I’ll be her forever.
I’m still in my homecoming dress, I can see it on me, but it feels different. Like soaking wet jeans and a dirty, gravel-covered T-shirt. I rub my hands together, rub my arms. They look normal, my arms, but the skin feels tight and stretched, as if, inside, I’m ballooning to the weight I was when I was twelve.
Suddenly everything electrical in the gymnasium rushes toward me, as if a match were set against hundreds of little rivers of gasoline. If you touched me, I would burn you alive. The hum of sizzling currents drowns out the whispers. The lights overhead, the extensions cords running to the DJ booth, the heartbeats of the people standing around me; it all comes at me. I am magnetic. With trembling hands I push my hair out of my face. Each strand is a live wire.
He’s staring at me, stunned, disbelieving. Disgusted. I shut my eyes, but it’s too bright. There’s nothing but burning white inside me. It has nowhere to go but out.
When I open my eyes, there is the most terrible spark.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
LILLIA
EVERY SINGLE LIGHT IN THE WHOLE GYM POPS AT THE same time, and everything goes dark for a second. Then tiny bits of glass start to fall from the ceiling; yellow sparks fly like indoor fireworks. The DJ speakers screech out squeals of feedback interference. Everyone’s screaming and running for cover. The entire place is short-circuiting.
“Lillia!”
It’s Alex, pushing his way through the crowd to the edge of the stage. He’s trying to get to me.
I’m almost to the stairs when I remember Reeve. He’s standing at the edge of the stage, looking out. His whole body is shaking.
I run back to him.
“Come on! We have to get out of here!” I grab the lapels of his suit jacket in my fists and try to pull him away from the edge. But even though I’m right in front of his face, he doesn’t see me. He’s somewhere else. I can tell, because his eyes are dead. Unfocused. He jerks free of my grip.
And then I realize. He’s having a seizure.
He shakes harder and harder, so violently I can’t hold on to him. “Stop!” I scream, falling to my knees.
Reeve plunges off the stage and onto the floor in a twisted heap. His body is in a pile on the ground, his leg bent gruesomely beneath him. He’s not moving at all. Not even blinking.
Someone screams, louder than any other voice, any other sound. So loud, it’s the only thing I hear.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
KAT
AT FIRST I CAN’T EVEN TELL WHAT IT IS. THE NOISE. IT’S so loud and shrill, I have to cover my ears. Even then I can still hear it. So loud it’s like it’s permanently trapped in my ears.
Then I realize. It’s Mary. Our quiet, shy Mary is screaming so hard that it hurts to hear it. I spin in a circle, trying to find her. But it’s too dark. And there are so many people.
It’s pandemonium. Other girls are shrieking, and guys are yelling, and teachers are begging us to stay calm and head for the nearest exit. I’m breathing hard, trying to push my way through the crowd, throwing elbows to get to the door, bits of glass crunching under my boots. The whole gym smells like burning, and sparks are raining down from the broken lightbulbs.
I turn around before I reach the door, and see Lillia, kneeling at the edge of the stage, looking down to the floor. “Call 911!” she’s screaming over and over.
Finally I make it outside and suck in a huge breath of air. It feels sharp and cool. The kids who got out before me are hugging each other and making cell phone calls. The sound of an ambulance siren is getting closer and closer.
That’s when I notice the tingle on my forehead, right at my hairline. I touch it gently and feel a warm wetness. My fingertips are red. The flying shards of glass. It’s not just Reeve. Other people could be hurt. Hurt badly.
Lillia seemed okay, but I still haven’t seen Mary. A breath catches in my throat when I realize she might be stuck inside the gym.
Shit.
“Mary!” I shout, and try to run back inside. “Mary!”
Senor Tremont throws an arm out to try to stop me. “You can’t go back in there, Kat.”
“But my friend is inside!”
He turns away from me, directing traffic, telling kids to keep it moving away from the building. A few feet away Coach Christy is limping around, checking to see which students are hurt.
