“Who are you–” I was cut off by a hand over my mouth, and then an arm around my waist pulled me back into the chest of someone large and muscled.
The little boy looked above my head and nodded. Then he took off running deeper into the bush in a direction he seemingly knew where to go. My heart pounded speedily against my chest as I tried to get out of the firmness of this man’s grip.
“Stop, stop,” came the voice. I stilled immediately and shut my eyes.
“Good,” Jaxon said, dropping his arms down.
In that nanosecond I’d already made up my mind. Without turning to look at him, I ran a few steps in the direction of the party. Arms grappled around me again.
“REM–” His hand covered my mouth once more, rougher than before, and slammed the back of my head into his chest.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he growled with his mouth to my ear. “Don’t you fucking dare sell me out again, Sara.”
He dragged me back until we were well concealed and stopped against a tall, thick tree. He turned my body around and pushed my back against the rigid bark. Hand still over my mouth, he lowered his body down until his face was level to my own. I blinked rapidly; despair consumed me at the sight of his blue eyes looking into my own. My body shook in his grip.
Wearing his signature hoodie and jeans, his hair had grown somewhat since the last time I’d seen him. There was a shadow of a beard coming in, as if he hadn’t bothered grooming himself. His lips, kissable and plump, were pressed harshly together, and his arrow straight nose was flaring wickedly at me. This was the look of a fuming man.
“You were going to scream for him?” Disbelief overshadowed his anger.
I made no movement. I just watched the shock in his eyes with a sick feeling in my chest.
“Did you fuck him?” The harsh way in which he asked the question stiffened me.
I didn’t respond. I was too enraged to. If he thought I did… then he might feel a shred of the same pain I felt for weeks. His hand tightened against my mouth, his anger growing by the second. My silence conveyed the lie clear as day. He took a step back from me as if I’d punched him. When his hand dropped, for a split second I considered screaming again. I didn’t, too absorbed in his presence and confused as all hell.
What could he possibly want?
Why ask such a question?
Why even be here?! “Do you like being with him?” he bitterly asked, voice raw in his anguish.
“Like you should talk,” I retorted. “You told me you were letting me go. We ended it –”
“And you jump straight into someone else’s bed–”
“I didn’t jump straight into his bed!” Well… not in the sexual sense anyway. “You said you were letting me go! Months have passed! Did you want me to keep my legs closed forever while you fuck every girl–”
“I haven’t been with anyone since you!” he furiously gritted out.
While his words sounded genuine, I shook my head in disgust. “I saw you with–”
“You saw me playing the part!”
“She was undressing you!”
“We kissed, yeah, but that was it.”
“Liar!”
He came at me again, a hand on each shoulder and shoved me further back against the tree. “I’m not lying to you. I play the part because of Finley–”
“Liar!” I spat again, scowling at him. I tried to jerk my body away, but he held me perfectly still against him.
“Stop calling me that. Look at me and see I’m telling you the truth.”
I didn’t look at him. I turned my head away from him and at the direction of the party. I could hear the happy chattering and was once again tempted to scream. I didn’t want this. He had no right to show up out of the blue, fuck with my emotions and then lie about who he’d been fucking. I saw him, plain as day, with a woman who was ready to go down on him. Like hell I would believe his bullshit!
Pain erupted at my chin as he gripped it and forced my face in his direction. I struggled against him, stomping at one point on his foot. He didn’t flinch. Fuck him and his steel capped boots!
I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes. My heart was only so strong. They were windows into his soul, and just one look into them and I would be a goner. I kept them directed at his lips instead.
“Since you came back, it’s just been you,” he whispered. “I play the part, Sara. It’s going to end, though. I promise you, it’ll be over. That phone call… I said shit because I was so fucking hurt by what you did.” He let go of my chin and brought his fingers against my cheek. His sighed longingly as he felt around my face. “I kiss some girls. That’s as far as it’s gotten. I hide away in rooms, pretend I’ve gone all the way to keep Finley off my back. I have to pretend I’m okay so he leaves you alone. So he doesn’t think you’re still affecting me.”
