Can't Help Falling in Love
Page 52
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“I never intended to let you so far into my life,” she made herself say with painful honesty.
“I know, sweetheart.”
“You didn’t, either,” she had to point out, and was surprised when his mouth moved into a small smile. “You tried to fight what’s between us just as hard as I did.”
“Only until I realized that I didn’t need to fight it. That apartment fire just happened to be the way we met. Nothing more.”
His words opened something up inside her chest, that part of her that had worried, despite everything, that he still looked at her as the fire victim with stars in her eyes.
“The thing is, Gabe, everything was—is—so great with you. Not just the sex,” she said in a soft voice. He lifted his hand to her face, his knuckles brushing against her cheek making her tremble. “Making love with you is, well…” She licked her lips. “It’s amazing, but just talking, laughing, snowboarding...I love every minute we’ve spent together.”
“I do, too.”
She needed him to understand. “I wasn’t just fighting because of my past, I was fighting because of Summer. I was so afraid I’d fall for you and let her get close to you and you’d become even more of a role model to her than you already were. And that would only break her heart more when you left.”
“I’m not going to leave.”
His words stopped her in her tracks. “How can you know for sure?”
Before she realized what he was doing, he’d scooped her up from the log to sit in his lap. He was so big and she loved how feminine she felt in his arms, how safe he always made her feel.
“Here’s how I know,” he said, pressing his lips to hers a moment before saying, “I love you, Megan.”
Her breath caught in her chest. She hadn’t seen this coming, hadn’t expected Gabe to declare himself like this today.
Unable to believe what he’d just said, she didn’t realize she’d said, “You do?” until the words were out.
“I do, sweetheart. You are bravest person I know. That day in your building, when it was burning, your love for your daughter made you so strong, made the difference between our living or dying. I lost a piece of my heart to you right then and there.”
“I always thought I was so strong,” she whispered, her voice barely rising above the surf, “but the truth is I’ve been scared for so long. Even before David died.” She didn’t want to hide anything from Gabe anymore. Or herself. “We met when I was twenty. I hadn’t really dated anyone seriously before. He was older and dating him was exciting. He never pressured me to do anything I wasn’t ready for and after a couple of months it made sense to sleep together.”
She could feel Gabe tense beneath her. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear me talking about going to bed with another man. Especially after saying you…”
“I love you, Megan,” he said again, filling in the blanks for her when she faltered at the word love.
“I’m sorry to be saying this now, but I need you to understand,” she said, squeezing his hand, beyond glad that he was there for her to hold on to. “Being intimate with David didn’t even seem like that much of a risk at the time. It was what everyone was doing in college, sleeping with their boyfriends.” She paused. “Only, everyone else didn’t find out they were pregnant on their twentieth birthday.”
This time Gabe was the one squeezing her hands. “I was terrified. Terrified about having a baby. Terrified about marrying a man I wasn’t even sure I loved. I think that was the moment I vowed I was going to live a risk-free life, to protect myself from ever feeling that way again. His death only reinforced that vow.”
She made herself hold his gaze as she admitted. “Being with you is risky on so many levels, Gabe. Not just for me, but for my daughter, too.”
His expression, his voice, was gentle as he said, “I can’t even begin to imagine how scary it must have been to find yourself dealing with so much, so young. But when I look at you and Summer—” He stopped, smiled as he thought of her daughter. “—I know she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
The moisture building up behind her eyes threatened to spill. “She is.”
“Then aren’t you glad you made those risky choices? Because taking those risks gave you Summer.”
No one had ever pointed it out to her like that. And he was right, she would go through all those terrifying moments again just for the chance to cuddle with her daughter, to see Summer’s face light up when she laughed, to be a part of her daughter’s journey from little girl to woman.
“Say it again, Gabe. Please.”
His hands moved from hers to her face, so strong and gentle, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. “I love you.” His mouth moved to hers and he emphasized his declaration with a kiss that said the exact same thing.
When they pulled apart, despite the butterflies in her stomach, Megan couldn’t say those three words. But she could tell him, “I want to try. You. Me and Summer. I want to give us a chance.” And there was one way to prove to Gabe that she meant it. “Do you have time to head to her school to pick her up?”
“Yes,” he said, his expression telling her he knew exactly what her gesture meant. “I’d love that.”
After they drove to her apartment in silence and parked his truck outside the building, Gabe held her hand for five straight blocks. Summer was beside herself at seeing Gabe on the playground, and as the kids rushed around the firefighter and all talked at once, Megan stood back, watching.
She’d been as brave as she could be today. She’d told Gabe things she’d never admitted to another soul, namely that she’d married her husband because she’d been a scared young woman who couldn’t imagine going forward any other way, rather than for love.
Only, for all she’d said today, Megan hadn’t told Gabe everything.
He’d said the words I love you so easily. And, oh, how she’d wanted to say them back. But she couldn’t. Not yet. Not until she felt more settled, more sure about the decision she was making.
Gabe and Summer walked over to her, hand in hand. Summer was chattering away a mile a minute, with Gabe somehow taking in every lightning-fast word. The warmth that started in the center of Megan’s chest before spreading all through her had nothing to do with decisions.