The ambulance arrives, flashing lights and sirens. The EMTs rush in, and a few minutes later they take Reeve out on a stretcher.
I don’t see him moving.
Girls are crying, girls that barely even know him. But I know him. I know he’s allergic to shellfish, I know he has a scar on his left shoulder from when his brothers pushed him out of their tree house. I know he cried for a week when his cat got run over. I know him, and I’m the one who did this to him. I put this whole thing in motion.
Rennie pushes her way past everybody. She’s completely hysterical. She tries to climb into the ambulance with him, but the EMTs won’t let her. She drops to the sidewalk in a heap, crying.
Reeve fell so hard.
I can’t even let myself think it. I won’t, because there’s no way. We only gave him some E, not hard shit. It’s a party drug, for God’s sakes. So what the hell happened to him? What the hell happened in there?
I have no idea where Lillia and Mary are, or if I should wait for them. Then I see her. Lillia. Alex is leading her by the hand through the crowd. Their hands are linked tightly.
I blink.
Lillia lets go of Alex’s hand when she spots Rennie on the ground. She runs over to her and helps her up. They throw their arms around each other, both crying. Alex is on the phone with somebody.
The ambulance takes off, sirens blaring again. Some people are huddled around in groups, but the football players are already mobilizing. They jump into their cars and lead a caravan out of the parking lot.
A limo speeds into the loop. Alex quickly talks to the driver, who’s got his head out the window. Alex motions to the girls, and they run over. Ashlin’s there too now, holding Nadia’s hand. They climb inside, and the limo peels out.
I turn back toward the school and see Mary. She’s stumbling out the doors, as white as a sheet. “Mary!” I scream. She turns her head, but she doesn’t see me. “Mary!”
CHAPTER FORTY
MARY
EVERYTHING’S SPINNING. IT’S LIKE I’M ON A TOO FAST merry-go-round. There are too many people; there’s too much noise. It’s all static. I’m walking, moving without purpose or direction, just following the surge of the crowd. I feel like I’m in a trance. I have to stop and steady myself against a building.
I’m still in my homecoming dress, I can see it on me, but it feels different. Like soaking wet jeans and a dirty, gravel-covered T-shirt. I rub my hands together, rub my arms. They look normal, my arms, but the skin feels tight and stretched, as if, inside, I’m ballooning to the weight I was when I was twelve.
Suddenly everything electrical in the gymnasium rushes toward me, as if a match were set against hundreds of little rivers of gasoline. If you touched me, I would burn you alive. The hum of sizzling currents drowns out the whispers. The lights overhead, the extensions cords running to the DJ booth, the heartbeats of the people standing around me; it all comes at me. I am magnetic. With trembling hands I push my hair out of my face. Each strand is a live wire.
He’s staring at me, stunned, disbelieving. Disgusted. I shut my eyes, but it’s too bright. There’s nothing but burning white inside me. It has nowhere to go but out.
When I open my eyes, there is the most terrible spark.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
LILLIA
EVERY SINGLE LIGHT IN THE WHOLE GYM POPS AT THE same time, and everything goes dark for a second. Then tiny bits of glass start to fall from the ceiling; yellow sparks fly like indoor fireworks. The DJ speakers screech out squeals of feedback interference. Everyone’s screaming and running for cover. The entire place is short-circuiting.
“Lillia!”
It’s Alex, pushing his way through the crowd to the edge of the stage. He’s trying to get to me.
I’m almost to the stairs when I remember Reeve. He’s standing at the edge of the stage, looking out. His whole body is shaking.
I run back to him.
“Come on! We have to get out of here!” I grab the lapels of his suit jacket in my fists and try to pull him away from the edge. But even though I’m right in front of his face, he doesn’t see me. He’s somewhere else. I can tell, because his eyes are dead. Unfocused. He jerks free of my grip.
And then I realize. He’s having a seizure.
He shakes harder and harder, so violently I can’t hold on to him. “Stop!” I scream, falling to my knees.