My body deceived me. I looked into his eyes, and there it was: the honesty sincere in all of him, and it was searing me to the bone.
“So he could leave me alone? I don’t understand. Did he… Did he send that man after me?”
“I think he did. I can’t be sure.”
“How did you even know about that? How did you get that paper to me–”
“Why would I tell you that?” He shot me a bitter look, raking his eyes up and down my body accusingly. “You’d sell that person out in a heartbeat the second you got back to your fucked up man.”
“No, I wouldn’t. You’re just saying that because you’re angry. You know you can trust me.”
“No,” he disagreed with a shake of his head. “I don’t know that anymore, Sara. You’ve been at that clubhouse for months on end. For all I know, you’re brainwashed. Tell me, truthfully, why the fuck you gave yourself up to that guy. Tell me it wasn’t because he trapped you in a room for the first four weeks, until you had nobody but him to depend on.”
I gulped the acidic taste in my mouth. I turned my face away, but I’m sure he saw the truth there already.
“Do you love me, Sara?”
Startled, my eyes shot back to his.
“Do you or do you not?” he pressed firmly. I watched his hands ball into fists as he waited for my response.
“I love him too,” I let out in defeat.
“No, you think you love him. You’re confused. You depended on him. He forced it out of you. I know you really love me. You still want me. Admit that much, at least. That you want me still.”
“I don’t want you! I moved on! I begged you–”
“You’re the liar now. You want me. I know you do.”
I didn’t respond. I craned my head in the direction of the party again. I’d been gone too long. Any second now Remy would notice my absence, or maybe he already did. I didn’t want him to worry, and I certainly didn’t want him to search for me. If he found us talking…
But then Jaxon’s scent infiltrated my senses. He closed in on me until I felt his chest against my own. His hands gripped my hips and his forehead pressed against mine. I closed my eyes and breathed in his air, so lost in the feel of him already, I didn’t want this heavenly bubble of ours to burst. Just a second in his embrace and I was ruined.
“Do you love me?” he whispered. His breaths tickled my lips and all I wanted was for him to kiss me.
“Yes,” I said sadly.
“Do you want me?” His hands gripped my hips and then slowly roamed up to my waist.
I exhaled slowly. “I’m with Remy now, Jaxon. He loves me.”
“And what about me?” his voice tensed. “Don’t I love you?”
I didn’t respond again.
“Remy’s a snake, and I’m not just saying that because of what he did to you. I’m saying that because it’s the damn truth. He’s a man of lies. Don’t trust a word he says, Sara.”
“Who should I trust? I’ve never been more alone.”
“Me. You can trust me. Always. I’ve been yours the second you gave yourself to me that night at Prom. You’ll never find anyone more loyal or true to their word than me. I’m going to make things right. You’re going to come back to me. I’m going to make it right. Just wait for me, Tiny.”
His pleading words broke down my walls – the very same walls that Remy was fighting hard to break down for months were demolished in mere seconds by Jaxon. His lips brushed against mine, and I opened my mouth to him and let him kiss me. Just the taste of him on my tongue and I was drowning in him. Everything dead and still inside of me came alive, and he did what he always did: ignited me. And, fuck yes, I wanted to burn. Let me burn with this man.
It was a soft, short kiss and it spoke of a promise. His heat left me, and I kept my eyes shut because I couldn’t bear to see him leave. I knew when I opened them again, he would be gone.
He was.
But the taste of him still lingered. I put my fingers to my mouth and cried.
Fourteen
Whoever he had on in the inside had told Jaxon I’d been in that bunker that precise amount of time. Was my display of neediness for Remy that obvious when I first arrived at the clubhouse? I felt once again like a naïve idiot.
