Burning Wild
Page 90
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“Why?”
It took every ounce of courage he had to look her in the eye, to answer her, to let her see inside of him to the dark, ugly truth that he was exposing to her. “To make you prove your loyalty to me. To know you’ll stay no matter what, that you want me enough to take whatever I dish out. Other times it’s been because another man is too close to you and I need to show him you’re mine.”
Again she was silent, but she still hadn’t turned away. Her gaze remained steady on his. “You’ve never hurt me,” she pointed out.
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to, Emma. That means I choose not to be like the enemies. It’s a conscious choice I make every single day. I choose my targets in business, people who have hurt others, and I don’t take down those weaker than me. Or those who are honest. I made up my mind that if I had to be a monster, I would at least make certain it didn’t control me.”
“I’m not laying down for you, Jake. I’ll never lay down for you.”
“I know that.”
“I can see you manipulating me at times and I allow it because whatever you want isn’t a big deal to me, but if it ever was, if I wanted something, nothing would stop me.” She leaned toward him. “You think about it long and hard before you ever decide to hurt me, Jake. If you hit me, I will walk away. I have too much respect for myself to put up with that kind of crap, no matter how much I love you. And I do love you. I know I do, whether you believe it or not.”
“If I ever hit you, Emma, I would know it was time to pack it in. I wouldn’t be worth much as a human being.”
“And I would never, under any circumstances, tolerate another woman. If you decide to hurt me emotionally, know I will walk if you choose that as your test of what I will or won’t do for you. I’m trying to be as honest with you as you’re being with me.”
She was killing him. Destroying him. Making him so vulnerable inside, he felt like paper in the wind. She turned him inside out. She should be loathing him, despising everything he was, but instead she looked at him with her soft eyes, her warm heart in them, and she loved him. It was there. That look. The one he’d been waiting for. She made no pretense of hiding it. She sat exposed, unafraid, courageous, letting him see inside of her. And she made him weak and scared. Not just afraid. Terrorized.
He dropped her hands and stood up, knocking the heavy chair backward, pacing like a caged animal. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Emma? You should be running screaming out of here. I just told you about my bloodline. I told you that sometimes I want to hurt you—test you—yet you’re sitting there, all wide-eyed like some innocent virgin, thinking love conquers all. I don’t even believe in love. You know that, right? You should be running, damn it. Do you really think you’re going to be able to live with me? With the kinds of things I’ll demand from you? Your idea of love . . .”
“Is adolescent?” She raised her eyebrow as she quoted him back. “Because I don’t know about the kind of sex you want?” She didn’t raise her voice at all.
She stood too, crossing the small distance he had put between them. His head was down, in stalking mode, his eyes fierce, focused, frightening in their intensity. She ignored the wall he was attempting to build and went right up to him, ignoring the danger signals, turning her face up to his, her heat surrounding him, her scent deliberately enveloping him. She kept her voice a low, intimate tone, but made certain she enunciated each word.
“I may not know about your adult sex. But I know about love, Jake, and you don’t. You can teach me about your hard-core, kinky sex and I’ll teach you about making love. Being in love—real love—the kind of love that endures. The kind worth fighting for. The kind of love where when I look at you and you look at me, we can see each other all the way, deep down to everything hidden, and know we’re where we’re supposed to be. The good and the bad, strengths and weaknesses, everything we are and know. At the end of the day, we’ll know we’ve been truly loved.”
Emma put her palm on his chest, over his heart. “I’m not afraid of going where you lead. I believe in you. And I trust you with my life, but more importantly, with the lives of our children. I’m willing to put everything that I am into your hands because I trust you that much. I trust that you’ll put me first and protect and care for me with everything that you are. I’m not afraid of what you came from, or the monster you think lives inside of you. You’ve learned a lot of things about life that are ugly, but that doesn’t make me afraid either. Why? Because I know you. I see you. You aren’t hiding from me. I’ve lived with you for two years and I know you.”
She tilted her head to one side, studying his face. “Do you trust me? I think that’s the real question here. Do you trust me enough to put your life in my hands and follow where I lead? Do you have the courage to let yourself love? That’s the kind of man I want and need, Jake—a man with the courage to let himself learn from me. Because if there’s one thing I do well, it’s love.” She stood on her toes and kissed the corner of his mouth. “You’ll have to decide. Right now I’m going to go upstairs and get ready so the doctor can assure you I’m well enough to take my house back. And I’ll buy the most beautiful cocktail dress you’ve ever seen so you can get all sorts of interesting ideas for later on. In case you didn’t get it, I’m very proud of the man you’ve become.” She turned to walk away and he caught her wrist.