Reeve plunges off the stage and onto the floor in a twisted heap. His body is in a pile on the ground, his leg bent gruesomely beneath him. He’s not moving at all. Not even blinking.
Someone screams, louder than any other voice, any other sound. So loud, it’s the only thing I hear.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
KAT
AT FIRST I CAN’T EVEN TELL WHAT IT IS. THE NOISE. IT’S so loud and shrill, I have to cover my ears. Even then I can still hear it. So loud it’s like it’s permanently trapped in my ears.
Then I realize. It’s Mary. Our quiet, shy Mary is screaming so hard that it hurts to hear it. I spin in a circle, trying to find her. But it’s too dark. And there are so many people.
It’s pandemonium. Other girls are shrieking, and guys are yelling, and teachers are begging us to stay calm and head for the nearest exit. I’m breathing hard, trying to push my way through the crowd, throwing elbows to get to the door, bits of glass crunching under my boots. The whole gym smells like burning, and sparks are raining down from the broken lightbulbs.
I turn around before I reach the door, and see Lillia, kneeling at the edge of the stage, looking down to the floor. “Call 911!” she’s screaming over and over.
Finally I make it outside and suck in a huge breath of air. It feels sharp and cool. The kids who got out before me are hugging each other and making cell phone calls. The sound of an ambulance siren is getting closer and closer.
That’s when I notice the tingle on my forehead, right at my hairline. I touch it gently and feel a warm wetness. My fingertips are red. The flying shards of glass. It’s not just Reeve. Other people could be hurt. Hurt badly.
Lillia seemed okay, but I still haven’t seen Mary. A breath catches in my throat when I realize she might be stuck inside the gym.
Shit.
“Mary!” I shout, and try to run back inside. “Mary!”
Senor Tremont throws an arm out to try to stop me. “You can’t go back in there, Kat.”
“But my friend is inside!”
He turns away from me, directing traffic, telling kids to keep it moving away from the building. A few feet away Coach Christy is limping around, checking to see which students are hurt.
The ambulance arrives, flashing lights and sirens. The EMTs rush in, and a few minutes later they take Reeve out on a stretcher.
I don’t see him moving.
Girls are crying, girls that barely even know him. But I know him. I know he’s allergic to shellfish, I know he has a scar on his left shoulder from when his brothers pushed him out of their tree house. I know he cried for a week when his cat got run over. I know him, and I’m the one who did this to him. I put this whole thing in motion.
Rennie pushes her way past everybody. She’s completely hysterical. She tries to climb into the ambulance with him, but the EMTs won’t let her. She drops to the sidewalk in a heap, crying.
Reeve fell so hard.
I can’t even let myself think it. I won’t, because there’s no way. We only gave him some E, not hard shit. It’s a party drug, for God’s sakes. So what the hell happened to him? What the hell happened in there?
I have no idea where Lillia and Mary are, or if I should wait for them. Then I see her. Lillia. Alex is leading her by the hand through the crowd. Their hands are linked tightly.
I blink.
Lillia lets go of Alex’s hand when she spots Rennie on the ground. She runs over to her and helps her up. They throw their arms around each other, both crying. Alex is on the phone with somebody.
The ambulance takes off, sirens blaring again. Some people are huddled around in groups, but the football players are already mobilizing. They jump into their cars and lead a caravan out of the parking lot.
A limo speeds into the loop. Alex quickly talks to the driver, who’s got his head out the window. Alex motions to the girls, and they run over. Ashlin’s there too now, holding Nadia’s hand. They climb inside, and the limo peels out.
I turn back toward the school and see Mary. She’s stumbling out the doors, as white as a sheet. “Mary!” I scream. She turns her head, but she doesn’t see me. “Mary!”
CHAPTER FORTY
MARY
EVERYTHING’S SPINNING. IT’S LIKE I’M ON A TOO FAST merry-go-round. There are too many people; there’s too much noise. It’s all static. I’m walking, moving without purpose or direction, just following the surge of the crowd. I feel like I’m in a trance. I have to stop and steady myself against a building.