He told me I couldn’t trust Remy, but everything I’d witnessed from him had said otherwise. Could Jaxon have purposely instilled that doubt as an attempt to change the way I felt for Remy? It seemed plausible, but then again, he hadn’t done it to me with Daniel.
Was my life such a joke that people felt they could lie to me? I didn’t know what to believe anymore. I faked ill when we got back. Remy had seen me emerging from the forest, and his eyes looked suspiciously around me for signs of something amiss. Surprisingly, he didn’t press me about it. I simply told him I was walking to relieve a headache from the noise level at the party, and he nodded in an act of sympathy that didn’t meet his eyes.
What a bitch I was lying to him. I loathed myself for already believing Jaxon’s words. There I was going in circles again. No matter how hard I tried to improve myself, to move on and change and be content with what I had, something always led me back to him. This wasn’t what happened to star crossed lovers. This was yet another window of opportunity.
I’m going to make it right. Just wait for me, Tiny.
I just wanted to scream! I had built something here! I had started from scratch, one tiny lego piece atop of another, building and building only to have it come violently crashing down.
That night I took advantage of my alone time. I went into the bedroom and looked under our bed, in Remy’s dresser, even in the pockets of his clothes. I didn’t know what I was searching for. Like a sticky beak, I pried into his belongings, looking for something that might echo Jaxon’s words.
Men like Remy weren’t sentimental. He harboured no treasures. He kept everything at a bare minimum. I rummaged through the bathroom cabinets but to no avail. With a sigh, I opened his closet and sorted through his jackets and clothes. Midway there, I stood up on my tippy toes and reached around the above shelf of the closet. Nothing but clothes, belts, boots and cases of that special cologne of his.
“Something,” I murmured, “Anything.” Yes, there were people that got rid of their things, but this was just downright over the top. Not one thing in this room spoke of him. It was too… void of him.
If I was Remy, where would I hide my shit?
I knew the answer to that one straight away because it was the only place that made sense. He went to this place too often for me to count. I walked out of the room and down the steps. Then down the corridor I went, passing the kitchen along the way until I was at the very back of the clubhouse where the surveillance room was. There was always someone in this room at all times. Usually it was Barge, and on many occasions I’d heard Remy swearing him off for falling asleep on the job.
I opened the door and stepped inside. Barge was overflowing the chair, hands crossed over his chest, face up at the ceiling, mouth wide open…
“GHWAWO!” His snores were loud and irrefutably unhealthy. The man needed to cool it with the cholesterol.
I looked at all the screens in front of him. Jeez, there were so many cameras everywhere. The largest screen was of the entrance gate. I watched people move in and out of rooms, saw Logan playing a game of cards with Vince. Darcy was carrying her kittens around, Broom was cleaning up the kitchen, and Fritz was… being Fritz, sitting on the couch passed out with a bottle of whiskey in his hand.
I looked around the surveillance room. The file cabinets and safes in the back against the wall caught my attention. I tip toed to them and tried opening a few drawers. The file cabinets required a key, and the safes needed a code.
Well, this was a fucking bust.
I glumly turned around and jumped at the sight of Prez standing casually against the wall beside the door with his arms crossed. Looking at me.
Heart in my throat, I gave him a weak smile and walked over to him. I tried to hide the nerves by playing it cool, but tremors ran up and down my spine. I’d just been caught. Red-fucking-handed.
“You alright?” he asked, and the simple question seemed weighted, as if there was another question in there.
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, I was just looking for Remy.”
He studied me, and he wasn’t hiding the fact he was studying me either. His eyes roamed around my reddened cheeks and down to my shaking hands. Fuckity-fuck.
I headed for the door as nonchalantly as I could. He, not so nonchalantly, stood in front of it, blocking my way. The man was huge and wide, and though he had a bit of a beer belly, his heavily tattooed arms, straining against the sleeves of his white shirt with muscle, made up for the fat he carried. His shimmering blue eyes chilled me. They were threatening and uninviting. This man could snap my neck in a heartbeat, and that didn’t seem like an impossible outcome standing in the midst of him in my obviously terrified state after being caught snooping.