It took every ounce of courage he had to look her in the eye, to answer her, to let her see inside of him to the dark, ugly truth that he was exposing to her. “To make you prove your loyalty to me. To know you’ll stay no matter what, that you want me enough to take whatever I dish out. Other times it’s been because another man is too close to you and I need to show him you’re mine.”
Again she was silent, but she still hadn’t turned away. Her gaze remained steady on his. “You’ve never hurt me,” she pointed out.
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to, Emma. That means I choose not to be like the enemies. It’s a conscious choice I make every single day. I choose my targets in business, people who have hurt others, and I don’t take down those weaker than me. Or those who are honest. I made up my mind that if I had to be a monster, I would at least make certain it didn’t control me.”
“I’m not laying down for you, Jake. I’ll never lay down for you.”
“I know that.”
“I can see you manipulating me at times and I allow it because whatever you want isn’t a big deal to me, but if it ever was, if I wanted something, nothing would stop me.” She leaned toward him. “You think about it long and hard before you ever decide to hurt me, Jake. If you hit me, I will walk away. I have too much respect for myself to put up with that kind of crap, no matter how much I love you. And I do love you. I know I do, whether you believe it or not.”
“If I ever hit you, Emma, I would know it was time to pack it in. I wouldn’t be worth much as a human being.”
“And I would never, under any circumstances, tolerate another woman. If you decide to hurt me emotionally, know I will walk if you choose that as your test of what I will or won’t do for you. I’m trying to be as honest with you as you’re being with me.”
She was killing him. Destroying him. Making him so vulnerable inside, he felt like paper in the wind. She turned him inside out. She should be loathing him, despising everything he was, but instead she looked at him with her soft eyes, her warm heart in them, and she loved him. It was there. That look. The one he’d been waiting for. She made no pretense of hiding it. She sat exposed, unafraid, courageous, letting him see inside of her. And she made him weak and scared. Not just afraid. Terrorized.
He dropped her hands and stood up, knocking the heavy chair backward, pacing like a caged animal. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Emma? You should be running screaming out of here. I just told you about my bloodline. I told you that sometimes I want to hurt you—test you—yet you’re sitting there, all wide-eyed like some innocent virgin, thinking love conquers all. I don’t even believe in love. You know that, right? You should be running, damn it. Do you really think you’re going to be able to live with me? With the kinds of things I’ll demand from you? Your idea of love . . .”
“Is adolescent?” She raised her eyebrow as she quoted him back. “Because I don’t know about the kind of sex you want?” She didn’t raise her voice at all.
She stood too, crossing the small distance he had put between them. His head was down, in stalking mode, his eyes fierce, focused, frightening in their intensity. She ignored the wall he was attempting to build and went right up to him, ignoring the danger signals, turning her face up to his, her heat surrounding him, her scent deliberately enveloping him. She kept her voice a low, intimate tone, but made certain she enunciated each word.
“I may not know about your adult sex. But I know about love, Jake, and you don’t. You can teach me about your hard-core, kinky sex and I’ll teach you about making love. Being in love—real love—the kind of love that endures. The kind worth fighting for. The kind of love where when I look at you and you look at me, we can see each other all the way, deep down to everything hidden, and know we’re where we’re supposed to be. The good and the bad, strengths and weaknesses, everything we are and know. At the end of the day, we’ll know we’ve been truly loved.”
Emma put her palm on his chest, over his heart. “I’m not afraid of going where you lead. I believe in you. And I trust you with my life, but more importantly, with the lives of our children. I’m willing to put everything that I am into your hands because I trust you that much. I trust that you’ll put me first and protect and care for me with everything that you are. I’m not afraid of what you came from, or the monster you think lives inside of you. You’ve learned a lot of things about life that are ugly, but that doesn’t make me afraid either. Why? Because I know you. I see you. You aren’t hiding from me. I’ve lived with you for two years and I know you.”
She tilted her head to one side, studying his face. “Do you trust me? I think that’s the real question here. Do you trust me enough to put your life in my hands and follow where I lead? Do you have the courage to let yourself love? That’s the kind of man I want and need, Jake—a man with the courage to let himself learn from me. Because if there’s one thing I do well, it’s love.” She stood on her toes and kissed the corner of his mouth. “You’ll have to decide. Right now I’m going to go upstairs and get ready so the doctor can assure you I’m well enough to take my house back. And I’ll buy the most beautiful cocktail dress you’ve ever seen so you can get all sorts of interesting ideas for later on. In case you didn’t get it, I’m very proud of the man you’ve become.” She turned to walk away and he caught her wrist.
