling to her, hold on to the security that her no-nonsense and matter-of-fact demeanor poured over me. But more than any of that, I wanted to tangle my tongue around hers and fill my hands with her endless amounts of soft skin. I wanted to thank her with my hands and mouth for not looking at me like I had failed, like I had screwed up again. I made a mistake that I was going to do everything in my power to fix, and she understood that. At least the way we tried to ravage each other made it seem like she understood it.
I wasn’t a bad guy but I was a flawed one, and for her to see that, accept it unquestioningly as she pressed up against me like she couldn’t get close enough, made me want to devour her.
I deepened the press of my mouth against hers and put my hands around her narrow waist so that I could spin her so that she was the one with her backside propped against the edge of the table and I was leaning all the way into her.
I was a little bit surprised that I had had pretty much the same thought when Carla handed it over to me moments ago. I tucked some of my hair behind my ears and told him, “You would be surprised how important some pieces of paper end up being to us. We work ourselves to the bone for a degree we can hang on the wall. We pick the ruler of the free world by poking a hole in a paper ballot. Some people search endlessly for the right person so they can get a much-coveted marriage certificate, and don’t even get me started on the importance of the papers that someone leaves behind after they are no longer with us.” His eyes shifted to deep and dark forest green at my words. “When I got my hands on my father’s will, my whole world changed. Those papers were everything to me, so I understand why these are so important to you.”
When I got my first important piece of paper—my high school diploma—my dad stood stiffly at the graduation, his mouth pulled taut with displeasure that I had had to share the title of valedictorian with another student. I should have been the best in my class, and honestly I think the only reason he didn’t get up and leave was because of how it would have looked to the other parents in the auditorium. When I failed the bar exam the first time I took it, I thought he was going to flat-out disown me. I could drown forever in the ways I had seemingly let him down over my lifetime. I could have used a hug, some form of reassurance, and all I got was contempt. It was all I ever got from him.
My dad’s will was another piece of paper that changed my life forever. In it he finally disclosed the fact that he had fathered another child, a child he wanted me to split his estate with. A child he had never had anything to do with. A child he had abandoned and left to fend for himself. A child I was instantly and immediately obsessed with because his existence meant I was no longer alone. It was a simple piece of paper that my dad had left behind that had finally given me a family. A piece of paper that had brought someone who loved me and treated me with kindness and care into my life when I so desperately needed it. I would never undervalue the power of something that seemed so harmless as a simple piece of paper when I knew how powerful it could be.
We stared at each other in silent understanding until he took a deep breath and started to work on the top flap of the envelope.
“I thought I was ready for it to say anything . . . either positive or negative, but now I feel like I can only accept one response.”
I reached out and put a hand on his forearm as he worked the stack of papers out of the sleeve. His big hands were shaking and his eyes had shifted to a shade that was almost black.
“It’ll be okay whatever it says. We’ll make sure of it. There are options, Zeb.”
He nodded distractedly as his eyes furiously scanned the paperwork. His lips pursed in the framework of his facial hair and his cheeks went pale and then immediately flooded with a bright pink heat. His gaze shifted to me and wordlessly he handed me back the paperwork.
I took it from him but didn’t look at it. I couldn’t tell by his reaction if he needed me to hug him or slap him across his face.
“What does it say? Are you Hyde’s father?”
He just stared at me silently, his heavy breathing whooshing in and out as we watched each other. I was getting ready to read the results for myself when he suddenly whispered, “I’m a dad. I have a son.” His voice was so rough, so full of emotion and feeling, that it almost hurt me to hear it. I had trained myself to feel nothing, or barring that to be strong and keep it to myself. Yet here was this giant of a man feeling everything at once, and I had never seen anyone look more bewildered or happy.
“Zeb?” It was part question and part concern.
He turned to look at me and again he stated, “I’m a father. That little boy is mine.”
“Congratulations. I can’t wait to introduce you to your son.”
The corner of his mouth kicked up and a dark spark flared to life in his gaze. I couldn’t help myself when I saw that tiny flash of his teeth—all professionalism flew out the window.
Instead I got to my feet, put the positive test results down on the messy table, grabbed his whiskered cheeks in my hands, and I did something I had never done before.
I kissed a boy.
Meaning I initiated it. It was so out of character, so opposite to how I normally behaved, again I felt like someone else was inside of me, controlling my actions. It was like the Sayer before Denver didn’t even exist.
I pulled him to me, planted my mouth over his, and kissed the shit out of him. It was one of the greatest and boldest moments of my life, right next to moving and tracking down my brother. If the way he responded was any indication, Zeb was all for my acting like someone I absolutely was not.
CHAPTER 6
Zeb
I was in shock.
I was consumed with equal parts elation and terror.
I was internally freaking out, but on the outside everything was focused on the fact Sayer had pressed her soft and clever mouth to mine. My reaction to her kiss and the hot, thick way it made my blood start to churn was so much easier to think about, so effortless to hand myself over to, instead of the other, more daunting emotions hovering on the periphery.
Hyde was mine and that would change my life, but in this moment, in this brief second, I could simply kiss Sayer and put my hands on her like I had been dying to do for what seemed like forever. She felt like the only thing that was nailed down, fused, and unmoving in my new world. I wanted to cling to her, hold on to the security that her no-nonsense and matter-of-fact demeanor poured over me. But more than any of that, I wanted to tangle my tongue around hers and fill my hands with her endless amounts of soft skin. I wanted to thank her with my hands and mouth for not looking at me like I had failed, like I had screwed up again. I made a mistake that I was going to do everything in my power to fix, and she understood that. At least the way we tried to ravage each other made it seem like she understood it.
I wasn’t a bad guy but I was a flawed one, and for her to see that, accept it unquestioningly as she pressed up against me like she couldn’t get close enough, made me want to devour her.
I deepened the press of my mouth against hers and put my hands around her narrow waist so that I could spin her so that she was the one with her backside propped against the edge of the table and I was leaning all the way into her.