The little boy looked above my head and nodded. Then he took off running deeper into the bush in a direction he seemingly knew where to go. My heart pounded speedily against my chest as I tried to get out of the firmness of this man’s grip.
“Stop, stop,” came the voice. I stilled immediately and shut my eyes.
“Good,” Jaxon said, dropping his arms down.
In that nanosecond I’d already made up my mind. Without turning to look at him, I ran a few steps in the direction of the party. Arms grappled around me again.
“REM–” His hand covered my mouth once more, rougher than before, and slammed the back of my head into his chest.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he growled with his mouth to my ear. “Don’t you fucking dare sell me out again, Sara.”
He dragged me back until we were well concealed and stopped against a tall, thick tree. He turned my body around and pushed my back against the rigid bark. Hand still over my mouth, he lowered his body down until his face was level to my own. I blinked rapidly; despair consumed me at the sight of his blue eyes looking into my own. My body shook in his grip.
Wearing his signature hoodie and jeans, his hair had grown somewhat since the last time I’d seen him. There was a shadow of a beard coming in, as if he hadn’t bothered grooming himself. His lips, kissable and plump, were pressed harshly together, and his arrow straight nose was flaring wickedly at me. This was the look of a fuming man.
“You were going to scream for him?” Disbelief overshadowed his anger.
I made no movement. I just watched the shock in his eyes with a sick feeling in my chest.
“Did you fuck him?” The harsh way in which he asked the question stiffened me.
I didn’t respond. I was too enraged to. If he thought I did… then he might feel a shred of the same pain I felt for weeks. His hand tightened against my mouth, his anger growing by the second. My silence conveyed the lie clear as day. He took a step back from me as if I’d punched him. When his hand dropped, for a split second I considered screaming again. I didn’t, too absorbed in his presence and confused as all hell.
What could he possibly want?
Why ask such a question?
Why even be here?! “Do you like being with him?” he bitterly asked, voice raw in his anguish.
“Like you should talk,” I retorted. “You told me you were letting me go. We ended it –”
“And you jump straight into someone else’s bed–”
“I didn’t jump straight into his bed!” Well… not in the sexual sense anyway. “You said you were letting me go! Months have passed! Did you want me to keep my legs closed forever while you fuck every girl–”
“I haven’t been with anyone since you!” he furiously gritted out.
While his words sounded genuine, I shook my head in disgust. “I saw you with–”
“You saw me playing the part!”
“She was undressing you!”
“We kissed, yeah, but that was it.”
“Liar!”
He came at me again, a hand on each shoulder and shoved me further back against the tree. “I’m not lying to you. I play the part because of Finley–”
“Liar!” I spat again, scowling at him. I tried to jerk my body away, but he held me perfectly still against him.
“Stop calling me that. Look at me and see I’m telling you the truth.”
I didn’t look at him. I turned my head away from him and at the direction of the party. I could hear the happy chattering and was once again tempted to scream. I didn’t want this. He had no right to show up out of the blue, fuck with my emotions and then lie about who he’d been fucking. I saw him, plain as day, with a woman who was ready to go down on him. Like hell I would believe his bullshit!
Pain erupted at my chin as he gripped it and forced my face in his direction. I struggled against him, stomping at one point on his foot. He didn’t flinch. Fuck him and his steel capped boots!
I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes. My heart was only so strong. They were windows into his soul, and just one look into them and I would be a goner. I kept them directed at his lips instead.
“Since you came back, it’s just been you,” he whispered. “I play the part, Sara. It’s going to end, though. I promise you, it’ll be over. That phone call… I said shit because I was so fucking hurt by what you did.” He let go of my chin and brought his fingers against my cheek. His sighed longingly as he felt around my face. “I kiss some girls. That’s as far as it’s gotten. I hide away in rooms, pretend I’ve gone all the way to keep Finley off my back. I have to pretend I’m okay so he leaves you alone. So he doesn’t think you’re still affecting me.”