“I know, sweetheart.”
“You didn’t, either,” she had to point out, and was surprised when his mouth moved into a small smile. “You tried to fight what’s between us just as hard as I did.”
“Only until I realized that I didn’t need to fight it. That apartment fire just happened to be the way we met. Nothing more.”
His words opened something up inside her chest, that part of her that had worried, despite everything, that he still looked at her as the fire victim with stars in her eyes.
“The thing is, Gabe, everything was—is—so great with you. Not just the sex,” she said in a soft voice. He lifted his hand to her face, his knuckles brushing against her cheek making her tremble. “Making love with you is, well…” She licked her lips. “It’s amazing, but just talking, laughing, snowboarding...I love every minute we’ve spent together.”
“I do, too.”
She needed him to understand. “I wasn’t just fighting because of my past, I was fighting because of Summer. I was so afraid I’d fall for you and let her get close to you and you’d become even more of a role model to her than you already were. And that would only break her heart more when you left.”
“I’m not going to leave.”
His words stopped her in her tracks. “How can you know for sure?”
Before she realized what he was doing, he’d scooped her up from the log to sit in his lap. He was so big and she loved how feminine she felt in his arms, how safe he always made her feel.
“Here’s how I know,” he said, pressing his lips to hers a moment before saying, “I love you, Megan.”
Her breath caught in her chest. She hadn’t seen this coming, hadn’t expected Gabe to declare himself like this today.
Unable to believe what he’d just said, she didn’t realize she’d said, “You do?” until the words were out.
“I do, sweetheart. You are bravest person I know. That day in your building, when it was burning, your love for your daughter made you so strong, made the difference between our living or dying. I lost a piece of my heart to you right then and there.”
“I always thought I was so strong,” she whispered, her voice barely rising above the surf, “but the truth is I’ve been scared for so long. Even before David died.” She didn’t want to hide anything from Gabe anymore. Or herself. “We met when I was twenty. I hadn’t really dated anyone seriously before. He was older and dating him was exciting. He never pressured me to do anything I wasn’t ready for and after a couple of months it made sense to sleep together.”
She could feel Gabe tense beneath her. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear me talking about going to bed with another man. Especially after saying you…”
“I love you, Megan,” he said again, filling in the blanks for her when she faltered at the word love.
“I’m sorry to be saying this now, but I need you to understand,” she said, squeezing his hand, beyond glad that he was there for her to hold on to. “Being intimate with David didn’t even seem like that much of a risk at the time. It was what everyone was doing in college, sleeping with their boyfriends.” She paused. “Only, everyone else didn’t find out they were pregnant on their twentieth birthday.”
This time Gabe was the one squeezing her hands. “I was terrified. Terrified about having a baby. Terrified about marrying a man I wasn’t even sure I loved. I think that was the moment I vowed I was going to live a risk-free life, to protect myself from ever feeling that way again. His death only reinforced that vow.”
She made herself hold his gaze as she admitted. “Being with you is risky on so many levels, Gabe. Not just for me, but for my daughter, too.”
His expression, his voice, was gentle as he said, “I can’t even begin to imagine how scary it must have been to find yourself dealing with so much, so young. But when I look at you and Summer—” He stopped, smiled as he thought of her daughter. “—I know she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
The moisture building up behind her eyes threatened to spill. “She is.”
“Then aren’t you glad you made those risky choices? Because taking those risks gave you Summer.”
No one had ever pointed it out to her like that. And he was right, she would go through all those terrifying moments again just for the chance to cuddle with her daughter, to see Summer’s face light up when she laughed, to be a part of her daughter’s journey from little girl to woman.
“Say it again, Gabe. Please.”
His hands moved from hers to her face, so strong and gentle, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. “I love you.” His mouth moved to hers and he emphasized his declaration with a kiss that said the exact same thing.
When they pulled apart, despite the butterflies in her stomach, Megan couldn’t say those three words. But she could tell him, “I want to try. You. Me and Summer. I want to give us a chance.” And there was one way to prove to Gabe that she meant it. “Do you have time to head to her school to pick her up?”
“Yes,” he said, his expression telling her he knew exactly what her gesture meant. “I’d love that.”
After they drove to her apartment in silence and parked his truck outside the building, Gabe held her hand for five straight blocks. Summer was beside herself at seeing Gabe on the playground, and as the kids rushed around the firefighter and all talked at once, Megan stood back, watching.
She’d been as brave as she could be today. She’d told Gabe things she’d never admitted to another soul, namely that she’d married her husband because she’d been a scared young woman who couldn’t imagine going forward any other way, rather than for love.
Only, for all she’d said today, Megan hadn’t told Gabe everything.
He’d said the words I love you so easily. And, oh, how she’d wanted to say them back. But she couldn’t. Not yet. Not until she felt more settled, more sure about the decision she was making.
Gabe and Summer walked over to her, hand in hand. Summer was chattering away a mile a minute, with Gabe somehow taking in every lightning-fast word. The warmth that started in the center of Megan’s chest before spreading all through her had nothing to do with decisions.