My body deceived me. I looked into his eyes, and there it was: the honesty sincere in all of him, and it was searing me to the bone.
“So he could leave me alone? I don’t understand. Did he… Did he send that man after me?”
“I think he did. I can’t be sure.”
“How did you even know about that? How did you get that paper to me–”
“Why would I tell you that?” He shot me a bitter look, raking his eyes up and down my body accusingly. “You’d sell that person out in a heartbeat the second you got back to your fucked up man.”
“No, I wouldn’t. You’re just saying that because you’re angry. You know you can trust me.”
“No,” he disagreed with a shake of his head. “I don’t know that anymore, Sara. You’ve been at that clubhouse for months on end. For all I know, you’re brainwashed. Tell me, truthfully, why the fuck you gave yourself up to that guy. Tell me it wasn’t because he trapped you in a room for the first four weeks, until you had nobody but him to depend on.”
I gulped the acidic taste in my mouth. I turned my face away, but I’m sure he saw the truth there already.
“Do you love me, Sara?”
Startled, my eyes shot back to his.
“Do you or do you not?” he pressed firmly. I watched his hands ball into fists as he waited for my response.
“I love him too,” I let out in defeat.
“No, you think you love him. You’re confused. You depended on him. He forced it out of you. I know you really love me. You still want me. Admit that much, at least. That you want me still.”
“I don’t want you! I moved on! I begged you–”
“You’re the liar now. You want me. I know you do.”
I didn’t respond. I craned my head in the direction of the party again. I’d been gone too long. Any second now Remy would notice my absence, or maybe he already did. I didn’t want him to worry, and I certainly didn’t want him to search for me. If he found us talking…
But then Jaxon’s scent infiltrated my senses. He closed in on me until I felt his chest against my own. His hands gripped my hips and his forehead pressed against mine. I closed my eyes and breathed in his air, so lost in the feel of him already, I didn’t want this heavenly bubble of ours to burst. Just a second in his embrace and I was ruined.
“Do you love me?” he whispered. His breaths tickled my lips and all I wanted was for him to kiss me.
“Yes,” I said sadly.
“Do you want me?” His hands gripped my hips and then slowly roamed up to my waist.
I exhaled slowly. “I’m with Remy now, Jaxon. He loves me.”
“And what about me?” his voice tensed. “Don’t I love you?”
I didn’t respond again.
“Remy’s a snake, and I’m not just saying that because of what he did to you. I’m saying that because it’s the damn truth. He’s a man of lies. Don’t trust a word he says, Sara.”
“Who should I trust? I’ve never been more alone.”
“Me. You can trust me. Always. I’ve been yours the second you gave yourself to me that night at Prom. You’ll never find anyone more loyal or true to their word than me. I’m going to make things right. You’re going to come back to me. I’m going to make it right. Just wait for me, Tiny.”
His pleading words broke down my walls – the very same walls that Remy was fighting hard to break down for months were demolished in mere seconds by Jaxon. His lips brushed against mine, and I opened my mouth to him and let him kiss me. Just the taste of him on my tongue and I was drowning in him. Everything dead and still inside of me came alive, and he did what he always did: ignited me. And, fuck yes, I wanted to burn. Let me burn with this man.
It was a soft, short kiss and it spoke of a promise. His heat left me, and I kept my eyes shut because I couldn’t bear to see him leave. I knew when I opened them again, he would be gone.
He was.
But the taste of him still lingered. I put my fingers to my mouth and cried.
Fourteen
Whoever he had on in the inside had told Jaxon I’d been in that bunker that precise amount of time. Was my display of neediness for Remy that obvious when I first arrived at the clubhouse? I felt once again like a naïve idiot.
He told me I couldn’t trust Remy, but everything I’d witnessed from him had said otherwise. Could Jaxon have purposely instilled that doubt as an attempt to change the way I felt for Remy? It seemed plausible, but then again, he hadn’t done it to me with Daniel.
Was my life such a joke that people felt they could lie to me? I didn’t know what to believe anymore. I faked ill when we got back. Remy had seen me emerging from the forest, and his eyes looked suspiciously around me for signs of something amiss. Surprisingly, he didn’t press me about it. I simply told him I was walking to relieve a headache from the noise level at the party, and he nodded in an act of sympathy that didn’t meet his eyes.
What a bitch I was lying to him. I loathed myself for already believing Jaxon’s words. There I was going in circles again. No matter how hard I tried to improve myself, to move on and change and be content with what I had, something always led me back to him. This wasn’t what happened to star crossed lovers. This was yet another window of opportunity.
I’m going to make it right. Just wait for me, Tiny.
I just wanted to scream! I had built something here! I had started from scratch, one tiny lego piece atop of another, building and building only to have it come violently crashing down.
That night I took advantage of my alone time. I went into the bedroom and looked under our bed, in Remy’s dresser, even in the pockets of his clothes. I didn’t know what I was searching for. Like a sticky beak, I pried into his belongings, looking for something that might echo Jaxon’s words.
Men like Remy weren’t sentimental. He harboured no treasures. He kept everything at a bare minimum. I rummaged through the bathroom cabinets but to no avail. With a sigh, I opened his closet and sorted through his jackets and clothes. Midway there, I stood up on my tippy toes and reached around the above shelf of the closet. Nothing but clothes, belts, boots and cases of that special cologne of his.
“Something,” I murmured, “Anything.” Yes, there were people that got rid of their things, but this was just downright over the top. Not one thing in this room spoke of him. It was too… void of him.
If I was Remy, where would I hide my shit?
I knew the answer to that one straight away because it was the only place that made sense. He went to this place too often for me to count. I walked out of the room and down the steps. Then down the corridor I went, passing the kitchen along the way until I was at the very back of the clubhouse where the surveillance room was. There was always someone in this room at all times. Usually it was Barge, and on many occasions I’d heard Remy swearing him off for falling asleep on the job.
I opened the door and stepped inside. Barge was overflowing the chair, hands crossed over his chest, face up at the ceiling, mouth wide open…
“GHWAWO!” His snores were loud and irrefutably unhealthy. The man needed to cool it with the cholesterol.
I looked at all the screens in front of him. Jeez, there were so many cameras everywhere. The largest screen was of the entrance gate. I watched people move in and out of rooms, saw Logan playing a game of cards with Vince. Darcy was carrying her kittens around, Broom was cleaning up the kitchen, and Fritz was… being Fritz, sitting on the couch passed out with a bottle of whiskey in his hand.
I looked around the surveillance room. The file cabinets and safes in the back against the wall caught my attention. I tip toed to them and tried opening a few drawers. The file cabinets required a key, and the safes needed a code.
Well, this was a fucking bust.
I glumly turned around and jumped at the sight of Prez standing casually against the wall beside the door with his arms crossed. Looking at me.
Heart in my throat, I gave him a weak smile and walked over to him. I tried to hide the nerves by playing it cool, but tremors ran up and down my spine. I’d just been caught. Red-fucking-handed.
“You alright?” he asked, and the simple question seemed weighted, as if there was another question in there.
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, I was just looking for Remy.”
He studied me, and he wasn’t hiding the fact he was studying me either. His eyes roamed around my reddened cheeks and down to my shaking hands. Fuckity-fuck.
I headed for the door as nonchalantly as I could. He, not so nonchalantly, stood in front of it, blocking my way. The man was huge and wide, and though he had a bit of a beer belly, his heavily tattooed arms, straining against the sleeves of his white shirt with muscle, made up for the fat he carried. His shimmering blue eyes chilled me. They were threatening and uninviting. This man could snap my neck in a heartbeat, and that didn’t seem like an impossible outcome standing in the midst of him in my obviously terrified state after being caught snooping.
